Britain’s Channel 4 has postponed its "Wank Week"—a series of programs about masturbation—from its winter lineup because the network’s has a bad-enough public image right now due to all the racism on Celebrity Big Brother 2007. (That whole scandal, by the way, has been dubbed "Race Row." I no longer care about the implications of this news story and would like to instead focus on how cute and concise these witty Brit nicknames are. But I won’t.) Anyway, the programs in question include a documentary about a female masturbation coach, another doc about a charity wank-a-thon, and a show that follows two men trying to give up the habit. What’s the big deal? Everyone loves masturbating. You’d think WW would put the network back in people’s favor. How about smuggling those shows onto BBC America in between reruns of Are You Being Served and Mile High?
We are so all about the wanking over here in da States. Let us count the ways… There’s Woody Allen’s ultra-romantic quote from Annie Hall: "Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with somebody I love." Ben Stiller somehow became a comedy god by misfiring onto his ear. We lovingly embraced 50 Cent when he and his "Wanksta" popped onto the scene. Michael and Ryan even went to a hyper-pixelated sex shop on last night’s Office. And of course, we all quote Seinfeld’s "The Contest" when trying to sound discreet about the wank. Yes, in America, where individual liberty rules, everyone is master of his or her domain.
It’s Friday, Create a Wank Weekend playlist from as many of these tunes as you have. ("I’ve Been Working on the Railroad" is about masturbation? Genius!) And pretty soon, we guarantee, you’ll be getting into the groove and dancing with yourself.
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Ahhh…alone on a Friday night with naught but me and my EW masturbation article. Good times. Just like most Friday nights, really. Well, usually minus the article, if not the masturbation…
OOOO-kay, I’m done now. Writing, I mean. I’m done writing. Sheesh.
I don’t feel right after this.
All the more ironic, since the recent Big Brother *did* include some delightful wanking action: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E7QDAvkXOgc
By the time I get done writing this sentence, I will be done.
in lieu of the absence of “wank week” i shall raise a flag for those who will go unnoticed.
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