Confessions of a former 'Star Wars' virgin

I feel a little bad about subjecting Mike Morrison, a nice, harmless Canadian (and an entertainment blogger in his own right), to grueling psychological experiments. Still, he volunteered. Morrison, who until last weekend had never seen a Star Wars movie, agreed to submit to PopWatch’s challenge and watch all 14 hours of the saga during Cinemax’s post-midnight marathon on Friday night. I feel guilty for having him watch the episodes in chronological narrative order instead of the order the movies were released; as a result, his first exposure to George Lucas’ universe was Jar Jar Binks and bratty little Anakin, and the juicy Skywalker family shockers of The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi were long since spoiled. Nonetheless, Mike came through with flying colors. Read his witty and poignant report of his initiation into the ways of the Force here. Done well you have, young Padawan.


Comments (12 total) Add your comment
  • GoddessLu

    Hey, I thought I was the only person who has never seen ANY Star Wars. Congratulations Mike on popping your SW cherry, so to speak. I still don’t know what all of the fuss is about. The most I remember from SW was CP30 and R2D2 being on the Muppet Show with Mark Hamel, possibly the worst actor ever…OK, bring it on.

  • Josh

    I thought the article was very entertaining, particularly this part:
    “For the newer Episodes, you can practically see George sitting at his Mac on top of his pile of money and giggling as he types lines line ”Whoa, that’s tense” and ”How rude!” I looked it up and he was never a writer for Full House, which means he came up with those ditties all on his own.”

  • Howard

    Great article by Mike Morrison. What I find interesting is that his criticism of the first three movies are very similar to ones that longtime fans have of Episodes I-III. Congrats, Mike on your new found manhood.
    Oh, and Goddesslu, there are worse actors than Mark Hamill. And if I hadn’t seen Shattered Glass, I would have thought that Hayden Christensen fit the bill. However, once I saw him (and Natalie Portman also) in quality performances, I know that I can blame Lucas for the awfulness that is Anakin.

  • Pat Kelly

    If Mike Morrison is really Canadian, then he may be in trouble. Cinemax is not legally available in Canada. (We Canucks have our own movie channels, one of which is aptly named “The Movie Channel”. And we get most HBO or Showtime original programming almost simultaneous to the States.) So if he did in fact watch Skin-i-max he did so with an illegal satellite feed. Nonetheless, entertaining.

  • eps

    EW, hire this guy, and hire him fast.

  • Ceballos

    Yeah, I just read it and it WAS a pretty funny article. It’s true, as Howard pointed out, that his criticism of the first three movies are the same as those of long-time fans.
    It’s also a shame he was robbed of the series’ best twists (Darth/Luke, Luke/Leia). I would’ve liked to have seen some sort of reference to the truly horrid acting in some of the movies (particularly Episodes I-III)
    Natalie Portman and Hayden Christensen have proven to be very talented and dynamic actors, but they’re terrible in this film series. And the Sultan of Badass himself Samuel L. Jackson is basically a huge bore…now that I think about it, it’s kind of impressive how Lucas completely lamed these people up.

  • Mary Ann

    I can’t believe that you had this kid watch all the movies in ORDER!! Do you really think that George Lucas had this story in mind when he wrote the original movie. Here’s what happened. The movie came out and became bigger than life. This poor guy had to reign it in and write two sequals and then 20 years later after watching a 2nd generation fall in love with his movies, he had to act like he had this whole story in mind all along. PUHLEASE – does anyone really believed that he thought this movie would be as big as it was. Ronny Howard said that they were laughing at him when he talked about it when he was making “American Graffitti”. The dude wrote ONE MOVIE and had to ad lib the rest. I will go to my grave believing that.

  • Rhonda

    ok, there was that one time when i was three and i saw a few minutes of an episode, but all i remember is leia’s buns. i reckon it’s bad childhood experience that has kept me from watching SW as an adult. im glad mike was given a chance to explain his experience as gently as possible, with one exception:
    WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY ARE BROTHER AND SISTER? wow. i think i need a minute…
    i vote for mike to be hired as a fulltime TV WATCH correspondent!

  • ElShifto

    Man, what a way to break into Star Wars…14 straight hours!! Sounds like this guy might be ready to enter this Star Wars fans contest. Has anyone else heard about this?

  • Jess

    OMG! Are we allowed to poke fun at George Lucas? Mike Morrison is clearly a very brave and wise man. And he has staying power! 14 hours of movies…well, that takes a real professional. Hire this man!

  • ken

    That “hilarious House of Frankenstein” bit should probably be “Hilarious House of Frightenstein” — a cheesy, low-budget Canadian show from the ’70s. I can totally see an editor’s “fix” in Michael’s original copy.

  • Howard

    Mary Ann, he wrote one great movie, farmed out the writing and directing on the next two very good to great movies, and then wrote and directed one very bad movie, one mediocre film and one good one that tied everything together.
    Rhonda, I assume that when you mention “Leia’s buns”, you’re talking about … her hair?

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