Split Me, Baby, One More Time

163345__brit_lAs Lady Miss Kier reminded us in an earlier blog item, today is Election Day. And now, according to a report on TMZ.com, Britney Spears has voted to end her marriage to backup-dancer-turned-rapper Kevin Federline. (View the divorce papers at PinkIsTheNewBlog, if that’s your thing.) It’ll be fascinating (and possibly nausea-inducing) to see whether election results or a suddenly single, hot-again Britney grabs the lead spot in tomorrow morning’s papers, although indecisive editors could merge their coverage by pointing out that on the day voters in a number of states decided whether gays should be allowed to marry, Spears took steps to dissolve her second traditional union — and less than two months after the birth of the couple’s second child, Jayden James.

That said, the most important question surrounding Spears’s decision (from a pop-culture standpoint, anyway) is this: Emancipated from the ever-embarrassing K-Fed, can Britney reclaim her vacated spot atop the pop charts? I suggest Britney reteam with Swedish hitmaker Max Martin,  dust off the old "Baby (One More Time)" schoolgirl outfit, and retool the lyrics to that catchy debut hit. In fact, given that she’s probably got other things on her mind, we’ll pitch in with some suggestions for a first verse and chorus, as follows:

Oh baby, baby
Your raps left me so annoyed
You’ve really got no talent
Oh baby, baby
Prepare to be unemployed
I’m cutting your allowance
Now it’s time to pay the piper
Tell me baby
Have you ever changed Sean Preston’s dirrty diaper?

Xtina’s man, he’s got a job
And how ’bout you, you lazy slob? (Lazy slob!)
When I’m not with you my fans say "Wow!"
Look at me now
Shove it up your popozao

addCredit(“Kevin Federline and Britney Spears: Ben Rose/WireImage.com”)

Comments (94 total) Add your comment
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  • Elizabeth

    I bet she dumped him because no one was showing up to his concerts and she doesn’t want to be associated with a (confirmed) loser. I bet if his shows were successful she would have stayed with him.

  • V.M.L.

    OMG BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *LOL*
    Well, if its true then that’s good. They were a bad couple anyway.

  • mark in nyc

    Damn k-fed! The second she had the second kid you should have been trying for a third. We all knew the second she was no longer pregnant she would drop you like it’s cold….ice cold.

  • bma

    First Whitney & Bobby, now Britney and K-Fed. Good things come in threes — could Janet and Jermaine be next!?!?!
    Way to lose that dead weight, divas!

  • Brooklyn B.

    No one care about Britney’s alleged come back. Her fans are no longer 12 years old and are hip to the fact that she could never sing and that dancing in videos doesn’t motivate you to go out and purchase a CD. Her life is filled with drama for the press because she lacked a solid talent to back herself up.

  • Levente

    I bet her next album is number 1… people missed the old, over-sexed Britney and when she brings it back… all *ell will break loose! :) I’m so excited… and oddly enough, I didn’t buy her albums when she first came out and I was… maybe 16 or so. But I bought her last one and will buy the next one. I get such good workouts to her music. I imagine how toned her body was in “I’m a Slave” and I’m not gonna lie… that’s what i strive for in the gym!

  • FernLaPlante

    Speaking of his loser concerts – his performance tonight at the House of Blues in Chicago sold so poorly that they are giving tickets away for free and that still isn’t bringing them in.

  • Simon

    I think it is sad when marriages don’t work out but come on, who did not see this one coming? It had divorce written all over.
    Bet Shar Jackson is thinking “I told you so, Britney” today.

  • Stephanie

    ABSOLUTELY SHOCKING NEWS.

  • Amber

    Who get divorced next, Catherine Zeta-Jones & Michael Douglas? Matthew Broderick & Sarah Jessica Parker? Seriously guys, think about premarital counseling before you start marrying weirdos, OK all you Hollywood people? I mean, think of all Britney lost by marrying that clinger, Kevin? She has 2 beautiful children, but they still could have been born – with another man who could have been her one and only husband. I’m sick of all the excuses. Start taking responsibility!

  • saynt96

    It’s about freaking time. Regardless about what happend in his prior relationship, it was a RED FLAG when one leaves their pregnant ex for another girl. Yo go Brit.

  • Will

    I’m so happy right now…geesh, though. 4 Kids and 2 breakups

  • Christina

    And this outcome wasn’t obvious from day one. It was about time she woke up and realized what a bum he is

  • JenJen

    Brooklyn B –I couldn’t agree more!
    From what I hear, the music she has put out recently has been AWFUL now that she is trying to write. The girl doesn’t have talent.

  • C

    THANK YOU GOD! I am so happy that Britney finally woke up and realized she was married to a loser. Wait for Federline to book appearances on talk shows to talk about his ex-wife. He is desperate for attention, you know he’ll do it.

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