U2N3D

10250__u2_lIt’s not a license plate — it is THE FUTURE. U2 appears to be shooting a concert movie in IMAX 3D. The band’s recent South American shows will be the subject of this great and possibly goggleless experiment in eye-poppingness.

That’s right, Bono is tired of occupying a mere two dimensions of your perception. He needs room, baby. He wants to give you a lapdance, then enter your mind. (Once inside, he will probably aks for charitable donations, so make sure the change dish in your cerebral cortex is loaded with useless Canadian coins.)

As for The Edge, well, he may not survive the process: He is, after all, The Edge, a creature of two dimensions most at home in his native Flatland. If he does survive, he will become The Orb, a being of nearly infinite power. The "infinite guitar" will become even infiniter — riffs will become rifts, whole galaxies will be swallowed. What I’m saying is, someone had probably destroy him now.

Adam Clayton and Larry Mullen, Jr. will remain one-dimensional.

addCredit(“U2: Evan Agostini/Getty Images”)


Comments (14 total) Add your comment
  • AJH

    “The Orb.” Ha!

  • JillyRo

    LOL funny!
    Except for the Canadian coin part…a nasty American-ish thing to say Scott!! They obvioulsly are not worthless to him cuz Bono’s been up here OFTEN asking our Prime Minister to give him more moola.

  • Emma from Toronto

    I hope you have a bunch of Canadians on staff, because otherwise your constant Canadian-bashing is less self-deprecating and more obnoxious…

  • Jewel

    Another smart-ass “joke” about Canada. Ah yes, the American “we-are-better-than-the-rest-of-the-world” mentality is alive and well (and why US is hated the world over).
    Funny, EW seems to REALLY like my Canadian money when they send me the BILLIONTH subcription renewal notice via mail. Hmm, maybe next time I’ll have them forward it to Scott Brown instead of sending EW my “useless Canadian coins” (which help to pay your salary Scott).

  • Blair from MontrĂ©al

    Canadian coins are not at all useless. Infact, they have many practical uses. Without them how would we build our igloos? How would we start our cars? Who would wake us up in the morning, eh?
    What is useless are comments like that. You know it is going to upset some loyal fans of EW. I am not upset, I got the sarcasm. But I do expect more.
    I am more surprised that you know Canadian currency exists. Get it. oh, burn. Fellow Candians, Please don’t take it personally. I didn’t. It was just a joke.

  • Jewel

    Actually I do get the sarcastic jibes about Canadians and it doesn’t offend me.
    It’s just that it’s getting VERY OLD and TIRED and CONSTANT (almost weekly). I too expect more from EW.

  • Liza

    I get the feeling you don’t like U2.
    1- Bono can give me a lap dance anytime.
    2- Canadian coins are not useless.

  • Blair

    Sorry, we are Canadians, not Candians. This is why I should alway Preview before I Post.

  • Toronto

    Our Canadian coins aren’t useless. That’s just mean!
    But the rest of the story was very funny.

  • ger

    My fellow Canadians – get over yourselves. Canadian coins are actually useless in the US. Can’t spend ‘em, and can’t exchange ‘em. Oh yeah, and it’s just a joke.
    Larry Mullen, Jr. on the other hand is hot in any dimension.

  • Vickie

    Ah come on, are there really fellow Canadians who are being offended by the “Canadian coins” joke? IT’S A JOKE!!!!!!!! In a few years, ALL coins will be useless…Even the American ones…

  • Jennifer

    Guys, calm down. I love Canada, but I laughed at that because it was just a joke.
    In the US Canadian coins are constantly getting mixed in with our currency, and when I want a soda but come to find that what I thought was a quarter is actually some Canadian coin, I pout because to me that money is useless unless I go to Canada with it. No exchanging it, no spending it.

  • Mike in Moncton

    First, Bono doesn’t ask his fans for money for charities. He asks them for support to budge their governments for debt forgiveness and to help buy drugs for AIDS victims in Africa. Do your research.
    Larry Mullen and Adam Clayton, bar none, are the best rhythm section in rock and roll, period. Might not be the fastest or technically proficient, but easily the best creatively.
    Oh…and our Canadian coins are a hell of a lot easier to look at than your American ones. And they’re worth more in a lot of the rest of the world too.

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