Pick Tom Cruise's next project

92245__tom_lAs all of you know, Tuesday is Cruise-Day. And you know what that means: All pants are half off! Wait… that’s half an old Michael Jackson joke. So hard to keep the vicious derision properly targeted! Tell you what, let’s just spin the wheel and see exactly how The Excitable One will climb out of the pit he gone and dug for hisself. His choices, based on a published report:

– Lions for Lambs, a political indie drama about U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan. Redford may direct and play a role. Cruise is being wooed to play a congressman, Meryl Streep a journalist.

– The Ha-Ha, adapted from a Dave King novel by Chuck Leavitt. Cruise would be born on yet another fourth of July, playing a Gulf War vet rendered mute by his injuries who’s charged with the care of a 9-year-old. That’s right: rendered mute. Which is why Tom’s publicist must be pushing hard for this one.

– Selling Time, a Fox drama from Spike Lee (the new, studio Spike Lee) about a man who (according to Variety) "sells back chunks of time in his life for a chance to relive and change the worst day of his life." I don’t really know what that means. But maybe that’s ’cause I haven’t paid the $15,000 to ascend to that level of understanding.

Conspicuously absent from this list is the comedy Cruise was reportedly developing (or, at least, exploring) with Judd Apatow (The 40 Year-Old Virgin). Perhaps it was decided that it was, er, a bit too soon to laugh with, at, or near Cruise? We know that’s not the case, don’t we, PopWatchers? So tell me: What should our boy Tom do next? Besides change Suri’s dirty Thetans?

Comments (14 total) Add your comment
  • Beetle

    I’d say “Lions for Lambs”, especially if he’s playing a supporting role. Cruise needs to dial back a bit, get out of the limelight and do some solid work. (Think “Magnolia” rather than yet another action flick or tug-your-heartstrings drama.)
    But maybe that’s just the Thetans in me talking.

  • Dave

    I agree, I think Lions for Lambs seems like the best bet out of the three. Although, the idea of Cruise teaming up with Spike Lee is pretty intriguing.

  • Ed

    What a fitting picture for Cruise E.W picked out – one with a rainbow in back ; )
    Cruise join T.R and the rest of the gang!

  • junior

    I actually think “The Ha-Ha” sounds like his best option. I’m thinking that he could overshadow “Lions for Lambs” and annoy Robert Redford (who may not be as forgiving as Steven Spielberg a la when Cruise overshadowed “War of the Worlds”). Plus, in “The Ha-Ha” he’d be mute (I might see it just for that), Oscar voters like mute (see entry: Hunter, Holly) and he’d get to act opposite a kid and be slightly more likeable (see entry: Penn, Sean). It won’t get big box office but it would quickly restore credibility (as long as he’s not allowed to talk current events during press junkets – break out the muzzle!)

  • dan cullinane

    can the ha-ha be animated? see no cruise, hear no cruise…thats win win isn’t it?

  • Mak

    The “Selling Time” one sounds particularly appropriate, since I’m sure (in hindsight) Cruise really wishes he could take back a couple of those Summer 2005 appearances. Then again, who doesn’t jump on couches?
    I’d say “Lions for Lambs.” It sounds like the least showy of all three, and not to sound like a Cruise basher here, but I think the general public has had enough of Cruise selling himself to them. Plus it has a good pedigree and it would be a different sort of role for him. Go for it, Tom.

  • e

    I really liked “The Ha-Ha” book, so I would prefer Tom Cruise not ruin a film version by being in it. Did that come out too harsh?
    “Lions for Lambs” seems like a more realistic option for him anyway.

  • KTS

    “Lions for Lambs” of course. Cruise is perfect a perfect fit to play a congressman. Aferall, aren’t many of them holier-than-thou, pressingly religious types with menacing perma-smiles, who don’t tolerate those who don’t agree with them?

  • dma69

    How about a looong hiatus from the spotlight and couches?

  • Denise

    How ’bout teaming up with Trey & Matt for a live-action versin of “Trapped in the Closet”, peras to be follwed by his triumphant emergence from one? In England!

  • Jennifer

    How about none of those so I don’t have to look at Cruise should I choose to see any of those movies?

  • jane

    As much as I hate Tom, I think he could help his career by showing more versatility. People don’t think he is an artist, so how about doing another indie, a la Magnolia to build up his street cred again. Then follow it up with a Farrelly Bros. movie to show that he has a sense of humor. Right now, Tom takes himself way too seriously and people hate him for it.

  • Cynic

    Tom’s next project is getting married in Italy next month. But who will the other groom be….Jim Nabors?

  • laughs @ whiners

    rolls eyes

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