EW.com ISO 'Star Wars' Virgin

162540__swbor_lDon’t be shy. Don’t fear geek reprisals or a dead wamprat in your mailbox. You’re among friends. Come out, Star Wars virgins. We have an itch only you can scratch.

Over the weekend spanning Nov. 10-13, Cinemax will air the entire Star Wars saga, all six Star Wars films… in narrative chonological order. This rare alignment of the Star Warses makes possible the most exciting experiment in nerd history: A complete, cold viewing of the saga, end to end. With its story told in order, is Star Wars at all absorbing? Does it "work," dramatically or logically? Can it weather six-plus hours of sans-Solo windup, before the good stuff kicks in?

Guinea pigs, please step forward. We can’t promise you compensation for sleep lost or eye cancer gained, nor do we take any responsibility for the negative effects of Star Wars on your love life. But, much like Marie Curie or George Hamilton, you will be happy in the knowledge that your suffering has been in the service of science, mankind, and your fellow PopWatchers.

Any takers? You must be at least 18 years old, in good health, and willing to submit to a crude, makeshift polygraph test. (We just hook you up to the vending machine and scream at you — works on interns.)

I’m totally serious about this. Post below if you’re game.

addCredit(“Star Wars: Episode III Revenge of the Sith: © & TM”)


Comments (42 total) Add your comment
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  • dave

    i’ve never seen any of the movies. and i’m 25. i know that the little green guy is yoda. and the bad guy is darth vader. and there was once a character named jar jar binks, who apparently “sucked.” i was pretty content with that being my entire knowledge of the franchise. but this opportunity sounds interesting. i don’t know though… am i ready to pop my star wars cherry?

  • tyler

    Dude, been there, done that already.
    13 hours of mindblowing awesomeness.
    Well, OK, not entirely 13 hours lof pure awesomeness, but still, a heckuva time. Even tho by the time Jedi comes around, I blacked out thru the Ewoks. Which, I suppose, is a bonus.

  • Lori

    I am 25 and I have never seen any of the Star Wars movies…and I’ve been perfectly happy with that. I guess I’ve always had this thing against movies set in space. But maybe I should take this opportunity to join the rest of mankind. Maybe?

  • mike

    What is this Star Wars to which you mention? Is that the one when William Shatner was skinney? Oh no, Starwars! Yeah I’ve heard of that. I once watched the scene with some fat creature (S.Jones?) telling people what to do. Ever since then I’ve found better things to do, like watch my hair follicles slowly die and play jenga. I’m a 24 star wars virgin and I’m game! Bring it on, EW bring it on!

  • Justin Russo

    I’ve been a Star Wars fan for as long as I can remember. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve sat down and watched the movies, by themselves or back to back. I got engaged last year and she still hasn’t seen any of the Star Wars movies.
    Maybe this could be her chance?

  • Brian

    24 years old and never seen any of the movies. I was even in a Star Wars spoof as an actor and barely got any of the jokes. I take comfort in the fact that I have not subjected myself to any of this excess nerdiness but have always been a bit curious of what the big deal was. Friends and lovers have always been shocked I have no idea who Jabba the hun is. Or Jabba the hut? One of those. I guess I’m a trysexual…I’ll try anything once.

  • Andy Hoglund

    Sure, I’d do this.

  • mike

    Should episodes 1 and 2 really be shown first? Is there a way to fast forward past the dull stupid parts? Shouldn’t the end of 3 be seen after 4?

  • jen

    i think i’ve only seen one of the star wars films all the way through and i don’t even remember which one it is, so i certainly don’t remember the plot line. my question before submitting to the cruel and unusual punichment of watching six 3+ hour moview in a row would be this…
    is it acceptable to DVR them so that i can watch them back while editing commercials? and maybe not all in one sitting?

  • andy phillips

    My wife and I would totally do this. I am a 26 year old Captain in the 82nd Airborne Division who got hooked on Star Wars in Afghanistan. Yeah, I think I’m up to the challenge. Maybe, I’m not welcome though, due to my “non-virgin” status.

  • ABW

    Despite what George Lucas may insist, Star Wars virgins should NOT watch the series in chronological order, if only because the classic, penultimate “Luke, I am your father” moment in Episode 5 would be rendered fairly moot.

  • ABW

    jen, this marathon is going to be on Cinemax, a premium pay cable station. There won’t be any commercials other than those shown between each of the films for upcoming Cinemax programs.

  • Katyna

    My 13-year-old son and I already attempted this undertaking one rainy Saturday. It just ended up being sad and confusing. We had a much better Saturday watching all three extended versions of Lord of the Rings. (That’s 12+ hours.)

  • EJ

    Of the original three, I’ve only ever seen about 10 minutes of “The Empire Strikes Back,” and it was dubbed in Danish. It was very jarring to hear the occasional non-translatable word jumping through the dubbing: “blurbety jeurgen-flooren STORMTROOPER kleifenluergue.”

  • dark_tyler

    Been there, done that. I watched Episodes 1-2 for the first time on DVD on the day Sith was out on cinemas, then went and saw that, and the next morning I watched 4-6 on DVD, also for the first time.
    Some thoughts? Well, first of all, the original movie doen’t stand good at all inbetween eps 3 and 5. Not only because these two are by far the best movies of the bunch, but because it’s obvious Lucas hadn’t got the Star Wars Universe fully formed in his mind. For example, Obi-Wan comes across Anakin for the first time in decades, after their incredible, climactic battle in the end of 3, and he says to him… “Darth”? DARTH?! What was that, his nickname?! I mean, it’s obvious that the Sith ranks came after the original movie was written.
    Anyway, besides some of that small stuff it’s fine, I suppose, some technical inconsistencies forgiven (the climax of episode 4 seems completely ridiculous after seeing the one in episode 3). But the thing is, you know, at the age of 23 in our age, this whole thing came and went like that. I wasn’t really impressed. It was fine, and fun, and it had some good moments, but as a story it doesn’t hold at all. If I’d seen it as a 12-year old everything would have been different, but now… eh, it was “okay”.
    And by the way, the old trilogy is not actually better than the new one, just so you know.

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