Meet the Transformers

Ladies and gentlemen, these are your Transformers, presented here with a few scraps of commentary from the screenwriters. (Michael Bay couldn’t be there, as busy as he is trying to transform himself from an Entourage punchline into a halfway credible director.)

There’s no geek orthodoxy here: Can we honestly say the Transformers are a beloved and fiercely defended mythology, on par with Tolkien’s Middle-earth or even the Marvel Universe? Absolutely not. And yet, my inner 12-year-old finds himself strangely troubled to learn that Bumblebee, "the same underdog character we always knew and loved," is a friggin’ Camaro. A Camaro? That’s the class rebel or the captain of the football team. Bumblebee is your lab partner. C’mon, guys! Don’t make me organize the world’s saddest boycott. Don’t make me do it. Me Grimlock enough of an arrest-development case already!

But hey, don’t get me wrong. I love screenwriters. I love that they can say, with a straight face, “[malevolent Walther automatic pistol-turned-giant-robot Megatron’s] been portrayed as pure evil but we’re trying to get a little bit behind the evil in this movie. … He has a slightly less idealistic version of what he thinks humanity is worth."

Frenzy? Wasn’t that the little cassette-tape-turned-robo-jackal thingy? And does his presence mean I can pretend that Soundwave’s lurking somewhere in the background? He should’ve grown up into a big shiny iPod by now, but I hope he’s still a tape player. I imagine him as the halfway-annoying hipster-poseur of the Decepticons, still blasting Stan Bush on cassette and waiting for Radio Raheem to come pick him up. Aw jeez, I’m getting all misty over here…

So, one question, is that enough Transformers to have a war?

Comments (6 total) Add your comment
  • GT

    Scott, Frenzy was a cassette tape that turned into a guy, the cassette-tape robo jackal was Ravage.

  • roel

    bumblebee’s a camaro and no soundwave? ’nuff said.

  • Tyler D

    It was Rumble and Frenzy who were the cassette tapes that turned into guys, right? Ravage was pretty awesome. Anyway, leave it to Michael “I’m Overcompensating” Bay to ramp up the testosterone and change meek little Bumblebee into a muscle car just for some product placement. Also, since when is a cop car a Deceptacon (Hello! Prowl, anyone?). I get the feeling Bay is just making another installment of the Fast and the Furious with this one. Hack! (though I love The Rock)

  • Blair

    I loved the Transformers as a kid and I am happy to see that it is coming to the big screen (again). I know it is a little wierd to think of Bumblebee as a Camaro, but we have to think about today’s vehicles, and yes Camaro is less of a good choice, but it could have been worse. He could be a Mustang. I am confident.

  • Tom

    Dear Michael Bay,
    You will always be a punchline.
    Love,
    Tom

  • kermitose

    Bumblebee is a Camaro? So very very wrong–but what a coincidence that Ford just announced that they’re launching a revamped Camaro…. Cheap product placement!

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