Carnage a Trois: 'Spider-Man,' 'Rush Hour'

152731__jeanclaude_lWith Spiderfans still panting from last weekend’s arachno-rockin’ Spider-Man 3 teaser, another morsel surfaces, this one decidedly SPOILER-LIKE. (Don’t click the word "morsel" unless you’re prepared to have a plot point revealed.) The accompanying commentary muses that this seemingly mythology-shaking story point may in fact be a dream sequence.

What’s not a dream sequence? Apparently, the participation of one Jean-Claude Van Damme (pictured) in the shadowy Manhattan Project known as Rush Hour III. Rumor has it, he’ll play the villain. Which means he’ll fight Jackie Chan — hopefully in the guise of a high-kicking Hasid, a la The Order (a movie that, sadly, forever fused klezmer and Van Damme in my mind.)

Van Damme vs. Chan — damn! Neither’s in his prime, and Van Damme may not even be in his original body. But he’d make a fine Rush Hour villain, methinks, especially one named "Bruno Cavalier," which may be the most glorious movie name since Karl Hungus.

Goldurnit, Ratner! You got me again. I’m kind of looking forward to this now. Not quite as much as I’m looking forward to this, but close.

addCredit(“Jean-Claude Van Damme: Jesse Grant/WireImage.com”)

Comments (29 total) Add your comment
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  • Stephanie

    Van Chan??? Watch soon it will be Jet Li verses Cynthia Rothrock. I mean no disrespect, Rothrock was brilliant but come on.

  • The Other Kyle

    You shouldn’t have a Spider-man news title with the word Carnage in it. Carnage is a popular spidey villain related to Venom so I was completely confused when I red this info. I kept waiting on to get to the news on Carnage.

  • Tim

    I like Van Damme movies, even his direct to video stuff. So if he’s truly the villian for RH 3, that will be fun to watch.

  • professor74

    If you go to the link, you get news on Carnage.

  • Tyler D

    Fix the links. The AICN link just goes to a their talk-back section instead of to the article, and the 1st Sandman wikipedia link essentially goes to nowhere.

  • dub

    ummm, nice work scott. maybe you should’ve just provided a link to ain’titcoolnews.com? or at least cited them, since this piece was pretty much on their site yesterday…

  • Karla

    My gosh – high protein diets and too much exercise do wonders for the face. Where can I sign up for an aging program like Jean-Claude’s?

  • blah

    As long as Ratner stays away from movies I like, such as the x-men franchise, I’ll be happy. He can just go ahead and keep making those Rush Hour movies. They’re really quite harmless.

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