Welcome to ‘What Is Your Damage,’ Annie Barrett’s summer shop of all the melodrama and self-absorption she misses from springtime reality TV. Every Tuesday and Friday, she’ll rant about a current offense to her humanity, then assess readers’ damages via video replies. Don’t be shy about admitting what annoys or intrigues you. We’re all in this pop cult together!
What’s your damage, Olympics? Stop making me feel fat! Great, column over. From the back, to the middle and around again…
I already complained about Ryan Lochte’s diamond-encrusted grill (and prognosticated its eventual takeover of the nation) during the trials, so what else is there? Oh, EVERYTHING.
Most prominent in my mind right now: What is your damage, Andrea Kremer? NBC’s poolside interviewer has been relentless in her bizarre quest to curate this creepy atmosphere in which the U.S. swimmers feel worse than they do already. She gets an easy perfect ’10’ on the Damages scale.
Last night after Michael Phelps won his semifinal heat for the Men’s 200M Fly, she immediately dug into the DARK SIDE of whatever might be flying through his head. “I want to check in on the state of Michael. Walk the Phelps fans back in the U.S. off the ledge here…. Which Michael will we get to see? The one who didn’t make the podium in the 400 IM or the one who had the phenomenal split in the relay?”
WHAT?! No one is on any ledge here, silly. “Which Michael shows up?” she demanded, to which Phelps awkwardly teased, “We’ll see in 24 hours,” because what else could he possibly say?
“Oh, come on. WHICH ONE?” She inched closer, flames thrashing through her pupils. Like he knows! As if he’s keeping the secret to himself (and the other version of himself) instead of offering it to her as exclusive scoop? And if he doesn’t eventually break down and promise a gold medal, she won’t have gotten the real story here? Gross.
Kremer was also brutal to the guys after they lost to France in the free relay, and won’t give up on that storyline either. Last night she asked Lochte “Where’s your confidence level?” after “obviously some disappointments in the relay.” It’s like she WANTS him to be thrown off to generate and then doggie paddle endlessly in a whirlpool of more drama. Lady this isn’t reality TV! It’s the Olympics. Show some class.
Stop criminalizing silver medalists, Andrea Kremer! The hate stops here.