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Tag: What Is Your Damage? (11-18 of 18)

What is your damage, London Olympics? (Vol. 1)

Welcome to ‘What Is Your Damage,’ Annie Barrett’s summer shop of all the melodrama and self-absorption she misses from springtime reality TV. Every Tuesday and Friday, she’ll rant about a current offense to her humanity, then assess readers’ damages via video replies. Don’t be shy about admitting what annoys or intrigues you. We’re all in this pop cult together!

What’s your damage, Olympics? Stop making me feel fat! Great, column over. From the back, to the middle and around again…

I already complained about Ryan Lochte’s diamond-encrusted grill (and prognosticated its eventual takeover of the nation) during the trials, so what else is there? Oh, EVERYTHING.

Most prominent in my mind right now: What is your damage, Andrea Kremer? NBC’s poolside interviewer has been relentless in her bizarre quest to curate this creepy atmosphere in which the U.S. swimmers feel worse than they do already. She gets an easy perfect ’10’ on the Damages scale.

Last night after Michael Phelps won his semifinal heat for the Men’s 200M Fly, she immediately dug into the DARK SIDE of whatever might be flying through his head. “I want to check in on the state of Michael. Walk the Phelps fans back in the U.S. off the ledge here…. Which Michael will we get to see? The one who didn’t make the podium in the 400 IM or the one who had the phenomenal split in the relay?”

WHAT?! No one is on any ledge here, silly. “Which Michael shows up?” she demanded, to which Phelps awkwardly teased, “We’ll see in 24 hours,” because what else could he possibly say?

“Oh, come on. WHICH ONE?” She inched closer, flames thrashing through her pupils. Like he knows! As if he’s keeping the secret to himself (and the other version of himself) instead of offering it to her as exclusive scoop? And if he doesn’t eventually break down and promise a gold medal, she won’t have gotten the real story here? Gross.

Kremer was also brutal to the guys after they lost to France in the free relay, and won’t give up on that storyline either. Last night she asked Lochte “Where’s your confidence level?” after “obviously some disappointments in the relay.” It’s like she WANTS him to be thrown off to generate and then doggie paddle endlessly in a whirlpool of more drama. Lady this isn’t reality TV! It’s the Olympics. Show some class.

Stop criminalizing silver medalists, Andrea Kremer! The hate stops here.

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Email on 'The Newsroom': What is your damage?

Welcome to ‘What Is Your Damage,’ Annie Barrett’s summer shop of all the melodrama and self-absorption she misses from springtime reality TV. Every Tuesday and Friday, she’ll rant about a current offense to her humanity, then assess readers’ damages via video replies. Don’t be shy about admitting what annoys or intrigues you. We’re all in this pop cult together!

What is your damage, EMAIL?

Why did you let yourself get corrupted by Aaron Sorkin’s bizarrely outdated concept of you on The Newsroom this week?

Have you no principles? (Look to the men of The Newsroom for guidance.) You’re embarrassing yourself. I know it’s been, like, 15 years since you could qualify as a compelling plot device — and I know you’re hurting in general because people dread you now and prefer texting, Facebook, Twitter, and that bitch Siri for all the fun stuff — but this was the wrong way to act out.

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What is your damage, Ryan Lochte's diamond grill?

Welcome to ‘What Is Your Damage,’ Annie Barrett’s summer shop of all the melodrama and self-absorption she misses from springtime reality TV. Every Tuesday and Friday, she’ll rant about a current offense to her humanity, then assess readers’ damages via video replies. Don’t be shy about admitting what annoys or intrigues you. We’re all in this pop cult together!

What is your damage, Ryan Lochte’s diamond-encrusted grill?

How was I never aware of you? It seems like we’d be a perfect match as A) You are ridiculous and B) I am what you might call “really into” bling and gems.

You have yet to reveal yourself in this week’s Olympic trials footage, yet I can feel you lurking, ready to clamp. You dominate most of the triumphant medal podium shots of Lochte, your human, that we see in between the races. Your human owns and proudly wears three different versions of you! And he’s teased that the grill he’s having custom-made for the London Olympics will be red, white, and blue to honor the U.S.A. Or might those colors serve to honor bloody England instead? Whose side of the great big swimming pool in between these two countries are you on, anyway, Ryan Lochte’s grill? Do you measure the pool’s distance in meters or yards? What’s your damage? READ FULL STORY

What is your damage, Princess Merida's hair?

Welcome to ‘What Is Your Damage,’ Annie Barrett’s summer shop of all the melodrama and self-absorption she misses from springtime reality TV. Every Tuesday and Friday, she’ll rant about a current offense to her humanity, then assess readers’ damages via video replies. Don’t be shy about admitting what annoys or intrigues you. We’re all in this pop cult together!

What is your damage, Princess Merida’s hair? I am going through some MAJOR HAIR ENVY this week and it’s all 1,500 of your individually animated CGI curls’  fault!

You’ve completely mesmerized me. I see you everywhere now — undulating and breathing fire over my bed, waving your honorary Independent Spirit award in front of my face and whispering with varying degrees of fierceness, “Look at all my different textures.” I want to buy a blanket of you that I could drape over my head while in public and prop up somewhere in my line of vision while resting in private, non-mirrored rooms. Since you came into my life, I’d mist you so bad. READ FULL STORY

What is your damage, creepy boat scene from 'Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory'?

Welcome to ‘What Is Your Damage,’ Annie Barrett’s summer shop of all the melodrama and self-absorption she misses from springtime reality TV. Every Tuesday and Friday, she’ll rant about a current offense to her humanity, then assess readers’ damages via video replies. Don’t be shy about admitting what annoys or intrigues you. We’re all in this pop cult together!

What is your damage, creepy boat scene from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory?

Now that it’s officially summer, I thought this would be the perfect time to examine how my obsession with a boat ride from hell has chartered my own slow but sure descent into madness.

This s— gets dark. Read on at your own risk.
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What is your damage, Adam Sackler from 'Girls'?

Welcome to ‘What Is Your Damage,’ Annie Barrett’s summer shop of all the melodrama and self-absorption she misses from springtime reality TV. Every Tuesday and Friday, she’ll rant about a current offense to her humanity, then assess readers’ damages via video replies. Don’t be shy about admitting what annoys or intrigues you. We’re all in this pop cult together!

What is your damage, typically shirtless man-child Adam Sackler? You look like an “If They Mated” result between a Prometheus creature and Gilligan. You were presented as an enormous doucheboat (that you built all by yourself, gettin’ by with a little help from grandma’s $800 a month) on the premiere of Girls. Then in the last four episodes you became more complex — romantic, even — and I could tell I was supposed to warm up to you. You told Hannah you loved her, posted hundreds of “SORRY” fliers along a building, and carried a mattress and a chair down the stairs for Marnie. You were the best worst boyfriend in Brooklyn.

But you snapped right back to your old self at the end of the season 1 finale, so I’ve decided I have had it with your evil ways! (Until season 2, of course, when I’m sure I will love to hate you even more.)

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What is your damage, Cat Deeley? Wrong 'Choice'!

Welcome to ‘What Is Your Damage,’ Annie Barrett’s summer shop of all the melodrama and self-absorption she misses from springtime reality TV. Every Tuesday and Friday, she’ll rant about a current offense to her humanity, then assess readers’ damages via video replies. Don’t be shy about admitting what annoys or intrigues you. We’re all in this pop cult together!

What’s your damage, Cat? Why are you slumming it as the host of The Choice, Fox’s dating-game answer to NBC’s The Voice? Well, not really answer. The Choice is like a phlegmy gurgle that The Voice quietly stifles for the sake of politeness. It is possibly the worst show I have ever seen. And apparently I have no choice but to watch it since you are the host! READ FULL STORY

What is your damage, Justin Bieber?

Welcome to ‘What Is Your Damage,’ Annie Barrett’s summer shop of all the melodrama and self-absorption she misses from springtime reality TV. Every Tuesday and Friday, she’ll rant about a current offense to her humanity, then assess readers’ damages via video replies (see page two). Don’t be shy about admitting what annoys or intrigues you. We’re all in this pop cult together!

What is your damage, Justin Bieber? How dare you grow up, ditch the wind-blasted bangs, and turn into The Lady of Shellac?

Forgive me for piling on, Justin Boyfriend, but you are everywhere. Songs from your album Believe (out June 19) are leaking every two minutes. NBC’s airing an hour-long documentary called Justin Bieber Believe: All Around the World on June 21. I cannot escape you.

Guess where it’s hardest (to escape you)? IN BED. That’s what I said. READ FULL STORY

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