Dearly beloved, we are gathered today to celebrate the recommitment of Mike “Sugar Bear” Thompson to June “Mama” Shannon, his shack ‘em up mate of almost nine years. This is — probably — not a wedding. This is a ceremony to celebrate the beauty of love, the brightness of orange, and the sanctity of camo.
The “groom” will now read his vows*, followed by the “bride.”
*vows are equal parts quotation and wishful thinking