Okay, that’s not “true.” I just wanted to sneak in an April Fool’s Day headline while I still had the chance. Happy holidays to all.
But hear me out: This could happen. The Dancing With the Stars crowd’s reaction to sizzling filet of man William Levy — a Cuban-American telenovela actor and model — is like nothing I’ve ever seen before. Brookebot and T-Berj can barely introduce him and his professional partner Cheryl Burke over the SOUL-DEADENING SCREAMS transmitted from three floors of fans. It’s like these visitors to Planet Mirrorballus have never seen a hot person before, and certainly not one from Cuba.
So far William Levy has worn a sleeveless shirt (to insane applause, for week 1′s cha cha — pictured) and a full-coverage black tie affair (to blood-curdling screams seemingly out of a horror movie, for week 2′s quickstep). I ask you, DANCMSTRs and fellow logicians: What is going to happen when William Levy wears no shirt at all? Will people drop dead from proximity to sexiness and the sight of his bare flesh? Will they screech until their heads explode? Now more than ever, I am frightened for our future. READ FULL STORY