The good news for Appleholics: iOS7 is finally here!
The bad news for Appleholics: It’s not exactly here-here, at least for large numbers of disgruntled users.
It’s season 17 and I for one am still feeling aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive! Sort of. That’s a lot of i’s.
The Dancing With the Stars cast won’t be announced ’til Wednesday morning on Good Morning America (look for the complete list on EW.com’s Inside TV), but of course the rumors are spinning faster than Val Chmerkovkiy’s sparkly bolero in a shirtless Argentine tango. READ FULL STORY
Oh come on, people. Not everyone would make a #BetterBatmanThanBenAffleck. Help us come up with some exceptions. The #HottestGuyInGigli is not the ACTUAL devil, right?
WORSE BATMEN THAN BEN AFFLECK:
Reynolds or Rogen
Billy Bob Thornton
Credit: Everett Collection READ FULL STORY
On Thursday’s Hollywood Game Night, the teams (Max Greenfield, Ellie Kemper, Kal Penn, and plebian Jill vs. Kenan Thompson, Minnie Driver, Angela Kinsey and plebe Dipal) participated in a riveting round of Celebrity Fusion — in which two celebs with a common name had their faces smeared into each other and presented as art. (So basically, Conan’s “If They Mated,” but on a show with a different title.) I’m VERY ashamed of how long it took me to guess the above beauty, but at least I didn’t say “Boy George..Carlin?” like poor JIll.
Doesn’t take much to fascinate me on a summer Friday! I’m gonna rank these creatures from least horrifying to most:
Pamela Anderson Cooper (not not hot)
Steven Tyler Perry (yikes, but pedestrian)
Steve Martin Short (Tom Brokaw in a wind tunnel?) READ FULL STORY
Dads raising kids — what a concept. We shall put them on TV, stat! said the network exec who uncovered this rare species. I will not be surprised if a significant chunk of the massive Duck Dynasty viewing audience sticks around for an extra half hour of feel-good scripted reality fare each week with Modern Dads. The series follows four stay-at-home fathers in Austin, Texas who like their offspring but love checking their fantasy leagues on their phones instead of watching their kids at the park. Sure, it’s a cliché, but I know zero people who cannot either relate to this scenario directly or get an eye-rolly chuckle out of it. It’s not rocket science. It’s just a princess party. A lot of people are into those too!
Highlights of the Modern Dads premiere included a 6-year-old named Joopsy, the promise of “baby wrestling” later in the season, and men who are genuinely comfortable taking a backseat in stereotypical “machoism” to their very attractive, mucho-money-making wives. On the downside, there’s the general awfulness of swingin’ bachelor Stone and a bizarrely shoehorned-in plot in which he’s peer-pressured into having a vasectomy, then decides against it after meeting a woman (who was clearly an actress) at the supermarket counter. The show’s not as hokey as NBC’s failed Guys With Kids, but it does feel almost like a badly scripted documentary of Guys With Kids in production.
Let’s meet the dads! READ FULL STORY
Next Monday is the season finale, so I thought it’d be a good time to check in on the festering barnacles of Bravo’s Below Deck. This week, Captain Lee goes golfing with the enemy (a group of miserable vegans who yell at their spoiled daughter for wanting to eat a damn egg), Aleks catches C.J. and Sam drinking beer in the sea (because there were camera crews egging them on, and why not), and Chef Ben engaged in some Real Talk with hot mess Kat, informing her, “When you drink, you turn into a trailer park, demonic, white trash refugee.”
Harsh but true. Chef Ben Robinson (pictured, far left) was on a roll tonight (and for the whole season, really — I have shamelessly kept up). He’s easily my favorite “character” and I find it fascinating that — barring tonight’s four-foot-tall pot fire — his professional performance is never the instigator of drama on the show. He’s clearly so good at his job, when most of these cretins aren’t. That’s very refreshing! READ FULL STORY
The official Teen Choice surfboards have all been handed out, but after absorbing Sunday’s two-hour awards ceremony on Fox, I felt there were simply not enough awards! This year’s bonus prizes are…
A wetsuited Rebel Wilson thought it was funny there’s a group called One Direction, because “That’s also the name I gave to my asshole.” Lovely!
CHOICE BEST AND WORST MULLET
Aggghh, don’t touch it! READ FULL STORY
Thank God we didn’t even have to wait a week between installments of Bravo’s Million Dollar Listing. New York wrapped up last week, and Wednesday’s premiere of Los Angeles came out firing. (The guns are the Joshes’ middle fingers.) Yep, Madison, Josh, and Josh are back with more McMalibu PlayLands and sweeping city views to both intrigue and thoroughly disgust you as you contemplate your own sorry lot in life.
So how are they doing? Let’s catch up: READ FULL STORY
It’s damn near impossible to simultaneously watch American Ninja Warrior (airing Sunday nights on G4 and Monday nights on NBC) and feel like a respectable human being. Not only are you doing nothing indoors (and watching this of all things?), but you are no ninja. Can you even lift your TV? Don’t even try. What’s the point? You’re a disgrace.
Below are my ill-fated suggestions for “playing along” during ANW — the magnificent Upper Body Beastliness obstacle course quickly winning the hearts and guts of millions of Americans who have less hope than ever of executing a single pull-up in their lifetimes. Rev up your appetite and get ready to live vicariously through these tremendous beasts — and hate yourself more than ever!
OBSTACLE 1: QUINTUPLE STEPS
Retrieve a snack from the kitchen. Repeat five times. Go easy on this one. There’s a lot left to be done, but it’s all downhill from here.
OBSTACLE 2: DOWNHILL JUMP
Pfffft. Anyone could do this. Just ride a skateboard down any railing in your house, then grab whatever’s closest (chocolate?) for support. Move on. It gets darker. READ FULL STORY
Why go out and make friends when you can watch Hollywood Game Night? I checked in on host Jane Lynch and her stable of celebs — this week: Anthony Anderson, Rose Byrne and Stacy Keibler (pictured), Jamie-Lynn Sigler, Patricia Heaton, and Tom Arnold — and must admit I had an altogether good time. The people in my TV kept me company! It was not that sad!
The show’s as simple as it sounds: Two teams (three celebs plus one commoner) play various word-association games about Hollywood happenings. If you tend to feel like a brainless turd during Trivial Pursuit Entertainment, you will LOVE this show. I’ve never felt smarter in my life. So I guess the show was a LITTLE sad.
I still can’t believe anyone would attempt a game night sober. Hopefully they were toasted. Potent Notables below! READ FULL STORY