I know who you think it is, but check it out: Simon’s being grounded by three hands. I’ve been staring at this image long enough (minute and a half): It’s time to rank these bobbleheads in order of how well they could potentially hold themselves at a fully upright angle. Like, do or die: This is the order in which they would die.
5. Pixy Abdul-Stix
4. Gray suit
3. L.A. Reid
2. Simon Cowell
1. Nicole Stiltzinger
And she only needs one leg! The talent on The X Factor is looking fierce so far.
Hey, that’s not fair. Why would I dismiss perfectly pleasant and attractive host Steve Jones like that? Is it because he’s so tall and in my History of Current Reality Television textbook (which is actually just an endless series of Stickies on my computer), hosts are supposed to be short and bouncy? I think it’s that. Look at him. What is he looking at? Are his pointer and middle fingers about to take a walk somewhere? Is he going to tilt himself slightly like that the whole time?
Luckily I have an entire month and change to get over this super-serious pre-season vendetta against X Factor host Steve Jones.
Got any super-serious pre-season vendettas of your own? By all means, sway me.