Every American child grows up wanting to be either an astronaut or a Fox promo editor. This fall, The Simpsons has made at least one of those dreams a reality. Using reverse engineered alien irony, this user-friendly editing tool lets you manipulate choice clips from the show’s upcoming annual Treehouse of Horror terrorama and Frankenstein them into a petrifying promo of your own fiendish design.

That’s right, groundlings. No longer is the shadowy Skull & Bones of promo-dom off-limits to plebes like you. You could win a chance to have your video aired on… Fox! Putting you right up there with whoever decides the shirtless dude-to-one-eyed-hooker ratio on Cops!

Now go. Follow your dream.

(Hint: Snipping the unnecessary first second off the Burns-as-Crypt Keeper intro opens up a whole world of possibilties.)

It’s hard to cultivate those family ties when you’re spending months at a time pretending you’re dead or being held captive by Chinese spies. So it’s no wonder it’s taken us until the forthcoming Season 6 of 24 to meet Jack Bauer’s estranged dad, Phillip Bauer. Fox announced today that he’ll be played by Six Feet Under‘s James Cromwell (pictured), whom I always enjoy thinking of as the corrupt and murderous police captain in L.A. Confidential. (”Have ye a valediction, boyo?”)

Also joining the cast is my favorite comedian, Eddie Izzard, in the role of Darren McCarthy, a villainous accomplice. (But to whom?) I wouldn’t get too attached to Darren, as Izzard is starring in The Riches, a drama series debuting in the spring on FX, in which he and Minnie Driver head up a family of suburban con artists. So he might be a little too busy for more than light duty over at sister station Fox.
Today’s announcement, as reported here on Zap2It, has a comprehensive summary of the new Season 6 cast members named so far, who their characters are, and what little we know about the situation and time frame relative to the shanghai-ing of Jack at the end of Season 5. Read at your own risk.

One more bit of stunt-casting: This season of fellow Fox series The Simpsons will include the show’s 400th episode, which will be a parody called ”24 Minutes” and will include Kiefer Sutherland and Mary Lynn Rajskub as their 24 characters. I say they should cross over in the other direction and make 24‘s Season 6 villain Montgomery Burns. That would be… ex-cellent.

See, we read! Or, well, I’m sure we intended to read books by authors Tom Wolfe (left), Gore Vidal, Michael Chabon, and Jonathan Franzen at some point. But now we don’t have to — since they’ll all be imparting their compositional wit and wisdom as guest stars on The Simpsons. Yes, the show’s producers have somehow located the four boldface names who have yet to stop by Springfield. The episode won’t air for a year, giving us time to actually read all their award-winning books.

The L.A. Times‘ Steven Barrie-Anthony wins best-sound-bite honors for getting Chabon’s father on the phone for this hilarious tidbit: "Robert Chabon said that he always expected Michael to win a Pulitzer (which he did in 2001 for The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay). ‘And I still think he’s going to win the National Book Award,’ said the Kansas City, Kan., pediatrician. ‘But him being on The Simpsons is beyond my wildest dreams. You envision certain successes for your children, but this kind of success — I never envisioned.’"

So, who’s left for "this kind of success"? Who would you like to see guest on The Simpsons?