Everything we know about the ancient world is derived from the very, very few works of literature that managed to survive through the centuries; the rest were burned at the Library of Alexandria in 48 B.C, or dissolved into dust centuries before the birth of Christ. Similarly, it’s possible that two or three millenia from now — when all the great art of our modern world has turned to ash and sun-damaged microchips and decayed celluloid — our illiterate caveman descendants will break into a vacuum-sealed fallout shelter made out of gold and discover the only existing remnant of 21st-century humanity: R. Kelly’s hip-hopera Trapped in the Closet, playing on an eternal loop on a nuclear-powered plasma-screen TV (with surround sound). READ FULL STORY »
Tag: The Bad Man Scares Me! (31-40 of 397)
One of my favorite holiday movies is the 1990 home security comedy Home Alone. Does anyone better embody the spirit of Christmas than Polka King of the Midwest John Candy as he offers Catherine O’Hara a ride in the back of a van from Scranton to Chicago? You gotta love the Kenosha Kickers! (I never appreciated them at the time; now I think they’re one of the most brilliant parts of the whole movie.) Also, sometimes when I see “Merry Christmas” emblazoned on something, I hear those words as spoken softly by Old Man Marley in the sad church scene. You’d think I’d imagine them as spoken by Santa, or my parents or something — but nope, it’s the scary snow-shoveling neighbor from Home Alone. Whatever works!
I’ve recently been wondering what Kevin McCallister might have made of himself. Crafty little freak, that one. He’d be a thriving, well-fed, hopefully non-vampiric 29-year-old today. On which of his many talents — interior design, trickery, sabotage, coupon-clipping — would Kevin choose to capitalize? Would he get his own OWN program following the cancellation of The Nate Berkus Show? Would he and his monogrammed backpack resurface on TLC’s Extreme Couponers? Would he become an all-grown-up spokesperson for aftershave? The founder of an institute for infectious “you’re such a” disease research? The possibilities are as endless as Kevin’s quest to reach Buzz’s tarantula on the stairs to the third floor.
I’ve listed some career options below — vote or suggest your own! READ FULL STORY »
'The Dark Knight Rises' prologue audience reaction: Frantic excitement, followed by the sound of silence
The GOP presidential candidates just got another pair of crazy eyes on their side: Gary Busey appears to be endorsing Newt Gingrich. The Celebrity Apprentice star told TheWashingtonScene.com, “I’ve never met Newt but I know what he stands for.”
Still, Busey — who noted that he’s a Texan who won’t be giving his support to Rick Perry (“He’s a good guy, he just doesn’t belong in the race”) — noted he’d rather see his old Celebrity Apprentice boss Donald Trump throw his
hair hat back in the ring. (“Donald would be great. He’s a good friend.”)
Darth Vader is one of the great movie villains, but something about the character just seems built for parody. Maybe it’s because — with his jet-black evil-samurai-robot suit and his stentorian speech patterns — he’s the definition of evil incarnate. Or maybe it’s because he’s wearing a mask, so it’s easy to dub in hilarious new dialogue. There’s a whole parade of great Vader spoof videos: “Vader Sessions,” which brilliantly mixed in dialogue from other James Earl Jones movies; the beloved “Chad Vader” series; “Darth Vader Being a Smartass,” possibly the best use of Final Cut’s “reverse clip” function ever; and of course, those hilarious three Star Wars spoofs which pretended that Darth Vader was a doofy crybaby with a rat-tail haircut. (That George Lucas: What a kidder!) To that canon we can now add “The Sith Who Stole Christmas,” where Darth Vader essays the role of the Grinch. Watch below: READ FULL STORY »
It began years ago, when I was sitting at home in the early afternoon with the flu. I had to devour something other than Jell-O, and I had already checked in with the residents of Salem on Days of Our Lives. As someone without cable at the time, I had very few options: Infomercials, Matlock, or Maury. Despite my age, Matlock, strangely, typically won, but one day — after realizing I had already seen that particular episode of the Andy Griffith series — I switched to Maury. The subject of the episode? Irrational fears.
Now, I’m afraid of plenty of things, some rational (failure) and some not (the Ebola virus). So let me preface this by saying I do actually take pity on many people who suffer from an aversion to things both practical and unpractical. Still, there is nothing funnier than a man wearing a full body suit made of cotton balls chasing a woman afraid of cotton balls. READ FULL STORY »
NASCAR driver Kurt Busch lived up to his last name on Sunday, unloading on Dr. Jerry Punch when the veteran ESPN race reporter attempted to ask him a question after his car limped into the garage during the season-ending Ford 400 in Miami. “Can you get this motherf—– out of my face,” Busch said after Punch tried to ask him what the automotive problem was. When Busch continued his expletives, Punch finally walked away.
Yesterday, Busch and his Penske Racing team officially apologized. “Unfortunately, our result in the season-ending race at Homestead on Sunday was not what we had hoped for as a team,” said Busch, who started the race fourth but finished 34th. “In my frustration with the loss of my transmission early in the race, I let my emotions get the better of me. I regret having done this and apologize to the sponsors of Penske Racing, to NASCAR, its fans, to the media and in particular, Dr. Jerry Punch.”
Watch the foul-mouthed exchange below:
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