Image Credit: Janet Mayer / PR Photos
So Nicolas Cage was arrested over the weekend in New Orleans, charged with domestic abuse and disturbing the peace. Dog the Bounty Hunter reportedly bailed him out. (Of course!) It’s a strange, sad story (if true), made only stranger and sadder by the most recent Editor’s Letter in the May issue of GQ. Jim Nelson had a recent close encounter with Cage at a swanky Big Easy restaurant during Mardi Gras, and the surreal, comitragic picture was “as if he were performing Leaving Las Vegas: The Musical for some perverse dinner theater.”
“He moved, stumbled, came closer to our tables.
‘Where’s the REAL girls?’ he moaned.
Huh? A few more paces. He’s a foot away from my andouille sausage. Quick. Someone feed him.
‘WHERE’S THE REAL GIRLS?’ READ FULL STORY »
If only 
Jersey Shore‘s third season concluded last night with an utterly useless reunion show. The Situation wore an emo-hoodie that made him look like an evil supervillain lurking in his evil smush-cave. Snooki said that she didn’t love Vinny anymore. Awwwww. But only because he’s transformed from a lovable everyguy into a girl-crazy douche-rocket. You tell ‘em, Shnookums! Deena actually said ”Poop comes out of your butt.” (Science!) Good news: Sammi and Ronnie are still split up! Bad news: They still love each other! Ronnie explained that he felt betrayed when Sammi tried to hook up with other guys when they were broken up. The Julissa 3000 Interview-Bot (patent pending) pointed out that Ronnie actually had hooked up with other girls when they weren’t broken up. Isn’t that even worse? Ronnie looked confused. Paradox Hurt Ronnie’s Ape-Brain! (Ronnie only pawn in game of life.) Also, The Situation’s new name is “The Instigation,” which is coincidentally the subtitle for the next TRON and Bourne sequels. In conclusion, the girls burp like guys, the guys tan like girls, humanity has evolved beyond gender, and we are all robots. Thus, life is chaos. Thus, season 3 is over. 
