If you missed last night’s episode of The Vampire Diaries and intend to watch it, stop reading now. SPOILERS FOLLOW. If you’re good to go, I’ve got to know: Are you suddenly hoping Klaus succeeds with the sacrifice, becomes a werevamp (or vampolf? it’s more European?), and tries to start his own hybrid race in season 3? I am. READ FULL STORY
Tag: The Bad Man Scares Me! (91-100 of 399)
Archer started its second season finale with an unexpected image: Sterling Archer in love. Katya Kazanova, the Russian spy who saved his life in last week’s episode, swore that she had fallen for him at first sight. Perhaps because she looked remarkably like January Jones in X-Men: First Class, Archer felt the same way. Mallory and Lana were immediately skeptical. She’s Russian! She’s hot! Clearly she’s a double agent! This was vintage Archer, combining a cocktail of refurbished spy cliches with pleasantly pathological emotional issues. By the time the Anxious Mother and the Jilted Ex-Girlfriend were both holding guns on the Suspiciously Buxom New Girlfriend, it felt a little bit like we looking at a candy-colored diagram of relationship malfunction. READ FULL STORY
The first footage of Rise of the Planet of the Apes is a five-second video cut that looks like a high-budget, dramatic ape-retelling of “Dramatic Chipmunk.” (The clip was first posted to the film’s Facebook page.) But what we can gauge from the footage is a sense of realism missing from the original Planet of the Apes films and Tim Burton’s 2001 ill-advised remake (…and Troy McClure’s musical.) Dude looks like monkey! And a nefarious, shifty-eyed one, at that. Or is this just how he felt watching Rise co-star James Franco’s Oscar hosting duties? Check it out below: READ FULL STORY
If only Our Gang was confronted with this doll, they’d never have briefly given up ownership of dear ol’ Petey. What? You say it’s not 1934? Okay, fine, then in modern terms, let’s just say this doll is extremely petrifying. But who is it? Michele Bachmann? Lynne from Real Housewives of Orange County? Someone who should get that purple growth checked out by a doctor? Answer after the jump! READ FULL STORY
Larry Solters, Charlie Sheen’s rep and “warlock-in-training” (his words), confirms to EW that the violent torpedo of an actor is seeking to trademark a total of 22 phrases he’s unleashed on the world since his public meltdown(?). Among the phrases that you may soon be able to wear
shamefully proudly on your chest: “Vatican Assassin,” “Tiger Blood,” “Rock Star From Mars,” “I’m Not Bi-Polar, I’m Bi-Winning,” and, of course, “Duh, Winning.”
I saw the new horror film Insidious in a crowded theater last night. The film was great — check out Owen Gleiberman’s full A- review — and it’s the first movie in a long time that has literally made me want to run out of the theater and go see a charming 3D-animated children’s movie just to remind myself that there is still joy in the world. (Actually, the last time I felt that way was Paranormal Activity, so maybe I just have a problem with house sounds. In my defense, house sounds are the most terrifying sounds in the world.) Only one thing got me through Insidious: The fact that I was in a crowded, highly reactive theater. Whenever the movie threw a new shock-terror in our faces — some freakish ghost sisters, or a dancing Newsie ghost — everyone in the theater would scream, and then laugh, and then spend about a minute talking about how scared they were and how funny it was to be so scared. (The mostly-teenaged crowd also hurled lots of insults and suggestions at the characters onscreen, all of which are unrepeatable here.) I have friends who can’t stand it when people talk during a movie, but I think I actually I enjoyed Insidious significantly more thanks to my loud audience. Which got me wondering: Are there times when talking in a theater is justified, even necessary? READ FULL STORY
'Jersey Shore' reunion: Every important thing you need to know about the most pointless night of the year
Jersey Shore‘s third season concluded last night with an utterly useless reunion show. The Situation wore an emo-hoodie that made him look like an evil supervillain lurking in his evil smush-cave. Snooki said that she didn’t love Vinny anymore. Awwwww. But only because he’s transformed from a lovable everyguy into a girl-crazy douche-rocket. You tell ‘em, Shnookums! Deena actually said ”Poop comes out of your butt.” (Science!) Good news: Sammi and Ronnie are still split up! Bad news: They still love each other! Ronnie explained that he felt betrayed when Sammi tried to hook up with other guys when they were broken up. The Julissa 3000 Interview-Bot (patent pending) pointed out that Ronnie actually had hooked up with other girls when they weren’t broken up. Isn’t that even worse? Ronnie looked confused. Paradox Hurt Ronnie’s Ape-Brain! (Ronnie only pawn in game of life.) Also, The Situation’s new name is “The Instigation,” which is coincidentally the subtitle for the next TRON and Bourne sequels. In conclusion, the girls burp like guys, the guys tan like girls, humanity has evolved beyond gender, and we are all robots. Thus, life is chaos. Thus, season 3 is over. We’ll see you in Italy, gang!
Snooki paid $32,000 to speak at Rutgers. That’s $2,000 more than Toni Morrison is scoring for commencement.
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