The Vampire Diaries returns Thursday, and though season 5 will have a lot of new faces (check them out here), some things will remain the same: We’re counting on Damon (Ian Somerhalder) to still have the show’s best lines. Below, revisit some of his best insults. READ FULL STORY
Tag: That Was Way Harsh Tai (1-10 of 175)
Never before has our “That Was Way Harsh, Tai” tag seemed more appropriate.
As you may remember, last week’s penultimate episode of Breaking Bad found Walt relocated to a remote, spartan New Hampshire cabin. One of his hideout’s few sources of entertainment was a TV set only good for playing DVDs — and the cabin’s film collection left much to be desired.
Its highlight: Two copies of Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium, a movie rewarded with a solid F by EW’s Owen Gleiberman upon its 2007 release. (Sample line: “Mr. Magorium, who is 243 years old (so are his jokes), is a cross between Willy Wonka and Geppetto, but [Dustin] Hoffman plays him with little more than a goofy dumb lisp, achieved by tucking his lower lip under his upper teeth, so that he looks just as rabbity-stoopid as he sounds.”)
Here’s the real punchline, though: You know who else hates Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium? Screenwriter Zach Helm — who doubles as the creator and director of Mr. Magorium himself.
Reactions to Miley Cyrus at the VMAs: People are still having them!
Earlier this week, we heard what both Britney Spears and Paula Patton had to say about the performance. (Spoiler alert: They think she’s just being Miley.) But while both those stars were shrugging their shoulders, another music legend was sharpening her claws.
“I’m not old-fashioned,” Cher told USA Today in an interview published Tuesday. “She could have come out naked, and if she’d just rocked the house, I would have said, ‘You go, girl.’ It just wasn’t done well. She can’t dance, her body looked like hell, the song wasn’t great, one cheek was hanging out. And, chick, don’t stick out your tongue if it’s coated.”
Supercringe! Nigel Lythgoe’s general buffoonery can make for some pretty awkward critiques on SYTYCD, but tonight he outdid himself while raving about Dorian “BluPrint” Hector’s prowess in an Afro Jazz routine. “People say, ‘This is your ethnicity, your heritage.’ But it isn’t! You didn’t grow up in a jungle!” the old white man exclaimed to the young black dancer. Say what?! At least BluPrint (pictured, center) put on a brave grin following the comment. As you can see, host Cat Deeley took a bit longer for her “WTF, man?” face to catch up to the contestant’s.
Sorry to dwell on that, but it was so weird and sadly typical, and really took me out of the show. Still — there were some fabulous dances tonight to distract from the judging panel. I’ll post my recap of the Top 20 performances later on; in the meantime, here’s my ranked list* of tonight’s routines — updated with song selections! READ FULL STORY
One he sent her on New Year’s Eve, no less! This sort of thing is why the “That Was Way Harsh, Tai” tag was created.
In a revealing cover interview for Vogue‘s July issue, the 28-year-old singer discusses her career and her relationship history — paying special attention to her brief marriage to comedian and cable news scourge Russell Brand. “He’s a very smart man, and I was in love with him when I married him,” Perry says of her ex, whom she met in the summer of 2009 and married in the fall of 2010.
“Let’s just say I haven’t heard from him since he texted me saying he was divorcing me December 31, 2011,” she continues — one day after he formally filed for divorce. The couple’s split was finalized in July 2012.
Only one thing could get Dan Harmon to watch the fourth season of Community, the NBC sitcom that was so cruelly ripped away from him last spring: being reinstated as his creation’s executive producer.
And now that he has watched it… hoo boy.
Harmon spilled his thoughts during the most recent edition of “Harmontown,” the digressive comedy show-slash-podcast he hosts with Jeff B. Davis each week. At first, his reaction was fairly tame; Harmon said he felt comfortable calling the season “not my cup of tea,” since it was obviously an “impression, and an unflattering one” of Community under his own stewardship. (The episodes in a nutshell, according to Harmon: “DURRRR! I’m Dan Harmon! DURRRR!”)
But after that assessment, Harmon got a little more graphic — comparing sitting through this past season to “flipping through Instagram just watching your girlfriend blow everyone” and seeing a friend “Like” a photo of your ex-girlfriend with her new boyfriend on Facebook.
It’s hard out there for a plus-sized-and-proud actress like Melissa McCarthy — especially in a world where svelte Jennifer Lawrence says she’s considered “obese” by Hollywood standards. But McCarthy has built a career even the tiniest starlet should envy — one that’s included an Emmy (and another nomination), an Oscar nod, and roles in two $100 million-plus-grossing comedies in the past two years.
Even so, McCarthy’s weight has made her a target for Photoshop-happy marketing execs, mean-spirited Internet commenters (that’s right, guys — we see you!), and at least one film critic. The New York Observer‘s Rex Reed famously attacked McCarthy in his review of Identity Thief this past February, calling her “tractor-sized,” a “female hippo,” and “a gimmick comedian who has devoted her short career to being obese and obnoxious with equal success.” His comments quickly went viral, prompting online rage but no direct response from the comedian herself — until now.
READ FULL STORY
Reasons to be Happy that the Internet exists: If you’re a pissed-off playwright, sweet revenge can be just a few keystrokes away.
Neil LaBute’s latest play — a similarly-named sequel to 2008′s Reasons to be Pretty that stars The Office‘s Jenna Fischer and GCB‘s Leslie Bibb — is either great, terrible, or somewhere in between, depending on who you believe. Ben Brantley of the New York Times named it a Critics’ Pick, saying the show could be “the most winning romantic comedy of the summer.” EW’s own Melissa Rose Bernardo gave it a B, along with a more lukewarm review: “Happy stands on its own, of course; so if you didn’t see Pretty, don’t worry — LaBute gives us all the necessary background. I just wish he’d given us a credible female character or two as well.”
And then there’s Time Out New York‘s David Cote, who savaged everything about the play — its “long-winded, boorish” characters, its “monotonous” scenes, its “predictable and banal” plot twists. He began his short assessment with a particularly cutting jab: “If Neil LaBute were to teach a course on playwriting, I bet his lesson plan would look something like this: ‘Week 1: Dumbing down characters to pad out dialogue and pump up conflict.’”
The day a new M. Night Shyamalan movie hits theaters might as well be labeled Critics’ Christmas. Ever since 2004′s The Village — and, even worse, 2006′s Lady in the Water — each successive film from the Academy Award-nominated writer/director has given writers a golden opportunity to one-up each other with jabs at Shyamalan’s oeuvre.
And even though it’s more of a Smith-Smith joint than a Shyamalan picture — notice the absence of the director’s name from all of the movie’s promotional material – After Earth has been no exception. So far, the film has earned a paltry score of 32 on Metacritic and a horrendous 12 percent “fresh” rating on Rotten Tomatoes (EW’s Owen Gleiberman gave it a C+), which makes it just slightly more popular than recent misfires like The Host and The Big Wedding. Below, we’ve compiled the 10 best insults critics have lobbed at After Earth since its release:
10. “Summer 2013 has its first bomb, and sadly, it’s landed right on Will Smith.” — Joe Neumaier, New York Daily News
9. “It’s impossible to take this movie seriously, certainly not as seriously as it takes itself.” — Peter Rainer, Christian Science Monitor
8. “Even with his charismatic dad in his earpiece calling the shots, Jaden can’t turn himself into a movie star by sheer force of Will.” — Dana Stevens, Slate
7. “As for the plot, I guess recycling remains in vogue centuries from now.” — Richard Roeper, Chicago Sun-Times
6. “Not since John Travolta kicked the tires on Battlefield Earth and pronounced it good to go has there been a big-name sci-fi flameout quite as disastrous as Will Smith’s After Earth.” — Kurt Loder, Reason.com
5. “The director of The Sixth Sense used to be known for his surprise endings, but the only twist that could explain this mind-numbing nonsense is if we awakened to discover we’d been imprisoned in pods and subjected to a sequel called After Battlefield Earth by L. Ron Shyamalan.” — Joe Williams, St. Louis Post Dispatch
4. “Actually, in Critics Academy we are taught never to end a review with a sarcastic quote from the film under consideration; the tactic is just too easy and cheesy. Yet here the temptation proves irresistible. So here’s one more. After some mini-castastrophe, Kitai mutters, ‘That sucked.’ Radios his dad: ‘Correct, Cadet.’” — Richard Corliss, Time
3. “After Earth has a hint of the skin-crawling fright of Shyamalan films past [... but] not enough to explain why the director’s films keep getting worse. It must be body snatchers, ones from a planet that has no clue how to make a movie.” — Betsy Sharkey, Los Angeles Times
2. “Eleven years and several progressively more dreadful movies after Signs, director M. Night Shyamalan would be lucky to get a gig directing traffic.” Lou Lumenick, New York Post
1. “I fear Jaden might face online wrath for his performance here, especially thanks to the numb-tongued Kiwi accent he’s forced to adopt. He’s not bad, especially, but he is a kid asked to do the extraordinary: compel us as he pretends to do ridiculous bullsh–. As Will Smith coldly instructs him to feel, to root in this moment now, to master his own creation, I felt the purest horror I ever have at a Shyamalan film: What if this is what Jaden Smith’s life is actually like?” — Alan Scherstuhl, The Village Voice
Spotted: A floppy-haired actor biting the glamorous hand that fed him.
Penn Badgley always seemed like the most intellectual member of Gossip Girl‘s cast — perhaps because of his preternaturally deep voice, or the way he held up a “Bring Back the Glass-Steagall Act” sign at Occupy Wall Street in the fall of 2011, or because his chief competitors for that title are people like Chase Crawford and Taylor Momsen. And given this, it’s not totally surprising that Badgley secretly felt like a show that hinged on faked deaths and dowries — dowries! In the year 2012! — was sort of beneath him.
It is, however, a little surprising that Badgley would be so frank about those feelings when talking to a reporter. READ FULL STORY
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