After 35 years of hair-flipping, punking, and furious tweeting, Ashton Kutcher has decided to pass his accumulated wisdom on to the next generation.
His big speech came at last night’s Teen Choice Awards, which honored That ’70s Show‘s ex-star with something called the Ultimate Choice prize — a badge Kutcher characterizes as “the old guy award.” (Past recipients Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears, and Taylor Swift might beg to differ — but 35 is like 350 in Hollywood years, so.)
Maybe going into what could be Two and a Half Men‘s final season is making him feel introspective; maybe he’s still channeling Steve Jobs.
Whatever the reason, Kutcher took this opportunity first to come clean about something that’s been making him “feel like a fraud” for the past 16 years — “Ashton is my middle name. My first name’s Chris.” GASP!! — and then to share three important things he learned back when he was still known as Chris.
“The first thing is about opportunity,” Kutcher began. The second thing is about being sexy.” [Pause for squeals] “And the third thing is about living life.”