Are you an entitled millennial who never learned to read good? (Are you making your overprotective helicopter dad read this post to you right now?) If so, Internet “hitmaker” Patrice Wilson has just the “song” for you.
In “Friday,” he taught you the days of the week. In “It’s Thanksgiving,” he taught you that there is a holiday called Thanksgiving. And now, with this latest purposefully terrible wannabe viral music video, he’ll teach you something even more basic: The letters of the alphabet. Or at least everything before “Q.”
The new song’s title, no joke, is just “ABCDEFG.” (Somehow, I feel like we should give props to Patrice for managing to get the order right.) It’s sung by Alison Gold of questionable “Chinese Food” fame, and its faux-inspirational nonsense lyrics make “Friday” sound like Faulkner. Seriously, don’t play this song for anyone hoping to learn English; it’ll only confuse them.
Also, the video features Wilson peering into 11-year-old Alison’s bedroom window, and the tween confusedly flipping through an ancient paperback dictionary before getting into a strange van that has just pulled up outside her front door, which takes her to a club where she drinks a glass of punch that Patrice Wilson has drugged. With “Puppet Potion.” Also, at one point, she sings solfège syllables without tying them to any recognizable diatonic scale, which is super confusing.
I guess you can watch it if you really want:
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