The show is working a Jedi mind trick on me. Try as I might to hold onto my standards, I dare say I’m coming around to enjoying myself on Thursday nights again. I think it’s because Mary is such reliably fluffy company, and Cat wears ridiculous hats, and Lynda, that sexy leprechaun, pops up every now and again to throw down. It’s so oddly interesting to watch the main dramas play out—the growing tension between Cat and her bags-packed husband Charles, the Salahis’ ridiculous delusions of grandeur and entitlement—when we know the endings already.
When Michaele and Tareq met with their buddy Matt to talk about their tell-all book, the blonde incense stick gooshed about their incredible story. Describing their adventures: “We’re going to meet President Obama, we’re going here. I could never have imagined!” Bring it, scenes for next week. (Poor Matt had the neato idea of putting some of his own voice in the book, maybe even his name on the cover too? Michaele’s eyes narrowed. Tareq fingered the pearl handle of the knife strapped to his fat calf.) “We’ve come up with a name we know we unquestionably love,” sweated Tareq. “War, Wine and Roses.” (Matt started reconsidering wanting his name on the jacket.) Michaele, who made clear that she liked yapping but she didn’t want to ever be expected to actually put pen to paper, had just one demand. “No matter what I would just love to see it have a happy ending,” she said. And then President Obama told Michaele Salahi that she was pretty. Tareq shot his mother in the thigh. Everybody giggled! Michelle Obama clinked her glass of Oasis wine with a lollipop to make a toast.”Salahis, Yes We Can!”