Bravo’s Real Housewives franchise is nothing if not known for its plethora of drag-fabulous, ever-repeatable sound bites—everything from gems like Danielle Staub’s “pay attention, puh-leeeeze!” to Shereé Whitfield’s “who goin’ check me, boo?” But newsflash! One of the best, most sound bitey part of Housewives is during the show’s glitzy credits, where the ladies are introduced and each have a few seconds to utter one ridiculously narcissistic line. There are some classics from the five iterations of the show that are already out there, including Kelly Bensimon’s “I’ve created a great life, and I love living it”; Cat Ommanney’s “I’m not here for a long time—I’m here for a good time”; and Cynthia Bailey’s “I know how to work it—and be seen.” And with the franchise’s sixth iteration, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, premiering tonight (T-minus five hours!), we here at EW thought, why not preview—and, most importantly, rank!—the opening lines from the current crop of ladies? In case you don’t know the ladies yet, you can meet them in our handy meet-the-cast gallery. Here’s our ranking:
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Bravo went for drama in the finale, relying on dramatic music and stern TV clips and a running reminder of the dates of these most scandalous events. (Although this soon lost power, as we’d skip from Dec. 3 to Jan. 13 and it started to feel like really all we were getting was the schedule of the Bravo production team. Also, there were two Thursday, Jan. 21 screen shots which means some poor intern made an uh-oh.) But back to TUESDAY, NOV. 24: the First Idiots were preening in their ridiculous limo, talking about the honor of knowing President Obama and how only people of the highest order got invited to State Dinners. Meanwhile red and purple and green neon strobes flashed slowly above their heads. The Salahis needed to get to the White House fast so the driver could make a U-ey and go pick up a crew of kids waiting outside the BCC homecoming dance.
The show is working a Jedi mind trick on me. Try as I might to hold onto my standards, I dare say I’m coming around to enjoying myself on Thursday nights again. I think it’s because Mary is such reliably fluffy company, and Cat wears ridiculous hats, and Lynda, that sexy leprechaun, pops up every now and again to throw down. It’s so oddly interesting to watch the main dramas play out—the growing tension between Cat and her bags-packed husband Charles, the Salahis’ ridiculous delusions of grandeur and entitlement—when we know the endings already.
When Michaele and Tareq met with their buddy Matt to talk about their tell-all book, the blonde incense stick gooshed about their incredible story. Describing their adventures: “We’re going to meet President Obama, we’re going here. I could never have imagined!” Bring it, scenes for next week. (Poor Matt had the neato idea of putting some of his own voice in the book, maybe even his name on the cover too? Michaele’s eyes narrowed. Tareq fingered the pearl handle of the knife strapped to his fat calf.) “We’ve come up with a name we know we unquestionably love,” sweated Tareq. “War, Wine and Roses.” (Matt started reconsidering wanting his name on the jacket.) Michaele, who made clear that she liked yapping but she didn’t want to ever be expected to actually put pen to paper, had just one demand. “No matter what I would just love to see it have a happy ending,” she said. And then President Obama told Michaele Salahi that she was pretty. Tareq shot his mother in the thigh. Everybody giggled! Michelle Obama clinked her glass of Oasis wine with a lollipop to make a toast.”Salahis, Yes We Can!”
'Real Housewives' casting shakeups: Can each series survive without its most controversial character?
record-breaking franchise. “We’ve had no discussion about a season 2 — including any casting — and won’t until the freshman season concludes. Any speculation to the contrary would be absolutely premature,” a rep for Bravo told EW. Would you still watch The Real Housewives of D.C. without Michaele? There will be no shortage of bitchiness at the hand of Cat Ommanney, who has just enough of a mix of crazy (the lady dressed up as Sarah Palin for a cocktail event!) and fame whore to keep this thing going, and I love that Stacie Turner has such utter disdain for all things beyond D.C. proper. Lynda and Mary are kind of blah, but there’s always room for somebody new, right?Despite reports that The Real Housewives of D.C. star (and infamous party crasher) Michaele Salahi will not be returning to the show’s uncertain (yet probable?) second season, Bravo insists no decision has been made regarding the D.C. installment of its
Similar casting rumors have been floating around New York City, amplified after Bethenny Frankel found success with a spin-off, husband, and baby on Bethenny Getting Married?. Real Housewives of Atlanta returns in October without Lisa Wu Hartwell, and New Jersey has already announced that Danielle Staub, “the Susan Lucci of reality TV,” will not be returning next season. Yes, a lot of this is speculation, as Bravo has held information regarding casting of future seasons close to the vest, but it begs the question: Will each Housewives series continue to be successful after major casting changes? Or do these shows need that exact combination of bitchiness and cattiness that only Danielle, Bethenny, etc. can provide, in order to survive?
Bravo’s Senior Vice President for Original Programming (and charming host of the late night Watch What Happens Live) Andy Cohen explained the reasons behind the Real Housewives phenomenon to EW: READ FULL STORY »
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