Comedy Central’s doing a roast of David Hasselhoff set to air Sunday, Aug. 15. Yes! He is psyched! “I’m honored that Comedy Central is going to get ‘Hoff’ on me,” said Hasselhoff in a statement. “I have always been a major fan of Roasts. Bring it on! I’m ready to take the heat.”
In that case, here is how I would roast the Hoff, if given the chance. I’d let the Hoff soak in a chipotle tequila lime marinade for 30 minutes or overnight. His choice. I’d impale him with a spit, preferably one that’d been soaked in Grand Marnier, because the Hoff used to be a lifeguard and that’s sort of like a mariner, which is sort of like the word Marnier. Of course I’d have to create a bi-level fire; then I’d roast him gently, rotating him and basting him with his own juices for 6-8 hours. Finally I’d carve the Hoff, being careful to discard tough or overcooked skin. I’d serve with a side of cheeseburgers, C.J. Parker’s famous home-cooked hush puppies, and six types of kraut. We’d listen to “Looking for Freedom” to be ironic but then we’d all sing “This is the Moment” before taking the first bite. Fairly standard roasting procedure.
How would you roast this great steed of a human being, P-dubs? And who is the most famous person to graduate from your high school? Because I think the Hoff is it for me, dawg.
Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett