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Tina Fey seriously isn't hosting the Oscars. Seriously -- VIDEO

The good news: Tina Fey has “sweatpants-mandatory” Oscar viewing parties, and if you eat your vegetables — er, off-brand Mexican cheese curls — and wish real hard, someday you might be invited to one.

The bad news: She really, really isn’t going to host the Oscar ceremony anytime soon. The subject came up last night on the Late Show, where Fey was appearing to promote her new movie Admission. After David Letterman complimented her performance at the Golden Globes, he asked if she and Amy Poehler might be up for the Academy Awards as well. Fey’s answer, unfortunately, echoed remarks she made to the Huffington Post this week: “I don’t think so. I’ll tell you what — for a woman, just the amount of dresses you would have to try on… It’s a dealbreaker. I’m out.”

Well, blerg. At least she sort of makes up for this later in the interview by predicting that one of her daughters will grow up to be a “lesbian paleontologist.” Check out the clip here:

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Sorry, world -- Tina Fey says she won't host the Oscars

The Oscars will look to 30 Rock creator Tina Fey and shout, “Save us!” And she will whisper, “No.”

Fey and Amy Poehler’s winning turn at this year’s Golden Globes has led legions of fans — including thousands of EW readers — to speculate about how great it would be if one or both took their sister act all the way to next year’s Oscars ceremony. Unfortunately, Fey has no intention of fulfilling our dreams.

“I just feel like that gig is so hard,” she told the Huffington Post yesterday. “Especially for, like, a woman — the amount of months that would be spent trying on dresses alone … no way.” When pressed, Fey wouldn’t even say that there’s a “one in a million chance” of her taking the stage at the Academy Awards: “I wish I could tell you there was,” she said, killing us softly with her words.

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Oscars 2013 react: My first time at the Academy Awards

Oscar-Red-Carpet

I remember the first year I was really invested in the outcome of the Academy Awards. I was 7 or 8, and Titanic was up for Best Picture. My mom, who taught me everything I know about pop culture, was in serious fangirl mode over the whole thing — she had a Heart of the Ocean replica necklace, we had a 3-D puzzle of the ship itself, and she had let me watch the movie on VHS with her, fast forwarding through the naughty scenes.

But I also had a strict bedtime.

At 8 p.m. (very strict), I was told it was time for me to retire. But I couldn’t survive, much less sleep without knowing the outcome! So I snuck back out of bed and did what I do best – eavesdropped – and heard the audio of the telecast as Titanic took home the Best Picture Oscar.

After that, every Oscar Sunday was an event. We decorated, chose food that represented each best picture — including a particularly inspired choice to wrap miniature cans of tuna salad in MNU packaging to represent cat food for District 9 — and settled in to watch the telecast with favorites and long-shots all written on our ballots. I loved seeing each film, judging the merits and learning about what made a great film — according to the Academy and according to my own opinions. The pomp and circumstance of the whole affair made me dream of the day when I’d be on the red carpet myself.

Sunday was that day.
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Oscars 2013: Chris Brown's new tune? 'I only love people'

Amid the fame and finery of a Hollywood party, you’re invited to hand your real-world anxieties off to the valet along with your car keys. But that doesn’t work for Chris Brown, who was once hyped as the new Michael Jackson, but now appears to be settling in as the fitful heir of Ike Turner. As a guest at Elton John’s tony Oscar-watching party, the 23-year-old Brown was reminded of his sins before the soup was even served. That reminder came from the overhead flat-screens, where Oscar host Seth McFarlane sucker punched the R&B singer with a Django Unchained joke: “This is a story about man fighting to get back his woman who has been subjected to unthinkable violence. Or, as Chris Brown and Rihanna call it: a date movie.”

It wasn’t the only awkward moment for Brown, who picked up the nickname Breezy back in Virginia, but is now often treated as an ill wind in Hollywood. Some of the guests glowered, others turned away or folded their arms as he passed. Brown, who seems younger in person than on the page or screen, was contrite when asked about the infamous 2009 beating he gave Rihanna on the eve of the Grammys. READ FULL STORY

YouTube answers 'We Saw Your Boobs' with 'We Saw Your Junk' -- VIDEO

Still fuming about Seth MacFarlane’s purposefully tasteless Oscars opening number? The Internet has the answer: A song by prolific YouTuber Kevin Gisi that cites a gaggle of respected actors who have gone full frontal onscreen, including Jason Segel, Richard Gere, Michael Fassbender, and Dustin Hoffman. Sample lyrics:

Kevin Bacon, we saw your junk in Wild Things
Bruce Willis’ junk in Color of the Night
Billy Crudup, we saw your junk in blue in Watchmen
It probably wasn’t yours, but that’s all right

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Oscars 2013: Elton John, Bono, Jim Carrey, Heidi Klum with table-talk, sour notes, giant steps


A fresh rhythm, more big-stage flair and a classic songbook were among the promises that accompanied the 85th Annual Academy Awards on Sunday night and it’s hard to imagine a better hook to catch the attention of the Federation – no, not the Star Trek thing, this one is the new celebrity super-group that gathered Sunday near Table No. 18 at Elton John’s annual Oscar viewing party. READ FULL STORY

A star is born: Why we love Jennifer Lawrence (Or why she's the perfect 2013 superstar)

Flip through your Facebook or Twitter feed over the past 24 hours, and you’re likely inundated with Jennifer Lawrence love. The current ‘It’ girl is certainly having a moment this awards season, on top of an already incredible 2012. When she won her Best Actress Oscar Sunday night, if felt — like many Oscar fans predicted – that the Academy was crowning the next big movie star. But the interesting thing about JLaw is that she presents herself to be so different from the Hollywood golden girl of a decade or so ago. Julia Roberts in the ‘90s and Reese Witherspoon in the early ’00s certainly had their fans, but Lawrence’s charm is helping propel her to a new kind of celebrity. She’s rewriting the rules for how we view our superstars, perfectly adjusting to 2013’s demands.

She combines Everywoman likability (the big Oscar stumble!) with Hollywood glamour (the big recovery!), and, of course, Oscar-approved raw talent. All together, she’s gearing up to be a once-in-a-generation star, and she’s doing it by rewriting the starlet rulebook. Her goofy personality is transcending the typical stories that get written about young ingénues. Don’t believe me? Check out a becoming-a-superstar checklist that acts as a complete rundown for how Jennifer Lawrence has become the perfect 2013 celebrity.

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Seth MacFarlane says he'll never host the Oscars again -- so who should step up next year? POLL

Looking for another bad-on-purpose-but-even-so-we’re-going-to-sing-it-for-three-minutes song about boobs at next year’s Academy Awards? Sorry, Charlie — Seth MacFarlane isn’t interested in a repeat hosting performance:

MacFarlane’s decision to follow Ricky Gervais’s awards show lead must be disappointing for the 46 percent of EW readers who think the Family Guy creator did a great job on Sunday — not to mention ABC, which must be pleased with the show’s high ratings (40.3 million viewers, up 3 percent from last year, with an 11 percent increase in adults 18-49). It also means that next year’s hosting field is wide open — though that said, there are a few frontrunners for the gig.

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Ben Affleck, George Clooney, Channing Tatum, and more: Which Sexiest Man Alive was the sexiest at the Oscars? -- POLL

Despite the shiny hair and even shinier dresses of Hollywood’s leading ladies at last night’s Oscars, I found my eye wandering to the dapper leading men. Whether the actors were dancing on stage, growing sophisticated beards, or winning major awards, as my eye wandered I realized what many of these handsome men had in common: seven of them had been named People’s Sexiest Man Alive. Denzel Washington earned the title in 1996, George Clooney in 1997, Richard Gere in 1999, Ben Affleck in 2002, Clooney again in 2006, Hugh Jackman in 2008, Bradley Cooper in 2011, and Channing Tatum in 2012.

So which of the Sexiest Men Alive was the sexiest last night? Were you struck by Clooney’s beard, Cooper’s slicked-back hair, Washington’s ageless charm, Jackman’s chivalry, Affleck’s tears, Tatum’s dance moves, or Gere’s glasses? Cast your vote in the poll below!

Read more:
What did you think of Seth MacFarlane as Oscars host?
Jennifer Lawrence falls on her way to accept Best Actress Oscar — VIDEO
Oscars 2013: The full winners list

Michelle Obama isn't the first First Lady to appear at the Oscars

Surprise! No one will be shocked to learn that many didn’t like First Lady Michelle Obama’s satellite appearance at the Oscars last night. Obama, surrounded by military members, helped Jack Nicholson announce that Argo had won Best Picture. Nicholson remarked afterwards, “Well, nobody is going to mess around with that, are they?”

False. In no time at all, there were hateful tweets about the appearance and anger at conflating politics with Hollywood celebrity. The Washington Post wrote: “It is not enough that President Obama pops up at every sporting event in the nation. Now the first lady feels entitled, with military personnel as props, to intrude on other forms of entertaining (this time for the benefit of the Hollywood glitterati who so lavishly paid for her husband’s election). I’m sure the left will holler that once again conservatives are being grouchy and have it in for the Obamas.”

But while viewers are entitled to their opinions about the appearance, the oft-reported statement that it was the first time a First Lady (or even a President) had been part of the Oscars is wrong. In 2002, Laura Bush was part of a pre-taped segment, “What Do Movies Mean To You?” President Roosevelt spoke by radio at the Oscars in 1941, and Ronald Reagan (a former actor) taped an Oscar greeting as well during his Presidency. And, while not quite the same thing, former President Bill Clinton showed up in person to present Lincoln at the Golden Globes this year.

The real surprise coming out of the White House is that announcing the Best Picture winner at the Oscars was only the second coolest thing Michelle Obama did this weekend. Number one? “Mom dancing” with an in-drag Jimmy Fallon.

Read more:
Oscars 2013: Best/Worst Style
Oscars 2013: Winners and Losers
Oscars 2013 backstage: Jennifer Lawrence, Ben Affleck, Anne Hathaway, Adele, and more

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