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Tag: Magic (11-20 of 143)

Why does every TV cop solve crimes using PowerPoint presentations?

Cop shows are extremely unrealistic. In real life — and in shows produced by David Simon — criminal investigations usually last for weeks or months. There are no cathartic gunfights. Heck, most detectives never even fire their guns. And I’m sure there are sexy lady detectives, but I’m betting they don’t all wear expensive leather jackets to bloody crime scenes. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with a little fantasy. The procedural genre gets a bad rap, but shows like Justified and Fringe follow the essential structure of the cop drama but make the format feel vibrant and distinctive. (The essential structure: “Cool, attractive, well-dressed law enforcement agent investigates colorful crime committed by eccentric guest-star criminal, and said crime somehow reflects thematically on the well-dressed law enforcement agent’s emotional journey.”) But there is one ridiculous trend in the modern cop drama that is unforgivable, partially because of its pure doofus impossibility, but mainly because it’s become an acceptable crutch for lazy writing. I am talking about the Cop Drama PowerPoint Presentation. READ FULL STORY

'CNN After Dark': Edith Pfeffer and Carolyn Tallett steal the show on Iowa caucus night (VIDEO)

It’s after 3:30 a.m. following Mitt Romney’s 8-vote win in the closest Iowa Caucus in history, and CNN After Dark is still live. No one gets to sleep until it’s time for CNN: Breaking Dawn! Except me — I’ll probably fall asleep in a minute.

Right now it’s just six people standing around a glass table, marveling at the seedy neon “CNN AFTER DARK” logo while the Eurythmics’ “Sweet Dreams” plays in the background. Anderson Cooper is trying and failing to disapprove of it. An hour ago, John King had wandered around behind all of them while talking on his cell phone…with his mic on! It took me two minutes to realize who was speaking and where he was — a true hidden gem of the newsroom.

Oh, God, now there are seven of them!

It’s been a long, strange trip, but two sleepy old Iowan ladies stole the show: Edith Pfeffer, Clinton County GOP Chairwoman, and Carolyn Tallett, president of the Clinton County Republican Women. “What do you mean, the numbers don’t match?” Edith incredulously asked John King (who’d called the figures from the Clinton County precinct into question), who stood alongside a hilariously motionless Wolf Blitzer during what Anderson Cooper called “the best live phone call ever.” It was such a hit that the gang called them AGAIN a few minutes later! Edith and Carolyn were trending worldwide, after all.

Watch the videos of Edith and Carolyn’s phone calls to CNN After Dark: READ FULL STORY

'Finding Bigfoot,' a real show, premieres Sunday Jan. 1

A new season (?!?!) of Finding Bigfoot premieres Sunday, Jan. 1, at 10 p.m. ET on Animal Planet, and I just might tune in to witness the stunning ineptitude of the “expert team of true believers” in person.

Frankly I cannot fathom why it’s taken them so long to find me, considering I moved to the West Coast SIX MONTHS AGO and have been dying to get discovered! Sometimes I even leave my giant sneakers outside the door in my Melrose Waste of Space apartment complex. How have the true believers not picked up on their stench and size? Yoo-hoo! Experts! I am RIGHT HERE.

Vote in the important poll below…. if you can find it.

That last one is coming soon to EW.com whether you like it or not!

Lunchtime Poll: Would any of you blockheads buy Charlie Brown's sad little Christmas tree?

For our final Lunchtime Poll before the holiday weekend, I thought we’d check in with Charlie Brown — the only person Linus knows who can take a wonderful season like Christmas and turn it into a problem. “Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you’re the Charlie Browniest.”

In A Charlie Brown Christmas, after Lucy tasked him with getting the biggest aluminum Christmas tree he could find for the kids’ play, Charlie Brown instead picked a funny-looking hidden gem that was just like him: barely viable in a sea of brightly colored commercialism, sprouting just a few tufts of foliage in random directions, and in desperate need of a little love.

“Gee, do they still make wooden Christmas trees?” wondered Linus. “It doesn’t seem to fit the modern spirit.”

I’m sitting three inches away from my parents’ glorious so-fake-it’s-real Christmas tree right now and must admit I find it very alluring. (DANCMSTR Dee and Barnacle Bill have always understood the importance of maintaining a modern spirit.) But I think I would buy a sad little Charlie Brown tree for my own sad little apartment. I’d call it a “statement piece” and decorate it with lightweight tinsel fringe, a single strand of sequined caramel corn, and a gem-encrusted Dancing With the Stars bangle to support the “trunk” like Linus adorably did with his blanket.

“Everything Annie touches turns into a disaster,” my regretful visitors would say, and I’d nod solemnly and then press play on Dragonette’s modern-day Charlie Brown anthem on my iTunes. They may be right, but those commercial dogs are not going to ruin my Christmas.

Vote below! READ FULL STORY

Lunchtime Poll: Would you eat maple syrupy spaghetti with Buddy the Elf?

To me, one of the most amusing things about Buddy (Will Ferrell) in 2003′s Elf — and there are many — is his insistence on sticking to the four main food groups of his species: “Candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.” Buddy’s ridiculous pasta concoctions rivaled Ally Sheedy’s Cap’n Crunch and Pixy Stix sandwich in The Breakfast Club in terms of sheer sugar per square inch. That is no small feat.

Whoa — was Ally Sheedy’s Breakfast Club character an elf? Did Allison Reynolds arrive at John Hughes High after passing through seven levels of the Candy Cane Forest and the Sea of Swirly Twirly Gum Drops? I would not be surprised. I feel like I’ve just figured out the answer to EVERYTHING.

My approach to sampling new cuisines is similar to Buddy’s: “Is there sugar in [dish in question]? Then YES.” But we’re not all as nice as Mary Steenburgen, and not everyone’s willing to go through life actively courting diabetes, even if the feelings of an adorable overgrown elf are at stake.

Vote below! READ FULL STORY

The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show: If you're a fatty and you know it, clap your hands [CLAP, CLAP]

I just watched an hour-long commercial for overpriced lingerie, a.k.a. The 2011 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, a.k.a. Put That Down, You Fat Fool, It’s Full of Dangerous Nutrients.

You think the models looked too skinny? Well you must be a real jealous bitch! They were BORN THIS WAY, baby. The runway finale song said so. There’s no need to worry about these starving women. I swear, if you stare long enough at the protruding clavicles of the Angels, you can have some really deep thoughts. I’ll share some of mine below.

VICTORIA’S SECRET FASHION SHOW REFLECTIONS INSPIRED BY THE BONES OF THE ANGELS

Miranda Kerr’s rib cage: What’s really higher in value, the $2.5 million Fantasy Bra, or the privilege of “opening the aquatic section”? (Someone should ask Adam Levine.)

Karlie Kloss’ pelvic girdle: If I showed up to the office tomorrow in pink jellyfish wings, would everyone think “too much” or “not enough”? Same question: mirrorball ass.

Chanel Iman’s coccyx: Do you think that when Will Ferrell said “No one knows what it means, but it’s provocative” in Blades of Glory (sampled in Kanye West and Jay-Z’s “N**gas in Paris”), he was also referring to the Victoria’s Secret PINK collection? And also, possibly, its most original 2011 creation, Nicki Minaj? READ FULL STORY

Victoria's Secret Fashion Show: Six jiggly, jewel-encrusted reasons to watch

Update: Annie’s reflections upon the bones of the Angels

Six more hours until the beautiful beef jerky runway show begins! (10 p.m. ET on CBS.) Check back after the show airs on the west coast, when I’ll have updated this post with my Top 6 (or more) Reflections. They’re gonna be deep!

Why I’m excited for the VS Fashion Show

6. Glitter train wreck

5. Celebs in the audience wearing sunglasses — are you serious? READ FULL STORY

'Once Upon a Time' I found this 'Lost' candy bar

There have been plenty of Lost crossover hints, thought nuggets, time travel mindf—ery, etc. offered up on ABC’s Once Upon a Time. But the Apollo chocolate bar hanging out near a hatch on last night’s episode really SPOKE TO ME. It’s candy, it’s a hidden gem, and I could have sworn the last Apollo had spent the summer melting in a mail/garbage/Dharma peanut butter landfill in the least-accessible corner of Doc Jensen’s office.

Candy for breakfast, anyone?

Also did anyone else really, really want Des and his lava lamp to be making their own kind of music down in that Storybrooke hatch? And he’d promise to little Henry, “I’ll see you in another life, brutha,” and we’d all piss ourselves trying to predict which nefarious beast or chiseled horseback hero Henry Ian Cusick should portray in the show’s alternate universe, Fairy Tale? He has to be down there somewhere.

Come on, Desmond, press the button. EXECUTE my fantasy!

Read more: ‘Once Upon a Time’ recap: Let Your Conscience Be Your Guide

Grace Kelly movie in the works. Who should play the princess?

On Tuesday, news broke that a period piece about actress Grace Kelly may soon be in the works. The script, titled Grace of Monaco and written by Arash Amel, reportedly focuses on Kelly’s life during a politically-charged six-month period in 1962 and is aiming to be compared to last year’s Best Picture winner The King’s Speech.

Despite a relatively short acting career, Kelly is one in a class of iconic actresses from Hollywood’s golden age. After starring opposite Gary Cooper in High Noon, she caught the attention of director Alfred Hitchcock and starred in three of his films — Dial M for Murder, Rear Window and To Catch a Thief — before retiring from acting at the age of 26 after she met and married Prince Rainier III of Monaco. Hitchcock attempted to replicate his star in subsequent films, to varying degrees of success, which contributed to the phrase “Hitchcock Blonde” and to the subtext of 1958′s Vertigo, in which Jimmy Stewart’s character creepily tries to remake a woman in the image of his lost blonde love. READ FULL STORY

McDonald's McRib is back: News that makes you McHungry or McHorrified?

Oh, McDonald’s. I already hate myself enough, and now you shove the deliciously heinous McRib back in my face? That’s right — almost one year after the fast food chain resurrected the McRib (and then sent it back to junk-food heaven to party with Surge and Tastetations), McDonald’s is bringing back the 500-calorie sandwich until Nov. 14. Strangely, the McRib is only offered year-round in one country, Germany. But that’s not the only suspicious thing about the sandwich. Vote after the jump: What’s the biggest mystery surrounding the McRib? READ FULL STORY

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