OMG so excited: Someone is finally going to explain to me how it is that Madonna can adopt an "orphan" that still has a dad! And the person who is going to explain that? Oprah! Also helping her explain? Madonna! This deserves a liveblog, so strap in, kiddies. It’s time for another episode of "When Celebrity Philanthropy Attacks!"
4:00 Thanks for the time and temperature, Commerce Bank!
4:00:16 Okay literally my first impression of this episode is, Is Oprah wearing pants? It’s kinda fuzzy on the screen and she’s got this bright red top and then… well, it looks like Oprah’s not wearing pants, ok?
4:00:27 "The Adoption Controversy. Madonna’s side of the story." Well, thank god someone is giving this poor woman a chance to finally, finally open up and speak her mind.
4:00:40 Wait. We’re getting Madonna and the Dixie Chicks today? Dear me! That is quite a lot of Women Conservatives Love To Hate for one tiny little hour of television!
4:01:19 Madonna is calling in via satellite?? Oh, now I see: The Dixie Chicks were supposed to have the whole hour, weren’t they?
4:01:23 Madonna’s answer to Oprah’s "how are you?" is, "Well, uh, um, Thank you for asking me to do the show."
4:01:31 Ooh, and it’s not getting any less awkward: "I wanted to be clear up front that — I’m very grateful for you — give me this chance to — uh — not defend…" etc. Oh, this is already the most fun I’ve had in days.
4:01:42 FYI: Today’s British Accent Alert level is orange.
4:01:59 What’s really surprised Madonna is how great her children are with young, possibly-illegally-adopted David. Because lemme tell ya, they treat the help like ass.