So, apparently, what Madonna really wants to do is… direct. (Gulp.)

Questions? Comments?

Oy, enough already, two Madonna items in one day? Sorry if that’s too much Madge, but you know you’ve been listening to Confessions on a Dance Floor all day anyway, and late this afternoon, you can watch as Madonna marks the album release with a live concert webcast from London, streaming free at AOL Music at 5 p.m. ET. See ya there.

Madonna, take a bow. The reviews are in for your spankin’ new disc, Confessions on a Dancefloor, and they’re pretty darn positive. Yet while most (but not all) critics PopWatch perused this morning had nice things to say about the thumping beats and spacey beeps concocted by you and co-producer Stuart Price, it was uncanny how many of them blasted your lyrics for the song ”I Love New York.” I guess maybe you should’ve picked something besides ”dork” to rhyme with the world’s greatest city. (Hmmm…what about "spork"?) Anyhow, here’s a random sampling from eight reviewers around the country:

”Every song is tailor-made for getting your groove on, with surprisingly few clunkers.”
–Tim Pratt, Detroit Free Press

”In dance music, words exist to be repeated, twisted, obscured and resurrected. How they sound in the moment is far more important than what they mean, and Madonna knows that better than anyone. Confessions on a Dance Floor is 56 minutes of energetic moments. It will leave you feeling silly for all the right reasons.”
–Josh Tyrangiel, Time

”Featuring some sharp electronica production and more than a few moments of pose-striking irresistibility, it’s also worthy of praise as Madonna’s best album at least since 1998′s Ray of Light — and possibly since 1989′s Like a Prayer… [Still,] most of the misfires come from the lyrics…the Madonna-for-poet-laureate campaign begins here and now, reader.”
–J. Freedom du Lac, The Washington Post

"Her voice, vastly improved since that ’80s squeak, sounds pretty and unfettered (even when computerized) as it rides over tense waves of blip-whoosh-thrum technoise and blissful snap-crackle beats. There’s no excuse, however, for clichés, nursery-rhyme simplicity and tired topics, such as the price of fame in ‘How High.’ Surely Madonna is capable of wittier couplets than ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your names will never hurt.’"
– Edna Gundersen, USA Today

”Of course, since we’re talking about Madonna, the feat of making terrific dance records wasn’t enough. She also has to teach us something. Thankfully, her windy bromides don’t kick in until halfway through.”
–Jim Farber, New York Daily News

”We have indeed heard it all before: the helium warble disco; the dark, twisted-fantasy bedroom grooves; the laughably bad stabs at musical theater; the failed attempts to go techno; the electronically tweaked folk schmaltz… Madonna has provided a decent disco soundtrack, with the best songs ready to slip in easily right after ‘Believe’ by Cher and just before that sure-fire crowd-pleaser, ‘YMCA’ by the Village People.”
–Jim Derogatis, Chicago Sun-Times

”[The CD] works well, at least most of the time. The songs are stylish and sexy, with hauntingly erotic choruses, repeated phrases and gently thumping pulses. Several of the tracks, such as the sweeping trio of ‘Get Together,’ ‘Sorry’ and ‘Future Lovers,’ are gorgeously textured with an ambient, spacey backbeat that’s reminiscent of Brian Eno and U2′s collaborative work, Passengers: Original Soundtracks 1.”
–Malcolm Mayhew, Fort Worth Star-Telegram

”Her lyrics are hit and miss, but Madonna gets into the groove and proves she can still pack a dance floor.”
–Thor Christensen, The Dallas Morning News

Okay, PopWatchers, tell us what you think about Confessions on a Dancefloor. Ready? Go!

Madonna is everywhere!

Seriously, I popped on CSI: Miami last night, and the opening scene featured some soon-to-be murder victims driving with the top down, blasting ”Hung Up.” (Not a bad choice for a final request, but I digress.)

Anyhow, if (like me) you’ve driven your coworkers to the brink of collapse by playing Madge’s ABBA-influenced new single on repeat loop, well I’ve got news for you: Her full CD, Confessions on a Dancefloor, is streaming over at VH1.com. Right now. Go give it a listen, then come on back to PopWatch and share your snap judgment with us. Who knows? If I’m in a good mood, one lucky critic might just get an invite to hear me perform the entire ”American Life” rap at my favorite Manhattan karaoke bar. I promise you: it’ll be ugly!

All together now: "I’m drinkin a soy latte, I get a double shot-tay, it goes right through my body, and you know I’m satisfied…"

Note to self: Somebody upstairs is listening to my prayers!

Like many PopWatchers, I’ve been in a state of protracted mourning over the demise of Lisa Kudrow’s brilliant HBO sitcom The Comeback. So you can imagine the elation I felt this morning when I spotted Aunt Sassy’s feathered auburn locks (near left) and pink workout togs during a routine perusal of AOL Music. Admittedly, I didn’t know Valerie Cherish could get down like that, but I’m glad to see television’s most vividly realized character receiving such an enthusiastic embrace from all those hip, krumping kids.

What do you think of Aunt Sassy’s ”Hung Up” clip?