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'Kourtney and Kim Take New York': The Ten Most Incredibly Important Moments

Oh boy, this was yet another exciting episode of Kanakaredes and Ghostface Killah Prank New South Wales! “Exciting”is a synonym for “miserable,” right? Anyhow, the episode began with Li’l Kim and Big Hump having a charming little marital squabble. Kris wanted to throw a party in their lavish suite while Kim traveled to Los Angeles. Kim vetoed the idea. He insisted. She began crawling all over him, looking for all the world like a Jack ascending the beanstalk. She kicked his leg. He put his gigantic Frankenstein hands all over her Pinocchio face. “Stop it, stop it!” said Scott, “You’re both killing one another’s careers right now! Her face! Your legs!” This marriage can’t fail. (Spoiler alert: It failed.)

Here’s a quick roadmap of the evening’s various decadent flim-flammeries: READ FULL STORY

Barbara Walters announces 2011 Most Fascinating Person. It's...

Barbara Walters Presents: The 10 Most Fascinating People of 2011 just aired, and in addition to previously announced honorees such as the Kardashians and Herman Cain, the number one spot, as is the standard, was left secret until the broadcast. SPOILER ALERT! The 2011 Most Fascinating Person was (drumroll please)…


Lamar Odom traded to Dallas: How will it affect 'Khloe & Lamar'?

Now that Lamar Odom’s trade to the Dallas Mavericks is confirmed, reality TV fans are wondering what that will mean for the fate of his famous wife Khloé Kardashian and their reality show Khloé & Lamar. While Kardashian was gearing up for a move to New Orleans before that trade fell through, it does appear she’s planning to follow Odom wherever he lands. She has tweeted her excitement to several followers and promised to travel between L.A. and Dallas in the foreseeable future. The E! network, home to various Keeping Up With the Kardashians spin-offs, has kept mum on their specific plans for the couple after this season, but an E! Spokeman did confirm, “Khloé & Lamar is in production now, and the series covers what’s happening in their lives.” READ FULL STORY

'Kourtney and Kim Take New York': Kim wants a baby and Scott wants a threesome


Last night’s episode of Kokomo and Kaiser Wilhelm Take Newt Gingrich began with Kris playing around with little Baby Mason. “Vroom vroom, you’re an airplane!” he said. At some point, Kris stopped playing with Baby Mason and started playing with Kim. (It’s an understandable mistake: To Kris Humphries, anyone under five feet tall pretty much looks the same.) He trapped Kim inside of a tiny cardboard house. He said, “Grr, I’m a tornado!” and was pushing the house back and forth. He laughed and laughed and laughed, and the whole time his lovely munchkin wife was screaming. By way of apology, he picked her up and put her into a crib and said, “Good night, my little baby.”

That horrifying sequence set the tone for the episode, which was mostly focused on babies. (And also Maid/Manservant Threesome Porno, but let’s get to that later.) See, Kim ran out of birth control pills, and then walked downstairs and announced, “I just finished my birth control pack, and I think it’s a sign that I shouldn’t take it anymore.” Kourtney asked her sister if she was really ready to be a mother. For Kourtney, being “ready” means that you can pretend to be a frog. “Ribbit ribbit,” yelled Kourtney, “Ribbit ribbit!” READ FULL STORY

Kris Humphries talks divorce on 'GMA': 'You’ve got to move forward' -- VIDEO

Five weeks after Kim Kardashian filed for divorce, her estranged husband Kris Humphries finally broke his silence today on Good Morning America. “For me, it’s just certain things happen in life and you’ve got to move forward,” he said. The former New Jersey Nets forward, who became a free agent this year, attempted to stay on point while he spoke about looking for a team, working with his foundation, and letting “other things… take care of themselves.”

Humphries refused to directly answer the question of whether he still loves Kardashian, saying, “I’m focused on things I can control.” All told, he approached talk of his 72-day marriage delicately, refusing to blame reality TV for the split. “I can’t say for sure” what impact cameras had on the relationship, he said. “It’s the only time I’ve been married.” One thing’s for sure, though, he won’t be watching himself on this season of Kim & Kourtney Take New York: “The only things I only watch on TV of myself is playing basketball.” See Humphries’ full interview below. READ FULL STORY

'Kourtney and Kim Take New York': How to not save a relationship


Khloé has always been the process-of-elimination “sane sister” of the Kardashian franchise, so her appearance on last night’s episode of Koko and Kiki Bake With Sporks was extremely welcome. Like, if the Kardashians were Metallica, then Khloé would be Kirk Hammett, Kim would be James Hetfield, Kourtney would be a somehow even more annoying version of Lars Ulrich, Kris Humphries would be Lou Reed, and this season would be the worst album ever. Metaphors are confusing! Speaking of confusing, Khloé had a few pointed questions for her sisters: “Kim, why is your husband in Minnesota? Kourtney, where is the father of your child?” READ FULL STORY

Daniel Craig refers to the Kardashians as 'f--ing idiot(s)' in UK edition of GQ

Daniel Craig, star of the upcoming The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, has no tolerance for people who get divorced after 72 days of marriage and/or get oil enemas on television. (Or, as we refer to them here in the Colonies, the Kardashians.)

During an interview with the UK edition of GQthe famously private actor got onto the topic of the famously over-sharer Kardashian clan. “I think there’s a lot to be said for keeping your own counsel,” Craig said, “You can’t buy it back. You can’t buy your privacy back. Ooh, I want to be alone. F– you. We’ve been in your living room. We were at your birth. You filmed it for us and showed us the placenta, and now you want some privacy?” (Got that, Kourtney and Scott? No placenta footage. Not even for your terrible mom vlog. These are direct order from James freakin’ Bond.)

The 43-year-old continued about the reality television phenoms, “It is a career; I’m not being cynical. And why wouldn’t you? Look at the Kardashians, they’re worth millions… I don’t think they were that badly off to begin with, but now look at them. You see that and you think, ‘What, you mean all I have to do is behave like a f—ing idiot on television and then you’ll pay me millions?’ I’m not judging it.” He then added, “Well, I am, obviously.” Craig. Daniel Craig.

Read more:
Daniel Craig as James Bond in ‘Skyfall': On-set photos!
‘The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo’ poster features nude Rooney Mara, curiously upset Daniel Craig (NSFW)
Keeping up with depressing quotes from Kim Kardashian: ‘What I want isn’t possible’

Did 'Kourtney and Kim' break up Kris and Kim? Source says...


Image Credit: Donald Bowers/Getty Images

A paranoid parade of conspiracy theories has sprung up around the whirlwind marriage of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries, which lasted a mere 72 days but nevertheless netted the couple
a big payday. However, a new possibility for the quick break-up of the marriage emerges from a close viewing of Monday's season premiere of Koopa and Koolio Annex New Haven: Maybe Humphries just didn't want to live with insane people. A source close to Humphries tells EW, "In the episode, Kris reacted like any normal newlywed husband would when a new sister-in-law brings a naked yoga instructor into his home [and]

has a screaming 2-year-old outside his bedroom door.” READ FULL STORY

Keeping up with depressing quotes from Kim Kardashian: 'What I want isn't possible'

Reality star and all-around important person Kim Kardashian is as fickle with her romantic notions as baby Mason is with shoes, so let us briefly recap. A year ago, Kim klaimed that she would remain happily single for an entire year. In May, she broke that promise when she became engaged to NBA-player-slash-fart-enthusiast Kris Humphries. Finally, after quietly marrying in a tasteful ceremony last August, Kim shocked planet Earth by filing for divorce 72 days later. This was a lot for one mere Kardashian to handle, so Kim invited sisters Kourtney and Khloé to her intimate post-game tête-à-tête with Glamour magazine. On the topic of love, marriage, and her possibly permanently empty womb, here’s what Kim (and Khloé) had to say: READ FULL STORY

Kourtney Kardashian's horrible new mom vlog: Buy your toddler golden sneakers

On last night’s exciting season premiere of Kiki & Kronos Seize New Mexico, Kourtney Kardashian received an on-camera oil enema and then experienced on-camera bodily-fluid leakage. I forget why we’re talking about this. Oh yeah, Ms. Leakage is apparently hosting a weekly parenting vlog called “Kourtney’s Mommy Blog.” She’ll be sharing some of the wisdom she’s received from raising Mason, her lovable almost-two-year-old son with boyfriend Scott (who is the spawn of Satan). In the debut video, she shows off Mason’s closet. The kid has 12 pairs of shoes, which is exactly two more pairs than I have had my entire life. Kourtney proudly shows off Mason’s moccasins: “Every time he grows out, I get him a new batch.” Mason also has golden shoes. (An aside to all our pre-adolescent readers: Don’t you wish you had a cool mom like Kourtney? Oh, don’t worry about your education, the collapsing world economy and the rate of climate change will send the world hurtling into an apocalyptic tailspin long before you reach voting age.) READ FULL STORY

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