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Tag: I Want to Please You Secularly (1-10 of 27)

Megan Fox laps up the force of life from own clone

It’s the alternate Lost finale we could never have seen coming. Actress Megan Fox and Circe impersonator has set herself up on a deserted island and transformed herself into DOZENS of Megan Foxes in a commercial for Brazilian language school CCAA. “Welcome to Megan Fox Island!” she announces. Help yourself to a Skinny Girl Margarita from her magical urn, lost boys, but for God’s sake order it in English. READ FULL STORY

Best of 2011: Viral video edition!

The first 10 years of the new millennium brought us Christian the LionAntoine Dodson, and some formerly floppy-haired Canadian kid you may have heard of named Justin Bieber, so how has the first year of this decade shaped up, virally speaking? Well, let’s see… hydrangeas were pronounced hateful (or, to be more accurate, loathsome), Beauty and the Beast got the West Hollywood treatment, a respected newsman collapsed into giggles over a Frenchman’s urine, a teen shot to stardom by serenading a day of the week, and… well, we could go on and on. Instead, we’ve posted all that’s fit to embed over the next several pages. Get ready to lay your emotions bare like the girl in this 2008 viral fave, then click through!


The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show: If you're a fatty and you know it, clap your hands [CLAP, CLAP]

I just watched an hour-long commercial for overpriced lingerie, a.k.a. The 2011 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, a.k.a. Put That Down, You Fat Fool, It’s Full of Dangerous Nutrients.

You think the models looked too skinny? Well you must be a real jealous bitch! They were BORN THIS WAY, baby. The runway finale song said so. There’s no need to worry about these starving women. I swear, if you stare long enough at the protruding clavicles of the Angels, you can have some really deep thoughts. I’ll share some of mine below.


Miranda Kerr’s rib cage: What’s really higher in value, the $2.5 million Fantasy Bra, or the privilege of “opening the aquatic section”? (Someone should ask Adam Levine.)

Karlie Kloss’ pelvic girdle: If I showed up to the office tomorrow in pink jellyfish wings, would everyone think “too much” or “not enough”? Same question: mirrorball ass.

Chanel Iman’s coccyx: Do you think that when Will Ferrell said “No one knows what it means, but it’s provocative” in Blades of Glory (sampled in Kanye West and Jay-Z’s “N**gas in Paris”), he was also referring to the Victoria’s Secret PINK collection? And also, possibly, its most original 2011 creation, Nicki Minaj? READ FULL STORY

Derek Hough, you nasty!

The Dancing With the Stars pro took some time out of his and Ricki Lake’s freestyle in the season 13 finals to make sure he “still got it” with his signature Crotch Bob dance move (originally executed with season 9 partner Joanna Krupa). READ FULL STORY

'Dancing With the Stars': On set for the semifinals -- and into Tristan's trailer! -- VIDEO

Last week, when I attended the liiiiiiiiive tapings of Dancing With the Stars’ Monday and Tuesday shows, I also had the honor of becoming fast friends with a giant mirrorball I’d found in the prop cage. Just kidding! Burying the lede! I got to hang out with Our Cutest and Most Irish Pro Tristan MacManus — in and around his trailer!

If the 29-year-old dancer truly is a leprechaun like everyone says, then they sure have given him a big house-on-wheels in which to luxuriate and roll around seductively in his heaps of colorful marshmallows and gold. Watch the videos: READ FULL STORY

11/11/11 is Nigel Tufnel Day: 'Spinal Tap' fans, unite!

Because sometimes, you just need to take things to 11. Nearly three decades after 1984 mockumentary This Is Spinal Tap introduced us to Nigel Tufnel, fans have joined together to declare today, Nov. 11, 2011 (a.k.a. 11/11/11), Nigel Tufnel Day.

The movement (which amassed thousands of fans on Facebook) finds roots in scene between documentarian Marty DiBergi (Spinal Tap director Rob Reiner) and Tufnel (Christopher Guest). Lead guitarist Tufnel shows DiBergi several of his guitars and then, the kicker, a set of speakers that are “very special”: “The numbers all go up to 11,” he says, and, as the camera pans across the dials, he says proudly: “Eleven… 11… 11.” Boom! Watch the iconic scene, and find 11 more amazing Nigel Tufnel quotes,  after the jump. READ FULL STORY

'Arrested Development': Which Bluth-Funke family member is your favorite character?

In this week’s print issue of EW, we look back eight years to the premiere of Arrested Development on Nov. 2, 2003. The series (returning to the small screen next year in advance of a planned feature film) lasted only three seasons on Fox, but with the way we play our DVDs over and over and roam around the office spouting out random quotes like “I just blue myself,” it might as well have been on the air this whole time. (If only!) I’ve learned over the years to establish complete certainty about which staffers are AD nuts and which aren’t, lest I be considered rude or uncooperative when I coolly tell people during meetings, “I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it.” READ FULL STORY

Robert Pattinson named Glamour's sexiest man for the third consecutive year

You did it, guys! For the third year in a row, Robert Pattinson has been voted the sexiest male by the readers of Glamour magazine. Sure, the title has technically been outsourced to a foreigner, but still, democracy worked! So congrats, Occupy Wall Street-ers! (Wait, that’s what they’re protesting, right? I’m sure at least one of them was.)

Okay, so it might not interest the protesters in the Occupy Wall Street movement, but anyone who likes oggling sexy male celebrities certainly took notice, especially those highly opinionated and vocal Twihards. Pattinson’s Breaking Dawn co-star, Taylor Lautner, wound up as runner-up. How very Jacob of him. READ FULL STORY

Paul Rudd talks about going nude for his movies like 'Our Idiot Brother'

It’s a real bummer that Our Idiot Brother opened in theaters on a weekend in which so many people — including most residents of New York City — couldn’t get to the movies on account of Hurricane Irene. The little-seen movie turned out to be a sweet family comedy that was funny, sincere, surprisingly moving, and one that, yet again, showcased Paul Rudd‘s talents. And this time around, some of his, well other assets, too.

For those who did get a chance to check out the movie, you’ll recall that there’s a moment in which Rudd’s dopey, but well-meaning, “idiot brother” Ned brings in some extra income by posing nude for a painting. The always-delightful Rudd sat down with Chelsea Handler for Tuesday night’s Chelsea Lately to talk about that particular scene and what it was like filming it within very close proximity to the boom mic operator. READ FULL STORY

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