What’s Decemberween, you ask? Why, it’s only the world’s greatest holiday — the most sanitary time of year!
Back in olden times, celebrants would observe Decemberween — a festival held 55 days after Halloween, on December 25 — by piling up all the dead rats they’d accumulated throughout the year. These days, folks are more likely to celebrate by decorating an evergreen, feasting upon the traditional Decemberween bunny, and exchanging gifts; appropriate presents include sponges, some Chex Party Mix, a DVD of Deep Impact, gift cards for fashion, and half-digested gazelle carcasses. Also, sometimes it’s celebrated in July.