The MTV Movie Awards air tonight, and to keep track of all the popcorn trophy shenanigans MTV is famous for (see: Bruno-Eminem fiasco of 2009), check in here when the show kicks off at 9 p.m. ET for a recap on all the festivities. Reese! Rob Pattinson! Potter! Kids, we have a big night ahead of us. (This post is written in real time; refresh for updates.)

Host Jason Sudeikis opened the show in typical MTV fashion—with a good ol’ movie spoof. This time around, Jason, and Hollywood hotties like Taylor Lautner and Eva Mendes joined forces for their own spin on The Hangover, weaving in clips from The Social Network, 127 Hours and the girl-on-girl scene from Black Swan. Oh, MTV. Some things never change.

For his opening monologue, Sudeikis broke out with riffs on Arnold Schwarzenegger, MTV programming and Twilight. “My heart says Jacob but my wiener says Edward. My balls are indifferent.” Brownie points for mentioning the weird, wacky and utterly disgusting film Human Centipede. “How did Human Centipede not get nominated for Best Kiss?”

A few awards down the line—and one flawless Ryan Gosling later—Jim Carrey took to the stage in a green screen suit to introduce the Foo Fighters, who rocked the crowd, and in particular, Emma Watson and a super glittery Brooklyn Decker, who both clapped and swayed their way through the set. The new arbiters of rock ‘n’ roll?

And then…Bieber alert! The follicilly gifted pop star surprised presenters Aziz Ansari, Danny McBride and Nick Swardson along with, ya know, thousands of screaming girls, by appearing on stage to accept an award for best jaw-dropping moment. Seriously, would the Biebs miss an opportunity to wear blazers and high-tops?

In the second Twilight moment of the night (the first being Pattinson’s Best Actor win), Pattinson, Xavier Samuel and Bryce Dallas Howard took home the popcorn trophy for Best Fight and managed to beat the gravity-defying brawl scene in Inception. Adding salt to the wound, Pattinson accepted his trophy, saying “I won!” only to follow by telling the expectant Howard, “I ripped your head off, and now you’re pregnant!” Even Kristen Stewart thought that one was awkward.

But this being the MTV generation, those weren’t the only Twilight moments. Pattinson and Stewart of course won for Best Kiss, making all those Twi-Hards, which apparently includes Selena Gomez, positively giddy with delight hoping the camera-shy real-life couple would seal the deal on stage for millions to see. Shocker! They didn’t. Instead, Pattinson ran off stage to give a (faux?) smooch to category loser Taylor Lautner. Not sure how Team Edward and Team Jacob are going to take that one.

As a side note, I’m totally loving these Google Chrome commercials, and the Lady Gaga one playing during the breaks is no exception. How does ad for a search engine manage to make me well up with tears?

Awkward Pattinson moment #2 came so quickly whilst honoring Witherspoon with this year’s Generation Award.” It’s probably best to just erase the whole mess from your memory, but to recap, Pattinson rehashed playing Witherspoon’s son in Vanity Fair—the scene later got cut—and then said he “f—–” her in Water for Elephants. He actually messed up the punchline, which Witherspoon later corrected with much better timing when she took to the stage, and in more Reese-related awesomeness, she stuck it to MTV with some advice for young girls, who think scandal is the route to success. “It’s also possible to make it in Hollywood without a reality show.”

To round out Twilight‘s utter (and expected) domination, Stewart picked up a Best Female Performance award, and, to match her beau, gave us an equally awkward acceptance speech, proclaiming to fellow nominee Natalie Portman that the popcorn was hers. I’m sure Nat is just fine with her Oscar, thanks.

And the show’s oddest pairing award goes to the stars of Monte Carlo—Gomez, Katie Cassidy and Leighton Meester—who introduced Lupe Fiasco and Trey Songz. I love hearing Gomez talk about a rapper’s “flow.”

Finally, Twilight takes home Best Movie, confirming MTV’s position as the Jersey Shore-pregnant teen-Twilight network. Also, Gary Busey in a bubble!

What did you guys think of the ceremony? Did the winners pan out the way you expected? How about Sudeikis in his first-time hosting gig? And what was with that Fern Gully-themed set?