Before you start pelting me with fun-size Snickers bars, let me just say: I love almost everything about Halloween.
I love the Dr. Who-themed jack-o-lanterns, the pranksters who scare off trick-or-treaters with Scary Nicholas Cage decorations, and the opportunity to humiliate tiny dogs by dressing them in Miley Cyrus gear. I’m even amused by the increasing unsexiness of “sexy” Halloween costumes, which suggest that even the most scantily-clad college girls are actually in on the joke. Might I suggest a “sexy baby” outfit, paired with Ricky’s Slutty Wallet, which sports the festive tagline “lose your dignity, not your valuables”?
Still, there’s one thing I hate about this time of year: perfunctory Halloween-themed TV episodes. I’m not talking about the genuinely inspired moments of Samhain-fueled entertainment — say, The Simpsons‘ amazing “Treehouse of Horror” series, or the classic It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, or the elaborately costumed episodes of Community, The Office, Freaks and Geeks, How I Met Your Mother, Happy Endings, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and others that I’m sure you’ll remind me of in the comments. I’m talking about truly bad episodes, ones that use Halloween as a lame excuse for the writers to lose their minds, indulging in wackadoo storylines and it-was-all-just-a-dream! fake-outs, only to pretend like nothing weird happened once the cast returns the following week. Think about Blair from The Facts of Life suddenly murdering everyone. Or Angela from My So-Called Life time-traveling back to a 1960s sock hop. Or that Family Matters moment when Urkel’s ventriloquist dummy, Stevil, stole his master’s soul, effectively slaughtered the Winslow family, then competed in a dance-off with another puppet. No, I didn’t just dream that up. I nearly swallowed my wax lips just remembering this scene. READ FULL STORY