Come on, people, you never leave the perp with Wentworth Miller! That’s Article 96, Section 242, Clause 3 of the Procedural Code! Wait, wait. Before we get too shouty about last night’s Law & Order: SVU, let’s call the meeting to order and go over some Beat Cop business.

At our last meeting, commenter Judy Woodruff (let’s just assume that’s an alias, and the PBS anchor is way busy with actual news) asked if we’re going to loop Southland (tonight at 9 on NBC) into our discussions. This brings up an excellent point, Coppers: What counts as a procedural? The matter is open to a vote, but these are the general guidelines we’ll work under:

The series is typically one hour long.

The series is on a nationally recognized TV network (e.g., ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox, The CW).

The series typically concludes with the resolution of a mystery (crime, court case, medical diagnosis, etc.).

The series is primarily focused on said mystery, rather than the personal lives of those involved.

The series is ghost-free.

What does that mean? That Southland totally counts, because it’s all about catching bad guys, just more cinematically. That Medium, Ghost Whisperer, and Supernatural all solve mysteries, but bite it on the ghost clause. That House weasels its way in because the show treats sick people more like Sudoku than soap opera. (So suck it, Grey’s Anatomy!) And that we’re going to talk about Castle, even though it’s arguably weighted as much on the charm and talents of one Nathan Fillion as it is on dead people, because Fillion is one of our many imaginary boyfriends. (Though apparently, we’ve got competition for his affection.)

Now that our Cop business is concluded, let’s get to it!

Law & Order: SVU

We begin with another man in our imaginary boyfriend stable, Wentworth Miller, late of Prison Break. I dug the episode, but here’s the quibble: You saw (nearly) all that coming, right? Once I got past the idea that there actually was someone employed by the NYPD that was ragier, jerkier, and more unstable than Stabler (Chris Meloni—and don’t you roll your eyes at me, you know it’s true!), Miller’s backstory unfolded like origami. He’s a jackass, but a tragic one! He’s terrible to women, but wonderful to kids! He believes in the law, but God forbid if you’re too stupid to realize he shouldn’t be taking a confessed rapist/murderer to the john. I admit, I thought it was going to be a “You know what? He totally slipped and smashed his head into the porcelain sink…twice,” kind of thing. But they got me on the defenestration. I imagine they got all of us on that sick little legal twist that keeps the innocent dude in prison. And will somebody please get Diane Neal’s Casey Novak back here before we do something unspeakably hinky to vicious new ADA Christine Lahti? It is SVU—we can get creative. READ FULL STORY »