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Hide yo' kids, hide yo' wife: 'Hostel' hits the theme park

Because when I think “torture porn,” I immediately think “good-time family fun.” Don’t you?! Horror auteur Eli Roth is teaming up with Universal Studios to create a theme-park riff on his 2005 genre-reviving film, Hostel. “Eli Roth’s Hostel: Hunting Season,” takes its bloody bow at Universal Studios’ Hollywood’s Halloween Horror Nights on Sept. 23 and will run through Halloween. READ FULL STORY

Don't go outside! Sit here and name the saddest part of this frame from NBC's 'It's Worth What?'

I finally set up DirecTV in my new apartment last night, and within just a few seconds of flipping through network television’s 9 p.m. Tuesday lineup was able to achieve a stunning sense of overwhelming dread, horror, and hopelessness. Hooray!

Here’s the Saddest Thing I saw on Summer TV Last Night:

Three sad women posed onstage as Madonna, Paris Hilton, and Scarlett Johansson (though my first guesses were a deranged doll, a chronic nose-picker, and a Debbie Downer who’s unsatisfied with her recent shopping spree at The Limited). The show: It’s Worth What? on NBC.  It doesn’t really matter why this tragic arrangement of humanity occurred; suffice it to say that the whole point of It’s Worth What? on NBC seems to be that host Cedric the Entertainer gets to say “It’s worth WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?” before commercials.

It’s scary in there, you guys.

If you see other Things That Make You Die Inside on summer TV and want to make others share your pain, leave ‘em in the comments or send ‘em to me @EWAnnieBarrett on Twitter. It’ll be like the opposite of my hidden gems initiative, just for summer. Pellets of misery? Oh, I love it! Include an exact timestamp so I don’t have to watch the whole show. Do my job for me!

So what’s the saddest part of this frame? I say “DOG FOOD CAN” placard. You?

Annie on Twitter

Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris get into a war of words. But we only have one word for it: Whyyyyy?!

There is nothing worse than getting caught in between a couple, post-break-up, while they go back and forth with their “he said, she said” routine. (Actually, getting caught in between this would be worse. Way worse.)

So imagine our discomfort when Crystal Harris stopped by Howard Stern’s XM radio show on Tuesday to plant irreversible images in our head bash the boat captain/magazine mogul. In addition to claiming that she’d never seen Hef naked because the 85-year-old rarely takes off his clothes (here’s an artist’s rendering of what he would probably look like), Harris said that sex with Hef only went for “like, two seconds.” The 24-year-old, who said she wasn’t turned on by the Playboy founder (jowls just aren’t for everyone) then meticulously articulated her post-traumatic Hef disorder for listeners, “Then I was just over it. Was like, ‘Ahhh.’ I was over it. I just, like, walked away.”

But Hef wasn’t going to take this lying down (not unless he had an orthopedic mattress or it was time for his 2 p.m. nap). READ FULL STORY

Honey badger spotted at Comic-Con! He don't care. He don't give a [bleep]. -- EXCLUSIVE VIDEO

Six months ago, the world was introduced to the illustrious honey badger — sorry, I mean, “The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger,” an indefatigable creature who really does not give a s—. You know who else don’t give a s—? The denizens of Comic-Con, a famously audacious crowd who think nothing of parading in public in all manner of crevice-hugging, skin-revealing costumes. So we here at EW.com had a brainstorm: What if we released Randall, the man who so famously narrated the viral “Honey Badger” video, into the wilds of the San Diego convention center during the height of Comic-Con craziness? Along with colleagues John Carlucci, Chris Gordon, and Dave Schlow, Randall delivered the following exclusive video report from San Diego Comic-Con International, or, as he initially puts it, “the San Diego Zoo’s annual Come Along Intentionally Tour!” Check it out below:  READ FULL STORY

Let the awkwardness begin! Watch Annie and Darren's Comic-Con 2011 Longest Hug Challenge

There are many contests at which I could NOT beat my esteemed colleague Darren Franich. Arcane superhero-sequels trivia, tennis (probably?), knowing anything about comic books whatsoever. But could I possibly whip this overachiever’s skinny ass if the competition was called See Who Can Awkwardly Hug Comic-Con Fans the Longest? Press play below to find out! READ FULL STORY

Heat wave! Classic moments in pop culture melting

I’m melting, PopWatchers, melllllllllting. That’s because today, on the concrete island of Manhattan, it is roughly 10,000 (give or take a few thousand) degrees outside. If the Big Apple looks extra shiny today, it’s only because the unforgiving sun has turned us into sweaty, smelly, cranky puddles of our former selves.

Still, New Yorkers (and everyone else around the country suffering from these oppressive temps) are hardly the first to fry faster than an egg. Of course, there’s arguably the most famous moment in pop-culture melting, the aforementioned cries of the Wicked Witch of the West in The Wizard of Oz, but what about some of the other classic moments in liquefying? Here’s a rundown of some of the best: READ FULL STORY

Ryan Gosling: Tell me, Jimmy, have you even been in a Turkish bath?

Ryan Gosling continues his talk show tour for Crazy, Stupid, Love, and last night’s visit with Jimmy Fallon was another memorable stop. He brought his “muppet” dog George (who insists on having a Mohawk; when the hair starts to grow out George becomes a jerk, Gosling insists) and recounted a visit to a Turkish bath in his new home, New York City. Watch it below. In short: It was a painful experience that resulted in Gosling licking his masseuse’s belly after it went in his mouth (“Don’t judge me, but you know how when you eat something weird your brain sends your tongue to investigate?” he asked) and a lot of tipping.

In the second clip, Gosling attempts to explain his new movie. READ FULL STORY

'Lost' actor Doug Anthony Hutchinson and teen bride Courtney Stodden talk to 'GMA'. So this is love?

During their oh-so-unsettling appearance on Good Morning America on Friday (they were doing this to try and help their image, correct?) Lost actor Doug Anthony Hutchinson and his 16-year-old wife, aspiring model/singer Courtney Stodden wanted us to know their love is as real as her “head to toe … R-I-double L” body. And not only are they rilly, rilly in love (the two claim their courtship began online, which was monitored by her mother), but Hutchinson is really just “51 going on 21.” (You’re getting warmer, guys!)

Of course, that wasn’t reason enough for some of the people closest to Hutchinson. While Stodden’s family gave their blessing, Hutchinson’s mother and brother have cut ties, as well as his manager and agent, who have dropped him as a client since the wedding. And despite harsh words from the Internet, death threats, and Stodden having to leave high school because she was being bullied about her looks, the couple are going to power through while they shop around for a reality series and Hutchinson writes — wait for it — a children’s book series.

You can watch the full clip below, in which Stodden tells Lara Spencer how marrying Hutchinson would be nothing more than a convenient “blessing” to help her career, and Hutchinson explains how he didn’t go to jail for their relationship. Now, some fair warning, PopWatchers: You can’t un-see the faces Stodden makes at Hutchinson from 4:48-4:57, so view at your own risk. READ FULL STORY

Why, Rob Lowe? Why?!

Oh no! Rob Lowe is totally going through with playing accused wife-killer Drew Peterson in an upcoming Lifetime thriller, and look at what they’ve done to him! The Parks and Rec star lit-ruh-lly looks like a cross between Sam Elliott and my dad. I mean, I love my dad. I might love Rob Lowe even more. But our overall analysis of People.com‘s exclusive photo of “Drew” from Untouchable? EWWWWWW.com. Plus, the 47-year-old (or 42 on TV, much to Chris Traeger’s dismay) is not quite pulling off age 57. Good for him?

You guys. What if Rob Lowe WAS YOUR DAD? Stew on that for the weekend.

Read more:
Rob Lowe to play Drew Peterson in Lifetime movie. Can this work?

Annie on Twitter

Eminem has now dissed all celebrities; nation yawns

Eminem’s at it again with the celebrity disses in “A Kiss,” a track off his forthcoming album Hell: The Sequel. But are they even that bad, compared to some of the more ridiculous s— he’s doled out? Below, I’ve listed some of the Chrysler enthusiast’s more egregious celeb disses. And it’s not even all of ‘em! (I know you guys have been on the edges of your seats waiting for my opinions on Eminem.)

Lady Gaga (“A Kiss”)
Tell Lady Gaga she can quit her job at the post office
She’s already a male lady
Wouldn’t f— her with her d—
The verdict’s in.

She must be heartbroken about that! READ FULL STORY

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