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The 63rd Miss Universe: 10 out of this world moments

“How can one person own the Earth?” asks Mila Kunis in a perfectly timed Jupiter Ascending trailer following the video package of the past 62 winners of Miss Universe. I don’t know, Mila—I really do not understand the plot of Jupiter Ascending—but I do know how one person can own the universe: She can win it from Mr. Donald Trump inside his luxury city, Bizarro Pleasantville Doral, Florida.

The universe and hosts Thomas Roberts and Natalie Morales doth declare it, and so it must be true: Paulina Vega of Colombia is the new Miss Universe. Her powers include smiling for over three hours, not glaring at Rob Dyrdek when he asks her an annoying question, and turning dresses completely sheer when they’re hit with spotlight (but that silver gown was a beauty!). Miss Colombia beat out 87 other professional models, professional dancers, students, and fourth-degree Tae Kwan Do black-belts to rightfully claim her crown and Trump Tower residency in the 63rd Annual Miss Universe Pageant. And in a year’s time, after wonderful philanthropic work and glamorous trips, she’ll come right back here to casually promote Sherri Hill dresses.

Miss Universe makes no qualms about it: We’re all here to watch 88 of the most beautiful women in the world strut their stuff, and strut beautifully they did in what was a pretty seamless show, give or take an awkward transition. Choosing 10 Top Moments from the night’s broadcast on NBC was tough, but I evaluated each moment’s matching fuchsia sateen bikini individually, and just went with the moments that had the most fun throwing off their sparkly silver robes: READ FULL STORY

Explaining 15 seasons of awful 'Apprentice' team names

There are a few signs that immediately alert a channel-surfing viewer that he or she has landed on an episode of The Apprentice. Is there a group of men dressed in suits ranging from dressy casual to bolo tie? Are there women using speakerphone in a nondescript white van? Is either group filming a commercial of some sort about a cleaning product or frozen food?

If so, congratulations, you’re watching The Apprentice, or maybe you’re watching The Celebrity Apprentice, or perhaps you’re in the future and watching The Toddler Apprentice or 2 Fiscal 2 Apprentice or El Aprendiz: Estas Despedido! No matter which flavor of the Donald Trump Reality Hour you’re on, there’s something they all will have in common: awful, horrendous, absurdly pointless team names.

At the outset of every season, the teams are instructed to come up with a name that reflects their personalities and professional attitudes. Like any good trivia night or camp color wars, plenty of thought should be devoted to the brainstorming process. Yet every Apprentice team inexplicably plucks from the same terrible assortment of nonsensical, meaningless power words. Over the course of 15 seasons, some teams went completely crackers. READ FULL STORY

Miss USA 2013: Important things you missed

Screen Shot 2013-06-16 at 11.54.07 PM

Good God, how I love a pageant! Miss USA and Donald Trump always manage to select the finalists with the most compelling passions. Here’s what you missed: READ FULL STORY

'All-Star Celebrity Apprentice' season finale: And the winner is...

After a two-hour extravaganza (Tim Tebow! Magic tricks! Songs!) and the revelation that both Trace Adkins and Penn Jillette can launch semi-successful ice cream flavors and socials, it was time for one last firing and for one of the finalists to emerge victorious in this b-a-n-a-n-a-s season. Spoiler alert: Don’t keep reading if you haven’t watched the All-Star Celebrity Apprentice season finale. My recap will be up at 2 a.m. Update: Here it is!

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'All-Star Celebrity Apprentice': And the fired celebrity is...

Image credit: Ali Goldtstein/NBC

Image credit: Ali Goldtstein/NBC

Tonight’s episode of All-Star Celebrity Apprentice was all about Trump — Melania Trump, that is. The celebrities were tasked with coming up with a display and presentation for Melania Caviar Complexe C6, the awkwardly-titled skin care line run by the Donald’s wife. And when all was said and done, another famous face was fired. My full recap will be up at 2am, [UPDATE: Dalton’s recap is now live] but if you can’t wait to find out or sound off about who was fired, then read on for more. [SPOILER ALERT: Read on only if you have already watched Sunday’s episode of All-Star Celebrity Apprentice.] READ FULL STORY

'All-Star Celebrity Apprentice': And the fired celebrity is...

Image credit: Ali Goldtstein/NBC

Image credit: Ali Goldtstein/NBC

I’ve often considered All-Star Celebrity Apprentice to be a work of art — surreal art, to be exact — so it was appropriate that tonight’s task involved the teams selling their own art to the highest bidder. When all was said and done, another celebrity was fired. My full recap will be up later (UPDATE: Click over to read Dalton’s full Celebrity Apprentice episode 5 recap) but if you can’t wait to find out or sound of on who was cut loose, then read on for more. [SPOILER ALERT: Read on only if you have already watched Sunday’s episode of All-Star Celebrity Apprentice.] READ FULL STORY

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