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'American Idol': Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey wage shade-throwing war in Baton Rouge

It’s hard to pick a winner here — both grown women reached such stunning levels of immaturity throughout tonight’s Baton Rouge auditions episode. I’m going with Mariah, for at least having the decency to direct her shade at her target of loathing with a tremendous side-eye, while Nicki opted to draw the contestant into her ongoing epic battle to take down one of the top-selling female artists in history. Subtlety is everything. READ FULL STORY

'American Idol': Nicki Minaj-Mariah Carey brawl sparked by disagreement over 'country thing'

After weeks of breathless, pearl-clutching promotion for the infamous Nicki Minaj vs. Mariah Carey fight, tonight’s American Idol revealed what prompted Minaj’s freakout in the first place. The Charlotte auditions episode featured a somewhat rational debate (prompted by Minaj) on whether a contestant should feel “forced” to “do the country thing,” and then we saw Minaj determinedly stomping off the set after complaining that “Maybe I should get off the f—ing panel.”

What we didn’t see, of course, was a single second of Minaj’s cringe-inducing motormouth-y rant captured in October’s buzz-magnet handheld video. In fact, it’s likely the “fight” we saw tonight had no real linear connection with the leaked footage, which makes the over-promotion even more obnoxious. Fox chose to save face — including any of that leaked footage on-air would be a huge turnoff, and Minaj has enough detractors as it is. READ FULL STORY

'American Idol': Your thoughts on the premiere of 'The Nicki Minaj Show'?

Update: Annie’s recap is live

It’s no wonder a camera “just happened” to capture the now infamous Nicki Minaj vs. Mariah Carey brawl — after watching the two-hour season 12 premiere, it’s clear the two new American Idol judges can’t stand each other. This is never going to change, and it’s super uncomfortable to watch because both women are acting like they’re 5. Instead of coolly rising above their differences (when in actuality: THEY’RE THE SAME), they talk over each other until eventually Minaj wins because she’s simply louder and more obnoxious. At one point, Minaj plastered on one of her 31 flavors of fake smile and monotoned “She’s a bitch she’s a bitch she’s a bitch” ad nauseum. How many people are tuning in to a singing competition to see something like this? I’m guessing one — and she’s pictured above, mimicking how the majority of viewers probably looked while they watched her. READ FULL STORY

'The X Factor' finale: Does anyone even care?

The judges certainly don’t! Their collective uttah indifference throughout season 2 — save for the occasional scripted standing O, shown above — has made it damn near impossible for me to feel that strongly about which of three talented but not awe-inspiring contestants should win. I tried to give The X Factor the benefit of the doubt this season. But if the judges can’t even remember these people’s names, why should viewers? READ FULL STORY

'The New Normal' episode 3: Everyone's a bigot

They look happy to your right because this trio’s baby has a heartbeat — huzzah! — but the bulk of “Baby Clothes” involved aggression and tears. You see, everyone in this crazy mixed-up world is different, and so they hate each other.

In tonight’s third episode of The New Normal — brought to you by Pinkberry, Marc Jacobs, Dolce and Gabbana, and Equinox — Bryan and David run into a bigot in an outlet mall. This bigot is a great big terror in a polo shirt who asks them to stop kissing (in the interest of “trying to protect my family”) and calls the idea of Bryan and David having a baby “disgusting.” Bryan and David head home to have a heart-to-heart about bringing a baby into “a world where idiot people are trained to hate what we do.” There are tears, and it is dire. No one wants their family members to suffer, but how can kids be protected when hate is all around? READ FULL STORY

What is your damage, Bravo's 'Heathers' reboot?

I’m gonna go out on a cold, dead limb here and say NOT MUCH.

Today Bravo announced a reboot of the 1989 classic teen clique film Heathers, in which Veronica Sawyer (Winona Ryder in the movie) returns to Sherwood with her teenage daughter, who’ll have to fend against “The Ashleys” at her school.

This sounds trashy and delicious, especially if they get Winona and Shannen Doherty to show up. Tragically, Heather Chandler will not be able to appear in flashbacks — actress Kim Walker, who famously uttered the line “Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?” died of a brain tumor at age 32. (How have I never written about this?!) READ FULL STORY

'Gallery Girls' vs. Ukraine's real-life 'Sleeping Beauty' art installation: Which is worse?

Where’s the art? I’m stumped.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this “living fairy tale” exhibit (see video below) at the National Art Museum of Ukraine, at which any male suitor above the age of 18 may kiss a young painted lady who’s pretending to be asleep. If she opens her eyes, they must get married. This is real! Look at her ear doilies! It’s all so bizarre and disease-y — but after settling in for some Monday night cable, I had to ask: Is it worse than Gallery Girls on Bravo?  READ FULL STORY

Mariah Carey gets the Nicki Minaj phone call: A very special 'American Idol' dramatization

Rumor has it that new American Idol judge Mariah Carey became infuriated and hung up the phone when producers called to tell her they were in talks with Nicki Minaj to join the season 12 judging panel. Considering a TMZ report is practically fiction, I thought I’d embellish this juicy, totally plausible storyline in the saga of No One Knows WTF Is Going On With Idol (And Do They Care?). It’s one of the summer’s most lukewarm reads!

Thanks to the video for Mimi and Nicki’s classic 2010 collaboration “Up Out My Face,” here’s how I picture this all going down…. READ FULL STORY

'Gallery Girls' on Bravo: What is your damage?!

I’ve found my new favorite show to hate-watch (well, I love it but you will definitely maybe hate it): Gallery Girls on Bravo. This grotesque reality TV canvas is like a post-surrealist hybrid of The Hills and Girls — priced at $0 for all you art collectors! — that should probably just be called Bitches. It stars six young snots and one hardworking woman from Long Island who live and “work” in NYC and Brooklyn, which the show treats like a separate country.

Have I lost you yet, or do the two melting clocks in the desert (pictured) have you intrigued? READ FULL STORY

Lauren Conrad: What is your damage?

Former Hills star and current hair role model Lauren Conrad posted a video tutorial showing viewers how to cut the spines off of books, glue them to a box, and then store non-book items in that box. She used seemingly brand new copies of Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events. (Ooh, foreshadowing!) This turned out to be a FATAL ERROR — a bunch of book purists freaked out, the clip went viral, and LC removed the video all within a few hours Wednesday night. I know I’ll remember where I was when it happened for the rest of my life. Ha, no.

Lemony Snicket himself commented on Lauren’s peculiar failure to Slate: “It has always been my belief that people who spend too much time with my work end up as lost souls, drained of reason, who lead lives of raving emptiness and occasional lunatic violence. What a relief it is to see this documented.”

Exactly. So why’d she have to take it down?

READ FULL STORY

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