Andy Cohen calls the new Bravo reality series “Downton Abbey on a private yacht.” After tonight’s premiere, I’m calling it “Saved by the Bell, the Summer Edition: Lost at Sea.” (Imagine a very special episode in which one of the Bayside crew finds a baggie of coke on the volleyball court at Malibu Sands and then hands it over to Stacy Carosi. Well, anyone except Jessie Spano, because we all know she’d be so excited that she’d keep it.) But there’s plenty of time to get all royal about it. For now, I’m hooked, at the bottom of the sea. READ FULL STORY
Tag: Bitchery (11-20 of 248)
On tonight’s Next Food Network Star, the eight finalists got a visit from new Iron Chef Alex Guarnaschelli (pictured), who was filling in for Giada. I loved how this straight-shooting force of nature didn’t even pretend to indulge Danushka’s bad attitude. Spoilers (in the form of apple juice and “fruit leather”-infused hot sauce, if you please) ahead…. READ FULL STORY
I ended up putting myself through another episode of one the worst reality shows of all time, because 1) I’m a disgusting masochist in general and 2) more specifically, having temped during the worst summer of my life at a nearly identical company two towns over in Illinois, these dummies felt like family and I had to find out what happened. BARELY ANYTHING! But before I hit “delete series,” here are tonight’s Winners and Losers. READ FULL STORY
I didn’t mean for this to happen, but after salivating (with a full stomach, gross) over contestant Jonny’s “Lobster Crackerjack” within the first few minutes, I found myself watching two full hours of MasterChef. The auditions are over and the finalists have been revealed. What else have you been missing? Spoiler ahead… READ FULL STORY
Tonight, VH1′s Hit the Floor, one of summer TV’s potential guiltiest pleasures, debuts at 9 p.m. ET. The scripted show, from first-time showrunner James LaRosa, centers on the Devil Girls, the dance squad for a fictional LA basketball team. There’s naive rookie Ahsha (Taylour Paige), whose mother (Kimberly Elise) was an original Devil Girl and doesn’t want her daughter to follow in her footsteps; Kyle, a gold-digging stripper (Katherine Bailess); and Raquel (Valerie Ortiz), the seemingly sweet single mom. But you know we’re all about Jelena (Logan Browning), the ruthless captain. Looking at the picture above, you can already pick her out (third from the left). Here, LaRosa breaks down the anatomy of a TV bitch.
By: James LaRosa
I love bad bitches, that’s my f*****’ problem.
My love affair started in the womb. From beyond the booming sound of my mother’s heartbeat, I could hear in the pale distance the echoes of women. Bloodthirsty women. Verbally lacerating women. While some mothers read flashcards to their engorged bellies, my mother was mainlining me with life lessons from her favorite soaps. Soaps where Bitches ruled the world. When I was born, I slapped the doctor and then took over his father’s company.
Like snowflakes or Quaids, no two Bitches are alike. However, every Bitch is made up of the same ingredients. Be careful mixing at home as contents can explode and ruin you: READ FULL STORY
So I went a little nuts with Vine!
Boozy-witchy Bluth matriarch Lucille has generously taken time out of her day-drinking to snap some sense into the damsels of Disney. They could all stand to lose some weight, by the way. You want your belt to buckle, not your chair. (Click the microphones on and off to hear the audio.) READ FULL STORY
It’s hard to pick a winner here — both grown women reached such stunning levels of immaturity throughout tonight’s Baton Rouge auditions episode. I’m going with Mariah, for at least having the decency to direct her shade at her target of loathing with a tremendous side-eye, while Nicki opted to draw the contestant into her ongoing epic battle to take down one of the top-selling female artists in history. Subtlety is everything. READ FULL STORY
After weeks of breathless, pearl-clutching promotion for the infamous Nicki Minaj vs. Mariah Carey fight, tonight’s American Idol revealed what prompted Minaj’s freakout in the first place. The Charlotte auditions episode featured a somewhat rational debate (prompted by Minaj) on whether a contestant should feel “forced” to “do the country thing,” and then we saw Minaj determinedly stomping off the set after complaining that “Maybe I should get off the f—ing panel.”
What we didn’t see, of course, was a single second of Minaj’s cringe-inducing motormouth-y rant captured in October’s buzz-magnet handheld video. In fact, it’s likely the “fight” we saw tonight had no real linear connection with the leaked footage, which makes the over-promotion even more obnoxious. Fox chose to save face — including any of that leaked footage on-air would be a huge turnoff, and Minaj has enough detractors as it is. READ FULL STORY
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