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Tag: Bitchery (1-10 of 250)

'The Bachelor' premiere: Dog Lover, Free Spirit, and other ambiguous 'job' titles

What would you want your “occupation” chyron to say if you were on The Bachelor? (Just go with it.)

I’d be fine with “Beach Stroller,” “Cheese Whisperer,” or “TV Recapper,” all of which are true depending on the hour. If we’re going for every-second-of-every-day accuracy, though? “Bum.”

Here are the most creative job titles of The Bachelor: Juan Pabs premiere (read our full recap here):

Dog Lover

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WHO? WHO PAYS YOU TO LOVE DOGS? READ FULL STORY

New Year's Resolutions inspired by Beyonce's 'Visual Album'

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What do you want from me? I’m a slow study, plus I’ve been busy eating all the meat in the Midwest and napping. Well, NO MORE! It’s taken a whopping 17 days, but the power and glory of the almighty BeyoncĂ©’s Visual Album has officially crept into the contours of my brain like one of her intricately gilded thongs. Thanks to my new mentor, I am emboldened towards and horny for 2014 a whole two days early, armed with the following new set of standards:

Just say no to spray tans!
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Finally learn how to surf.
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READ FULL STORY

This Tim Gunn supercut doubles as a vocab lesson -- VIDEO

Tim Gunn, of the Tim Gunn Save, is simply the best. The Project Runway mentor and woolly balls enthusiast has delighted us season after season with his wit, relatability (fans are still clutching their pocket squares after last week’s ghastly trip down the NYC subway stairs), and genuine commitment to the contestants. And he’s taught aspiring fashionistas so many words. Consternation! Sturm und drang! WHITE?! Throw ‘em together along with his signature “Make it work!” and lilting “desiiiign-errrs” and it’s like a sweet, vaguely bitchy but ever-loving symphony.

Season 12 ends tonight, but here’s a Tim Gunn supercut you can put in your pocket and carry around forever. (Your phone is in your pocket. Egregious!) READ FULL STORY

Watch a supercut of Jessica Lange's bitchiest lines on 'American Horror Story' -- VIDEO

The kitchen-sink scarefest anthology American Horror Story returns tonight with Coven, a new 13-episode saga of glorious perversion and off-kilter camera angles. Although the three iterations of AHS are set in radically different eras and locations, they have one very important thing in common: The presence of Jessica Lange, the two-time Oscar winner who has experienced a late-career renaissance playing variations of heavily-accented maternal overdrive in all three seasons of AHS. In the first season, she played a fading southern belle in La La Land; in season 2′s Asylum, she was a tough New England nun; now, in Coven, she’s a mega-powerful witch. In anticipation of a new season of withering put-downs and lacerating verbal wit, check out this collection of Lange’s most awesomely bitchy lines from the first two go-rounds of AHS. READ FULL STORY

Cher slams Miley Cyrus, but feels 'ashamed' for her comments

Reactions to Miley Cyrus at the VMAs: People are still having them!

Earlier this week, we heard what both Britney Spears and Paula Patton had to say about the performance. (Spoiler alert: They think she’s just being Miley.) But while both those stars were shrugging their shoulders, another music legend was sharpening her claws.

“I’m not old-fashioned,” Cher told USA Today in an interview published Tuesday. “She could have come out naked, and if she’d just rocked the house, I would have said, ‘You go, girl.’ It just wasn’t done well. She can’t dance, her body looked like hell, the song wasn’t great, one cheek was hanging out. And, chick, don’t stick out your tongue if it’s coated.”

READ FULL STORY

'Project Runway': Sandro update, plus Ken vs. Sue vs. sewing. (And the winner is... your clavicle?)

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Sandro Masmanidi returned only for a brief apology for last week’s volatile getaway scene (does “Please forgive me?” count as an apology?) on tonight’s Project Runway, but did that mean the 90 minutes were relatively drama-free? Hell no! Designer Ken Laurence fiercely stepped up as H.B.I.C. with not only a complete unwillingness to collaborate on yet another “unconventional materials” challenge with members of his own team, but a request for no other designers to look at him, outrageous ageism, and enough passive-aggressive facial expressions (pictured) to bring an all-new 2014 Lexus IS Sedan to a screeching halt.

“I don’t design clothing for 40-year-old women,” said Ken. Does he have any idea who hosts this show??? Or as Tim Gunn wondered, aghast: “Have you SEEN Project Runway?” READ FULL STORY

'Project Runway': What happened to Sandro?

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SPOILER AHEAD. On tonight’s Project Runway — not Project Runway: The Student Show — hot-headed drama queen (redundant!) Sandro Masmanidi, 28, busted out of the Parsons luxury prison cell after raising his voice and speaking with his hands (pictured) toward some of the other designers. Upset about the lack of feedback on his bow tie-inspired gown, Sandro returned to the waiting area ready to pick a fight. And then he just ran away! READ FULL STORY

'Million Dollar Listing: Los Angeles' premiere: What are these weasels up to now?

Thank God we didn’t even have to wait a week between installments of Bravo’s Million Dollar Listing. New York wrapped up last week, and Wednesday’s premiere of Los Angeles came out firing. (The guns are the Joshes’ middle fingers.) Yep, Madison, Josh, and Josh are back with more McMalibu PlayLands and sweeping city views to both intrigue and thoroughly disgust you as you contemplate your own sorry lot in life.

So how are they doing? Let’s catch up: READ FULL STORY

'Million Dollar Listing New York' finale: High kick?

On the season 2 finale of Bravo’s Million Dollar Listing New York, Luis sold a Richard Meier West Village unit that I would sell my soul to live in, which would never even work because my soul is worth approximately $6.4 million under the asking price. DAMN RICH PEOPLE. Ugh. End of recap. But no.

Frederik went into business with the king of all evil (Donald Trump). And in a prompt and businesslike Central Park bench meeting, Frederik and Luis patched up their differences with a solid “hug it out.” Oh, and Top American Cretin Ryan Serhant used a lascivious new Upper West Side listing featuring Catholic revival decor, spy cams everywhere, and sex swing hooks on the ceiling (blame New York!) to stage a completely absurd fakeout screening of a movie from his nemesis Frederik’s past porn career as Tag Eriksson. Man, that was a mouthful. (That’s what he said.)

READ FULL STORY

USA's 'Summer Camp' premiere: Bitchery in motion

“ATTENTION, LADIES. THE BANISHMENT IS ABOUT TO BEGIN.”

Aww, isn’t camp the best? That’s the voice of Matt Rogers, a former American Idol finalist putting his star vocals to the best use possible by belting out taunts through a loudspeaker. Welcome to USA’s Summer Camp — not to be confused with NBC’s Camp — where the perks of showing up to camp include a lovely lake, the sun, weekly color wars, the opportunity to meet other hot and obnoxious people (and a few token nerds), and the awakening of any and all terrible memories you once associated with sleepaway camp. SPOILERS ahead. Don’t worry, nobody drowned.
READ FULL STORY

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