This week some characters lost their virginities (Henry, you dog!), some got even creepier (Ben), and some walked to class with a marching band playing behind 'em (Amy). But one thing they've all got in common: After next week's season finale of Secret Life of the American Teenager, they'll all be MIA until January (sorry guys, I mistyped last week). Indeed, with the season 1 clock ticking loudly, there was a lot of action unfolding, starting with Amy returning to her judgmental public school instead of going to the cross town Montessori for pregnant gals. (Newsflash Mr. Juergens: EVERY high school is a "slut school," it's called hormones!) As per usual, the poor passive girl let others make her decisions for her, while she nervously stood back and bit her lip.
Amy should know that her pregnancy -- although it caused Ben to suffer a beat down at the hands of some 35-year-old blonde guy -- is really old news. Old boring news compared to best frenemy Lauren making out with Ricky behind her back, Adrian's father resurfacing, and Jack perfecting his bowl cut. Even Grace was almost interesting this episode. Or maybe that's just because my memories are tainted by the un-Christian cheerleader she played (alongside cast members from my beloved Degrassi) in Charlie Bartlett, the most recent flick to make it off my Netflix Queue.
I suppose the best thing you can say about Secret Life is that just when you're ready to trade it in for Greek, or go on a teenybopper TV strike until Gossip Girl returns (Sept. 1, for those of you who are counting the days), it wins you back with a juicy episode full of plot twists and -- gasp! -- actual character development. Thankfully, it seems the show's central teenagers are as bored as we are of talking about Amy's pregnancy -- come on, Brenda Hampton, that story arc is so last year, and your writers aren't exactly Diablo Codys -- which allowed several supporting characters to go forth and steal the spotlight. (Yay!)
On last week's message board, PopWatcher Julie and her daughter came up with the titillating theory that perhaps Adrian's estranged father was none other than Mr. Juergens. That didn't turn out to be the case, but a great idea nonetheless, ladies! Adrian (Francia Raisa, pictured) took Grace along for a good old-fashioned stalking stakeout in front of her father's house, only to have him come out and tell her to leave after realizing who she was. Raisa, who emotes as believably as anyone in the Secret Life cast, was definitely the episode's MVP, but here's hoping her character gets a new love interest soon, considering Ricky's dastardly behavior this week.
When Secret Life first began, we all thought that Amy losing her baby by way of abortion or adoption would mean no more show. And say what you want to about the summer hit -- annoying characters: check! laughable writing and acting: check! pushy conservative Christian vibe: check! -- but they've (at least) succeeded in developing the characters on the show to the degree that we barely need a teenage mom to keep us tuning in. Am I right, people?
And anyways, Amy's not going anywhere. The kooky new gal on the Secret Life block is "Mimzy," Mrs. Juergens' brightly decorated, scarf-and-bauble-adorned mother. She storms onto the show with a nonjudgmental attitude about her pending great-grandmotherdom and starts planning Amy's future -- including her wedding to Ben and where the baby will sleep. Although an odd way to introduce her Alzheimer's, Mimzy proves to be incapable of taking care of Amy after she suggests they keep the baby in the utensil drawer in the kitchen. So the "little complication" Amy kept mentioning in all of the promos for the show was no miscarriage, just her aborted plans to escape to Grandma's house for the rest of her pregnancy.
While Ben's finding out that the next step in obsession is hallucination, Amy's BFFs Lauren and Madison are back in the show's periphery once more. Ricky wants contact with Amy -- and not the kind that got her preggers in the first place, we hope at least -- so he approaches Madison for her number. Thinking that Ricky is also hitting on her, Madison and Lauren begin a silly catfight over who he'd rather do. (Answer: either/or ladies, this guy's just horny and probably not too selective.)
Revisiting last week's show for a minute, I think it's really precious the way Amy asks her mother for permission to marry Ben. The whole barter approach: like, if I do this thing (let's say, my laundry) will you let me do this thing I want (get a dog)? Except in this case, Amy's chore is having a baby and her reward -- eek! ah! no! -- is marrying Ben. For as many eye rolls this episode garnered, it got some serious laughs, and even had a few believably "American teen" moments. My roommate, who was watching for the first time, noted how selfish all of the characters are (and therefore how obviously "high school") -- Adrian wants Amy to not have the baby so she can stay together with Ricky, Ben wants her to keep it so they can live happily ever after, Grace wants her to keep it in the name of the Lord. And Amy? The first "A" word (abortion) was so last episode, and in its place is the new "A" word, adoption.
Ugh, so, Mr. Juergens is back and even his warm embraces and squinty-eyed cries can't win over this gal. Surprisingly, it's charming his youngest daughter, Ashley, who again delivered the best line(s) of the night. My favorite, when her mother told her she was going to be late for school: "At least I'm not late for my period." Indeed, little one! Our favorite Juergens is experiencing some raging growing pains and starting to resent Amy and all of the attention she's been getting. I also wondered, with her mentions of condoms and the mystery of who drove her home, that Ashley might be finding that attention elsewhere -- say, an older man?
As a teenager, getting up the nerve to tell your parents that you screwed up is rough. You know they're going to get mad, and you know that you're stuck under their roof to sweat out your punishment. But what really kills are those days, hours, and measly minutes before you finally find enough courage to give up the secret. That first shot of Amy (Shailene Woodley) waiting in the dark to tell her mother about her pregnancy gave me a serious case of the queasies.
But at long last, Mrs. Juergens (Molly Ringwald, pictured) knows the truth. As Amy broke the news -- about her three, maybe four-month-old fetus? how pregnant is she again? -- her mother was surprisingly calm. Or maybe Ringwald's reaction shots aren't as expressive as they were in the '80s? (Woodley, at least, pulled off her character's emotional breakdown with flying colors.)
The dialogue during Amy's confessional may have been questionably funny -- was I supposed to be laughing at Ashley's perfectly timed interruption? India Eisley continues to play the monotone, bored-with-this-stupid-life pre-teen so well -- but it was touching, too. Amy ended up skipping out on school and mulling the idea of having an abortion, Ashley's growing pains turned out to be borderline terminal, and Mom tried balancing her divorce with the latest family upset.
For the last four weeks, I've been waiting for Secret Life to deliver a water-cooler-worthy episode, something that validates my guilty-pleasure viewing of a teen-targeted show (even though I'm a little older than the desired demographic group). And based on your week-to-week comments, I don't think I've been alone in my desire to see ABC Family's summer hit kick things up a notch. Well, at last, last night's episode left me audibly gasping -- on three separate occasions, no less.
Amy's not-so-secret is pretty much out at this point: Mean girls are gabbing behind her back, parents are using the news to sugarcoat their own kids' slip-ups, and even the school counselor has figured out what's growing under Amy's flowing tops. We're just waiting for Mama Ringwald to catch on (next week, my friends!).
After watching Amy gobble down a pile of chicken wings, boyfriend/wounded puppy Ben got down on bended knee and proposed to his pregnant sweetheart. (A word of warning to impressionable young girls in the audience, such Prince Charmings are an extreme rarity in the under-18 set.) Problem is, while Ben is determined to do right by Amy, that's not necessarily the same thing as doing what's right for her. And that's just one of the tough questions hidden under all that ooey gooey ABC Family cheese: What is right for Amy? Should she have an abortion? Should she tell Ricky? Should she tell her mother? Should she pretend Ben's the baby daddy and get hitched? Should she have the baby but give it up for adoption Juno-style?
If you weren't a Secret Life fan before last night, then I'm guessing the first flash of Ricky's yummy washboard abs, along with the calamity of Grace's Christian cutting spree, got you officially hooked. The bad-ass drummer boy's plan to be Grace's cover (so she could keep sneaking off to see Jack) fell apart, although obviously his master plan to wrap up the blonde in his buff enough arms was just coming together.
Here's how it played out, all under the watchful eye of a bank surveillance camera: After Ricky fell asleep at Adrian's, Grace (Megan Park, pictured, right) was stuck waiting on a sketchy street corner, fending off a pair of drunk creeps. The good girl dropped to her knees in prayer, then broke a glass bottle and threatened the dudes with it, after which Ricky (Daren Kagasoff, pictured, left) showed up shirtless (!) thanks to his hasty exit from Adrian's. (Whew!) Unfortunately for the kids, the security-cam footage wound up as the lead story on the local morning news, and while this plot development may have seemed slightly far-fetched, let's keep in mind that teenage romantic shenanigans usually go awry and turn into front-page news...at least in your diary.
BottleGate kept the water-cooler buzz away from Amy's pregnancy for a little while, although the fact that the show's adults were buzzing about our preggo protagonist proves that either Dr. Bowman's got some loose lips or there's some serious grapevine action going on. That said, Ben's dad is obviously the coolest parent on the show. He's real, and he gets to the point ("Are you fooling around with her…is she pregnant?"). The Juergens, on the other hand, are falling apart, and it looks like Molly Ringwald's role as a single mom might come sooner than later.
So last Tuesday, we wished for some inter-family drama, and -- Bam! -- this week's hormone-filled hour kicks off with the revelation that Grace's dad (also the husband of Amy's dad's ex-wife) is the Juergens' new pediatrician! Awkward… Meanwhile, Ashley (pictured, standing), everyone's favorite push-up-bra-wearing, eyeliner-sporting tween, gets some serious screen time "and a little cleavage." But more about the series' breakout star in a moment; first, let's discuss Amy's (pictured, seated) drama...
Yep, our heroine is starting to show -- both baby bump and B-cup boobs. Her boyfriend Ben -- also known as the "sausage prince" because his father owns some meat empire, love the phallic symbolism -- is too busy trying out his tongue skills on a giant stuffed bear and freaking out about their pending first kiss to notice. So far, his friends are winning in the "whose posse would I rather have hung with in high school?" race; come on, Amy's confidantes, Lauren and Madison, are afraid of the word "fetus," while Ben's know-it-all gal pal Alice volunteers to help the guy plan out the smooch he's hoping to deliver at the ol' county fair. No contest!
In other news, we find out that Adrian isn't just a master baton twirler, but also a smart cookie, after "hot" counselor Mr. Molina approaches her about her near perfect SAT scores and post-high school plans. Adrian's response? "I heard Indiana University has a great sex-ed program." Then later, "I really love sex." Somehow, I think she and Mr. Molina's might have conflicting definitions of an SAT "score."
After the jump, more on this week's high-school shenanigans...
When we last left our awkwardly horny high schoolers, they were falling in puppy love and/or getting their hearts broken at the school dance. And we were left wanting a little more than the usual stereotypes. Well, it seems that for episode 2, the writers of Secret Life of the American Teenager might've actually talked to their teenage relatives for some insight. Behold: dialogue that made me laugh, stories I could believe, and even a little character development!
So, the rumor mill has begun churning, thanks of course to the loud mouths of Amy's sidekicks and BFFs Lauren and Madison. Hear that kids? Her best friends spilled the proverbial beans -- trust no one! It's high school! As Mama Raphael used to say when I was younger than these Proactiv-using kiddies: "Little rabbits have big ears." The bunnies in this case were Ben's friends, Alice and Henry, who sauntered up just as Madison blurted out the tip of the iceberg: that Amy and Ricky had sex. Oops! And soon after, word had spread around the school faster than "um, like, that HPV thing."
But wait...there's more! (After the jump, of course.)
A few years out of the teen pool myself, I've rekindled my love for all things adolescent in an attempt at forestalling a pending quarter-life crisis. I've graduated from the cheese of Bayside High to the more revealing, truer-to-life Degrassi and Gossip Girl, so when I heard about ABC Family's Secret Life of the American Teenager, I thought, "Yes! Real teen drama! With true teen issues! And if anyone can do it, the producers of 7th Heaven and Molly Ringwald can!"
So to the show. We open with Ringwald as the oblivious mom (is pot roast really anyone's favorite meal??) and the ol' pregnancy-test-in-the-French-horn trick. Even before we hear an Avril Lavigne song, we know what the "secret" is. Cut to the next day at school and an intro for the show's top teens -- and their sex lives...
Amy: Secret's star (Shailene Woody) is no doubt up the stick. No morning sickness yet, but her nerves are palpable even before she tells her friends, "Dude, I'm totes K Heigl in that movie!" Was anyone else bothered by the way she described her first time? Not sure it was sex?!? The baby growing in your uterus might be a good indicator. But more than that, it's just disappointing to see young women always portrayed as sexually passive and all teen boys a la Superbad, just excited to lose their V-card.
More 'Secrets' after the jump...
