You know the old saying: April showers bring May flowers, April repeats bring May finales. (Okay, I just made that up. Should've gone with ''sweeps,'' it rhymes better.) Either way, this week was chock full of season finales -- including The Biggest Loser, Bones, 30 Rock, Parks & Recreation, Being Erica, Hell's Kitchen, The Office, America's Next Top Model, The Celebrity Apprentice, and Lost (just to name a few). Here's what else made the Fray this week:
At last night's Celebrity Apprentice finale event in New York, Melissa Rivers educated us on the correct usage of ''whore pit vipers" (turns out we've all been punctuating it wrong -- the more you know!) and made a play for her next reality show casting by dropping her latest in catfight weaponry: "dirt squirrel."
Poor Annie Duke. All season the momentum's been building to a Joan Rivers victory, and Annie surely saw it coming. Or maybe not: Just take a look at the chart Jim Cramer provided us with last night. Annie had more victories (7 to Joan's 6), more wins as project manager (2 to Joan's 1 win/1 loss), and she raised the most money for charity. She's ''a brilliant strategist'' and ''all about business,'' but apparently that's not enough to compete with Joan, who's ''all heart.'' When it comes to numbers and playing the game, Annie won. But she must've missed the day when the competition went from ''finding the best businessperson'' to ''finding the most loyal friend.''
Last night on Donald Trump's My New BFF, the final challenge was to throw a silent auction combining the branding power of Kodak's EasyShare digital picture frame, Cirque du Soleil's Wintuk show, and the contestants' charities of choice. Annie picked Brande, Dennis, and Tom to be her helpers, and Joan picked Herschel, Clint (really?), and Melissa. The teams were charged with ''doing silent auctions of THINGS. You're gonna get people to donate THINGS.'' No further explanation on what these THINGS were, other than the fact that the Donald's inflection really emphasized them. (Each team correctly assumed ''THINGS'' meant ''fun celebrity-driven packages for people to bid on.'') They'd be graded on five criteria: the amount of money raised, the Kodak product integration, the charity integration, the celebrities in attendance, and the overall guest experience.
Joan versus Annie. Cancer versus Hitler. Fashion versus poker. Who prevailed in this final episode of The Celebrity Apprentice? I'll tell you... tomorrow. In the meantime, talk about the events of the past three hours here. Did the right person win? Were you hoping for a Kiefer-style headbutt from Annie or Joan? What were your favorite moments from the finale? Watch one of the best boardroom moments of the season below, then click over to my full recap. And check back soon for our special report from the red carpet.
Celebrity Apprentice finalist Annie Duke visited Ellen today to discuss last week's epic Rivers rant, in which Joan compared Annie to Hitler, Melissa coined the term ''whore pit vipers,'' and everybody else wondered what the hell was going on. Annie mentioned how she stayed pretty classy throughout the tirade, defended poker players as being ''awesome people'' (hands down my favorite lame comeback ever), and how she, just like the rest of us, is now attempting to work ''whore pit vipers'' into her daily vocabulary.
She also had this little tidbit of wisdom about the entire Celebrity Apprentice machine: ''It's a fake job and you get fake fired.'' Too true, Annie. Too true. What do you think about Duke's appearance? Did she really keep it classy, or is her hatred of the Rivers clan just way more toned-down and passive-aggressive? Who are you rooting for during Sunday's three-hour Apprentice finale -- Annie or Joan?
If you tuned in to last night's Celebrity Apprentice expecting to see the fallout from last week's Rivers freak-out, you, like me, were sorely disappointed. After all that yelling, cursing, and storming off, Joan showed up for the challenge the next morning (fashionably late with fashionable oversize sunglasses) with only a passing mention of the previous night's explosion. I didn't buy the ''will she/won't she return'' bit, because if Joan loves anything, it's being the center of attention — it was no surprise she went back.
This week, the final five had to create an original jingle and a 30-second radio commercial for Chicken of the Sea. Insert obligatory Jessica Simpson/''Is it chicken or tuna?'' joke here: Brande represented the endearing ditzy-blonde contingent well, by spelling crap S-R-A-P, cracking up, then explaining it's because she was going to say the S---...that other word but used ''crap'' instead. Now, I'm pretty sure Brande isn't actually a dumb blonde, but I do think she's ditzy enough to have actually spelled crap with an ''s'' by accident, not just because of a slip in speech. Just saying.
No, Donald Trump has not turned the USS Enterprise into his own personal boardroom, but this week’s Must List Live! looks at both the upcoming sci-fi reboot, and the big reality show finale. Will J. J. Abrams’ new Star Trek deliver the goods? How long until we get a Next Generation reimagining? Where does the Joan and Melissa Rivers tirade rank on the great reality TV freak-out-o-meter? And how can we possibly wait until spring 2010 for the sure-to-be-genius Celebrity Apprentice 3? These questions and more will be addressed. Not only that, but James T. Kirk himself, Chris Pine, even stops by! Plus: We argue about whether former American Idol contestant Elliott Yamin has the stupidest album title of all-time, and we’re giving away FREE passes to Comic-Con—complete with a hotel room and passes to our Entertainment Weekly Comic-Con party. (Sexy contest rules, as always, can be perused here.) Check it all out below, and see where you land on the great Elliott Yamin debate.
"You've now got a Nazi and a follower." "They're…two little #$%^ pit vipers! Whore pit vipers!" Joan and Melissa Rivers once again proved why cameras have to follow them wherever they go: because they will say anything. After last night's CelebrityApprentice elimination booting Melissa (which you can read about in Jean Bentley's TV watch on the show), the red carpet menace and her mother went off on poker player Annie Duke and Playboy centerfold Brande Roderick, spewing epithets, invective, and some serious nastiness toward the crew. Judge for yourself: Justified or no?
We learned several important lessons from last night's episode of The Celebrity Apprentice. First, Scott Ian from Anthrax (and those VH1 shows) is BFF with Annie Duke. Second, Clint Black makes me feel incredibly, painfully uncomfortable whenever he speaks — not just when he makes awkward sexual innuendos in viral videos. Third, according to Donald Trump, Sandra Bullock must have married Jesse James because he is good in bed (not because he's level-headed, down-to-earth, and funny). Fourth, according to Annie Duke, Annie Duke gives a great blow job.
Whether Dennis Rodman is dressed up like a chauffeur, Clint Black is pretending to use detergent to masturbate, or Joan Rivers is yelling at someone for being mean to daughter Melissa, Celebrity Apprentice continues to be the guiltiest pleasure going. They could make every episode 8 hours long (and sometimes they indeed feel that way) and I'd still be devouring every second of it. This week on Must List Live!, Jessica Shaw and I discuss my unhealthy obsession with the reality program. Also: I try to convince Jessica that the Battlestar Galactica prequel Caprica is not just for geeks, Amy Poehler talks to us about her new favorite DVD, and we're still giving away FREE passes to Comic-Con this July in San Diego complete with a hotel room and passes to our exclusive Entertainment Weekly Comic-Con party. (If you can't get enough of contest fine print than you can read all the rules here.) And as if all that isn't enough, we also present: zombies and Depeche Mode—together at last! Click on the video below to get all the second-rate reality show celebs, sci-fi prequels, and walking dead that you can handle!
You know the old saying: April showers bring May flowers, April repeats bring May finales. (Okay, I just made that up. Should've gone with ''sweeps,'' it rhymes better.) Either way, this week was chock full of season finales -- including The Biggest Loser, Bones, 30 Rock, Parks & Recreation, Being Erica, Hell's Kitchen, The Office, America's Next Top Model, The Celebrity Apprentice, and Lost (just to name a few). Here's what else made the Fray this week:
Poor Annie Duke. All season the momentum's been building to a Joan Rivers victory, and Annie surely saw it coming. Or maybe not: Just take a look at the chart Jim Cramer provided us with last night. Annie had more victories (7 to Joan's 6), more wins as project manager (2 to Joan's 1 win/1 loss), and she raised the most money for charity. She's ''a brilliant strategist'' and ''all about business,'' but apparently that's not enough to compete with Joan, who's ''all heart.'' When it comes to numbers and playing the game, Annie won. But she must've missed the day when the competition went from ''finding the best businessperson'' to ''finding the most loyal friend.'' 
