Around these parts, we often lament the chronic sameness of entertainment, how every movie seems like a sequel or a rip-off or a watered-down version of something else. So imagine my delight and surprise to hear about The Beaver, the newest in-the-works project from Jodie Foster and Mel Gibson. Just...go with it.
The film, which topped last year's "black
list" of awesome-but-unproduced screenplays, is about a man who "wears a beaver puppet on his hand that he treats as a real person. Those familiar with the script have compared it to Lars and the Real Girl and the work of Charlie Kaufman," according to the Hollywood Reporter. Foster is set to direct and co-star as the beaver-handed Gibson's wife.
First, let's take a little break to make every possible lewd "beaver" joke in our heads. [Take as much time as you need.] Okay, now that our minds are out of the gutter, put me in the "hell yes" category. Does this sound weird and kind of stupid, and do I expect the beaver to resemble Uncle Joey's woodchuck puppet, and might this be just nine kinds of terrible? Certainly. However! I want stuff that's different; I want to be dazzled by imagination and creativity. I want to be surprised and impressed, and I want a wider variety of stories and storytellers. So if that means that sometimes I have to resist the urge to make a tasteless joke about locker room terminology for genitalia, so be it. You?
ABC's revival of The Superstars premiered last week, and it's on again tonight at 8 p.m. ET. Maksim Chmerkovskiy, who dabbles in both ballroom dancing and dropping by our office, is currently in first place with his partner, freeskiing star Kristi Leskinen. (He's the "celebrity" and she's the "athlete," which must really boil his blood, so it's a good thing he's in the water.) I watched the premiere out of devotion to my fake DWTS boyfriend, assuming it'd be incredibly lame. The whole thing is basically an advertisement for Atlantis Resort and Casino disguised as a giant obstacle course, so it's already ridiculous just on principle. And it is pretty dumb, to be honest, but in a totally benign, Wipeout-y kind of way -- so stupid it's oddly calming. At one point, I realized I was willingly spending my life watching 16 random people "white water raft" down a man-made lazy river and thought to myself, "Why would you do this?" But maybe a better question, especially during these troubled times, is "Why wouldn't you do this?" After all, silly self, it's Maks. [BIG SPLASH.]
Anyone else tuning in to Superstars tonight? Joanna Krupa and Terrell Owens are back because Jennifer Capriati got injured, so maybe Joanna can completely wig out on T.O. again for being too big and slow to navigate his behemoth body through a complicated barricade. Just be sure to hit mute whenever Ali Landry appears on-screen. God, her voice is annoying.
I'm not doing a great job selling this show, huh? Should've just left it at "I mean why not?"
First, Harry establishes that Megan, star of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, is not actually a motorcycle mechanic. Then he admits he went to see the movie in IMAX -- "with actual human beings"! -- and didn't follow it.
Harry Smith: I'm not sure I understand it all. Are you supposed to literally understand what every scene is or what it means? [Note: This is now my favorite question ever.]
Megan Fox: I don't know if that's -- I mean, I'm in the movie, and I read the script, and I watched the movie, and I still didn't know what was happening. So, I think if you haven't read the script, and you go and you see it and you understand it, you may be a genius.... This is a movie for geniuses.
Suddenly, I'm crushing on Megan Fox as well. But wait. There's more. Harry shows her a clip of the kind words costar Shia LaBeouf said about her when he stopped by the show.
Smith: "Phenomenally gorgeous" and "like kissing a unicorn."
Fox: Hmm. [Looooong well-played silence]
Smith: What do you think that means?
Fox: I think he was trying to say that he thinks I'm special. I think. I think.
Smith: Right. OK. I'm, you know, I'll go with that.
Fox: Thank you. I remind you of a unicorn, also? [CORRECTION: This is now my favorite question ever.]
Smith: I would -- I just -- I've never...
Fox: What about a woodland nymph fairy?
Smith: Yeah.
Fox: OK. OK.
Is anyone else finding themselves liking Megan Fox against their will? What about Harry Smith?
Last night, Sacha Baron Cohen paid an in-character visit to Conan, who made sure to call him "Bruno" about 8,000 times. Would he dance? Of course he would. How about a crotch to the face, in multiple positions? Would Conan like that? Well, he certainly...tolerated it. Wow. (Lap dance is at the end of the video, below.)
What do you think -- was last night's crotch-to-face acrobatics routine worse than the one Brüno performed atop Eminem at the MTV Movie Awards? And do his latest stunts -- and the iPod-for-baby swap scene previewed above -- make you want to see Brüno more or less? For me it's just a bit more, but mostly because I love watching Conan at his peak discomfort levels. I mean, he had NO CLUE what to do.
When I read in Rolling Stone's Adam Lambert cover story that the American Idolrunner-up was starstruck during a recent meeting with Madonna, my first reaction was "Awww, that's sweet." But the more I think about it, the more the Idol-obsessed voices in my head are howling: "Starstruck? Bah! These two ought to be working together!"
Think about it: Earlier this week, it was reported that Adam had logged studio time with Lady Gaga producer RedOne, so despite his rocker tendencies, the Idol runner-up is clearly not afraid of getting his dance on. And now, if you will, let your mind travel back to Madonna's seminal 1998 Ray of Light CD -- yes, we are all that old -- an electronica extravaganza that still managed to keep a foot in the guitar-rock genre. Suddenly, I'm thinking Adam and Madge could team up for a cover of "Candy Perfume Girl" or "Drowned World/Substitute for Love," or best of all "Swim" (embedded after the jump for the uninitiated).
Not only would the hookup make sense musically, but it would also be a smart career move. For Adam, a Madonna duet would give him instant credibility outside the Idol universe -- something he'll need to break through the anti-Idol prejudice held by many a radio-station programmer. For Madonna, being the first superstar artist to hit the studio with Adam would attach her to a young, exciting artist without the appearance that she's suddenly become a follower instead of a leader (a problem that gave "Me Against the Music" and "4 Minutes to Save the World" a slight whiff of desperation). Plus, girlfriend could use some fresh gay-cred points, no?
What do you think? Would an Adam-Madonna collaboration be a match made in musical heaven, or an aural abomination? And which artist would benefit more from a duet?
For worse (Marilyn Monroe as a present-day video skank, left) or better (Dawson's Creek-era Katie Holmes as Girl With a Pearl Earring, right), artists at Worth1000.com have undergone some treacherous Adventures in Photoshop to bring us Telegraph.co.uk's excellent Celebrity Time Travel photo gallery. This is like that time EW.com image-doctoring superstar Jef Castro put Gokey's face on a lean-sirloin dancer's bod. But classy! Definitely check this out.
SOME NOTES: --Reese and J. Lo look great as polka-dot pinups and should work this look in 2009 --Simon Cowell as old-fashioned curmudgeon might actually be from 2009 --Tom Cruise must be the most important person in Britain's idea of Hollywood because he got two portraits --Whatever you do, keep clicking until you hit Justin Timberlake the 12-year-old soldier --Breaking! Eminem is hard at work on his new album --Mandi has already made this her wallpaper. Tile that s---, girl.
Blinding white time travel-y light: in 3...2..1....boom.
(Possible) controversy alert! Idolatry, EW.com's humble video series devoted to all things American Idol, is being sucked into the No-Spin Zone. That's right, Fox News' The O'Reilly Factor will be excerpting our interview with Idol's season 8 runner-up Adam Lambert for an episode airing tonight at 8 p.m. EDT (and repeating at 11 p.m.).
I'm not sure what to expect, exactly, but here's a little context: During my freewheeling, candid Idolatry chat with Mr. Lambert, I had asked if he'd seen an O'Reilly Factor segment from earlier in the season during which host Bill O'Reilly blurred out photos of Adam kissing another man and called them "embarrassing." When I raised the question "embarrassing to who?" Adam replied, "I wasn't embarrassed. I guess he was. Bill was embarrassed." So you know where we're headed, right? Straight up Molehill Mountain, the land where narcissistic TV hosts grab onto any little soundbite that makes the news about them. And now, here I am, blogging about O'Reilly building a show around an interview I did with an Idol contestant that referenced an O'Reilly segment that was focused on said contestant. Coming soon to your dictionary, next to the word "meta": A picture of my ridiculous pink dye-job.
O'Reilly's web site teases their story thusly: "'Idol' runner-up Adam Lambert sounds off on Bill! We'll play you the tape." Newsflash to fans of The O'Reilly Factor: The interview, in its entirety, is embedded after the jump! Guess there's no need to tune in to O'Reilly after all!
UPDATE: Color me plum surprised! O'Reilly actually praised Adam for his Idolatry comment that TOF's two female contributors gave him props during the telecast in question. But riddle me this: If O'Reilly wants us to believe he truly operates in a "no-spin" zone, how come he neglected to air any of Adam's Idolatry quotes that could've been construed as critical or mocking of the Fox News host? Also, dude needs a serious education about First Amendment. Maybe he should start with this link?
On last night's Family Guy, none of the late night hosts could believe that Lauren Conrad was an esteemed academic...or dating a dog. Fallon, Ferguson, and Leno all did a cameo, and we have to applaud the way they sort of self-deprecated their typical hosting fashions -- mildly bewildered, excessively randy, and over-the-top corny -- to cover the same topic. Press play below.
Conrad herself made a hilarious know-it-all throughout, but my favorite part of the episode was Family Guy's knock against Sting -- that only the last three words of anything he sings are recognizable as English. Hey, someone had to say it! And not Sting. Anyone else dig Family Guy last night?
But...what?! Speaking of Family Guy...can you believe Fox has renewed the spinoff Cleveland before its first episode has even aired? At this point they'd probably greenlight a documentary/sitcom about the annoying interference emitting from my computer's speakers as long as Seth McFarlane was attached.
Ooh, yeah, baby, sprawl out against that carcass -- it really makes the springtime cardigan pop! On last night's American Chopper, the guys headed up to Russia's neighbor, Alaska, to commemorate the state's 50th anniversary with a custom bike. Their meeting with Governor Sarah Palin is possibly the most awkward thing ever filmed, but sort of perfect if you're like me and appreciate when your television makes you cringe. "Yeah, we love those motor sports!"
"Welcome Back, Governor." I'm sure Palin and Big Paul will take that fishin' trip this summer. Pics or it didn't happen, you two!
Reps for Rosanna Arquette confirmed to EW that the actress will be in the latest direct-to-DVD installment of American Pie. Which raises two questions: One...they're still making American Pie movies? And two, what the fart is Rosanna Arquette doing in them?
Look, I love a gross-out teen comedy probably more than anyone (paging the maturity department, Dr. Lyons to the maturity department), but the American Pie franchise needs to be put out of its misery. Hahaha, poop, breasts, boners, etc -- can the Internet not meet our needs on this front? I posit that it can.
But more importantly, Rosanna Arquette, I know times are tough all over, but...a direct-to-DVD movie? A fourth d-t-DVD American Pie movie? You desperately sought Susan! You were all kinds of racy in Crash! You were so crazy on The L Word and Grey's Anatomy. You were in Pulp Freakin' Fiction! Just...epic sadface on this development. Please do a funky indie movie -- though I'd settle for another Lifetime movie -- instead.
We do want to know, however: What Arquette fan out there is psyched to hear this news because you are one of the people who actually buys American Pie straight-to-DVD movies?
Reps for Rosanna Arquette confirmed to EW that the actress will be in the latest direct-to-DVD installment of American Pie. Which raises two questions: One...they're still making American Pie movies? And two, what the fart is Rosanna Arquette doing in them?
