The five broadcast TV shows you're most 'emotionally attached to'

Last week, Media Life Magazine reported on a new study from Marketing Evaluations, The Q Scores Company, which measured and ranked viewers' emotional attachment to broadcast TV shows during the '07-'08 season. ("Emotional attachment" was defined as how committed you are to continuing to watch a show.) This list of the 20 series that garnered the greatest devotion (I've included it after the jump) definitely got EW's TV department talking.

And that conversation got me thinking: Let's do our own informal poll for the '08-'09 season: Name the five broadcast TV shows you are most committed to watching this fall. (I know we all love our cable, so this may hurt a little.)

My list: 

1. Fox's Bones (for those of you wondering where the PopWatch love has been, Abby West will be bringing it back starting this week)

2. ABC's Brothers & Sisters (I would happily marry into the Walker clan, if only for the wine; pictured, David Annable and Emily VanCamp) (Also: Slezak is recapping later today in PopWatch, fear not)

3. ABC's Desperate Housewives (for as long as Gale Harold is on, anyway; bonus pic of him with Teri Hatcher, after the jump!)

4. The CW's Privileged (it's like an ABC Family Channel original movie, only well-written!)

5. I was gonna say CBS' Ghost Whisperer — I've got to see where they're headed with David Conrad's character — but really, it's ABC's Boston Legal. They know it's their last season, which should give them plenty of time to plot an appropriately insane, verbose, and (above all) affectionate exit for Denny Crane (William Shatner) and Alan Shore (James Spader). In the season premiere, Alan took on Big Tobacco and Denny thought his penis had Alzheimer's — very promising.

Your turn.

Has 'Prison Break' gotten better?

I had some major doubts about Prison Break after last season’s finale. Mahone in cahoots with James and Gretchen? Linc yukking it up down south with Sofia? Sucre in Sona? Michael (Wentworth Miller, pictued) driving off into the horizon with a yen for revenge? And for Pete’s sake, why Panama? It made me hot just to watch.

Then I was floored by the quality of last week’s premiere. Maybe it was Sarah Wayne Callies’ return (which felt a lot more natural than I’d anticipated) or Whistler’s head exploding. Or the excellent addition of Michael Rapaport as the lawman who assembled our guys to take down the Company. Everything simply worked. Now Prison Break is less of a heart-pounding escape drama than a highly-involved caper series. And that’s what good shows do: They change.

So I actually felt warm-and-fuzzy when I sat down to enjoy yesterday’s episode, knowing I’d get something good. My heart ached a little after Michael told Sarah not to worry, that they’d sail away together soon. And I’m still moved by the reconciliation between Linc and Alex. But what I want to know is whether or not you’re with me or if I’m alone: Is Prison Break on the mend? Is it soaring to new heights? Or am I just a fool with an unrequited crush on a very tired show?

'Prison Break' recap: series finale

And then we came to an end. Or a season finale at least. So let’s be honest — who isn’t a little bit relieved? I for one, as a fan of Prison Break, began to see Monday nights as a burden. I watched out of loyalty to the show and duty to the job if nothing else. And maybe a mild crush on Chris Vance. But the last few weeks, let’s admit, have been right twaddle and though I don’t share in the belief that Fox should put us out of our misery and cancel the show, I do propose the following: Give us a few more episodes this summer to take Mike and Linc to a proper end.  And make them good. And I mean very good. Just keep Michael in Linc’s brown blazer. It’s smoking. 

That said, let’s recap with a head count:

1. McGrady. As we all figured, minus a little setback on the road, he basically made a clean break. But did he and pops really need to make a pit stop to party with the family 20 miles before crossing the Colombian border? Don’t you think the cops are going to be questioning granny and the cousins soon?

2. Sucre. What an upstanding guy this one turned out to be: He’s willing to be buried alive rather than sell out Mike and Linc. Luckily — or not — he escaped that fate and now he’s back in Sona where archenemy T-Bag (the dude that sold him out) is king.   

'Prison Break' recap: The chase begins!

They’re out! Even if the escape itself wasn’t so exciting — and little more than the boys commando-crawling under jeeps — the chase so far has been smashing. Just our luck that when the going gets good, the show goes on hiatus after next week’s winter finale. 

So apparently Michael’s whole "we have only thirty seconds to make it across no man’s land" warning was mumbo-jumbo. He made the whole thing up to trick Lechero, Bellick, and T-Bag into rushing out first, getting nabbed, and creating a diversion so the rest of the crew could make a clean getaway. Cheeky bastard. Luckily it worked, if only because not a single guard thought of looking under his car for the missing prisoners. I just wish the show’s producers had hired less of a ham to play the general hunting them down: every time he heard new information about the escape he’d make this angry, bug-eyed face that looked like he was in the middle of passing some painful gas.

So now we’ve got the group split in two, with Bellick, Lechero, T-Bag and Sucre still at Sona and Michael, Linc, Alex, Whistler, and McGrady on the run. I won’t spend too much time on McGrady: Nothing bad is gonna happen to that sweet boy and his faithful, good-in-a-pinch dad. I doubt they’ll make anything but a clean getaway. On the other hand, back at the prison, Lechero has been shot under the arm and is basically bleeding to death. Bellick is out of for the count, having been beaten practically to death by the prison guards even after giving away the location of Michael’s tunnel. T-bag has just implicated Sucre (who was practically in the clear) in the whole mess. It was a hateful move of course, but the guards were going to fillet his testes if he didn’t give them some info. And Sucre. Poor Sucre, I’d bet ten bucks he’s going to end up in Sona. Leave it to him to steal the identity of a man with a warrant out for his own arrest. 

'Prison Break' recap: The (not so) Great Escape

Hey Fox, it’s not like I’ve memorized the dictionary or anything, but I’m pretty sure it’s just plain wrong to advertise an episode as featuring “The Greatest Escape in Television History” and then to not show us a breakout. 

What we got instead was a lot of faffing. With Sammy out of the way, you’d think the preparations inside the prison would be smooth sailing, but now the guys have only 24 hours to re-dig the tunnel that took them three days to excavate the first time. Plus it’s raining. In Michael’s words, “Rain. Dirt. Tunnel. Problem.” Even with the proper support, the extra water weight could make the whole structure collapse. The solution? Move the escape up half a day before the ground gets too heavy. So now they have 12 hours to re-dig the tunnel that took them three... oh you get it.  And to make things worse, now they’ve got to breakout at night. Under any other circumstances this would be a good thing, but in Sona that means double the guards and double the jeep patrols. As Elbert Hubbard wrote, “Life is just one damn thing after another.”

So in place of a heart-pounding, mind-blowing prison break, we got a few A-team montages of the guys hurrying to build tunnel supports. We got some old-school Michael, with his plan to cut off the electricity and use honey and dirt to cover the escape hatch. We got some “heart-to-hearts” between Lechero and T-Bag, Bellick and Mahone, and Michael and Whistler. We got to see Sucre use his little gray cells and sabotage a patrol vehicle. We got to cringe and wiggle when Gretchen put out her henchman’s cigar on Sophia’s shoulder. And we got to cheer for Whistler when he actually came through for once and tore up the paper with the coordinates on it, refusing to give in to the Company. Then again, who knows what was on that paper. Could be “Dear Gretchen, clean me, love, your underwear,” for all we know. 

'Prison Break' recap: Dirt Nap

Given that we’re only T-minus-one episode from this season’s big breakout, you’d think last night’s show would've been a nail biter. And it was...to a point: Sammy’s taken over the prison (and apparently enjoys listening to Eric B. & Rakim); Mike’s in the tunnel unaware that there’s a bounty on his head; Lechero’s hiding in the john with a shiv; Linc’s hitting on Sofia; Sucre’s planting a bomb in Gretchen’s car; Alex is sobering up, and so on. On the other hand, all those goings-on inspired very little water-cooler chat in me.  And that’s gotta say something. 

Nevertheless, three things stuck out, beginning with Gretchen’s sending an email to one “Edward Guthrie” using Whistler’s alias (or real name, we’re not sure yet), “Gary Miller.” Let’s review its contents:

RE:  Great Sales! —

Ed, we’ll be in contact soon. Sales are through the roof! Hope you’re working on your putting...Gary.

First off, what are they selling? My guess is whatever’s in that silver Deal Or No Deal suitcase Sofia found hidden in the lining of Whistler’s duffle bag. Second, who’s “we?” I’m assuming Gretchen and Whistler, working together, but what do you think? And who is Edward Guthrie? Has he been mentioned before? Is he going to be our connection to Molly who, BTW, hasn’t shown up yet? And what’s this about Linc Googling (okay, “spider-searching”) “Gary Miller” and, using just his name and birth date, pinpointing the right guy? Silly rabbit, I did the same thing and got over 200,000 hits. Nevertheless, the search — Gary Miller is apparently from Scottsdale, even though his passport says Dallas — did bring back into play the info we learned a few episodes ago about Whistler’s mother being in a retirement home in Arizona. I wonder when she’s coming into the mix. 

'Prison Break' recap: Boxed in

As the promos promised, “the boys are back.” And to complete the Thin Lizzy reference, “them cats are crazy.” Which is a good thing: Yesterday’s midseason opener—despite its near-complete lack of action, save Bellick’s Gladiator-style smack down—had the series 1 “WTF, where’s this show going, that dude’s nuts” vibe that makes Prison Break great. 

When we left Linc, Mike, Sucre and Co. in November, their escape plan had gone belly up and the General was leading Michael out of Sona. Gretchen (formerly Susan B.) was in deep doo-doo with the Colonel and soaking up scotch over the failed “bang and burn” mission to grab Whistler using a helicopter and, as y’all pointed out, a trapeze. Alex was completely strung out on his way back to prison in the reluctant custody of former girl Friday, Lang. Lechero had almost completely lost control of the inmates. T-Bag was looking to get Sammy. Bellick was still dressed like a tailgater.  And Linc, Sucre, Sofia and L.J. were just lucky to be, miraculously, alive.

So what went down last night?

Prison Break: Banged and Burned

Thanks to the writers' strike, Fox has given Prison Break's schedule an epic last minute overhaul. With more than a dozen episodes in the can, they're not going to wait until December to air the fall finale, nor will they start airing episodes again in April. Rather the season cliffhanger dropped last night, and PB will be back on as soon as January.

Half of me says, "Yay!" The other half didn't think yesterday's show was much to sing about, much less a good breaking off point. Were we shocked when Michael was led out of Sona at the end? Not really. Do we think something terrible is waiting for him on the other side? Yes. Is it enough to keep us waiting with bated breath until after Christmas? You tell me.

Otherwise, we also found out a little more about Whistler's secret identity. Apparently, he's had a sweet little bachelor pad hidden from Sofia, where he kept a lot of shredded papers and a Jason Bourne-like stash of a U.S. passport and a social security card. The passport — issued to one Gary Miller in Dallas — sent Sofia reeling, but not enough to confront him about it specifically. Instead, she marched all the way down to Sona to catch him in a lie about the apartment before running to warn Linc that his life was in danger. Apparently, prison fighting beats assassin moves anyway, because he and Sucre still managed to dodge the Company's millionth attempt to kill them.

'Prison Break': Going nowhere slowly

Last night's two-hour PB "event" — or, as I like to call it, pair of back-to-back episodes —€” was chock-full of reveals.  So let'€™s begin at the end:

•  So Susan (aka Gretchen) is working with/for Whistler.  Now I want to know, as soon as possible, the exact nature of their relationship.  My best guess? They've collaborated before —€” were partners, even —€” in some covert military operation.  Now they're both out for a buck.  Either that, or he's the one who saved her when she was taken captive years before and now she's gotta help him out (a debt of honor —€” oh, how old school).  One thing is for sure, though:  After Susan reminded Whistly that he'd wanted to be out of Sona in seven days, and he should be miffed about staying four more, he replied, "won't be comfortable — if I'm out of here by then, I can still do it."  What exactly, then, is it? And don'€™t tell me it has anything to do with water samples or geological tommyrot.

• Susan is an ex-soldier. I got the point of the story she told L.J. about her experience as the bargaining chip in a hostage situation:  Don't try to run, you whiny, useless moppet.  What I didn't get is why she told it with no pants on.  Yes, she wanted L.J. to see the scars from the rape and torture she received from her own captors, but that could have been done in a pair of shorts.  The whole thing just felt forced and strange.

'Prison Break': Catch it while you can

The media have been abuzz with Prison Break bits — Q&As with slightly annoyed producers explaining why Sarah Wayne Callies was written off the show; a lovely, if aggressive rebuttal from Ms. Callies herself, and spoilers, spoilers, spoilers. Even the New York Times chimed in with a piece comparing PB and House. The long and the short of it? House's ratings survived its (cough... nonexistent) cast shakeup because it's essentially a hospital procedural: The (ahem) character changes didn't irk fans as long as they still got their promised dose of medical mystery. Prison Break — a serialized program to the core — screwed with devotees hoping for a big payoff to Season 1 and 2's Sara/Michael drama. If you just went "Well, duh," then I'm with you.

(BTW, this all totally ignores my theory that old ladies just like to go to bed with visions of Hugh Laurie in their head. They don't care about Cameron or whomever. Go check your mom or grandma's TiVo. You'll see what I mean.)

Anyway, the most important PB news in my book, the most shocking, and, quite frankly, the most annoying is Fox's announcement that, to make room in its schedule for Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (hello... 2003), the network will stop airing original episodes of PB after a fall-finale cliffhanger on December 17th. The season will then resume four months later on April 14th. Remember the good old days when your favorite network shows aired straight through the season, save a few reruns here and there? Now they're like Halley's comet. I tell you now, that had better be one hell of a cliffhanger. I want Michael poised to push Susan B. off a building, while R.J. is swimming to the U.S., and Lincoln is preparing to make sweet love to Sofia with Whistler about to walk in, guns a-blazing. I want T-Bag, Lechero, and the "nun" on the run in the middle of the Panamanian jungle. (Which dude will she pick? Will she embrace T's rubber hand?) Fox can do what they wish to Sucre. He's a total muppet. After all that whining about staying out of trouble, he goes and jeopardizes Michael's plan for $5,000? I want the promise of a new character played by a big actor. He/she should have an Oscar or an Emmy and have never appeared on a Law & Order. Or they can just be from Twin Peaks. Or The Long Riders. And I mean you, James Keach, real-life brother of Stacy Keach, a.k.a. Warden Pope. Let's get you both in Panama, or Scottsdale (where it seems the action is headed, need the writers hint that one more time?).

But why, you ask, do I talk of hypothetical new guys when last night's epi introduced a real one?

'Prison Break': Contents of the box revealed!

Danke to Fox for disclosing the contents of Susan B.'s mysterious, icky-sticky gift box within the first fifteen of last night's episode.  Waiting out the minutes, or hours, or days for a big reveal ("What's in the hatch?" "Are you on the list?" "Who is Don Draper?") distracts from details that are key to serials like PB.  Plus, you know I likes me a gory moment or two — and it's close enough to Halloween. 

But Sara's severed head, mouth open and hair drenched? Really? That's too easy and I won't buy any bunk about the simplicity of it being genius.  As y'all pointed out, we've seen this before.  Boring. Boring. Boring.  And, might I add, poor girl.  Also, who is this PB hairdresser giving away show secrets? For shame! (Seriously though, I like spoilers, so keep 'em coming, just warn us first). 

Back to business, should Lincoln really hold back this new development from his brother? I get it, he feels guilty.  He's kinda been moping for three seasons now, anyway.  But you know Linc's being a little bit selfish:  If Michael (who, let's just say, hasn't been psychologically A1 for quite awhile) falls to pieces, he might not break Whistler out, and thus might not save Lincoln's weak-link son, L.J.  Then again, I guess it can't really be self-centered to want to help your kid.  Either way, Mike's gonna be rip-roaringly pissed at someone.   

So Tancredi's gone (unless she pulls a Sherry Stringfield on ER, and begs for her job back, then shows up like Silas Weir Mitchell did last night — which BTW, I thought was lame).  Disappointingly, PB writers aren't kind to well-educated female characters that have pulled themselves up from poverty or drug addiction to make good.  They usually end up with either all or part of their skull missing.  Here's hoping that Sofia dropped out of high school, because who didn't get all warm and gooey inside when she and Whistler touched hands through the gate?  I've already said she's appallingly beautiful and her character gives him heart.  I'm actually hoping he's not a sneaky bastard — just for her sake.   

Mini TV Watch: 'Prison Break'

Straightaway:  What's in the box? A head? A foot? A finger? A toe? Say "a jack" like my brother did, and I’ll hunt you down, The Bride-style.  We know whatever's in there is moist, dripping, and made Linc go "huah" when he saw it.  And it's not something dirty or a fresh-baked meatloaf.  As tempting as it might be, we can't make the assumption that it's a body part because: a) when you make an assumption, you make an ass out of u and mption, and b) that would be too easy, especially for this show.  So enter your hypothesis here.  I, for one, bet dollars to donuts it's a fish, or those water samples Whistler prattled on about.  Then again, it wouldn't make much sense for Susan to be giving those to Linc as a threat. 

If it is an extremity, that still could mean anything and — unless it's something obvious, like a head — could be from any poor sucker (not just Sarah or L.J., which is, I'm sure, what we’re supposed to be freaking out about until next week).  As Walter tells the Dude in The Big Lebowski, stray phalanges to use in these situations aren't hard to come by ("I'll get you a toe by this afternoon — with nail polish"). 

Yet it would be pretty awesome if it was, say, C-Note's or Maricruz’s severed noggin (courtesy of the Company) — sent to remind Linc/Michael that they are totally in control.  I know that sounds twisted.  I'm putting forth C-Note or Maricruz because they are both far away, and because I don't think they'd kill L.J. or Sarah this early. In fact, I don't think they'll kill L.J. at all.  Do you?

Mini TV Watch: 'Prison Break'

Mea culpa: In last week's episode, Whistler gave Bellick rat meat, not people meat. That's especially clear to me now that Bellick called him the guy that "gave me some rat meat."  I’m a dope.  And, it's becoming quite clear, possibly a sadist.  But let us move on.  According to PB's publicist, they’re shooting in Dallas this year, with occasional field trips to Florida and Panama (note to cast:  that place seems dangerous).  He couldn't/wouldn't, however, give up anything about Sarah Wayne Callies' possible return, beyond the usual "Sara [Tancredi] is an important part of this year's plot" and "we'll have to wait and see."  (Next week's episode has Michael trying to get a hold of Lechero’s cell so he can call her.  I swear if they show another shot of a different actress with her hair over her face or use someone else's voice, I'll scream.)  I also asked him about Whistler's nationality. I, too, was going by the closed captioning on my TV when I described him as Australian, even though Chris Vance — an Aussie TV star — was born in England.  But Whistler is, the pub says, Australian.  So we can at least put that to bed. 

And to Matt, I’m also psyched for some new blood. Speaking of, what do y'all think of Sofia and McGrady? She's quite possibly the prettiest woman on Monday nights, if not TV.  And she's one tough cookie (with of course, a warm gooey center, you know she already feels bad for Linc).  As for McGrady, I'll say that last week I didn't see him as much more than T-Bag bait, but now you know he’ll be instrumental in the breakout.  And he looks out for himself — I like that.  Have you seen the video of him and his Pops on Fox.com? Tears to my eyes.  Don't get me wrong though, it's hard to let go of the old guys.  Especially when, like with Kellerman, they're just so good.  BTW, I think Paul Adelstein is great on Private Practice:  just like he gave evil ol' Kellerman cuddle, he gives this cuddly character edge.

One more thing before we get into last night's episode.  PB (unsurprisingly, I bet, to all of us) is not doing well in the ratings.  The premiere lost out to reruns — reruns! — of How I Met Your Mother and The New Adventures of Old Christine.  Which is just a shame.  I thought it made the perfect lead-in to Heroes in my TV watching schedule last night.  I hit the computer with a smile on my face.   

Mini TV Watch: 'Prison Break' (Season 3, episode 1)

First off, what was all that pre-premiere critical hoo-hah about Prison Break "improving" this season by sending Michael & Co. back to the slammer? I dug last year's men-on-the-run in every-which-way-but-win setup.  Sucks that Lincoln's lawyer babe Veronica had to get clipped in episode 1 (no double dates with Mike and Sara), but her goody-goodness was dead weight. Those dudes were in prison. With T-Bag. They were pawns in a hoax orchestrated by the vice president and Veronica was still angling for a reprieve.  Who wasn't chuffed to see her screen time go to emotionally conflicted, drug-addicted, altogether cooler Sara?  The good doctor always came through in the pinch.  Season 2 trimmed Break's fat (Veronica, Abruzzi, C-Note), revealing a streamlined, if old-school, conspiracy thriller (a shady group of financial corporations known simply as the Company runs the country) and a slick game of cat-and-mouse pitting brainiac fugitive Michael against FBI genius Mahone (an employee of said group).  Now through machinations of the Company, the pair, along with T-Bag and Bellick, are trapped in a Panama City prison called Sona. 

And yeah, last night's episode hinted at a pretty thrilling season to come.  For instance:

1. Prison Break: Panama City is rough.  Remember the jail-house riots from season 1? Child’s play.  It's like 28 Days Later in there, everyday, complete with cannibalism (Bellick to inmate: "Mmmmm…chicken") and rotting corpses (inmate to Bellick: "That’s not chicken").  And the only way to get out is in a body bag.  Or in the stomach of someone in the body bag. 

2. Sona is run by Bunny Colvin, aka The Wire's Robert Wisdom, but without the cuddly cop thing he had going on in that show.  Here he's called Lechero and he makes yoga — which he practices while watching his flat-screen TV (in a prison, so you know he's got pull) — scary.

Blu-ray technology blah-blah-blah...zzzzz

So here's the thing about this whole Blu-ray vs. HD DVD debate...

Hey, wake up! I haven't even finished my first sentence yet. Isn't this supposed to be the VHS vs. Beta decision of our modern age?

Yeah, okay, I can't make myself care, either. But apparently, the folks at Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment do, since they sent me a press release announcing "an aggressive global Blu-ray Disc release strategy including 29 new release and 'must-have' catalog titles that runs through the end of the 2007 calendar year."

"Must-have" titles include Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer and Prison Break? Alrighty then!

And this concludes PopWatch's secret, nefarious plan to sneak photos of Jessica Alba and Wentworth Miller into one post on a drowsy Tuesday afternoon. Now back to your regularly scheduled procrastinating.

To Care or Not to Care: 'Prison Break' Edition

Hi there! Are you still watching Prison Break? It's nice to meet you! So am I. And last night's season finale made me wonder how much longer I'm gonna have to.

No spoilers here, but let's just break (ha) down the facts: America fell in love with the first season's high concept, and then immediately lost interest once the boys (and occasional girl who didn't get shot or kidnapped) went on the run. But I kept watching, because I have abandonment issues. And I was treated to a long, long year of fleeing, shooting, dying, more shooting, more fleeing, some double-crossing, a little torture, and a whole bunch of Bill Fichtner (pictured) playing crazy -- which, to be honest, was probably a more persuasive answer for the "why the hell are you still watching that thing" question than anything else.

And now, well, I don't know what happens next.

Bring on the 2006 TV character obits!

Way back when I got my first paid journalism gig at The Leader-Herald in Gloversville, NY, a wise editor told me that nothing makes readers angrier than finding an error on the obituaries page. Well, I'd like to amend his statement to include omitting someone's obituary altogether. It's a lesson I learned the hard way after writing a gallery for EW.com a couple weeks back called "Obit Players," focusing on 10 major TV characters who died in 2006. I chose to write about Denny Duquette (Grey's Anatomy), Louanne 'Kat' Katraine (Battlestar Galactica), Mr. Eko (Lost), Eden McCain (Heroes), William Walker (Brothers & Sisters), Alexandra Borgia (Law & Order), Marissa Cooper (The O.C.), Veronica Donovan (Prison Break), Andrea Moreno (The Ghost Whisperer), and Edgar Stiles (24). In the process, I left out a number of dearly departed series regulars, including Leo of The West Wing, Jack and Irina from Alias, Lemonhead of The Shield, and Bodie from The Wire (pictured).

So, PopWatchers, here's your chance to make things right. Which late, great characters got overlooked in my gallery? Start your eulogizing in the comments section below.

Gays on TV: Not so much

As Kathy Griffin likes to ask: Where my gays at?

The answer, apparently, is not on primetime network TV, according to a new study by the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation. With Will & Grace's Will and Jack out to permanent pasture, and the cancellation of Crumbs and Out of Practice, there are now only eight gay male characters and one lesbian among the 679 lead or supporting characters on the 95 fall comedies and dramas slated for CBS, ABC, FOX, NBC, and The CW. (And, oh yeah, that MyNetworkTV thing too.) Even more of a bummer, of the three highest-profile returning characters, Desperate Housewives' evil Andrew (Shawn Pyfrom, pictured at left) isn't featured in every episode, and The Office's Oscar is only a bit player. (Thank heavens for ER's Dr. Weaver!)

Granted, as LAist notes, the study neglects to include Smithers on The Simpsons, and what's more, it also doesn't account for the homoerotic spectacle of Prison Break (oh, come now, it's not just me!) or the Incredibly True Adventure of Two Boys in Love that is Scrubs (hey, that theory's on series creator Bill Lawrence). Still, GLAAD's report doesn't paint a particularly fabulous sporty well-balanced picture, particularly when you add to it the fact that it also took a look at the racial mix of the lead and supporting roles, and found that African-Americans made up only 12 percent, Latinos 7 percent, and Asian-Pacific a slim 3 percent.

Now I don't mean to sound cynical here, but given the fact that complaints about the lack of diversity in the networks' lineups is an annual (and fruitless) sport, I'm hardly about to hold my breath and wait for the networks to improve their performance. And, I'm a tad ashamed to say, I'm not ready to check in to Betty Ford to get over my network cravings and join some kind of boob-tube boycott. Which, I guess, leaves me with two options: taking solace in g-g-g-gay reality fare like America's Next Top Model and The Amazing Race, or, perhaps, continuing to turn to cable, where Bravo, F/X, Logo, and HBO (among others) continue to represent.

What do you make of the networks' poor record on diversity? And what, if anything, can be done to improve it?

Let's re-cast: William Fichtner joins 'Prison Break'

In William Fichtner's continuing and mostly successful quest to make people forget he ever appeared in Passion of Mind comes word that he'll be joining the cast of Fox's Prison Break for its second season, playing a federal agent who's hot on the trail of the show's on-the-lam lead characters. This ''happy-morning'' news for Fichtner fans, many of whom would like to see him land an Emmy nod for his creepy turn on ABC's recently departed Invasion, got me thinking about one of my favorite topics: Which players from recently canceled or concluded shows might spruce up existing series come fall?

I'd snag Six Feet Under's Mathew St. Patrick, who did some wild scenery chewing opposite the emotional ciphers on Fox's ridonkulous Reunion last fall, and cast him on Desperate Housewives as a hunky personal trainer who unleashes an unexpected competitive vibe among the women of Wisteria Lane. Think you can beat that casting suggestion? Go ahead and try.

'Prison Break': Give me a break!

Despite my growing concerns about this show, I was pretty pumped when Michael and his crazy band of brothers finally crawled through that hole behind the toilet to begin the escape we've been waiting a bazillion years to see.

'Course, I immediately had some pressing questions: Why aren't the other inmates questioning why C-Note (pictured) is hanging upstairs with white boys like T-Bag and Abruzzi? Why isn't anyone trying to sneak a peek behind the white sheet? And can a toilet bowl full of peroxide really bleach a set of coveralls?

Fortunately, we didn’t have to wait long for some pertinent answers. Though Tweener proved that, no, the peroxide doesn’t work so well, we got some more details about Nick's ties to Abruzzi (turns out he's an insurance policy to kill Veronica should Michael renege on his promise to reveal the name of informant who put Abruzzi in prison in the first place). We also learned a little more about the company behind the VP (Patricia Wettig, you are sooooo on your way to Deadsville!), and what's the best way to stall lame-brain secretaries from barging in on tied-up wardens: park the phone on 1-800-YUCKS-4U.

Other highlights of last night’s penultimate episode: the sweet look on T-Bag’s face when he learned Westmoreland buried $5 million, not just a mere $1 million, under some silo; Nick taking a fatal bullet so Veronica can continue her quest to vindicate Loverboy, and, most importantly, seeing Lincoln and Michael finally scale that damn wall. (Not so favorite part: watching Sara take a long, yearning look at the morphine. Like we're supposed to believe this former addict hasn't noticed it in the infirmary before?)

Anyway... so long, Fox River; I always liked the idea of reviving The Fugitive anyway. So what did you think?

'Prison Break': Forestalling the break

Remember that part in 24 last night where Jack elbowed the air marshal hard enough to knock him out and steal his badge? The hell with that -- remember that scene at the beginning of Prison Break when Westmoreland bitch-slapped Bellick with the back of a shovel? That’s what Scofield should have done to the warden instead of brandishing that sissy steak knife and ridiculous furrowed brow. Bad enough that he brought Sara and that squealing 'Tweener into his lair but now the warden too? (And let’s be honest; Stacy Keach has about 200 pounds on ol' skin-and-bones Scofield. He could take that snot-nosed kid down if he had to.) Is this really the same whip-smart engineer who orchestrated the whole break in the first place?

Something stinks at Fox River -- and it ain’t those Brussels sprouts that T-Bag smeared all over his bunk.

(Find out what stinks after the jump...)

'Prison Break': Is Michael THAT naive?

Poor, put-upon, “All I did was swipe a few baseball cards” 'Tweener. I actually felt a little sorry for Avocado’s bed buddy last night. Interesting how the producers made that little stool pigeon sympathetic by explaining how ridiculously minor the “crime” was which got him into Fox River in the first place (he stole a bunch of baseball cards, one of which just happened to be worth $300K).

But just how innocent is Tweener? By episode’s end, we saw how he tattled to Bellick about Scofield’s plans for escape! My first reaction (because I always want to see the glass half full when it comes to the hot boy) was that Scofield couldn’t be that naive, telling yet another inmate about his plans. Upon further review, however, I decided that I am that naive. Just how many mistakes can this dude make in one week? Clearly, Sara’s on to him now (getting the “wife” to grab her keys so he can access the infirmary -- jeez, what a maroon). Irksome, frustrating -- and yet so much better than the last two excrutiatingly ridiculous episodes.

Meanwhile, Lincoln’s much-anticipated reunion with Daddy Dearest served as a primer for Season 2: There’s a far greater force at work here beyond the V.P.’s reach. Okay, I know -- kinda like what we learned last night on 24 with Dr. Romano and his mysterious band of evildoers. But while I started to have my doubts about a second and third season of Prison Break, I don’t anymore; I’m just as eager to hop that Fox River fence as Scofield and get on with the real chase.

What about you?

'Prison Break': More interesting on the outside?

''We got a problem.'' You're darn right, T-Bag –- you're losing us, fast. Before the show's frustrating winter break, the writers had us sitting on the edge our seats with Michael's ingenious escape plan; now they have us rolling our eyes each week with outlandish obstacles like Michael's cell going up for auction by a corrupt prison guard (what's so appealing about this piece of second-floor real estate, anyway?). I never thought I'd say it, but the action outside of Fox River has finally eclipsed what's going on inside –- like that brunet from 24 (you remember Lynn, from President Palmer's administration?) turning on Agent Kellerman and some mysterious entity keeping a tight leash on Veronica's partner in crime. And it appears that somebody in the VP's office, frustrated by the snail's pace of Lincoln's execution, arranged a meeting outside of Fox River between the convict and his son –- which ultimately provided a fortuitous moment for a Mack truck to broadside Lincoln's van. Clearly, the bad guys missed their target; we see in the previews that Lincoln's now on the lam.

If I didn't adore Wentworth Miller as Scofield so much, I'd suggest the writers keep the young bro behind bars and now follow the fugitive –- but we know that's not their plan. Besides, I don't think I'm ready to say goodbye to T-Bag (Robert Knepper, pictured) just yet; damn if this unpredictable antihero hasn't become my sole excuse to tune in each week (how 'bout that holy-crap moment during the poker game when he made the racial slur about a ''full house''?). So what do you think? Are you still fully committed to Scofield's escape plan, or does it make you want to vomit like Haywire (milky white bile, no less! Yuck!)?

'Prison Break': Michael ain't the only crazy one

Okay, I could have done without Michael’s boxing-with-the-wall scene (my knuckles ache just thinking about it), but it certainly proved what extreme (if not downright moronic) lengths that Michael will go to for Lincoln: pound his hand silly against the wall of his solitary cell and then pretend to be catatonic so Sara will transfer him into the psych ward where he can ask ol' Sleepy-Eye Haywire to re-create the intricate tattoo on his back that was burned by a butt-hot pipe that Michael leaned against two weeks ago. I know. You don’t have to say it. So freakin’ ridiculous. And yet Michael really had me after that final, painful punch: Has Homeboy really gone mad? And for what?

While he was playing the pugilistic nutcase back in solitary, Fernando was taking care of business by plugging up their escape hole in the shack so the guards wouldn’t discover their intricate plan. Crisis averted! Meanwhile, Lincoln’s retarded son thought he’d take matters into his own hands by hunting down Kellerman but ended up getting caught by the cops. His bad! And we learned that Lincoln’s dad -- the man who helped postpone the execution -- somehow has ties to the V.P.’s brother and the "company."

So what did you think? Will Kellerman -- who’s just as surprised and confused as I am about daddy Burrows’ links to the "company" -- start to turn on the veep? Would you punch a wall to get a one-way ticket to the cuckoo ward? Is this show getting just too damn crazy?

'Prison Break': How they all got in

Michael's attempt to seek a new escape plan was put on hold so the Prison Break producers can tell us what they think we want to know: that most of these jailbirds are victims of really bad circumstance and don't belong in the Big House. Take our martyr, Lincoln: turns out big bro was just trying to pay back a $90,000 debt he incurred to put his sib through school so he agreed to "kill" the already-dead brother of the vice president! Fernando's just a petty thief trying to impress his girlfriend, Dr. Sara is a recovering morphine addict, and C-Note (pictured) is a disillusioned family man trying to make ends meet after witnessing Abu Ghraib-like abuse that led to his dishonorable discharge from the military. T-Bag, we learn, is the only lout deserving of a permanent stay in prison for killing a bunch of coeds. 

Fortunately, those teases in the Break writers' room threw us a few bones in this otherwise infuriating flashback sequence: more detail on why the V.P. and her secret service thugs were so hellbent on framing Lincoln. She was protecting her business-owning bro, who's clearly still alive, sipping OJ in a secluded mansion and giving his dentures a good soak (ah, so now we know how that imposter in the ground had Terrence's old teeth!).

So what did you think of this episode?

'Prison Break': Michael's new plan

"There was always another way out of here." With those eight words, Prison Break continued with a bang last night as Michael set out to find a new plan of escape -- a very dangerous detour through the prison psych ward! This plot turn is a little crazy, but not nearly as loopy as the notion that Lincoln's long last dad -- a guy he hasn't seen in, like, forever -- not only showed up as a witness to the execution (oy, that dripping sponge, those menacing leather straps!) but played a key role in temporarily postponing it.

Papa Burrows appears to be the one who snuck inside the judge's office and left damning papers that allege the man supposedly killed by Lincoln is not the one dead and buried in some cemetery. After exhuming the body, Veronica discovers that he really is the vice president's brother (apparently, he's got the dental records to show for it), so she and her partner-in-crime are back to square one in saving Lincoln from death.

Meanwhile, Michael's new escape plan is temporarily foiled when he accidentally burns his back in the prison bowels, basically ruining that intricate blueprint that's tattooed to his back. Which leads to two important questions, actually, make that three: 1) Who among us is starting to think the dead guy could be some anonymous dude with teeth especially molded to look like they belong to the VP's brother? 2) Was it just me or did it seem like whatever skin that Michael lost in the burn accident didn't matter because that whole system of drawn "pipes" on his back doesn't make a damn bit of sense anyway? 3) Will Sara discover Michael's master plan before getting a chance to make out with that hot homeboy? Discuss.