Your finest camcorder production

Last night, I saw a screening of the feel-good Sundance hit Son of Rambow (in theaters May 2). It's about two young British boys — one a misunderstood, movie-loving bully; one a member of a religious sect that shuns entertainment (!) — who set out to make a sequel to First Blood. It's set in the '80s, so you get a great soundtrack (my favorite Cure song, "Close to Me," plays over the end credits). And since it's really about the powerful imaginations and friendships we're capable of as children, you will also get weepy — and nostalgic.

According to Rambow's production notes, writer-director Garth Jennings actually did shoot Rambo-inspired action-adventures with his friends after seeing a pirated video copy of First Blood when he was young. "Our stories, stunts, and special effects were outrageous in both ambition and stupidity," he admits, "but we thought our films were fantastic."

Did you ever commandeer the family camcorder and shoot your own productions? I only did it once, in high school, when my friend Mark wanted to film a solo recreation of the "Like a Prayer" number from Madonna's Blond Ambition Tour. I remember walking into the bathroom, with the camera on, and saying "Oh...My...God," when I first saw him in his stuffed bra (underneath the black choir robe he'd borrowed from his church), putting on makeup and a somewhat sad, half-finished wig he'd made out of a rag mop. But the show had to go on... because my parents weren't gonna be gone all night. We dimmed the lights in the family room, lit a few candles, positioned our friends Amy and Susi as adoring audience members, and I pressed record. Mark was amazing, right up until minute six, when he got dizzy doing those spins, stumbled around the room, and fell to the floor. I'm amazed that my laughter didn't ruin the shot. I'd been standing on the couch, so I got a great angle. I wonder who has that tape now...

What was your finest camcorder production?

Is anyone else unexpectedly unexcited about the new Madonna CD?

I've spent the last two decades locked in an oddly Pavlovian relationship with Madonna: She puts out a single, and I start salivating in anticipation of her album release date. So imagine my confusion that upon the release of "4 Minutes," her new duet with Justin Timberlake (pictured, with Madonna, at the latter's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction earlier this month), I'm experiencing symptoms of dry mouth and general ennui. The expected rush of anticipation over her upcoming Hard Candy disc (due April 29), well, it's just not there. So what gives? Listen to the single, "4 Minutes," after the jump, and we'll discuss.

Price put on priceless Madonna songs

Gonna have a celebration? All across the nation? Not gonna happen — unless you're willing to fork over a truckload of money to the original Material Girl. In an interview that aired Friday on New York's Z100-FM, to promote the release of her forthcoming album, Hard Candy (due April 29), Madonna hinted that fans may have heard "Like A Virgin," live for the very last time.

''I'm not sure I can sing 'Holiday' or 'Like A Virgin' ever again,'' said the singer, who then quickly amended her statement upon recognizing the opportunity to advance from ridiculously rich to absurdly wealthy. ''I just can't — unless someone paid me like $30 million or something.'' Well gosh, I guess I can just go ahead and cancel this gazillion dollar check, then. Who knew Madonna came so cheap? This holiday's more affordable than the Budget Inn.

(Here's a photo of Madonna at 1985's Live Aid concert, where she sang "Holiday," presumably for free, along with "Into the Groove.")

How much would you pay to hear Madonna's classics live? Did you know you could have Tara Reid, Michael Bolton, Nick Lachey, AND Mariah Carey to come to your birthday party, all for less than 3.5 million dollars?! And hey, I bet for an extra 20 bucks you could convince Tara to sing "Like A Virgin."

On the scene: Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony

At the 23rd annual Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony at the Waldorf-Astoria in NYC on Monday, there were big stars (Madonna, Tom Hanks, Billy Joel), maximum-credibility artists (Iggy Pop, Kenny Gamble and Leon Huff, Leonard Cohen), and by our count, three under-50 singers (Ben Harper, Damian Rice, and 49-and-a-half-year-old Joan Jett). So there was, you know, variety. But it may have been a mistake to broadcast, midway through the ceremony, footage of a jam session from 1988's festivities. Performing "Satisfaction"? Jagger, Richards, Dylan, and Springsteen, as well as Ben E. King, Mary Wilson, John Fogerty, some non-Wilson Beach Boys, and a keytar! Nothing approached that kind of fantasy-camp lineup on Monday. Instead, we got Justin Timberlake, smirking and cracking innuendos like he was a Friar (his cheerleading testimonial seemed ready to burst into "San Dimas High School football rules!" at any moment); Lou Reed comparing a Leonard Cohen novel to Naked Lunch; a Tom Hanks speech so impassioned that he momentarily convinced the audience that the Dave Clark Five was the greatest band of the British Invasion; and, best of all, Iggy and the Stooges turning singles by fellow Detroiter Madonna ("Burning Up" — see embedded video below — and "Ray of Light") into no-wave anthems. ("The Stooges represent everything that's against what she is," guitarist Ron Asheton told the Detroit Free Press on Monday, but bassist Mike Watt was seen bowing to Ms. Ciccone after the performance.)

Other notable moments, after the jump:

Catch a glimpse of 'Filth and Wisdom' (Madonna's directorial debut)

You may have read about Madonna screening her new feature, Filth and Wisdom, at the Berlin Film Festival this week, and now, Indiewire is screening a three-minute clip from the film (that you might not want to watch at the office, if your co-workers object to salty language and/or images of scantily-clad strippers rehearsing).

I'm not sure if there's enough here to judge if Filth and Wisdom is good, bad, or somewhere in the middle, though I have to say, it's nice to see a scene of a young woman who's not proficient at working the pole. Cinematic depictions of exotic dancers always make it seem like any amateur can just grab hold and spin to her/his heart's content (sometimes upside-down!); seeing a character lose a shoe and come to an awkward thud, well, it's kinda invigorating, as is the moment where the young woman cleans her work station with some Windex.

The dialogue, on the other hand, is not quite as fresh. Somebody tell me the underlying message here isn't "be the best stripper you can be," 'cause I can't make heads or tails of the Madonna interview that accompanies the clip. "Non-judgment and duality"? Blah, blah, blah. I'm gonna go watch the video for "Burning Up" now.

To Care or Not to Care: Madonna the director

Madonna's directorial debut, Filth and Wisdom, will premiere at February's Berlin Film Festival. Apparently, it's a "low-budget music-based comedy" that stars Richard E. Grant (Withnail & I). Are you jonesin' to see what she's capable of doing behind the camera? The woman's never lacked vision. Or is your level of enthusiasm limp? (Maybe some folks, like those who starred in The Next Best Thing, shouldn't be calling the shots on a movie set...)

And while we're on the subject of Madonna and movies: Am I the only one who kinda liked Who's That Girl, which was released 20 years ago?

iPod inspection: The five best songs you never play

Last weekend, in the midst of putting together a dinner-party playlist, I noticed something surprising: There are several hundred songs that I've never played on my iPod (which I've had for a year and a half) or the iTunes on my computer (which I've had for more than two years). And these ignored tracks don't just include album filler that I haven't gotten around to deleting; dozens of favorites have been sitting dormant for the last 24 months, just waiting for me to press play. Here's my top five:

Groove Armada's "At the River"
The Jimi Hendrix Experience's "Manic Depression"
Kelli Ali's "Psychic Cat"
Madonna's "Don't Tell Me"
Sade's "Like a Tattoo"

How about you guys? Give your music library a good, thorough once-over and then share with your fellow PopWatchers: What are the five best songs you never play?

What is the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame thinking?!

So the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame announced this year's inductees today — and as usual, they've made some truly bizarre decisions. The lucky artists are Madonna, Leonard Cohen, John Mellencamp, the Dave Clark Five, and the Ventures. Now, Madge (pictured, around the time she started earning her place on this list) and L.Co are basically no-brainers, as PopWatch's Gary Susman observed back in October: decades-long careers, unique and influential sounds, millions of loyal fans. No arguments there. Hey, I'll even get on board with the instrumental surf-rock noodlers of the Ventures, this year's biggest long-shot nominees. I might not be able to pick them out of a lineup or name a single member (unless "the guy with the wah-wah pedal" counts), but c'mon, you know you love to hum "Walk Don't Run."

But those last two inductees? I'm sorry. John Mellencamp and Dave Clark seem like totally nice guys, even more or less competent musicians. But they're not legends! At best, they're cut-rate knockoffs of two legit legends who are already in the Hall of Fame — Bruce Springsteen and the Beatles, respectively. I still remember a feature that ran on the cover of my local paper's arts section when I was about 10 years old, all about a very angry area man's crusade to convince the world that those no-good Lennon and McCartney had ripped off his idols, the Dave Clark Five. (No, my local paper was NOT The Onion.) Did that lunatic somehow get on to the R'n'R HoF committee? And as for Mellencougar, or whatever his name is, this guy doesn't belong anywhere but the Crass Shill Hall of Fame.

Meanwhile, the nominees who didn't make the final cut this year — Chic, Donna Summer, the Beastie Boys, and Afrika Bambaataa — were hugely influential, each and every one of them. But hey, disco and rap didn't play any important role in the last 25 years of popular music, right? Ugh. I guess I'm not exactly surprised, given the Hall's always strained relationship with music made after LBJ left office, but still, this is ridiculous. Isn't it?

Do you care about the Madonna-Warner Bros. divorce?

So by now, you've probably heard the news that Madonna is planning to end her 24-year relationship with Warner Bros. Records and sign a $120 million recording and touring deal with Live Nation, a concert-promotions company that will handle not only Madge's record releases, but her touring and merchandising as well. I woke up this morning realizing I kinda had to mention it on PopWatch — I mean, it's big news about one of the world's biggest pop stars — but if I'm being completely honest, I can't make myself care.

Okay, yeah, pundits are saying it's another nail in the coffin of the record business as we know it, but given the labels' "go platinum or get dumped" approach to music in recent years, perhaps that was inevitable. And ultimately, Madonna will still be making records (and a whole lot of money); as a consumer, it doesn't really matter to me what label gets slapped on the back of the CD packaging. In fact, after reading this Associated Press news account, the thing that's stuck in my brain like popcorn in the tooth is the following phrase: "the 49-year-old pop singer." Madonna's going to be 50 next year? How did that happen? Is this why I sometimes have a pain in my knee when I get out of bed?

That said, I'm hoping Madonna's move to Live Nation will herald a return to her status as the world's greatest video artist. Hey, she's got to do something with all those millions. Why not make a clip as lush and riveting as her classic "Bad Girl" (which you can catch in its entirety, after the jump)?

Let's handicap the new Rock Hall of Fame nominees

Another year, another batch of Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nominees who make me feel really old. Remember, you have to have released your first record 25 years ago to be eligible, so the fact that the Beastie Boys and Madonna (pictured in 1983, at the dawn of her recording career) qualify this year makes my joints ache. Along with Madge and the rap/rock trio, this year's nominees also include disco titans Donna Summer and Chic, rap trailblazer Afrika Bambaataa, rocker John Mellencamp, and three acts that flourished back in the '60s: Brit-beat hitmakers the Dave Clark Five, singer/songwriter Leonard Cohen, and instrumental surf rockers the Ventures.

Of these nominees, Madonna seems the only shoo-in, and maybe Cohen, a critical fave who remains still active and influential. Chic, the DC5, and Mellencamp have all been nominated before; they may get in this time on sympathy votes among those who felt they were robbed before. Summer deserves it, but the anti-disco bias that has kept Chic out could work against her, too. The Beasties will surely make it in eventually, but voters may feel there's plenty of time yet for them. Bambaataa may not have a substantial enough body of work, and the Ventures may be too arcane.

I know, anyone who had any amount of real rock and roll attitude wouldn't want to be in the Hall, but let's play along and speculate on who will actually get inducted at the annual ceremony next March, who deserves to get in, and who should have been nominated but wasn't. (C'mon, guys, the Replacements!)

iPod inspection!: Please press 'shuffle' now!

It's been a month since we last played a game of "iPod Inspection," and today, I thought it might be fun to just hit the old "Shuffle Songs" function, and see what my little silver friend has to say about me. So without further ado...

Susanna Hoffs (pictured), "Only Love"
Omara Portuondo, "Siempre en Mi Córazon"
Anastacia, "I'm Outta Love"
Crystal Waters, "The Boy From Ipanema"
Madonna, "Hollywood"

Alrighty then! Apparently, my iPod is saying I'm gayer than a tangerine wearing a feather boa shopping for ginger bodywash at Origins, but I think most of you already knew that. So moving right along, what are the first five songs you get when you hit 'shuffle,' and what do these tracks reveal about who you are (if anything)?

50 biggest scandals since '82: What'd we forget?

So this morning we posted EW's countdown of the top 25 biggest celebrity scandals of the past 25 years. (Online-only bonus: Check out Nos. 50-26 here!) Anyway, the full list of 50 is chock-full of things that make me die inside, including Ted Danson performing blackface while roasting then-girlfriend Whoopi Goldberg (No. 40), Woody Allen marrying Soon-Yi Previn (No. 6), and Michael Jackson dangling baby Blanket (No. 5). Other usual suspects on the list: R. Kelly, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Mel Gibson.

Now we want to hear from you, P-Dubs: What did we forget to include? Maybe it's too recent to go down in the annals of "xx"-dom, but seems like Denise Richards' nasty split from Charlie Sheen (who's already on this list, natch) and her subsequent involvement with friend Heather Locklear's ex, Richie Sambora, is tawdry enough to deserve a spot here. What say you?

Madonna has an army

Remember those stories last week about paparazzi in Vietnam throwing things under Brangelina's car? Well, similarly orphan-fond mom Madonna appears to have taken steps to avoid a similar situation: When she visited her kid's Malawian orphanage yesterday, the building was circled by schoolchildren who threw rocks at the paparazzi to keep them away.

I'm not sure if this constitutes an official response on my part, but: hahahahahahahahahaha.

Okay, there is no way to know if Madonna had a hand in organizing that army of rock-pelting kids, but I sure as hell like her better if she did. Not that I'm advocating violence. And not that Madonna doesn't actively cultivate publicity through her actions. Honestly, I'm not sure anyone's innocent in this scenario. Maybe we should blame the gossip rags that pay top dollar for grainy photographs of famous people in private situations? Or maybe we should blame ourselves for caring in the first place? (Wait. Am I part of the problem? Quick! Pretend this post doesn't exist!)

Weigh in, PopWatchers: You're in a glass house and you each get one stone to throw. Where's it going?

Get ready to rock out and save the planet at Live Earth

Al Gore took another step toward sainthood — or at least becoming the next Bob Geldof — when the musical acts for his Live Earth concert extravaganza were announced today. As you'll recall, the 24-hour, globally simulcast program will take place on July 7th (you know, 07/07/07, which symbolizes... well, I don't know what) and feature scores of artists grinding out tunes in seven concerts on seven continents (oh, I get it now!) in order to raise awareness for climate crisis. The stars are a diverse lot, and, I must say, a pretty impressive one, too. Here are some of the bigger names:

Performing in London
• Beastie Boys
• Black-Eyed Peas
• Duran Duran
• Foo Fighters
• Genesis
• James Blunt
• John Legend
• Madonna
• Red Hot Chili Peppers

Performing in New Jersey
• Alicia Keys
• Bon Jovi
• Dave Matthews Band
• John Mayer
• Kanye West
• Kelly Clarkson
• Sheryl Crow
• Smashing Pumpkins
• The Police

So there you have it. Thoughts? Concerns? How do you think this lot compares to Live Aid's 1985 roster? Or to that of Live 8 two summers ago? What about major acts like Madonna (pictured) and the Police roughing it with all sorts of flavors-of-the-moment? Where the bleep is U2? Maybe they'll appear at one of the other five concerts, whose lineups have yet to be announced. Even still, will you tune in?

Snap judgment: Corbin Bleu's 'Deal With It' video

And now it's time for another installment of "Are You Old?" Please answer the following question.

Corbin Bleu is:
A) A delicious and savory way to prepare chicken.
B) An expensive alternative to French's.
C) The former star of L.A. Law.
D) The name of Leah Remini's baby boy.

And the answer is E) You are old! Ha ha, PopWatchers…I tricked you!

Corbin Bleu is one of the stars of that High School Musical thing the kids keep talking about, and now he has a new music video for a song called "Deal With It." (Don't worry... I wouldn't have known the answer 30 minutes ago, either). So let's take a crash course in Teen 101 and watch the clip together.

The opening snippets of stilted dialogue from Corbin's ladyfriend — "Corbin can you explain it to me? You know what? I don't even wanna hear about it" — seem to have been stolen from Madonna's H&M "What is IT?" campaign. But I will give 10 points for the way Corbin's lustrous hair bounces as he looks to and fro in confusion while sitting in the driver's seat. The rest of the video is relatively one-note, with Corbin (clad in a somewhat womanly black tank top) leading his teen troupe in a zealously edited dance routine, then later posing in front of an orange muscle car and sporting a dazzling orange sweatshirt. The song itself has an okay rubbery bassline, but vocally and lyrically, I don't want to deal with it. You're really gonna rhyme "I ain't tellin' you no lies" with "Tell me why you rolled your eyes"? Oh Corbin, trust me, you don't want to get me started. And no, you are no Joey Lawrence.

Could Madonna's H&M ad be the new '30 Rock'?

So just when I'd finally come to the conclusion that, no, Madonna should not act again — late-night cable screenings of Swept Away will do that to even the most die-hard fanboy — out comes an ad campaign for the pop star's new H&M clothing line that is wickedly addictive and twistedly funny. If you haven't seen it yet...

Anyhow, I love this campaign so much that I would — no joke — tune in every week if the retail chain turned Madge's stern fashion taskmistressbot into the lead character of a weekly network sitcom — think Sprockets meets Ugly Betty meets What Not to Wear. Just like the Law & Order's meet-the-corpse "dun-dun"  intro, each week's H&M episode could begin the same way, with a hapless fashion victim being dragged before a style court, where Madonna would ask, "How can I help you?" Cut to 22 minutes of haute-couture courses, mildly violent fittings, and, of course, the final "look what they've done" reveals, complete with silent single tears from the mute female assistants, and you've got the perfect companion to 30 Rock.

Plus, it already got brilliant catchphrases.

Madonna: [Slap!]
Wacky "Mittel European" sidekick: "I lah-ve you!"

And I love it!

Overheard at Gwyneth's playdate

So Gwyneth Paltrow's revelation in Spanish Vogue that her son and daughter, Moses and Apple, have regular playdates with the children of Stella McCartney and Madonna got us thinking: What would the conversation at one of these get-togethers sound like? Since we have yet to receive a proper invite, we decided to do the next best thing and make something up:

Madonna: Here, Apple, would you like a digestive biscuit?
Gwyneth: Wait, are they macrobiotic?
Madonna: Of course.
Stella: And vegetarian?
Madonna: They're even kosher. Pareve. Dairy free.
Gwyneth: I know what "Pareve" means. I'm Jewish.
Madonna: Well, your dad was Jewish but not your mum, so technically, you're not Jewish.
Gwyneth: For your information, my mother was in Brighton Beach Memoirs.
Stella: Hard to say, Gwynnie, but wait a minute, Madge, weren't you born Catholic?
Madonna: Yes, but now Guy and I and the kids are Kabbalists. We...
Gwyneth: Apple! Don't touch the Fabergé egg! How many times does Mommy have to tell you?
Madonna: [Raises eyebrow.] Ahem.
Gwyneth: What? It's not a toy. It's expensive.
Madonna: It's not that.
Stella: You said, "Mommy."
Gwyneth: I did? Are you most certain?
Stella: Gwyneth, you silly slag, for the second time today, it's "Mummy!"
Madonna: Do we have to drag you into the loo and wash out your mouth with the new soap I just bought at Marks & Spencer? I stood in the queue forever to pay for it, then I had to bring it to the car and put it in the boot.
Stella: [Rolls eyes.] Madge, don't push it.
Gwyneth: I, I, I...
Stella: And last week, when you sent that evite to Moses' birthday party, you spelled colour without the "u."
Madonna: [Gasps.] God save the Queen!

Liveblogging Oprah's interview with Madonna

OMG so excited: Someone is finally going to explain to me how it is that Madonna can adopt an "orphan" that still has a dad!  And the person who is going to explain that?  Oprah!  Also helping her explain?  Madonna!  This deserves a liveblog, so strap in, kiddies. It's time for another episode of "When Celebrity Philanthropy Attacks!"

4:00 Thanks for the time and temperature, Commerce Bank!

4:00:16 Okay literally my first impression of this episode is, Is Oprah wearing pants? It's kinda fuzzy on the screen and she's got this bright red top and then... well, it looks like Oprah's not wearing pants, ok?

4:00:27 "The Adoption Controversy. Madonna's side of the story." Well, thank god someone is giving this poor woman a chance to finally, finally open up and speak her mind.

4:00:40 Wait. We're getting Madonna and the Dixie Chicks today? Dear me! That is quite a lot of Women Conservatives Love To Hate for one tiny little hour of television!

4:01:19 Madonna is calling in via satellite??  Oh, now I see: The Dixie Chicks were supposed to have the whole hour, weren't they?

4:01:23 Madonna's answer to Oprah's "how are you?" is, "Well, uh, um, Thank you for asking me to do the show."

4:01:31 Ooh, and it's not getting any less awkward: "I wanted to be clear up front that -- I'm very grateful for you -- give me this chance to -- uh -- not defend..." etc. Oh, this is already the most fun I've had in days.

4:01:42 FYI: Today's British Accent Alert level is orange.

4:01:59 What's really surprised Madonna is how great her children are with young, possibly-illegally-adopted David. Because lemme tell ya, they treat the help like ass.

Madonna's crucifixion act won't 'Live to Tell' on NBC

It's not like I was looking forward to seeing Madonna sing "Live to Tell" while mounted on a disco-mirrored crucifix anyway. Madge's martyr complex may be the most tiresome element of her persona. Still, that may have been the only thing that was going to get the curious to tune in to her Nov. 22 concert special on NBC. Now that the network has announced the controversial imagery won't be shown (the concert has been re-edited, apparently with Madonna's reluctant acquiescence), the special has lost its biggest ratings draw.

The decision may not make sense on practical grounds, but then NBC's game lately is entirely defensive (and not at all offensive, in any sense of the word). This is also the network that caved earlier this year on The Book of Daniel; the surprise isn't that they backtracked on their earlier assertions that Madonna could keep the crucifix sequence but that they agreed to air it in the first place.

What irks me is that the same people who complained that NBC didn't show those Danish Mohammed cartoons are now praising the network for censoring Madonna. I'm guessing that NBC runs more offensive-to-Christians material every week on Studio 60, but it's not the big takedown target that Madonna is. Now everybody -- NBC, the religious protesters,and Madonna herself (who defended the crucifix routine in a lengthy statement a few weeks ago, then quietly cut it from the broadcast) -- can pretend they've done something significant to protect the delicate sensibilities of American viewers. Congratulations, everyone! Sleep easy tonight.

Today in AOL searches

I don't know why, but looking at AOL's bizarre list of today's top 11 searches (America, you confound me!), I have the urge to reinterpret a few bars of Madonna's "Vogue." Thank you for your indulgence. And have a great weekend.

betty ugly, katie couric
mya sings with dionne warwick
anal cancer, tara reid
on the cover of a magazine

gene kelly, outerwear?
ginger rogers, dance on air
csi with kevin fed
do you think tupac's really dead?

the whole darn list's so full of whimsy
with not a whiff of lohan, lindsay
so don't just sit there, let's get to it
surf the net, there's nothing to it

Bizarre Music News Roundup

Today in News About Rock Stars That Has Very Little To Do With Their Actual Music:

- Okay. So last week, Madonna (pictured, with hubby Guy Ritchie) was visiting orphanages in Malawi, and reportedly pulled a Jolie. Then Madonna's publicist denied the adoption, saying Madge was just in Malawi to hang out. Then today, the father of the orphan (??) announced that Madonna was in fact adopting his son, and he's way excited about the whole thing. So lemme get this straight: if you're rich and famous enough, you can just go around picking which babies you want, and buying them wholesale? That seems wrong.

- David Bowie has provided a guest voice on SpongeBob SquarePants, at last legitimizing that underwatched, indie cartoon.

- The Who's Roger Daltrey will make an appearance on CSI, at last legitimizing that underwatched, indie crime series. (It should be pointed out that this means rock legend Roger Daltrey is enjoying John Mayer's sloppy seconds, and Kevin Federline's possibly-herpes-drenched thirds.)

Snap Judgment: Madonna's 'Jump'

I know, I know, PopWatch has already discussed the perplexing lack of airplay for Madonna's post-''Hung Up'' singles from her mighty fine Confessions on a Dancefloor set. And yet, almost a year after the album's release, Madge is still looking for some chart love with a new video for the album's fourth single, ''Jump.'' (Click here to see it on YouTube.) I am sorry to report it's a thuddingly literal clip; I mean, can you imagine if the ''Take a Bow'' video featured shot after shot of hoodie-clad hipsters taking bows? Or if ''Frozen'' had followed dozens of urban dwellers refilling their ice-cube trays? Forget about low concept, we're talking no concept! For all the money spent capturing footage of impressive rooftop leaps, I wish Madonna had chosen instead to offer us a visually sumptuous slice of storytelling, something along the lines of ''Express Yourself'' or ''Bedtime Story.''

That said, at least Madonna's hung up the leotard and the Valerie Cherish 'do for a striking blonde bob and a black leather number that reminds us all that her 48-year-old body still looks better than yours (and mine). And as far as ''Jump'' goes, it's got a killer beat, an actual melody (remember those?), and a nice little message about self-empowerment, complete with a tree metaphor. Which, of course, means there's probably not a radio station in America that'll play it. Sigh. Too bad girlfriend didn't swallow her pride and call in a Sacha Baron Cohen cameo, eh?

What's Weirder? (Random, Mortifying News Edition)

Let's play ''What's Weirder?''

A. Roman Polanski is returning to acting. In Rush Hour 3.
B. Madonna asks herself ''What would Jesus do?'' and determines that the answer is staging a self-crucifixion on a disco-ball cross.
C. Rosie O'Donnell says she scored a ''nice boobs'' compliment from costar Julian McMahon  while filming a sex scene for Nip/Tuck.
D. La Toya Jackson gets photographed in a pink nightie atop a wooden horse, reportedly as part of an advertisement for Australian malt liquor.

(Click the jump to see Mike's answer...)

Double Vision: Madonna vs. Tyra

Trend alert: It's officially cool to look like you're stretching your inner thigh muscles while posing as The One in Charge of group photo shoots. My roommate Kristian noticed the laughable similarity between Madonna's lunge in this H&M ad and Tyra's sprawl (she's in worse shape, so needs to be seated) in this Top Model promo. Oh, come on, Tyra. We've seen it all before...

Who do you think strikes the better pose? There's nothing to it: I say Madonna.

And speaking of Madge...

That crazy Madonna. If she's not pissing off the Catholics, she's... well, she's pissing off the Russian Orthodox Church. Her current "Confessions" tour made waves in America (including the cover of the never-reactionary New York Post) for the cheery little number where she crucifies herself on some sort of disco cross while singing "Live to Tell," but she didn't really get the blasphemy chants going until she hit Europe.

Now, NBC is reconsidering whether or not it's a good idea to run the "Live to Tell" bit during its upcoming prime-time Madonna concert special. That's their right as a network in this post-Janet world, I suppose, but still, it's fair to ask: Did NBC forget that its Madonna concert special was a Madonna concert special? Did they think she would be frolicking with puppies under a sky full of pink fluffy clouds that spell out "Jesus Loves Me"?  And how will this kerfuffle affect ABC's "GWAR: The Truth Behind the Bestiality" sweeps event?

Rupert Everett dishes on his famous friends

Gossiping is not nice. At least that's what my mother always taught me when I was a young boy. And so it is with her stern warning in the back of my mind that I urge you not to click the following link, which will take you to the Daily Mail's excerpt of Rupert Everett's new autobiography, Red Carpets and Other Banana Skins. Certainly, it will not make you a better person to hear Rupert describe Madonna's Material Girl look as "puppy fat and boot-boy legs squeezed into a tutu." Nor will the tale of Donatella Versace's 1999 New Year's Eve bash -- during which Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow "huddled together like bullies" and directed "snorts of derision" at Jennifer Lopez -- help enlighten you on your journey of personal fulfillment. Similarly, it will only taint your soul to soak up Everett's reports from the set of The Next Best Thing -- with Madge downing cocktails to prep for her on-screen smooch with Benjamin Bratt, and director John Schlesinger falling asleep behind the monitor. So pick up some Kafka, or Shakespeare, or Dan Brown -- whatever your poison. Just don't read the Everett excerpt. Trust me, by this time tomorrow, you'll be thanking me. And, of course, my mom.

Why can't Madonna score a hit single on U.S. radio?

This week's Ask Billboard column tackles a subject that's been on my mind for a while now: What the heck is going on with Madonna's highly addictive single, ''Get Together''? (If you've been deprived of hearing the track, it's streaming here, at her official website.) Chart guru Keith Caulfield explains that "Get Together" has pretty much stalled out on American radio. A handful of dance stations are spinning the track a lot, but most outlets have ignored the song." What's more, while the single has failed to crack Billboard's Hot 100, Caulfield notes that "unsurprisingly, 'Get Together' is doing well on the radio in many countries outside of America."

Still, the question Caulfield doesn't answer is this: Why? I mean, considering Rihanna's relentlessly nasal ''Unfaithful'' and Paris Hilton's tepid ''Stars Are Blind'' have climbed to Nos. 6 and 18 respectively in recent weeks, it's certainly not a matter of quality. "Get Together" is a far frothier summer treat, its pulsing dance beat serving as the foundation for Madonna's siren call to a potential lover. And I don't think it's an age thing, either, since veteran acts like Bon Jovi, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Busta Rhymes are all currently in the top 50. Not even the super-lame videoclip that accompanies "Get Together" -- oh, how I long for the heady days of "Like a Prayer" and "Express Yourself" -- can be blamed for radio's snub, leaving me at a loss for theories.

Could Madge have contracted a case of Bigineuropeitis -- a disease that's afflicted Robbie Williams, Anastacia, and Kylie Minogue -- by virtue of her late-onset British accent? Is this all a case of widespread leotard-o-phobia? Or does anyone have a more plausible theory? I'm leaving it up to you, PopWatchers, while I dial my local stations and demand some love for "Get Together."

Is the term 'Madonna scandal' played out?

AOL Music has put together a gallery of Madonna's most controversial moments, along with a reader poll to determine whether said greatest hits were ultimately shocking, boring, or entertaining. As of this moment, readers (52 percent of 'em, to be specific) rate Madge ticking off Planned Parenthood with the ''keeping my baby'' hook on ''Papa Don't Preach'' as the most yawn-inducing, while her Truth or Dare documentary ranks as the most crowd-pleasing. (Good taste, people!)

Still, here's what I want to know: How come the article makes no mention of the latest (and most baffling) Madonna-related hullabaloo -- girlfriend's inability to score any kind of serious airplay for ''Get Together,'' the spacey-fabulous third single off Confessions on a Dancefloor? In my opinion, what Madonna really needs to reivigorate her airplay fortunes is a big-budget video that returns her to the storytelling vibe she favored on ''Take a Bow,'' ''Bad Girl,'' and ''Music.''

How 'bout this for a concept? Madonna as a frustrated Nebraska housewife who begins a passionate extramarital affair with the foxy extraterrestrial (Josh Holloway) she meets during a kinky alien-abduction experience. Am I on to something here, or have you got a better idea? Holla back!

What's the all-time best Madonna video?

I'll say this much for Logo: In the fledgling cable network's ongoing quest to snatch the title of Big Gay on Campus from HGTV and Bravo, its enlistment of megahag Madonna (pictured) is a pretty savvy move. I mean, what better way to stop viewers from flipping to Divine Design with Candice Olson than by interspersing 30 of Madge's videos amid its regularly scheduled programs from now till June 24, right?

On closer inspection, though, there's a snag in Logo's carefully woven strategic tapestry: Its online poll to determine the Ultimate Madonna Video somehow omits the new H&M spokesmodel's crowning clip, ''Bad Girl,'' a vastly underappreciated single off the 1992 Erotica album. The video casts Madge as Louise Oriole, a troubled executive whose lust for booze and men leads her straight into the path of a serial strangler, and Christopher Walken as the guardian angel who desperately tries to rescue her. That's my pick, anyhow, but feel free to tell me if my taste is jank (not that you need any encouragement).

So let's hear it: what's your favorite Madonna video? And don't take the easy road, folks -- limit yourself to just one.

Ma'donn! Madonna crucifies self!

Jockeying for a top slot on the Fox News Outrage Hour, Madonna crucified herself in L.A. yesterday. It probably wasn't the only crucifixion in L.A. this weekend, but it certainly grabbed the most headlines. The stunt was the centerpiece of a performance that was, by most accounts, very athletic and satisfying, featuring strong vocals and dance by The Great Blasphemadge. (I'm tired of "The Material Mom" and its cognates.) Oh yeah, and there were video images of BushandBlair juxtaposed with Osama and Hitler and (to prove she reads The New Yorker) Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe. (What, no Kim Jong Il? After he was nice enough to immolate all the Pyongyang critics who hated Swept Away?)

So... big weekend for the culture wars, huh? Da Vinci makes its preordained mint; The Passion of the Madonna makes waves... If you subscribe to specious dichotomies, then it looks like this round goes to the degenerate secular humanists, while the God-ocracy smolders and regroups. But the real winners here are bloggers and cable news commentators. Imagine all the yapping this will generate! Unless, of course, it doesn't. Tom Hanks in a wan religious thriller and Madonna, the Western world's senior provocatrix, executing vaguely yogic anti-establishment monkeyshines on a plastic cross  really doesn't consitutute much of a firestorm.

Which is why I propose we design our own controversy, a real corker. Personally, I'd like to see Jack Bauer buttonhole God for his part in the Sentox gas terror plot on tonight's 24. President, schmesident -- Jack should go right to the top of this thing and shake down the big man himself. ("You have 10 seconds to explain the human condition in the moral vacuum of an apparently meaningless universe... 10! 9!") Yeah, that'd light up the boards, from Falwell to Franken.

Seriously, though: Does Madonna still retain the power to shock? Is that even what we want from her anymore? And what could she possibly do at this point that would really shock you? Take communion? Move to Omaha? Patch things up with Sean Penn?

Diva Roundup: Let's play a game...

Let's play a game called Six Degrees of Newsmaking Songbird Separation. Actually if it weren't for two of these gals, we could just point out that everybody on the list has been a Will & Grace guest star and be done with it, but that wouldn't be much fun. And, anyhow, PopWatch has been a wee bit anemic in its diva coverage of late -- the fact that I just returned from a week's vacation is purely coincidental -- so c'mon, let's get started.

-Xtina plans to unveil some new music when she performs at the MTV Movie Awards, airing June 8. (Insert schoolgirlish squeal of delight here.) But will there she sport a fetching chaps-panties combo emblazoned with her delicate musical message? Drrrrrrty folks can only hope.

-Aguilera's former Mouseketeer colleague, one Britney Jean Spears, is inching back into the spotlight with some pretty (or pretty predictable) new photos in the UK edition of Glamour. (Thanks to PinkIsTheNewBlog for pointing 'em out.)

-Brit's erstwhile duet partner, Madonna, shows how it's really done with a glamorous 58-page(!) cover story/photo spread (ooh! ponies!) in W. (Apologies, by the by, for conjuring up repressed memories of ''Me Against the Music'').

-Cher (whose ''The Beat Goes On'' got Britney-ized on the pop tart's 1999 debut) is having a special space built for her when she takes over Celine Dion's gig at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas, but will she be encased in a near-constant bubble of humidity when she's onstage?

-Janet Jackson, who like Chastity's mama, once made a stop on the Will & Grace promotional tour, is slated for a Today concert on Sept. 29. (See what you're missing, Katie?)

-And, finally, Nelly Furtado's hawt new single, ''Promiscuous,'' a preview to her new R&B-heavy disc Loose (due June 20), is a duet with Timbaland, who once remixed Miss Jackson's ''Go Deep.''

And now it's time for me to go get back in touch with my masculine side, which leapt out my 29th-floor window while I wrote this item.

Madonna's pure poetry, yo!

Madonna's fashion spread in the March issue of Harper's Bazaar has inspired (what else?) another PopWatch haiku. Won't you write one, too?

Get on down, Miss Madge
Your leotard's like a badge
Bourgeoisie. Rebel.

Who gives a better buzz? Madonna or Mariah?

So with the rumor flying that Mariah Carey recently purchased herself a vineyard, and the decision by Celebrity Cellars to market a collection of bottles inspired by Madonna's Confessions on a Dance Floor, we thought liquor stores might need some help coming up with shelf-tag descriptions to accompany the new product. Check out ours, or post your own in the comments section below:

Mimi's Cab-aret Sauvignon: This full-bodied red goes down just like honey, with a slightly nutty aftertaste, and despite the occasional sharp note, we suspect this one will be atop the charts for years to come.

Madge's So-vogue-non Blanc: This crisp-bodied white comes on a bit strong for some, though its tartness and staying power are cherished in certain circles. Keep in mind that while each vintage has a distinctly different flavor, all bottles are 100 percent Kosher.

Madonna: Alt-rock queen?

First there was Madonna's Grammy duet with Gorillaz; now comes the news that she's going to make her rock festival debut on April 30 at Coachella, before heading off on her club tour. Is Madge going alternative on us? Do you think she'll mesh well on a bill that includes Franz Ferdinand, Tool, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, My Morning Jacket, and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs? I don't know, but I'd love to be a fly on the wall backstage to hear what Madonna and Karen O or Cat Power have to say to each other.

Madonna's summer tour: Small is the new big

Looks like Madonna will be taking the ''dance floor'' part of Confessions on a Dance Floor literally on this summer's tour, which will include a number of club dates.Tour creative director Jamie King tells MTV News that Madonna wants to be up close and personal with her fans as well as her dancers, to make the show a more ''intimate experience.'' (Uh-oh, this sounds like Spinal Tap manager Ian Faith explaining why the band is playing smaller venues by insisting they're not less popular, but rather that ''their appeal is becoming more selective.'') King also says that the set list will draw heavily on the current album, with only a handful of older hits. Look for dates to be announced shortly.

Here's a headline that makes us feel old

Madonna treated for hernia

It's not just us, right?

Weigh in on Madonna's new video!

Don't ever let it be said that I don't totally heart Madonna. Not only did I pay money to see Swept Away, but I can also recite her ''American Life'' rap by heart. (''I'm drinkin' a soy latte…''). Okay, okay, I digress. Anyhow, after catching the premiere of her video for ''Sorry'' at AOL Music, it pains me to paraphrase the song's chorus, but it's the truth: I've seen it all before, I've seen it all before, I've seen it all before. Partying in a pimped-out vehicle? Madonna did that in ''Music.'' Gettin' jiggy in a discotheque? Very ''Deeper and Deeper.'' Impersonating Valerie Cherish at yoga class? Oh Madge, you covered that territory in ''Hung Up.'' And it's a cryin' shame, because ''Sorry'' itself is a thumping, dance-floor delight, worthy of an unforgettable clip to match it.

I remember a time when a Madonna video was an event, a thrilling mix of storytelling and controversy and visual wonder. Remember ''Like a Prayer,'' or ''Take a Bow,'' or even ''Bad Girl''? Yeah, me too. And sorry, but ''Sorry'' simply doesn't measure up. What do you think, PopWatchers? Am I right, or do I need to down a third Diet Coke and re-watch this video with more caffeinated eyes?

Will Madonna get animated for the Grammys?

Reason No. 1 you won't want to miss the opening moments of this year's Grammys (CBS, Feb. 8, 8-11 pm): Madonna has signed on as the show's opening number, and she'll be dueting with ''virtual band'' Gorillaz. Now while it can certainly be perilous to attempt a duet with an animated character (to wit: Rob Lowe and Snow White, Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat, J.Lo and Marc Anthony), somehow I'm betting that Madge will find a way to make it look cool. Hey! I know! How about she concoct a cartoon version of herself to take the stage? MTV explains how Gorillaz did just that for the MTV Europe Awards last year.

What would you like to hear Madonna sing with Gorillaz? And, just as important, how should they appear on stage? Holla back!

What's Weirder? (Musical Pairings Edition)

Riddle me this, PopWatchers: What's weirder?

A) Madonna's next video (for ''Sorry'') will be inspired by MTV's Pimp My Ride.
B) Justin Timberlake is working with producer Rick Rubin (Johnny Cash, Neil Diamond) for his sophomore disc.
C) Barry Gibb is buying the former home of Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash, saying he and his wife plan to ''use the home to write songs because of the musical inspiration.''
D) Def Leppard is recording a glam-rock covers album, featuring the songs of Roxy Music, E.L.O., and the Kinks.

See our pick after the jump.

Madonna wants to direct a film

So, apparently, what Madonna really wants to do is... direct. (Gulp.)

Questions? Comments?

Madonna and Carrie Underwood in the steel cage!

Time goes by. So slowly. Time goes by. So slowly.

So slowly. So slowly. So slowly. So slowly. So slowly. So slowly. So slowly. So slowly. So slowly. So slowly. So slowly. So slowly. So slowly.

Oh, sorry, PopWatchers, I was just gettin' into the groove listening to Madonna's new Confessions on a Dancefloor, while simultaneously stressing out, wondering if Madge will debut at No. 1 on Billboard's album chart this week. To get there, she'll have to outsell American Idol Carrie Underwood's Some Hearts, and let me just say, if there's any justice in the music world, then gosh darn it, she will.

Then again, I really believed America was gonna do the right thing last May and crown Bo Bice as the rightful Season 4 champ over the Oklahoma farm girl, and you saw how that ended up.

Who do you think will triumph in this battle of the divas? The 22-year-old countrified Idol or the controversial pop star who's old enough to be her mother? Weigh in now. Results (gulp) tomorrow.

Weekend To-Do List: Harry Potter and the Confessions of the Dancefloor Edition

Dear readers, I'm throwin' down a challenge: Please connect Harry Potter and Madge's Dancefloor in six steps or less. Here's the catch, though: Each step must provide a good (and viable) entertainment option for one's weekend. I'll go first:

1. Madonna's Confessions on a Dancefloor makes me want to boogie-woogie.

2. Lest we forget, Madonna scored a Golden Globe for her work in Evita, which was directed by Alan Parker...

3. ...who also directed Angela's Ashes, based on the acclaimed novel by Frank McCourt (whose new book, Teacher Man, happens to be out this week).

4. Angela's Ashes starred Emily Watson, who costarred in Gosford Park with...

5. ...Maggie Smith, who graces the screen in this weekend's likely box-office champ, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (whose characters inspired this particularly jaunty performance by -- no joke -- Harry Potter and the Hogwarts Dancers). Ch-ch-check it out.

There! It wasn't easy, but I did it! Now, in the words of Destiny's Child, ''move, groove, prove you can hang with me'' and take the PopWatch Weekend To-Do List Challenge. See you Monday!

Madonna live concert webcast tonight!

Oy, enough already, two Madonna items in one day? Sorry if that's too much Madge, but you know you've been listening to Confessions on a Dance Floor all day anyway, and late this afternoon, you can watch as Madonna marks the album release with a live concert webcast from London, streaming free at AOL Music at 5 p.m. ET. See ya there.

What the critics are saying about Madonna's new album

Madonna, take a bow. The reviews are in for your spankin' new disc, Confessions on a Dancefloor, and they're pretty darn positive. Yet while most (but not all) critics PopWatch perused this morning had nice things to say about the thumping beats and spacey beeps concocted by you and co-producer Stuart Price, it was uncanny how many of them blasted your lyrics for the song ''I Love New York.'' I guess maybe you should've picked something besides ''dork'' to rhyme with the world's greatest city. (Hmmm…what about "spork"?) Anyhow, here's a random sampling from eight reviewers around the country:

''Every song is tailor-made for getting your groove on, with surprisingly few clunkers.''
--Tim Pratt, Detroit Free Press

''In dance music, words exist to be repeated, twisted, obscured and resurrected. How they sound in the moment is far more important than what they mean, and Madonna knows that better than anyone. Confessions on a Dance Floor is 56 minutes of energetic moments. It will leave you feeling silly for all the right reasons.''
--Josh Tyrangiel, Time

''Featuring some sharp electronica production and more than a few moments of pose-striking irresistibility, it's also worthy of praise as Madonna's best album at least since 1998's Ray of Light -- and possibly since 1989's Like a Prayer… [Still,] most of the misfires come from the lyrics…the Madonna-for-poet-laureate campaign begins here and now, reader.''
--J. Freedom du Lac, The Washington Post

"Her voice, vastly improved since that '80s squeak, sounds pretty and unfettered (even when computerized) as it rides over tense waves of blip-whoosh-thrum technoise and blissful snap-crackle beats. There's no excuse, however, for clichés, nursery-rhyme simplicity and tired topics, such as the price of fame in 'How High.' Surely Madonna is capable of wittier couplets than 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but your names will never hurt.'"
-- Edna Gundersen, USA Today

''Of course, since we're talking about Madonna, the feat of making terrific dance records wasn't enough. She also has to teach us something. Thankfully, her windy bromides don't kick in until halfway through.''
--Jim Farber, New York Daily News

''We have indeed heard it all before: the helium warble disco; the dark, twisted-fantasy bedroom grooves; the laughably bad stabs at musical theater; the failed attempts to go techno; the electronically tweaked folk schmaltz… Madonna has provided a decent disco soundtrack, with the best songs ready to slip in easily right after 'Believe' by Cher and just before that sure-fire crowd-pleaser, 'YMCA' by the Village People.''
--Jim Derogatis, Chicago Sun-Times

''[The CD] works well, at least most of the time. The songs are stylish and sexy, with hauntingly erotic choruses, repeated phrases and gently thumping pulses. Several of the tracks, such as the sweeping trio of 'Get Together,' 'Sorry' and 'Future Lovers,' are gorgeously textured with an ambient, spacey backbeat that's reminiscent of Brian Eno and U2's collaborative work, Passengers: Original Soundtracks 1.''
--Malcolm Mayhew, Fort Worth Star-Telegram

''Her lyrics are hit and miss, but Madonna gets into the groove and proves she can still pack a dance floor.''
--Thor Christensen, The Dallas Morning News

Okay, PopWatchers, tell us what you think about Confessions on a Dancefloor. Ready? Go!

Give us your review of Madonna's latest disc

Madonna is everywhere!

Seriously, I popped on CSI: Miami last night, and the opening scene featured some soon-to-be murder victims driving with the top down, blasting ''Hung Up.'' (Not a bad choice for a final request, but I digress.)

Anyhow, if (like me) you've driven your coworkers to the brink of collapse by playing Madge's ABBA-influenced new single on repeat loop, well I've got news for you: Her full CD, Confessions on a Dancefloor, is streaming over at VH1.com. Right now. Go give it a listen, then come on back to PopWatch and share your snap judgment with us. Who knows? If I'm in a good mood, one lucky critic might just get an invite to hear me perform the entire ''American Life'' rap at my favorite Manhattan karaoke bar. I promise you: it'll be ugly!

All together now: "I'm drinkin a soy latte, I get a double shot-tay, it goes right through my body, and you know I'm satisfied..."

Aunt Sassy is back…with a new music video!

Note to self: Somebody upstairs is listening to my prayers!

Like many PopWatchers, I've been in a state of protracted mourning over the demise of Lisa Kudrow's brilliant HBO sitcom The Comeback. So you can imagine the elation I felt this morning when I spotted Aunt Sassy's feathered auburn locks (near left) and pink workout togs during a routine perusal of AOL Music. Admittedly, I didn't know Valerie Cherish could get down like that, but I'm glad to see television's most vividly realized character receiving such an enthusiastic embrace from all those hip, krumping kids.

What do you think of Aunt Sassy's ''Hung Up'' clip?

Madonna: Back in the saddle again

The Madonnathon continues. Last night on Letterman's Late Show, Dave got Madge to mount a horse for the first time since her rib-cracking riding accident in August. He saddled up too, and they rode down 53rd Street together. (You can see a clip here.) Madonna described her feelings about riding again as ''a bit of excitement tainted with fear.'' Remember when that used to be an apt description of how Letterman must have felt whenever the singer would visit, when a Madonna guest spot meant Madge baiting Dave with enough bleepable swear words for a David Mamet play? We're all getting old.
Oh, and her effortlessly great new single ''Hung Up'' is streaming now at her website. ''Time goes by... so slowly,'' she sings over a ticking clock. Alas, no it doesn't.

Madonna: I'm no blasphemer

Kabbalah scholar Madonna is defending herself against charges of blasphemy regarding her new song ''Isaac,'' insisting that it's not about Kabbalist sage Isaac Luria -- couldn't be, because she doesn't know anything about him. Being a Kabbalist who doesn't know Luria is like being a scientist who doesn't know Darwin, but it's nice to know that Madge is no longer in the business of deliberately offending people.

'CSI' wrings 'Confessions' from Madonna

Maybe you've heard about the sweeps-month crossover between CSI: Miami and CSI: NY that will involve the forensic investigators from both shows teaming up to catch an escaped killer. What you didn't know -- and what Entertainment Weekly reveals exclusively in a scoop from the upcoming issue -- is that both episodes will feature versions of ''Hung Up,'' the first single from Madonna's Confessions on a Dance Floor CD. Following the recent examples set by artists from U2 to Beck, Madonna will use the Nov. 7 episode of Miami and the Nov. 9 episode of NY to preview for listeners two different mixes of the song. ''We wanted the song to be relevant to what's going on,'' Miami executive producer Ann Donahue tells EW's Lynette Rice, asserting that the song will be played during pivotal scenes in the plot.

It's a canny move for th