Winning a second Emmy would normally be enough to get you off of the D-list, but taking home the trophy for best reality show will always be D-list. Right?
The Creative Arts Primetime Emmys were held Saturday night in Los Angeles, and Kathy Griffin, who's dubbed them the "Schmemmys" because they're given out before the actual Emmy broadcast (Sept. 21 this year), once again accepted the award for her Bravo series My Life on the D-List. According to Gold Derby by Tom O'Neil, she started her speech with "Well, well, well! Here we go again, f---ers. Here we go again!" (I still don't get why she got in so much trouble last year.) Apparently, she and Cesar Millan weren't the biggest stars in attendance for once. She continued: "Hanks, Gandolfini — what the f---! I'm not going to tell anyone to suck it. I would make love to this thing if I could."
Speaking of making love, Sarah Silverman also accepted an award Saturday night for "I'm F---ing Matt Damon," which earned an Emmy for its original music and lyrics. According to People, she acknowledged her ex gracefully: "Thanks to the person for whom this whole video was made: Jimmy Kimmel, who broke my heart — ohh, who'll always have a place in my heart."
In case you forgot:
For a complete list of Creative Arts Primetime Emmy winners — including 30 Rock, Mad Men, The Simpsons, South Park, and Battlestar Galactica — click here. For EW.com's continuing Emmys coverage, including bracket games to name the best Emmy-winning drama and comedy of all-time click here. And, of course, don't forget to vote in our first annual EWwy Awards, which honor the series, actors, and actresses snubbed in the Emmy nominating process. (Last time I checked, Battlestar Galactica was tied with Bones for Best Drama, ahead of Friday Night Lights, The Wire, and Big Love.)
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Well, PopWatchers, the D-List train has finally reached the depot, and boy, it's been a crazy ride this season, no? From Down Under hijinks with Lance Bass to the Kathy Griffin Leadership Academy to Segway polo with billionaire Apple geniuses, it seems Kath and Team Griffin have seen and done almost everything. All the more reason for Ms. Griffin to give a little something back, which she did in this funny and poignant season finale.
Kathy and Co. headed to Washington, D.C. to visit the recuperating soldiers at the Walter Reed Army Medical Center. Kathy was noticeably moved as she met with the patients, and for good reason. No matter what you think about the war, it's hard to ignore the sacrifices these young (and I mean young, some were only 18) kids have made for our country. Many of them were missing one or more limbs. When Kathy finally choked up at the end, I did too. But in normal Kathy fashion, the feisty lady added her own brand of levity to the occasion.
One of her first stops was Fisher House, where rehabilitating soldiers and their families live. Kath was treated to a MTV Cribs-style tour of one of the rooms courtesy of soldier wife Susan. Noticing that Susan leaves cute little notes for her hubby on the bathroom mirror, Kathy penned her own heartfelt missive for the vet: "You can just suck it." (Which became even funnier when she actually met him in the rehab center a little bit later.)
My favorite part of the episode though was her interaction with "F--- me I'm Irish" Nick (pictured). That kid was a complete hoot. When he decided to go to Kathy's comedy show just so Kath would hit on him because "I need a little lovin','' my heart melted just a bit.
Wanna know how I knew this Kathy/Woz liaison was doomed? The only adjectives our funny lady could ever muster to describe her billionaire bear were "smart" and "genius." Throw in a "he's got a great personality" and you've got the perfect trifecta for a fizzle rather than a sizzle. My friend Tara always says you've got to be able to imagine jumping a guy's bones or it will never work. And in this case, it was truly as simple as that. But before the duo parted ways, they must have inked a deal with the Segway devil to product-place the crap out of this completely frivolous gizmo, because it truly was the star of the episode.
I'm not embarrassed to admit that the Personal Transporter (as it's deemed on Segway's web site) scares me in much the same way skis scare me. Neither one has brakes! The Segway actually frightens me more because of the way you stop--by leaning backward. It's one step away from a team-building trust fall with only the pavement to temper your crash landing. It seemed Kathy felt the same way trying to maneuver the Segway around her downhill driveway, and it couldn't have helped having "Debbie Downer" Wozniak there to tell her all about the people who crack their heads open on the sidewalk (and he was talking about the ones on foot). After Kathy cheated death several times. the pair headed to the mathematically sublime (all those perfect Bs!) restaurant, Bob's Big Boy of Burbank, for a fancy meal.
Oh Kathy. I know there's a lot of ass to kiss when you're living life on the D-List, but did you really have to pucker up to Britney's sloppy seconds? I turned a blind eye when you publicity-whored yourself out to former boy bander Nick Carter last season, but paparazzo and Spears paramour Adnan Ghalib? No one needs a Grammy that badly. Though I'll confess, their driving "date" around L.A. (with requisite Victoria's Secret pit stop) wasn't as skeezy as I imagined it would be. But I did grimace/sneer/almost throw up when the two fake canoodled on Kathy's balcony for the photogs waiting below.
Thankfully Kath's raunchy rendezvous was only part of her gangbusters campaign to garner an Grammy for For Your Consideration. After a hilarious bus stop photo shoot with that guy who thought she was related to the Griffins from Family Guy (hello! they're animated!), Kathy and Team Griffin headed to New York for a re-branding session with a few hired guns. I'm sure these execs make big bucks — and rightfully so — they captured Ms. Griffin's self-deprecating vibe perfectly with those Amy Winehouse-esque, mascara smeared shots.
More D-List after the jump...
And another Oprah-inspired journey begins — sort of. After reading the Rhonda Byrne-penned, Oprah-hawked self-help tome The Secret, Jessica and Tiffany let their desire for a Bora Bora trip be known on something called a "secret wish board," which is really just fancy talk for a clumsily collaged bulletin board full of burning desires. (Pin a photo of Ryan Gosling up there for me, K?) Fairy godmother Griffin granted their wish, whisking Team Griffin away to the Tahitian island for a gay land cruise. (Yes, I said land cruise. Two thumbs up for fishy marketing.)
After arriving at the tropical paradise, the gang spent the afternoon kayaking and swimming in the crystal blue ocean (so jealous!), before heading to Ms. Griffin's first engagement. But wait! Can we discuss Kath's ugly bathing suit for just a moment? I feel like I rib on Kathy's wardrobe choices a lot, but this one clearly deserves a citation as a crime against fashion. Please, please, please tell me she was not trying to pass off a gray sports bra as a bikini top. Sigh. Let's proceed.
Kath met up with the cruise's coordinator and discovered (gasp!) that 40 percent of the group was straight. Uh oh. Not good odds for the comic. She prefers a clear cut majority to craft her jokes. Nevertheless, as she mingled table-by-table with the crowd, she soon realized the straights were a veritable Peyton Place. One couple had been divorced six years, but were on vacation together — and sleeping together — while another husband had been banished to a separate table by his wife, reason unknown. Kathy tried working this juicy material into her act, but failed to redeem herself from the performance's earlier "gaybie" joke fiasco. Fortunately, Sex and the City star (and one of our dream gay boyfriends) Mario Cantone, was there to console the feisty red head after her stinker of a show. Aaaaaahhhhhhh.
More D-List after the jump...
Last week, PopWatch message-board MVP Mr. FAMU theorized that Oprah was the unofficial sixth member of Team Griffin, seeing how Kathy talks about the diva of all media just as much as--or perhaps more than--her beloved Emmy. Well, Mr. FAMU, you couldn't have been more right. Inspired by Oprah's leadership academy in South Africa, Kathy decided to open her own school near her favorite Puerto Vallarta vacation spot. Well, she didn't so much open a school as she renovated a library, but it was apparently enough to warrant a "Kathy Griffin Leadership Academy" sign right outside the door.
Leave it to Maggie, once again, to provide one of the best quips of the episode. "As far as Kathy becoming the red-headed Oprah, she's so far behind right now," Mama Griffin declared after hearing about her daughter's lofty aspirations. Ouch. Fortunately for the niñas (and us) that didn't dampen the comedian's dreams. So with the promise of boyfriend Steve Wozniak's help and a donation of four Macintosh computers (Woz, can you hook a sister up? My iBook has seen better days.), the self-dubbed "Mrs. Kathy," along with Team Griffin and the magically materializing housekeeper Minerva, headed south of the border. After the jump, get the skinny on their three-day Extreme Makeover: Biblioteca Edition mission. (Side note: To read Nicholas Fonseca's terrific recent profile of Kathy in the pages of Entertainment Weekly, click here; and to read Defamer's new Q&A with the comic, in which she spills the beans about her thwarted [and hilarious] Bravo press release about her double Emmy nominations, click here.)
