"Gale Harold is out of intensive care and improving daily," a rep for the Desperate Housewives actor, who was injured Oct. 14 in a motorcycle accident, said in a statement issued Thursday night. "A full recovery is expected. He thanks everyone for their good wishes."
Now that we know Gale Harold -- who, you may have noticed, has his own category on PopWatch -- is recovering nicely, I'd like to take a moment to do the following:
1. Remind people that the correct way to inform someone that a person he or she enjoys has been seriously injured in a motorcycle accident is not to send an e-mail with the subject line "Gale!!!" It's true, three exclamation points does convey a sense of urgency, but chances are your friend will be thinking that the emergency is something good, like, a rare talk show appearance that she or he needs to tape. Recommended reading on the proper handling of a PCH (Pop Culture Heartache): The PopWatch Confessional (Vol. 36). Have more tips/stories? Share them below.
2. Inform my colleague Michael Slezak that I will not be returning the giant comforting cheeseburger-shaped pillow that I borrowed from his office on Oct. 15 (after reading an email with the subject line "Gale!!!"). I know it was a gift (from Annie Barrett, naturally), but I've never once seen him hold it the way I did that day. (At my desk. As I worked.)
Oh no! From the mixed-up files of Mr. Michael X. Ausiello: Andrea Bowen will return to Desperate Housewives as Julie, Susan's one-note, usually inconsequential daughter who started off the series in an awkward phase and then we realized the awkward phase was going to last her entire life. Julie will tow home a much older boyfriend in the form of Steven Weber -- for just one episode. (Hooray!)
This got me thinking: Why do I hate Julie? No apparent reason! Nothing about her is villainous; she's just...there, and I don't like it. It's the same way I felt about Crystal from Roseanne. It's not like Natalie West couldn't act. I probably just hated that the character was so pathetic. I remember watching Roseanne and mentally deleting Crystal from the Conners' kitchen all the time. It wasn't easy. Thank god we have Photoshop for that kind of thing today.
Quick, name the TV characters you irrationally hate!
Two of my favorite ABC series have gone the "add a child!" route, but in the battle betweenDesperate Housewives Juanita (Madison Lovato) and Ugly Betty's Daniel Jr. (Julian De La Celle), it's no contest (obvs)! Let's compare, shall we?
Juanita Fun: Overindulges in cake
Active: Hops on a city bus (alone!) to thwart Gaby's unsubtle exercise scheme
Playful: Engages in game of 'tag' with mom's convertible
Stylish: Rocks pink princess dresses
Bonus points: Likes her veggies covered in processed cheese
Daniel Jr.
Dreary: Refuses to eat meals
Passive: Locks self in room to thwart dad
Hostile: Sprays Betty with silly string, causing motorcycle crash
Frumpy: Long, floppy locks decidedly age-inappropriate
Automatic penalty: Whines in French
The winner: Juanita, by a landslide! (Even better, the kid has brought out a completely new yet totally hilarious aspect of Gaby's [Eva Longoria Parker] personality.) Of course, you can add to Juanita's tally, or place a vote for little Daniel, in the comments section below!
Last week, Media Life Magazine reported on a new study from Marketing Evaluations, The Q Scores Company, which measured and ranked viewers' emotional attachment to broadcast TV shows during the '07-'08 season. ("Emotional attachment" was defined as how committed you are to continuing to watch a show.) This list of the 20 series that garnered the greatest devotion (I've included it after the jump) definitely got EW's TV department talking.
And that conversation got me thinking: Let's do our own informal poll for the '08-'09 season: Name the five broadcast TV shows you are most committed to watching this fall. (I know we all love our cable, so this may hurt a little.)
My list:
1. Fox's Bones (for those of you wondering where the PopWatch love has been, Abby West will be bringing it back starting this week)
2. ABC's Brothers & Sisters (I would happily marry into the Walker clan, if only for the wine; pictured, David Annable and Emily VanCamp) (Also: Slezak is recapping later today in PopWatch, fear not)
3. ABC's Desperate Housewives (for as long as Gale Harold is on, anyway; bonus pic of him with Teri Hatcher, after the jump!)
4. The CW's Privileged (it's like an ABC Family Channel original movie, only well-written!)
5. I was gonna say CBS' Ghost Whisperer — I've got to see where they're headed with David Conrad's character — but really, it's ABC's Boston Legal. They know it's their last season, which should give them plenty of time to plot an appropriately insane, verbose, and (above all) affectionate exit for Denny Crane (William Shatner) and Alan Shore (James Spader). In the season premiere, Alan took on Big Tobacco and Denny thought his penis had Alzheimer's — very promising.
After seeing this behind-the-scenes photo of new cast member Gale Harold on ABC's press site, my excitement level for Desperate Housewives' Sept. 28 season premiere was at a 10 — even with the hair that I would trim and the shirt that I would lose. So you can imagine the squeal excitement at 5:52 p.m. ET last night, when I received an email saying that ABC had just uploaded the episode to the site. I won't spoil it for you, but let's just say that this — or any — shirt really isn't an issue in his first two scenes as Susan's lover.
The Emmys shortlists keep trickling in over at the swashbuckling Gold Derby -- here are the 10 baked hams in the running for America's Next Top Comedy Actress:
Christina Applegate, Samantha Who? ("The Restraining Order") Marcia Cross, Desperate Housewives ("Now You Know") America Ferrera, Ugly Betty ("Odor in the Court") Tina Fey, 30 Rock ("Sandwich Day") Anna Friel, Pushing Daisies ("Bitter Sweets") Felicity Huffman, Desperate Housewives ("Now I Know, Don't Be Scared") Eva Longoria Parker, Desperate Housewives ("In Buddy's Eyes") Julia Louis-Dreyfus, New Adventures of Old Christine ("One and a Half Men") Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds ("Bill Sussman") Sarah Silverman, The Sarah Silverman Program ("Bored of the Rings")
Our selected image suggests we care that OMG TERI HATCHER WAS SNUBBED THIS YEAR. Not really. I'm of the opinion that to expect four actresses from the same not-always-hilarious series to get noms just because they're equally overexposed off-screen and get relatively equal time on-screen, is ludicrous. (And anyhow, isn't series newcomer Dana Delany's omission the real shocker?) Anyhow, I'll be surprised if Huffman, Longoria, and Cross all get nods in lieu of first-time potential nominees Applegate or Silverman, who carry their own shows. Rejoice or disapprove in the comments below, or if you just don't know what to think about the shortlist and airport security simply refuses let you through with that attitude, follow the fine example in the clip below!
Up until yesterday, I probably would've answered that question with a big old 'no,' but yesterday, during my regular Sunday-afternoon veg-out watching horse racing on TVG, host Simon Bray cut to an interview with none other than Teri Hatcher. Apparently, every Mother's Day, the Desperate Housewives star takes her mom and her daughter to Hollywood Park for some live racing action; Bray noted that last year, Hatcher correctly predicted (on air) that 17-1 shot Ashley's Kitty would win the featured Railbird Stakes. This year, however, Hatcher wasn't feeling as decisive, telling Bray that since she'd already gambled away the money she won on the third-race trifecta, she'd decided to place a win bet on every horse in the 2008 Railbird field. Lucky for her, the $31.40 payout on longshot Million Dollar Run turned out to be greater than the $16 it would've cost to play all eight fillies in the field, once again making Hatcher a winner, not only at the windows, but also in my fickle, horse-addicted heart.
How about you PopWatchers? Have you ever discovered something about an entertainer's private life that turned you into an instantaneous fan?
Slezak spotted the non-news news headline (left) on People.com, and since I don't have much else to blog about today, he suggested we all write non-news headlines based on our own lives.
His: Michael Slezak Has Not Won the Lottery and Purchased a Stable Full of Racehorses... Yet!
Mine: Mandi Bierly Hasn't Thought of Something Funny to Say... Yet!
Annie's: Annie Barrett Hasn't Finished Her Doughnut From 9:30 A.M.... Yet! (subhead) It Was Bumped From the Lineup by a Starbucks Crumb Cake... At 3!
The Golden Globe nominations are in, and while we await expert analysis from EW's Ken Tucker and Dave Karger (keep an eye on our Golden Globes hub), tell us: Which snub hit you the hardest? There's a lot to choose from. For starters:
• Keri Russell (pictured) for Waitress: Would it have been too much to include her alongside Juno's Ellen Page? No room for two quirky indie pregnancy comedies at the HFPA inn?
• Into the Wild: The only love the film got was for Original Score and Song. Sorry, Emile Hirsch and Sean Penn.
• Ugly Betty: Only America Ferrera got a nod. Somewhere, a vacationing Michael Slezak is weeping for Vanessa Williams.
• The Sopranos: Edie Falco was the sole nominee. At least the network dramas — Lost, Heroes, Desperate Housewives,24 — weren't the only ones missing from the top TV category. Which leads us to another question:
Which snubs were actually warranted?
Hear that? It’s the sound of chimes. The chimes of doom. A twister is scheduled to hit Wisteria Lane this Sunday, in what ABC is touting as Desperate Housewives’ Best. Episode. Of. The. Year. (A euphemism for: Last. Episode. Due. To. The. Strike.) When storm clouds settle over the abnormally sunny suburbia, I can't help but wonder if a major character will kick the bucket. Natural disaster doesn’t always spell character death, but Lynette's Oscar-worthy shriek in last week's preview wasn’t because her beloved pizzeria came tumbling down, I’d bet that much.
So when the dust settles and the gay neighbors' lawn ornament ends up where it belongs (on an island with Jack, Kate, and Sawyer), who do you predict will be lying amidst the rubble? Could it be Tom Scavo (played by Doug Savant, pictured, left)? The entrepreneur has been mysteriously absent for much of this season, perhaps in his quest to care for other illegitimate children. Or create the perfect pizza pie. The guilt trip he laid on his cancer-ridden wife earlier this season left a bad taste in my mouth, but I hope he finds a storm cellar before the twister touch down. Lynette's dealt with enough grief this season. Her cancer. Her mother. Those pesky possums. Could the cyclone be the answer to Gaby's prayers, silencing Victor before she gets the chance to serve him shots of tequila and cyanide? Or will the shocking twists have nothing to do with tornados? Might Carlos (Ricardo Chavira, right) die in a confrontation with Gaby's betrothed, a violent axe 'mayor'er? Anyone predicting a Mike Delfino drug-overdose? A fatherless baby boy Benjamin? A Susan miscarriage? For whom will the bell toll? (And hey, let’s keep any commentary to predictions only, not the insider scoop. Watching The Perfect Storm isn’t exactly easy when you know how it’s gonna end.)
Maybe I wasn't paying close enough attention to ABC's Thanksgiving-week promos, but I spent all Sunday night waiting for a tornado to strike Wisteria Lane on Desperate Housewives, and for Kitty to walk down the aisle on Brothers & Sisters. Around 9:45, I started thinking, "Damn! They're having Lynette reconcile with her mom in the park, only to have the old broad get the Wicked Witch of the East treatment? That's cold." But nope, no tornado. Not even a gusty wind to mess with Bree's flawless coif. So I've got to ask, was I the only one who felt duped? Or do I need to lay off the Riesling during my TV-watching hours?
Justin on Brothers and Sisters. Nate’s dad on Gossip Girl. Mike Delfino on Desperate Housewives. Seems like a drug addiction is the go-to plot device of the current TV season. Yet I am decidedly not addicted to these story arcs: Not the war vet on vicodin, the NYC hot shot snorting coke, or the plumber poppin' painkillers. Maybe it's because of the endless risk of relapse, causing symptoms of plot-digression and déjà vu.
I mean, exactly how many times did we have to watch Charlie stare longingly at yet another bag of heroin on Lost? Will that figure be surpassed by the number of times Nora holds and rocks Justin on Brothers & Sisters, or Susan stares suspiciously/brokenheartedly at Mike between now and the end of the Housewives season?
What do you think? Are you hooked on the current trend of drug-addicted characters on TV dramas? Or do you want your favorite shows to go cold turkey by the holidays?
When on Monday night's episode of The HillsLauren Conrad announced that she had the perfect dress she's been holding "on reserve" for her next Amy Astley meeting, what fashionista wasn't foaming at the mouth to see the couture creation she'd pull out? Imagine our surprise when the Teen Vogue-r didn't show up in an LC Original, or something terribly exclusive, but the same form-fitting Black Halo dress (pictured, top right) that has steadily been making its way across the viewing week. First Amanda sported it in Season 1 of Ugly Betty (left), then Susan Meyer crashed a funeral in it on Desperate Housewives (bottom right). (It's also made a slew of red carpet showings, pretty much whenever celebs like Kelly Ripa and Jenny McCarthy want to rock the sexy secretary look.)
As for how much it helped Lauren Conrad with her best impersonation of a highly respectable bow tier, that depends on whether you thought Marc Jacobs left their meeting with a stifled giggle or grimace. Still, from Becki Newton to Teri Hatcher to LC? As they saying goes: One Dress to rule them all...
Desperate Housewives star Shawn Pyfrom, who plays lovably hateful Andrew Van De Kamp, stopped by the EW offices this afternoon for a quick chat. Along the way, the naughty lad dropped some mild spoilers about what will happen to his character this season.
Despite complaining about being gouged in cab fare on his way to our midtown location, Pyfrom still brought in some of the West coast's sunshine with him. Wearing a black John Lennon t-shirt and a beaded necklace, he smiled about all the recognition he's received just in New York. "A couple stopped in the street and just kept on staring at me," he shared, "and then, when they realized who I was, they just kept on screaming."
The 21-year old star also spoke of some of the warmer reactions to his character. Regarding Andrew's open homosexuality, Pyfrom commented on receiving letters from fans struggling with their sexuality — in particular, a two-page letter from a boy in Ohio, who had yet to come out to anyone around him, thanking him for bringing this personal issue to light. Though he admitted the scene where he had to get naked in a pool and make out with another boy was taxing, Pyfrom (who says he is straight) said that any difficulty he had was minor in comparison to the awareness it produced, especially considering the lack of young gay characters on television. And Pyfrom also noted Andrew's personality was about more than his sexual orientation. "He's narcissistic, vain, and then gay. I like how it doesn't define him."
Something surprising happened during Lynette's chemotherapy story arc on last night's terrific, funny episode of Desperate Housewives. (Spoiler alert!) No, I'm not referring to the revelation that Gaby (Eva Longoria, pictured at left, with Felicity Huffman as Lynette) had an aversion to hospitals — and to volunteering as one of Lynette's "chemo buddies" — stemming from a heartbreaking childhood incident. (That plot twist was hidden about as well as Teri Hatcher's lingerie-clad breasts.) No, the surprise was that I found myself fighting back tears as she recounted trying bravely to smile as a five-year-old watching her father succumb to cancer.
I know that, in the past, I've used PopWatch as a forum to praise Longoria's comic chops, but maybe last night's dramatic turn will provide her with an Emmy reel that'll shake voters out of whatever stupor has stopped them from nominating her the past three seasons. My sister admitted to me on the phone this morning that she was reaching for the Kleenex during the Gaby-Lynette scene, too, and I'm wondering if any of you experienced similar waterworks.
If not, then I ask you this: When was the last time a TV show gave you a case of the sad snifflies? 'Fess up, folks! Because much as I love Fergie, I vehemently disagree with her message that big girls (or guys, for that matter), don't cry.
That Eva Longoria online sex video you've been hearing rumors about? Doesn't exist. She did appear in a mock online sex video — it's a spoof playing on Funny or Die that pairs her with "Perry Hilton" (actually, Dumb and Dumberer star Eric Christian Olsen, who has several other "Perry Hilton" videos on that site), in a parody of Paris Hilton's notorious night-vision sex tape. Watch it below (don't worry, it's totally SFW), and see if you agree with me that it confirms two things: that Longoria is still the unsung comic ace of the Desperate Housewives cast, and that, if this acting thing doesn't pan out, she's got a future as a gymnast.
I'm still recovering from the mess that was the MTV VMAs last night (well, okay, a lot of that has to do with Britney kicking off the awards show on the wrong stiletto-heeled foot), but I wanted to report back to you guys on my experience on the red carpet before I head on a plane back to NYC. (I'll admit it: Sin City has worn me out.)
The red carpet took place along a walkway through the casino inside the Palms Hotel. Across from where the press were standing were hand-picked pretty people playing poker — with fake chips — who were basically strategically placed by MTV to look like they were having way more fun than they actually were. Good thing they were provided with free drinks. Behind the fence where I was standing were tons of hotel guests, Vegas townies, stalkers, and basically anyone who wanted to catch a glimpse of Justin Timberlake on their cell phone cam as he passed through. Needless to say, the entire hotel turned into a natural disaster as more and more people crammed into the casino during the pre-show.
First to arrive was Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussycat Dolls, who in person, looks amazingly like she could be Kim Kardashian's twin. Nicole was wearing a pretty interesting black Alice Temperly dress that was long in back and short in front. Not sure if it was Vegas enough for me, she almost looked like she belonged in a Cleopatra movie.
The boys of Panic! At The Disco were adorable. I asked two of 'em what there is to do in Vegas when you are under 21, and they said they'd hung out at the pool a lot (uh huh, and I'm sure they didn't sneak into any clubs at all, right boys?). Brendon Urie mentioned he thought Brit Brit's performance was going to be incredible, "The thing is, it's Britney, so I don't know how it couldn't be incredible," he said. "Everybody's looking forward to it, whether you like her or not." Bet he ate his words for breakfast this morning.
So this Orlando Sentinel story that Nicollette Sheridan is slated to make an "amazing" appearance on the season premiere of Desperate Housewives gave me an idea: Wouldn't it be awesome if Edie — who appeared to take her own life in the third-season finale — returned as the show's new narrator? You've got to admit, anything would be better than another 22 episodes of Brenda Strong's sing-songy Mary Alice voice-overs, which are always my cue to tune out and begin a raging internal debate about whether or not I deserve a Sunday-night, post-dinner snack. "Sooo-san Myyyyy-er had a problem…" NO!
Seriously, though, imagine those narrations with a little sass, and an actual point of view. The fact that Edie has a prickly relationship with almost every resident of Wisteria Lane would allow her to go where Mary Alice dare not tread — poking fun at Susan's romantic follies, Lynette's heinous children, and Bree's obsession with perfection. After all, nobody likes a holier-than-thou gossip. If you're with me, then lobby for Edie as narrator in the comments section below. And if you're not, then perhaps you could school me as to why I am wrong.
¡Hola, PopWatchers! I just got back from a two-week vacation in lovely Barcelona, and while the trip was designed to be a much-needed pop-culture detox (I didn't even log on to PopWatch during my time abroad — ¡gasp!) there was one celebrity I simply couldn't avoid: Eva Longoria. No, BBC World News wasn't relentless in covering the run-up to the Desperate Housewives star's weekend nuptials to basketball star Tony Parker (I took that as proof of God's existence), but rather, I couldn't walk two blocks without seeing one of her ads for Magnum ice-cream bars. Seriously, they were everywhere. And so, to ensure I had something to blog about my first Monday back on the job, I took a picture of one of the inescapable sidewalk banners, and I also broke down and sampled the Magnum (double chocolate flavor) — which struck me as a richer, more sinful version of the Dove bar. I'll say this for Longoria, she may be a shameless shill, but she's got good taste when it comes to one of Jay Manuel and Tyra Banks' favorite treats.
Some welcome developments on Wisteria Lane: First, says the Hollywood Reporter, Desperate Housewives might get some new blood, in the form of a family prospectively to be played by Dana Delany (reportedly, series creator Marc Cherry's original choice to play Bree), Nathan Fillion (pictured; apparently, Waitress has done for his career what Firefly/Serenity could not), and 20-year-old Lyndsy Fonseca (who's also set to play a recurring role on Heroes; maybe her superpower is an ability to be on two shows at once). Delany's always a welcome presence in TV land, and since Kidnapped was cruelly short-lived, a DH role would be a nice mini-comeback.
Second is the notion floated in Liz Smith's Variety column that Cherry is mulling a musical episode. I actually think DH would be well-suited to a musical episode, provided the golden throats of our housewives and their fellas are up to it. Smith notes that Teri Hatcher and Nicollette Sheridan have some documented singing experience, and that the others are, at least, pros who'll do whatever they need to...
Hold the phone, does this mean Edie's not dead?
How do these developments sound to you, PopWatchers? Eager to see a suburban kickline? And what other shows might benefit from Buffy/Scrubs-style musical episodes?
Let's see, once again, Forbes magazine's annual Celebrity 100 power list is out, once again Oprah is the most powerful celeb in the universe, and once again, I'm not sure why I should care. There's some amusement in noting which stars dropped off the list this year (sorry, J. Lo). And hours of fun can be spent pondering how the mysterious formula that Forbes uses to number-crunch a star's earnings, media exposure, and other variables in order to determine the rankings results in some puzzling anomalies (Brad Pitt is No. 5 but Angelina Jolie is nine slots below him? David Letterman is at No. 17 while the higher-rated Leno is down at No. 26? The Desperate Housewives cast ranks above J.K. Rowling? Bon Jovi made the top 20?). But beyond that, what's it all mean? Is there a deeper significance to be mined from this list, a lesson about what it takes to rise to the top of the showbiz ladder in 2007? Enlighten me, PopWatchers.
Something strange is happening to me, PopWatchers. The summer TV season is already underway, and somehow, I can't seem to make myself care. Maybe it's May sweeps burnout. Just this weekend I finally caught up on my backlog of Desperate Housewives (Edie! OMG, nooo!) and The Office (Fire-walk! OMG, yesss!), and still have one Heroes and a bunch of Mediums to go. But whatever the reason, I haven't watched a single episode of CBS's Pirate Master, ABC's The Next Best Thing, or Fox's On the Lot. And I already know I have no interest in NBC's America's Got Talent.
Embarrassingly enough, one of the few new series I was excited about (aside from Bravo's Hey, Paula) was NBC's untitled celebreality series focusing on Posh Spice (who turned up on the red carpet at last night's MTV Movie Awards, pictured at left, dressed like a brick of halvah) and her relocation to Los Angeles with her soccer-star husband David Beckham; now, however, People is reporting that his recall to the English national soccer team — is this a footballer's equivalent of military service? — is putting the show in jeopardy. And that puts my emotional well-being in jeopardy. I had Being Bobby Brown-size hopes for Posh & Becks, and now, I'm going to have to re-cast my net. Maybe EW's new Summer TV Preview will help. Oh, hey, only 14 more days till Age of Love? Okay, I'm totally over the Posh ordeal. How about you, PopWatchers? Are you devastated or delighted by the potential demise of Victoria Beckham's show? Holla back!
I think you're the bee's knees on Desperate Housewives. In fact, if you can keep this a secret between you and me ('cause I hate when Marcia yells), it's my firm belief that you've grown to be the show's MVP over the last two seasons. That said, if you're ever going to get that Emmy nomination you so richly deserve, you've got to stop calling in to Ryan Seacrest's radio show and blabbing about your sex life. I mean, seriously, have you ever heard Streep call in with a report from her boudoir? See where I'm going with this? Excellent! Now don't forget to thank me when you're at the podium.
Three cheers for the former Lois Lane! Or make that six cheers, seeing that both Teri Hatcher (who portrayed the Man of Steel's love interest on TV's Lois & Clark) and Margot Kidder (Miss Lane in 1978's Superman and its various sequels, opposite Christopher Reeve) were in fine, hilarious form on ABC's Desperate Housewives and Brothers & Sisters respectively last night.
I'm not sure which actress surprised me more. I've pretty much abhorred Hatcher's klutzy, fickle Susan Meyer (pictured, left) since midway through Housewives' first season, but I howled with laughter last night watching her set ablaze Ian's stuffy mother (Lynn Redgrave) in an outdoor barbecue mishap. (Given her history, no one should trust Susan near an open flame.) I'm just hoping the show's writers ditch gloomy Mike Delfino (the suddenly wooden James Denton) and set Susan free of the same recurring plotline she's been stuck in since the series began. Who knows? Maybe then I can finally stop daydreaming that she'll be the next Wisteria Lane resident to meet an untimely demise.
Kidder, meanwhile, brought a breath of blowsy air to Brothers & Sisters as Nora's kooky pal Emily Craft (at right). I'm not sure if Kidder was partially improvising her dialogue last night, but her critiques of Nora's potential date outfits ("That was maybe nice when Fawn Hall was around!") and double-entendres ("This may be a cocktail party, but I don't know which blanket that little piggy's gonna be under, if you get my drift") were deliciously daft and freewheeling. Can't this character get a spinoff, maybe as a life coach for women of a certain age? Emily's Crafty couldn't do any worse than Emily's Reasons Why Not, could it?
You may know that Tony Parker is the starting point guard for the San Antonio Spurs, or that he is engaged to Desperate Housewives' Eva Longoria, but did you know that he's also broken into the (French) music biz? Seriously — his first rap album, Tony Parker, dropped yesterday in France. With it, Tony P. joins the likes of KOBE, Shaq Fu, and even Allen Iverson in becoming a professional basketball player with a side gig in pretending to flow. Can't get enough of that fame, can they?
Not that there's anything theoretically wrong with an athlete trying to rap, it's just that, statistically, the efforts end up looking silly. Let's put the first single off of Tony P.'s album, "Balance-Toi," to the test, shall we? It's got a mashup of familiar "club banger" elements, with heavy bass beats, vaguely exotic horns, and even a little kid accessory ("Tony P, wassup!!"). The lyrics are mostly in French, but consist of juvenile, repetitive language: "Check mon hip-hop/Toujour au top... Rap est mon job, Stop!/Jump et jump et jump hop!" You really think that would sound any better in English?.
(WARNING: This item contains possible spoilers from recent episodes of Heroes and Desperate Housewives.)
What is with the cliffhangers — literally — on ABC shows this past week?
First onGrey's Anatomy, Meredith (Ellen Pompeo, pictured) got pushed over the edge of a dock by the convulsing man she was trying to treat at the scene of the ferry boat accident. And of course, we're all left wondering if she's going to drown to death or be saved by McDreamy and his hair.
Then, on Desperate Housewives, Mike and Orson threw fists at each other in a hospital parking garage, and their rumble eventually ended in Orson free falling out of what looked like the fifth level of the building. Cut to the end of the episode.
Finally on a random note, on Heroes (okay, so not an ABC show, but still), Matt was thrust through a window by Jessica — but luckily, we know he survived.
Which show do you think will be next to follow in this pattern? And are there any characters on TV (or even a reality show cast member) you wish would be sent for a flying lesson of their own? I know I'd like to see Cecille on Beauty and The Geek be thrown off the balcony by Jennylee!
Maybe I'm just cranky because I've been gradually hacking up my left lung for the past few days (Luden's cherry cough drops, you taste like delicious candy but really aren't that effective when it comes down to it, duh), but I feel the need to comment on "health-conscious" Kelly Ripa's plan to air her first Botox injection live on Regis & Kelly.
Can she NOT?
Ugh. I know why she wants to. "Ratings." But, just, no! It's bad enough that everyone's having it done, at this point without even the slightest debate. Now the millions of perfectly fine-looking, home-grown peeps who think Kelly Ripa is awesome will become even more inspired to do it. I won't pass judgment on the awesomeness of Kelly Ripa, but I'm fairly positive that Botox is NOT AWESOME. It's gross. I hate it. This is really mean, but when I watch Desperate Housewives, I get this terrible urge to go around popping the about-to-burst-anyway eye sockets of the main characters just to see what would happen. It's a real challenge to write the TV Watch for that show because I have trouble deciphering the indeterminate emotions of every woman except Mrs. McCluskey. Susan is... sad? Lonely? Look at Lynette -- based solely on what's coming out of her mouth, I'm guessing she's ANGRY. Maybe? Wait, why does Bree look surprised? Oh, that's just how she looks. Sometimes these constitute the entirety of my notes. (That would be on one of my "lazy" nights. But still.)
You walk along the street and the humans look like aliens! Does nobody care? *#%(@! Kelly, please!
Our good-health wishes go out to Marcia Cross, who, according to the Associated Press, is under doctor's orders to stay home in bed during the final stages of her pregnancy. The producers of Desperate Housewives, TVGuide.com reports, are accommodating Cross by shooting her scenes at her own house, remodeling the interior of her home to look like Bree's well-appointed house. That's certainly a clever solution, but I wonder if ABC has missed an opportunity for Sunday-night synergy here. That is, they should have farmed the remodeling job out to the Extreme Makeover crew and filmed the process. And why stop there? They could do something similar for any star who's confined to quarters because he or she is, say, in jail, or in rehab, or under house arrest, or merely avoiding the paparazzi. It's a win-win, folks!
With Madame Alexander's upcoming (and oddly featureless) Desperate Housewives dolls getting unveiled on the cover of Fashion Doll Quarterly, it got me thinking ahead to the confusion such an adult-oriented line might cause among the target doll-playing demographic. To that end, here's my list of the Top 5 Things My Nieces and Nephews Are Bound to Utter During the 2007 Holiday Season:
5. "Mommy! Mommy! I can't tell the difference between the ball-busting ad exec and the horny real-estate agent!" 4. "No! You play with the Susan doll!" 3. "Mom? Where did you store my 'N Sync action figures? I need J.C. to help play out Gabrielle's extramarital affair with her teenage gardener." 2. "Grandma! Uncle Michael won't give me back my Bree doll! He says she's helping him bake cranberry scones!" 1. "We're not negotiating my uterus!"
I guess it makes sense, if you're going to make a very special episode of Desperate Housewives from the men's point of view, to use Rex Van De Kamp (Steven Culp, pictured, with Marcia Cross and Hunter Allen) as your deceased narrator. Still, do we really care about the men's perspective on DH? Do the guys on this show have rich inner lives that have gone previously unexplored? Except for the mysterious Orson (and maybe the amnesiac Mike), probably not. Much as I would enjoy watching unlikely bachelor-pad roomies Mike and Carlos throwing a beer blast, I wonder what the deceased Rex can tell us about the lives of Wisteria Lane's men. Any predictions?
(WARNING: Spoilers from last night's Desperate Housewives below.)
Besides the revalation that new neighbor, Art, is a pedophile (check out my TV Watch for more details), there was one other thing that scared me last night on Desperate Housewives: the it-model, Tanya's, hair!
Tanya (Allison Miller, pictured) told Gabrielle she'd only started modeling two years ago and she'd already been on six covers, so I'm finding it a little hard to believe that of all the hair dressers and stylists she's worked with, not a one of them has every said to her that her massive coif could use some help! Not to mention, she was perusing through an issue of Teen World magazine when Gabby insisted on passing on her years of modeling wisdom to the litte know-it-all Tanya -- shouldn't she have figured out from reading the fashion mag that '80s style might be making a comeback, but '80s hair most certainly isn't?
I'm really hoping this isn't a trend we start seeing in the real world any time soon. God knows we could all use a break from our flat irons, but a wild perm is still not the answer.
SPOILER ALERT: We're guessing there are a few of you out there who haven't yet watched last night's highly anticipated grocery-store-shootout episode of Desperate Housewives... so, out of respect for you (and, you know, to avoid your angry comments), we're talking about the victims after the jump. Click the link if you dare!
In the same way that orange juice isn't just for breakfast anymore, neither is violently bumping off series regulars on Sundays at 9 p.m. the sole territory of The Sopranos. Indeed, as the previews for next week's Desperate Housewives seem to promise, somebody's about to pay the ultimate price for drama's sake. (Yay!) And while I realize Tom's baby mama Nora (Kiersten Warren), quite possibly the most annoying character in a primetime universe that includes Horatio Caine and Ryan Seacrest, is the popular choice to go knockin' on heaven's door, let me suggest an alternate victim: the incredibly shrinking plumber, Mike Delfino.
Think about it -- not only does James Denton (pictured, with Teri Hatcher) appear to have hired Kate Bosworth's dietitian (negating his character's all important hunk factor), but he's also turned post-coma Mike into a bizarrely blank beast. Yes, the dude is supposed to be suffering from partial memory loss, but how'd his personality get misplaced in the equation? Better still, by taking Mike out back with a can of tuna, the writers can free Susan from a third full season of will-they-or-won't-they hijinks and allow Edie to return to her patented brand of bed-hopping. Are you with me, PopWatchers, or would you rather see a different character check out during the Great Supermarket Massacre?
Just when we'd gotten used to rolling our eyes at Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie separately, they had to go out to a steak restaurant together (really? eating? steak?) to unofficially announce their make-up. Here, watch the video. Not only is it possibly the worst paparazzi-hounding one I've seen in weeks, but it features the power duo sitting side-by-side on a bench, vigorously texting -- possibly each other. Which is laughable, yes -- but what else are they supposed to do? Answer these idiots' questions? Smoke a doobie?
Maybe! Photographers got a shot of what was either chronic herb or schwag granola in Paris' purse at a fashion show in Milan. I especially like the Photoshopping liberties Defamer took in adding a glowing green haze around the baggie. But what does Paris eat when she gets the munchies? An Altoid?
This just in from the Department of Recycled Plotlines: Yeah, I know the two most recent episodes of Desperate Housewives have been a vast improvement over lackluster season 2, but I've gotta ask: How many different ways can Gaby lose a baby? First, she gets knocked down a flight of stairs and miscarries. Next, she's forced to give up custody of her adopted infant to its birth parents. And then last night (SPOILER ALERT for those who haven't yet watched), she discovers her fertility clinic erroneously implanted another woman's embryo into her own surrogate's womb. What's next, an alien abduction? While I'd follow the hilarious Eva Longoria all the way to an According to Jim crossover episode (something I hope ABC never dreams up), a word of warning to the Housewives writing team: Insanity is giving your viewers the same story arc over and over again, and expecting them not to change the channel.
Meanwhile, from the beloved Grey's Anatomy comes word that Eric Dane (a.k.a. McSteamy) is joining the cast full time, and while another set of rock-hard abs never hurt a prime-time soap opera, I'd like to review the Grey's central-story-arc playbook from the show's premiere to the present: Addison cheats on McDreamy with McSteamy. McDreamy leaves Addison. McDreamy has affair with Meredith. Addison and McDreamy reunite. McDreamy cheats on Addison with Meredith. Addison leaves McDreamy. Addison has affair with McSteamy. Okay, seriously? Anyone else see a pattern here? All I'm saying is this: If Shonda Rhimes & Co. try to pull an ''Addison and Derek reunite'' anytime between now and November sweeps, I'm going to be hella irritable. It's not just me, right? And does anyone else out there want to see an Anti-Recycling Referendum in Hollywood come Election Day?
If you're the kind of person who likes living in a spoiler-free cocoon, then now would be the time to cover your ears and make some noise. For the rest of you, try to tune out those ''la-la-la-la-la-la-las'' coming from the other side of the room, and check out the latest crumbs of info coming off the sets of Lost and Desperate Housewives, after the jump.
Have I told you lately that I love you, PopWatchers? Or at least given a shout-out to your wildly entertaining message-board comments? If not, then I've been remiss, but only because I'm spending all my free time working on the script for PopWatch Comments: The Movie. Still, until that sweet day arrives when we see our best work brought to life by Wentworth Miller, Ally Walker, and Catherine Keener -- this blog has sexy cheekbones, fabulous hair, and undeniable wit, natch -- we'll have to settle for PopWatch Comments: The Photo Gallery.
To be more specific (and coherent), last week, when I bid bitter farewell to CSI: Miami, I posed the question: "What series are you breaking up with this fall?" Your responses were so inspired, we picked our 10 favorites -- like Jen's complaint that she wanted to punch Gilmore Girls' transformed Luke (pictured, with Lorelai) in the throat -- and gave the feature the center square on the EW.com home page today. So keep up the great work*, and click here to see who made the cut.
*um, within reason, of course -- let's not clever me right out of a job, OK?
Attention, Desperate Housewives stars and producers: Shut up already! How are we supposed to stay interested in the forthcoming third season if you all won't stop leaking plot details? First there was creator Marc Cherry himself spilling the beans about the supermarket sweeps-month bloodbath. Last week came the leaked video of Orson (Kyle MacLachlan) broadening Bree's (Marcia Cross) sexual horizons. This week, Eva Longoria and others dished out plenty of spoilers to EW in our current DHcover story. Finally, on the heels of Wednesday's news of Cross' real-life pregnancy, Longoria tells Access Hollywood that the baby bump will be written into the show, though Longoria said she didn't know whether Orson or someone else would be the one to impregnate Bree. Seriously, what's left to find out? (Let me guess: Edie's really a man, bay-bee!)
To be fair, EW and PopWatch have aided and abetted all this spoilage, but we wouldn't print it if they weren't so eager to blab it. Plus, what else could they do except write in a Bree baby? The hiding-behind-sofas-and-potted-plants thing doesn't really fool anyone. As the great philosopher Shakira once said, hips don't lie.
[SPOILER WARNING: Mild spoiler ahead for Season 3 of Desperate Housewives]
Did Kyle MacLachlan pick up a few bedroom tips during his stint on Sex and the City? An upcoming Desperate Housewives episode apparently features a comical sex scene between Orson (MacLachlan) and Bree (Marcia Cross), in which Orson persuades Bree to shed her inhibition about letting him pleasure her orally. (''I'm a Republican!'' she argues.) Thanks, by the way to Variety for alerting us to this cataclysmic event, via an article in which ABC complains that a clip of the scene has been leaked to YouTube. The network claims the leak is not part of a viral marketing campaign and had it pulled from the site this afternoon. Bummer, though Variety describes the scene in some detail, under the guise of musing about how much harder it is to keep spoilers under wraps in the YouTube era. While we at PopWatch acknowledge the, um, hard news value of the leaked clip, we'll happily cop to our prurient interest. After all, Bree had already started down this path with husband Rex in season 1, before his untimely demise. After her dreary season 2, she deserves some happiness, even if the source is that creepy Orson character.
Maybe I'm thick, but can someone please tell me which metaphor ABC is getting at in this clip promoting the forthcoming third season of Desperate Housewives? Is it about airing dirty laundry? Or just that, after season 2 proved to be such a wash, this show's future is on the line? As Adweek's AdFreak blog points out, this clip is modest and circumspect compared to last year's promo, which promised more than the season could deliver.
I like it except for two things: 1) Eva Longoria's new blond tresses; this could be as disastrous a decision as Keri Russell's haircut in season 2 of Felicity and 2) that ugly cover of ''You Really Got Me'' is almost bad enough to make me forget how Zayra butchered the song twice (twice!) last month on Rock Star: Supernova. Could everyone please stop beating up on the Kinks? What did they ever do to you?
[WARNING: This really is a big spoiler, so skip this item if you don't want to read it.]
Yes, I know we linked to a bunch of season 3 Desperate Housewives spoilers yesterday, but this is a big one. From the Associated Press, via TV Guide, comes word from series creator Marc Cherry that a November storyline will involve a ''huge hostage situation in a supermarket,'' that Lynette (Felicity Huffman, pictured) and several other primary characters will be present, that one character will be wounded, and that one lead will be killed. Am I a bad person for thinking, ''Please, please, let it be Susan''?
Alan Sepinwall from the Star-Ledger caught up with Desperate Housewives' creator Marc Cherry at ABC's press-tour party last week, and came away with some juicy spoilers. (Stop reading now if you want to head into the Sept. 24 season premiere completely blind.) A few of the new plot twists have me dreaming about a creative resurgence on Wisteria Lane, while a couple leave me worried the show's not quite ready to emerge from its sophomore slump. What follows are three real story arcs Cherry is planning -- and two fakes. See if you can tell the difference.
[SPOILER WARNING: Do not read this item if you don't want any information about Housewives' third season.]
It's not too early to muse on what's going to happen to the ladies of Wisteria Lane on the forthcoming season of Desperate Housewives. Writer and co-executive producer Kevin Murphy offers some mild spoilers to Variety that involve the relationship between Bree (Marcia Cross) and Orson (Kyle MacLachlan), a new love interest for Susan (Teri Hatcher), an escalating battle between Gaby (Eva Longoria) and Carlos (Ricardo Chavira), a wedding, and a ''big twist'' in episode 7.
About the only thing here that sounds interesting to me is the Gaby-Carlos struggle, especially since Longoria was the show's most underappreciated performer in season 2. (I'm talking to you, Emmy voters.) Orson looks like he's going to be another George, a creepy stalker for Bree who's a dentist instead of a pharmacist. The awkward mishandling of the Applewhites plot (and criminal underutilization of Alfre Woodard) throughout season 2 gives me little hope for whatever grand and mysterious story arc Murphy and crew have planned for next season. Just give us more Gaby and more Edie (Nicollette Sheridan), stop making Lynette (Felicity Huffman) such a scheming harpy, and don't let the eight-fingered Mrs. Tilman (Harriet Harris) stay away too long.
What do you want to see happen on the third season of Housewives?
In William Fichtner's continuing and mostly successful quest to make people forget he ever appeared in Passion of Mind comes word that he'll be joining the cast of Fox's Prison Break for its second season, playing a federal agent who's hot on the trail of the show's on-the-lam lead characters. This ''happy-morning'' news for Fichtner fans, many of whom would like to see him land an Emmy nod for his creepy turn on ABC's recently departed Invasion, got me thinking about one of my favorite topics: Which players from recently canceled or concluded shows might spruce up existing series come fall?
I'd snag Six Feet Under's Mathew St. Patrick, who did some wild scenery chewing opposite the emotional ciphers on Fox's ridonkulous Reunion last fall, and cast him on Desperate Housewives as a hunky personal trainer who unleashes an unexpected competitive vibe among the women of Wisteria Lane. Think you can beat that casting suggestion? Go ahead and try.
We're only about a month away from Emmy nomination announcements, and Gold Derby has posted a fascinating rundown of which shows and actors are lobbying for peer recognition. To date, no money's been spent on ''for your consideration'' trade ads for dearly departed favorites such as Arrested Development, Alias, and Everwood (though some of the shows' cast members are getting pushes). Even more puzzling to me, though, is the absence of a push for the awesomely hateful Lance Barber (The Comeback's Paulie G) and Emily Procter, whose Calleigh Duquesne is pretty much the only reason to watch CSI: Miami anymore.
On the flip side, series seeking their initial nominations range from totally deserving (Battlestar Galactica, The Comeback) to downright bizarre (how ironic that the funniest thing about NBC's Teachers is the materialization of its ridonkulous Emmy campaign).
Whatever happens, a nomination for any of the following folks -- Battlestar Galactica's Katee Sackhoff or Tricia Helfer, Arrested Development's Will Arnet, or Desperate Housewives' Harriet Sansom Harris -- would make my month. And a nomination for The Comeback's Lisa Kudrow, who dug so deeply and fearlessly into her Valerie Cherish character for 13 sad, funny, and underappreciated episodes -- well, that would make my frackin' year. But, of course, you already knew that. So tell me, who would you like to see get an Emmy nod come July 8? And who shouldn't go seeking it in the first place?
"Gale Harold is out of intensive care and improving daily," a rep for the Desperate Housewives actor, who was injured Oct. 14 in a motorcycle accident, said in a statement issued Thursday night. "A full recovery is expected. He thanks everyone for their good wishes."
Oh no! 
Two of my favorite ABC series have gone the "add a child!" route, but in the battle between
Last week, 
After seeing this behind-the-scenes photo of new cast member 
The Emmys shortlists keep trickling in over at the swashbuckling 
After subjecting you all to the 
Up until yesterday, I probably would've answered that question with a big old 'no,' but yesterday, during my regular Sunday-afternoon veg-out watching horse racing on 
Slezak spotted the non-news news headline (left) on 
The 
Hear that? It’s the sound of chimes. The chimes of doom. A twister is scheduled to hit Wisteria Lane this Sunday, in what ABC is touting as Desperate Housewives’ Best. Episode. Of. The. Year. (A euphemism for: Last. Episode. Due. To. The. Strike.) When storm clouds settle over the abnormally sunny suburbia, I can't help but wonder if a major character will kick the bucket. Natural disaster doesn’t always spell character death, but Lynette's Oscar-worthy shriek in last week's preview wasn’t because her beloved pizzeria came tumbling down, I’d bet that much.
Maybe I wasn't paying close enough attention to ABC's Thanksgiving-week promos, but I spent all Sunday night waiting for a tornado to strike Wisteria Lane on 
When on 
Something surprising happened during Lynette's chemotherapy story arc on 
I'm still recovering from the mess that was the MTV VMAs last night (well, okay, a lot of that has to do with 
So 
¡
Some welcome developments on Wisteria Lane: First, says 
Something strange is happening to me, PopWatchers. The summer TV season is already underway, and somehow, I can't seem to make myself care. Maybe it's May sweeps burnout. Just this weekend I finally caught up on my backlog of Desperate Housewives (
Dearest Eva,
Three cheers for the former Lois Lane! Or make that six cheers, seeing that both Teri Hatcher (who portrayed the Man of Steel's love interest on TV's Lois & Clark) and Margot Kidder (Miss Lane in 1978's Superman and its various sequels, opposite Christopher Reeve) were in fine, hilarious form on ABC's 
(WARNING: This item contains possible spoilers from recent episodes of Heroes and Desperate Housewives.)
Maybe I'm just cranky because I've been gradually hacking up my left lung for the past few days (Luden's cherry cough drops, you taste like delicious candy but really aren't that effective when it comes down to it, duh), but I feel the need to comment on "health-conscious" 
With Madame Alexander's upcoming (and oddly featureless) 
I guess it makes sense, if you're going to make 
(WARNING: Spoilers from last night's Desperate Housewives below.)
In the same way that 
Just when we'd gotten used to rolling our eyes at Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie separately, they had to go out to a steak restaurant together (really? eating? steak?) to unofficially announce their make-up. 
This just in from the Department of Recycled Plotlines: Yeah, I know the two most recent episodes of Desperate Housewives have been a vast improvement over lackluster season 2, but I've gotta ask: How many different ways can Gaby lose a baby? First, she gets knocked down a flight of stairs and miscarries. Next, she's forced to give up custody of her adopted infant to its birth parents. And then last night (SPOILER ALERT for those who haven't yet watched), she discovers her fertility clinic erroneously implanted another woman's embryo into her own surrogate's womb. What's next, an alien abduction? While I'd follow the hilarious Eva Longoria all the way to an According to Jim crossover episode (something I hope ABC never dreams up), a word of warning to the Housewives writing team: Insanity is giving your viewers the same story arc over and over again, and expecting them not to change the channel.
Have I told you lately that I love you, PopWatchers? Or at least given a shout-out to your wildly entertaining message-board comments? If not, then I've been remiss, but only because I'm spending all my free time working on the script for PopWatch Comments: The Movie. Still, until that sweet day arrives when we see our best work brought to life by Wentworth Miller, Ally Walker, and Catherine Keener -- this blog has sexy cheekbones, fabulous hair, and undeniable wit, natch -- we'll have to settle for PopWatch Comments: The Photo Gallery. 
[WARNING: Mild spoilers ahead]
[SPOILER WARNING: Mild spoiler ahead for Season 3 of Desperate Housewives]
[WARNING: This really is a big spoiler, so skip this item if you don't want to read it.]
Alan Sepinwall from the Star-Ledger caught up with Desperate Housewives' creator Marc Cherry at ABC's press-tour party last week, and came away with some 
[SPOILER WARNING: Do not read this item if you don't want any information about Housewives' third season.] 
In William Fichtner's continuing and mostly successful quest to make people forget he ever appeared in 
We're only about a month away from Emmy nomination announcements, and 
