I mean why not?
ABC's revival of The Superstars premiered last week, and it's on again tonight at 8 p.m. ET. Maksim Chmerkovskiy, who dabbles in both ballroom dancing and dropping by our office, is currently in first place with his partner, freeskiing star Kristi Leskinen. (He's the "celebrity" and she's the "athlete," which must really boil his blood, so it's a good thing he's in the water.) I watched the premiere out of devotion to my fake DWTS boyfriend, assuming it'd be incredibly lame. The whole thing is basically an advertisement for Atlantis Resort and Casino disguised as a giant obstacle course, so it's already ridiculous just on principle. And it is pretty dumb, to be honest, but in a totally benign, Wipeout-y kind of way -- so stupid it's oddly calming. At one point, I realized I was willingly spending my life watching 16 random people "white water raft" down a man-made lazy river and thought to myself, "Why would you do this?" But maybe a better question, especially during these troubled times, is "Why wouldn't you do this?" After all, silly self, it's Maks. [BIG SPLASH.]
Anyone else tuning in to Superstars tonight? Joanna Krupa and Terrell Owens are back because Jennifer Capriati got injured, so maybe Joanna can completely wig out on T.O. again for being too big and slow to navigate his behemoth body through a complicated barricade. Just be sure to hit mute whenever Ali Landry appears on-screen. God, her voice is annoying.
I'm not doing a great job selling this show, huh? Should've just left it at "I mean why not?"
Related video: Annie hits rock bottom after Maks and Karina announce their engagement
Looks like Dancing With the Stars' Julianne Hough will be starring opposite Gossip Girl's Chace Crawford in the much-discussed Footloose remake -- and I'm a little shocked by how happy this makes me. I'm a huge fan of the original Kevin Bacon flick (like any normal person who came of age in the '80s) and bristled when I talk of a redo first began. It could still go moderately to horribly wrong, of course, as things can when Hollywood tries to "modernize" a guilty-pleasure classic. (See: Love Don't Cost a Thing for "moderately," Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights for "horribly.") Part of the magic of the original was discovering the ridiculously satisfying plot, catchy songs, and cheesy warehouse dance sequences for the first time. And I have concerns about the two freakishly cute leads looking more like they belong on top of a wedding cake together than tussling with local officials in a backwoods town over dancing restrictions.
Still, after some deep contemplation, I say put me down for Team Hough (not to mention Team Crawford): We may not know yet if she can act, but I doubt this will require too much of a stretch. Hough's normal disposition seems a bit sunnier than Lori Singer's sulky pastor's daughter in the original, but I can see her as a wild-child, small-town girl. (Maybe it's that country-music career.) Plus we know from DWTS that she's almost unbearably watchable onscreen -- oh, right, and she can really, really dance, which is more than we can say for, um, any of the main characters in the original. (Sorry, that wasn't Kevin Bacon doing those crazy flips.) Depending on Crawford's abilities -- which we don't really know yet -- this new version could be more musically and visually spectacular than the original, which could make up for any other shortcomings. But I still demand a climactic town council speech quoting from the Bible. And a prom scene with powder-blue tuxes.
What do you think, PopWatchers? Is Julianne Hough the new Lori Singer? Or better?
Some gossip queen associated with Vera Wang let it slip that the designer has signed on for Dancing With the Stars' season 9 (yes, really) cast. Neither ABC nor Wang's camp are commenting, but if it is true, I can't wait to hear what Vera has to say about the show's ridiculous costumes. I fear she might quit after realizing you're required to wear 27 layers of makeup on show nights. Meanwhile, I've put on my feathered DWTS Thinking Cap. Brace yourselves for...
ANNIE'S ULTIMATE BARBIE DREAM HOUSE 'DWTS' CAST!
The Enormous Athlete: Michael Jordan. To be partnered with tall new pro Anna Demidova. Duh. I could wear a different XXXXL early '90s Chicago Bulls tee for each episode. Because that's what watching this show is all about. What I'm wearing.
The Cutie Pie Olympian: Matthew Mitcham. I don't care if he's Australian. If Australia doesn't want him on its own DWTS, we'll take him here. (And this way, the Olympian won't win!)
The Woman of a Certain Age: Jessica Walter. They could play "Misty" for her, and TV's Lucille Bluth could tell her partner, "I don't understand the steps, and I won't perform them."
The Old Guy: Richard Jenkins. He almost won an Oscar! Crappy reality TV should clearly be his next move.
The Comedian: Neil Flynn, the janitor from Scrubs. So charming in person, and his deadpan delivery would kill in such a ridiculous setting.
The Actor Who Isn't Doing Much These Days: Danica McKellar, a.k.a. The Wonder Years' Winnie Cooper. Her brief West Wing run wasn't nearly enough.
The Diva: Annie Lennox. Just because I love her and she'd never do it. Or Vanity! What Would Jesus Do? Put on something sequined. Oh yes He would.
And just for the hell of it: Daphne Zuniga, Emmanuel Lewis, Bruce Jenner or any of the featured players on menwholooklikeoldlesbians.blogspot.com, and any of the Designing Women, including Meshach Taylor.
What about you, DANCMSTRs -- who would be in your ultimate cast?
We love it when producers play coy about "potential" love interests. As if there's any way the folks at Brothers & Sisters would invite Gilles Marini (Dancing With the Stars, the Sex and the City movie) on for a multi-episode arc and not have him do the horizontal mambo. Especially when he's cast opposite Sarah (Rachel Griffiths), who we know is in heat (flashback to her tryst with guest star Cristian de la Fuente and...I'm back).
I give Gilles' casting a seven out of 10: A little cheesy but (1) He's not Steven Weber. (2) Kevin and Scotty should have plenty to say about him. (3) He's smoldering but sweet, which means good guy or bad boy? (4) I'd personally like to live in a world where Sarah could meet that online.
Your score?
American Idol second runner-up Danny Gokey has expressed interest in competing on Dancing With the Stars. Way to focus on that music career, sweet songbird. Scream on.
I'd like this to not happen, mostly because I was somehow able to avoid peer pressure from Idolatry's anti-Gokey brigade and have somehow managed to remain relatively unbothered by Danny Gokey. I gather that he's a total doofus, but come on -- he was an American Idol contestant. I don't expect American Idol contestants to be cool. Blasphemy, I know, but I've found the only way I can digest the show is if my standards are super low. They make my midseason breakthrough revelations -- "Wait a minute...Adam Lambert seems smart!" -- much more satisfying.
But back to Gokey. I'm not sure I'm ready for another season's worth of Gokey on the television, especially since (as EW's DWTS TV Watcher) my fast-forward button would be off-limits. Welcome to Gokey in Real Time, Annie! Gokey getting a spray tan. Gokey mouthing the words to his Viennese Waltz accompaniment. Gokey wedging a meaty palm in Cheryl Burke's crotch for a probably illegal lift. I'm sure I'd begin to dislike him in episode 1! I suppose it would be about time.
P-Dubs, what do you think? Should there be a one-reality-show limit for all attention-mongering humans? Would you watch Gokey on DWTS because you love him? Because you hate him? For the sheer spectacle of it all? Would you rather see Scott MacIntyre, who told Slezak he'd want to do DWTS, try it out? Or will you never watch that ridiculous show ever in your life regardless of who's on it, because YOU'VE GOT STANDARDS, DAMMIT?
Hi everyone,
Great season! It was a close race all the way to the finish line. Great finale dancers = an exciting finish! There was great artistry, beautiful passion, intense competition, graceful athleticism....moments of glory and special moments that will stay with us forever. I love Len and Bruno and have had a wonderful time working with them. Special thanks to our incredible staff and production team, who put our show together. Congratulations to the winners of season 8...
(SPOILER ALERT after the jump!)
Hello, DANCMSTRs! EW.com's Fringe Fairy here. The two-hour monstrosity has begun. For season 8 finalists Shawn Johnson, Gilles Marini, and Meliissa Rycroft, the months-long quest for an 18-inch knob of hardened glitter ends tonight. One will head home weeping tiny, rather attractive droplets of liquid crystals; the other two will be gushing tears of low-grade bedazzler glue for the rest of 2009. It's a Sad World.
Talk about Dancing With the Stars here during and after the finale, then come back tomorrow morning for my final TV Watch of the season, unless you want me to cry, too. While you wait, check out EW.com's rhinestone-encrusted photo gallery of costume designer Randall Christensen's favorite season 8 looks, which just went live this afternoon. It's not often a lowly fringe fairy gets to interview one of her Top 5 Personal Heroes Ever, you know. Now that I've had a taste...if you happen to be Lucille Bluth, Cookie Monster, the Pillsbury Doughboy, or whoever came up with Mountain Dew, you better watch out. I'll be calling.
See you tomorrow!
Update: It is tomorrow. Finale recap has been posted!
Tonight's the night. Liiiiiiiiiiiiive! From Hollywood. THIS is the Dancing With the Stars performance finale. Be sure to check out my updated Crazy Costume Watch photo gallery, which features 31 (a perfect score +1) of the most ridiculous costumes of season 8. Tomorrow, we'll have another DWTS fa-fa-fa-fa-fashion treat: Head costume designer Randall Christensen will discuss his 10 favorite looks of the season. I asked him whether he'd prefer to be covered in sequins or fringe for eternity and he said "Swarovski crystals." That seems about right. Looking ahead to tonight's performance round, which will undoubtedly feature Len Goodman's once-a-season DANCMSTR vanity license plate, here are my...
FANTASY FREESTYLES FOR THE FINAL 3
Shawn Johnson and Mark Ballas (pictured) Mark returns to his trademark Mark Ballas Fish Face for an underwater-themed quickstep. Gurgle gurgle gurgle...Shawn somehow ends up on Bela Karolyi's lap in the front row. The audience isn't sure if this is as cute as they thought it would be. Had he just been hanging out in the coral reef? Weird. Panic at the disco! Shawn executes full-twisting double back off the judges' desk to save the day. Standing O!
Gilles Marini and Cheryl Burke build the entire dance -- a combination of rumba (Smooth) and exotic pole work in the Gallic tradition (Standard) -- around Gilles' finely sculpted ass. Standing O! But wait, no one can find Bruno Tonioli. Search party quickly becomes dance party thanks to a rousing series of whoops and hollers from PopWatch blogger Carrie Ann Inaba. It turns out Bruno had followed Lil' Kim's lead from last week and climbed into Zheeeeeeeeeel's pants.
Melissa Rycroft and Tony Dovolani dress in overalls. It's so unlikely! Suddenly, a drumroll. What's that? A Super Mario Bros.-esque animated vine sprouts from beneath the sparkly decal covering Melissa's classy lower back tattoo. Tony hops on, scurries up until he can touch the disco ball suspended from the ceiling. He wants it so bad. Standing O!
Who do you think deserves to win? (I'm going with Gilles.) Post your own fantasy freestyles below, and see you tomorrow morning for the second-to-last TV Watch!
Well, Ty was sent home this week. He was such a joy to watch. Every season, we have someone that touches the hearts of the masses and really reminds us that anything is possible. I love that about our show. Ty Murray was that person this year. We actually had a few people that really brought heartwarming stories to our show -- Steve-O, and Steve W. both pulled on our heartstrings as well. And I have to say that Lil' Kim also really surprised everyone. I still wish she could have been in the final three. Derek does such great choreography that it would have been nice to see their final performances.
But who would they have replaced in the finals? That is something I wouldn't want to address....
It's not too late to dive into ABC's quicksand-like cesspool of sequins. Season 8's penultimate performance round begins tonight at 8 ET....liiiiiiiiive! Below, a crash course in Dancing With the Stars' final four contestants...
Shawn Johnson: Olympic gymnast/tiny dancer. She and partner Mark Ballas have taken to calling each other "baby," but it may be because she's only 17 and the producers WILL NOT LET US FORGET IT. Appears in dictionary next to the word "spry." Smiley. Seems to have no concept of how badly the stylists consistently murder her hair. Routines would look phenomenal on a balance beam. Standout dance: Cha cha cha.
Gilles Marini: Naked guy from the Sex and the City movie. (Is what Kara DioGuardi would call a "package artist.") Exhibits even less desire to wear clothes on TV than in the movie. Occasionally opts for sheer shirts as a middle ground. Tall. French. Hot. Humble. Can actually move hips. No one has any idea how popular he is. Could he be going home tomorrow instead of Ty? Standout dance: Argentine Tango.
Ty Murray: Cowboy. Adorable personality. Wears extra-furry leopard print robe at home and allowed this to be filmed. Cowboy. Prefers routines during which he can "hold on" to his partner Chelsie. Hardworking. Earnest as heck! Relatable. Cute. Cowboy. Performed hilarious, off-rhythm "solo" in which he "shook his hips" for his wife, Jewel. Cute. But. Come on. Can't really dance. Standout dance: Lindy Hop.
Melissa Rycroft (pictured): Got dumped on national television, and don't think they'll let us forget that either! This season's Brooke Burke: great dancer, hot-bodied, totally pleasant, [zzzzz]. Pretends to be shy in front of the cameras -- and, to be fair, this is only her third reality show, so all the attention must be rough. Long-suffering partner Tony Dovolani may have a stroke if they lose. Standout dance: Samba.
Who are you rooting for? Who's going home? And are you playing the DWTS drinking game correctly by taking a shot every time Samantha Harris burrowed one hand into the inexplicable pockets of her expensive evening gown?
More on Dancing With the Stars:
Carrie Ann Inaba's blogs: Week 9, Week 8, Week 7, Week 6, Week 5, Week 4, Week 3, Week 2
Last week's 'DWTS' elimination recap: Booted Booty
'DWTS': Season 8's Crazy Costume Watch!
