After learning at the end of this past week’s episode of Burn Notice that the next installment of the hit(-in-the-face) USA drama won’t air until July 9, I sighed sadly into my empty yogurt cup. How would I get through two weeks without a serving of Miami mayhem? Then I realized: Oh, right, I’m just going to keep re-reading this previously unpublished anecdote that the affable Jeffrey Donovan -- a.k.a. wiseass-badass blacklisted spy Michael Westen -- spilled during our interview for EW's Must List issue. Donovan is a black belt in karate who also has studied aikido and Brazilian jujitsu. “If someone grabbed me, I’d probably be able to choke them out in about eight seconds,” he noted.
Turns out, dude can back that fact up. Three years ago he was at a bar with his agent and found himself in a precarious situation while conversing with a female patron. We’ll let him take it from here: “I’m very shy in real life; I can’t really hit on girls. She was getting that, so she was being a little too flirtatious with me. And this guy walks over and he goes, 'That’s my sister!' and got very angry at me. I said, 'I’m not doing anything,' and then he made a move like he was going to hit me and I just -- it’s a typical kind of defense, you just grab their larynx and squeeze, and it cuts off all air and they drop to their knees. It didn’t hurt him, it just cut his air off and was a big surprise, and then I walked away. The guy was drunk and he came over and apologized.”
Okay, then, it's settled. If my sister ever hits on Donovan in front of me, I'm looking running the other way. I have a hands-off policy when it comes to my larynx. And this story does make me wonder: Might JD even be able to hang with... Chuck Norris? (I know, it's almost like someone cut off the air to my brain.) In any case, given that the raw power of the Texas Ranger spawned those clever Chuck Norris Facts (sample: There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live), perhaps we could start something similar to build up Donovan. All right, PopWatchers, I gave you a true story about Jeffrey Donovan -- now who's got a Jeffrey Donovan "fact" to share? The more creative, the better.
While you're brainstorming, enjoy Donovan's Must List video.
Is the Jon & Kate tabloid turmoil and marital discord all a crass ratings ploy, or can the couple truly not stand one another? Jessica Shaw and I examine the evidence from the season premiere and deliver the verdict in the newest episode of Must List Live! (Watch the video below and let us know if you agree or disagree). Also on tap: we argue about Burn Notice (I'm right! She's wrong!), look forward to the genius of The Hangover, and find out from Buffy alum/Gossip Girl villain Michelle Trachtenberg what's on her Must List. But wait, there's more! We're also still in the process of giving away the ultimate FREE Comic-Con package, including full 4-day passes as well as a hotel room and admission to our super-exclusive Entertainment Weekly Comic-Con party for one lucky winner and a friend. (Contest rules can be found here.) You can win just by watching the video below. And there's a heaping helping of Jon & Kate waiting for you along the way. Enjoy! (Unless you're Jon, in which case—sorry, dude. About everything.)
SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't seen Burn Notice's season finale yet, then do not read on or you may get a rogue operative on your tail for not conforming by our rules!
I was on the edge of my seat (well, couch) watching our spy favorite gang -- Michael, Sam, and Fiona -- battle Carla and the rest of Michael's beloved "caretakers" throughout last night's season finale, which was by far one of the best episodes yet! I loved every last minute of the action-packed, witty adventure , but I was overcome with woe at the very end of the hour because when Michael took that daring leap out of the helicopter and into the Atlantic he (gasp!!!) left behind his token shades.
I feel a bit of a personal connection to his sleek sunglasses not only because they are just as much a part of Michael Westen's character as yogurt is, but also because I had the fun task of hunting the frames down after many of you readers wrote to our Style Hunter and asked where you could get your own pair.
Now with his accessory left behind with "management," I'm wondering will we ever see them again? Or do you think Michael will be sporting a new look come summertime when the show returns? PopWatchers, are you as torn up about this missing link as I am? Spill below!
Yesterday's half-season finale delivered high action (that fab motorcycle chase), great guests (24's John Allen Nelson and Law & Order's Larry Clarke), two character returns (Nate and Carla), a love triangle (Campbell/Fiona/Mike), and some choice Sam quips ("You gotta love it when you tail someone to a place that makes a great mojito"). My only gripe: Not enough closure. I expected cliff-hangers like Mike diving off his front stairs as the loft burst into flames and the screen faded to black, or Nate going to lockup under a Carla-fabricated laundering charge and Fiona continuing to date clueless Campbell. But I hoped to at least learn Carla's true identity and what deadly hijinks she's got up her sleeve (or in her tankini, pictured).
Following last week's revelation that sniper Bill was another of Carla's pawns, Mike and Sam tracked him to a bayside building, where he used episode 2's forged access card to gain entry. Later, while Bill chilled on the Daytona club circuit (mentally preparing for Carla's killing mission, Sam presumed), Mike risked life and limb to sneak in and figure out that Bill's target must be someone riding the daily ferry that passes by the fourth floor conference room window. Then he and Sam stalked Carla (or as the latter calls her, "the burn notice lady" and "tall, blond, and evil") to a fancy-pants hotel where she did a lot of sexy swimming. Whatever she's up to is apparently "big," because between breaststrokes she conducted several poolside meetings with "international types" and installed a facial recognition security system outside her room -- which, of course, Sam found a way to use his masculine wiles to help Mike break into. There Mike discovered a dossier packed with photos of himself, Bill, dead forger Nefzi, sad sack hacker Jimmy (who's now Jimmy Barrett on Mad Men, btw), and one unfamiliar face (another operative maybe?), but no other clues.
Carla, of course, blew her top when she realized Mike had been in the building. ("There are things in the works that are far, far over your head. Stay out of them, or there will be consequences.") When he didn't back off, she retaliated by having Nate arrested -- which may cause Madeleine (who took out a loan to help sonny start his limo business) to lose her bungalow. She also lured Michael, Sam, and Fiona on a fake stakeout, while vaporizing Bill (so much for his sniper skills) and planting explosives in Michael's house. Which makes me wonder: If she knew Mike was eventually heading home to certain death, why did she follow him so fervently? Did she think he was going to Bill's first? Was she going to chat with him first or kill him herself?
More importantly, on the burn tip, we're left wondering what it all means. Who is the unknown man in Carla's file (whom she met with during the episode)? Who's going to be on that ferry that's worth stealing a Dragunov to kill? And once it's all over, will Mike get his job back?
It's been a long three weeks since we lost Burn Notice to all that tennis. Thanks to TNT's Law & Order marathon, I watched Jeffrey Donovan's recent episode twice. Otherwise, it was a long haul. So, in the interest of getting back to speed, let's begin the recap with a recap. On the personal side, Fiona started dating other men, making Mike a bit jealous. At home, Madeleine dragged him to therapy with her mini-me analyst, but it all went bust when the shrink agreed with Michael over Mom. And, in the spy world, Mike carried out a Carla-ordered op to steal a high-powered Russian sniper rifle (a.k.a. the Dragunov) and has since been obsessed with finding out what the frak she wants it for and who the h-e-double-hockey-sticks is its new owner, Bill Johnson.
Got it? Good. Because yesterday's episode wasn't just the best of the season, it was the best of the series. Number one, guest star Tim Matheson was perfect as Michael's psychotic buddy from the time he spent in the Balkans during the early '90s. Apparently, walking into an exploding oil refinery back then didn't kill Larry (it was all a ruse) and now he's freelancing. You know, a lot like Michael, but he kills people rather than helps them. As a friend, Larry's the anti-Sam. Sure, they share the same awesome wisecracks (Larry: "Slippery slopes can be fun too, like waterslides. Sam: "Larry... still drinking the blood of children?"), but they're very different influences on our guy. Sam has a big heart. Larry likes to give people heart attacks by spraying atropine on their silverware.
Number two, last night's show featured Burn Notice's most heart-pounding (and heartbreaking) scene ever: When Michael saved Fiona and this week's sad sack Jeannie (Amy Pietz) from death by dump truck by allowing the driver to literally run over the pickup he was in. It's almost impossible to describe on paper, but between the split screens and the anxious music, and the look on Fiona's face when she saw the accident, I nearly poked my eyes out trying to cover them. Then when Michael walked away from the pile-up and into her concerned arms, it nearly took my breath away.
Season 2’s guest stars just keep improving. You can’t top the hilarity of Larry Miller or the sheer freak factor of Robin Givens, but Michael Shanks (not to mention Method Man) certainly upped the ante last week. So I wasn’t too shocked when yesterday’s ep featured The Unit’s Max Martini as drug thief Gerard and Prison Break’s Silas Weir Mitchell as arms dealer Seymour. Martini was hit or miss — a bit too soulful to play a common criminal, methinks. Weir Mitchell, on the other hand, was perfectly quirky and menacing without being annoying or campy. He was exactly the kind of guy you’d think would be Fiona’s pal. (She seems to have a lot of those lately, by the way — the veterinarian’s assistant, the paramedic — they’re coming out of the woodwork, considering she spends most of her time helping out Michael and the rest of her hours, I’m assuming, working out.)
Fi hooked up Mike and Seymour, hoping that the latter could use his connections to score info on the über gun Mike helped Victor steal for Carla and company. The stats: It’s a Russian sniper rifle called a Dragunov. Seymour’s intel: It’s just been tricked out with specially calibrated muzzle breaks, night sight, and a fiber-optic camera. Oh, and the poor gun specialist who souped up the piece was murdered and his shop burned to the ground (i.e., whomever Carla works for doesn’t want to leave a trail, and she'll probably try to knock off Mike, Sam, Fiona, and Madeline soon too). They also want to use the gun to shoot someone pretty important and to make sure he or she definitely bites the dust. There is only one reason for putting a fiber-optic camera on a sniper rifle: In Michael’s words, “proof of death.”
Was it me, or was Madeline much more subtle upon last night's return? She didn't whine. She didn't nag. She didn't demand Mike get therapy or reconcile with Fiona. Or make him coddle Nate. She just smoked like a dragon, drank like a fish, and kept things light and hilarious. She called her VCR a "home theater system" for Pete's sake. Between that and her ancient coffee pot, I half expected her to pull out a magic lantern and claim she'd gone HD.
I'm a bit chuffed over how I predicted that Sam and Madeline would be bunking together. Though I assumed it would be because Mike sickened of him, his beer, and his chips, not because Madeline needed protection from a crazy new covert operative (Stargate's Michael Shanks) assigned by Carla to "wrangle" our guy. His code name: Victor. His act: insane. His mission: Force Mike to assist with a smash-and-grab heist on a local pier. His vibe: a bit boring, if I do say so myself. "Help us or we'll come after you and your family"? Snore. Didn't Timo already pull this on Trevor last week?
Let’s talk Sam and Veronica. If you were Roni, would you have kicked Sam out of the house for already being married and not telling you about it until you proposed? Or would you have forgiven him? As Fiona said, “We all have skeletons — terrible, terrible skeletons.” (Then again, I assume ex-IRA Fiona’s are worst than most.)
I’m on the fence about it. First, he’s Sam and he’s cool — you’d think that’s all one would need. And obviously Veronica adores him: “I’m pinching myself to make sure I’m not dreaming,” she purred at dinner. “It’s like I waited for you to show up my entire life.” Blech. It’s also not like Sam has any secret kiddies hidden in the closet somewhere (that we know of at least) or Wife Number One’s body on ice. On the other hand, nobody likes falling in love with someone (or proposing to him) without knowing his whole story. Or buying that liar an $8,000 Ferrari timepiece only to discover he’s already spoken for. Speaking of which, did anyone notice if he got to keep the watch? And who knows exactly what “Sammy’s getting some hammy tonight” means? (I know it’s sex, but that just sounds odd.)
So is Sam really moving in with Mike? Or will he end up bunking with new best bud and top female confidant Fiona? Or maybe Madeline? She was, I’m sure you noticed, totally absent from yesterday’s episode, but I was too busy celebrating the brief glimpse we got of Veronica to care at the time. One campy platinum chick is good enough for me. And I laughed aloud at Sam’s response to the latter’s marriage proposal: “How ‘bout that? There’s a question!” Ouch. Though, now that the show’s over, I miss my weekly dose of Mike’s chain-smoking caffeinated mom. I have a feeling I get my nicotine fix through her.
I could sense you Nate-haters cringing upon his return yesterday. And though I don’t hold it against you (all he does is whine, whine, whine), I can’t feel the same. Maybe it’s because I have a troubled relationship with my own sister like Mike’s relationship with Nate. Or because Seth Peterson reminds me of the Friday nights I spent home from college watching Providence with my dad. Either way, I have a soft spot for the guy — and I like what he adds to the Mike-Fi-Sam and Mike-Madeline dynamics. Plus, he gets Madeline off the relationship tip and onto the sibling rivalry stuff, which I find a lot less annoying. I’m with you guys who pointed out that, if Michael wasn’t talking to Madeline when he and Fiona were dating, how would she know Fi was the best thing that ever happened to him? Maybe he had a dog in Afghanistan that made him much happier or a fling with Peace Corps volunteer years ago that turned him into a major softy.
But, I digress. First, picture me joyful when Nate came back. Then imagine me flying over the freaking moon when Larry Miller showed up as Harvey Gunderson, the state agriculture bureaucrat whom Sam wined and dined (quite unhappily) for deets on Carla. Remember 10 Things I Hate About You? Here’s 10 Things I Love About Larry besides his role as the overprotective dad in that movie: Best in Show, Monk, A Mighty Wind, his creepy Law & Order wife-murderer (he showed up twice, two years apart, with two different dead spouses), and the list goes on and on. Anyway, I thought Miller’s scenes were the best of the night in the greatest ep so far this year. By the way, I know I keep making this pronouncement with each passing show, but how can I not when Sam keeps getting showcased more and more, Michael’s back on his game, and Fiona’s her old ass-kicking self? (Plus, she really rocks a leather fanny pack. I got to get me one of those.) We’re also learning more and more about Carla, who is my favorite mystery on TV right now.
I was wrong. Foregrounding Mike and Fi’s dysfunctional love affair over Mike and Carla’s cat-and-mouse game did not make last night’s Burn Notice a better watch. It made it a slow, annoying drama with too much downtime — especially since the episode mostly featured them hemming and hawing, rather than making up, making out, and making mincemeat out of criminals. And whose plan was it to throw hammy Madeline in the middle as their couples counselor? Bad idea jeans. Thanks for turning my favorite TV character into USA’s most annoying mom (that’s counting Cybill Shepherd on Psych). I owe you a (Molotov) cocktail.
Yet, as much as I want to complain about yesterday’s breakup subplot, the other two storylines (Mike getting intel on Carla from a Pakistani spy and the crew saving a mother/son duo from a con artist club owner and some vicious loan sharks) were the season’s best so far. You can’t get more exciting than Michael beating two thugs into submission using just a rolled up copy of Cat Fancy after telling them “guys, wife beaters, so not a good look.” I’m going to have to use that on my little bro, who loves sporting those cheesy tank tops back home in Jersey. I also enjoyed watching Sam (pictured) become more integral to the action: The undercover personas he created, like the bullish textiles entrepreneur at the Pakistani consulate or the priggish trust executor for the mother/son job, were nearly as brilliant as Mike’s. He also had the two top lines of the night. The first, he delivered while pretending to wait on line at the consulate: “If I don’t get these signoffs today, there ain’t going to be nothing on those looms, sugar lips!” The second, he said to Fiona when she described the conman as “smooth, too, in a cheesy Sam sort of way.” His reply? “Hey, smooth is smooth, baby.” Damn straight.
Just one caveat: Where is his girlfriend Veronica? You can’t
backwards a Maris Crane-type character. You either show her or you
don’t. You can’t introduce her and then decide to make her a looming
cipher that everyone always talks about but the audience never sees.
It’s unfair. And she’s played by a Landers sister! The site of one of
them rubbing up against Bruce Campbell is funny just in theory.
SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't seen Burn Notice's season finale yet, then do not read on or you may get a rogue operative on your tail for not conforming by our rules!
Yesterday's half-season finale delivered high action (that fab motorcycle chase), great guests (24's John Allen Nelson and Law & Order's Larry Clarke), two character returns (Nate and Carla), a love triangle (Campbell/Fiona/Mike), and some choice Sam quips ("You gotta love it when you tail someone to a place that makes a great mojito"). My only gripe: Not enough closure. I expected cliff-hangers like Mike diving off his front stairs as the loft burst into flames and the screen faded to black, or Nate going to lockup under a Carla-fabricated laundering charge and Fiona continuing to date clueless Campbell. But I hoped to at least learn Carla's true identity and what deadly hijinks she's got up her sleeve (or in her tankini, pictured). 
It's been a long three weeks since we lost Burn Notice to all that tennis. Thanks to TNT's Law & Order marathon, I watched Jeffrey Donovan's recent episode twice. Otherwise, it was a long haul. So, in the interest of getting back to speed, let's begin the recap with a recap. On the personal side, Fiona started dating other men, making Mike a bit jealous. At home, Madeleine dragged him to therapy with her mini-me analyst, but it all went bust when the shrink agreed with Michael over Mom. And, in the spy world, Mike carried out a Carla-ordered op to steal a high-powered Russian sniper rifle (a.k.a. the Dragunov) and has since been obsessed with finding out what the frak she wants it for and who the h-e-double-hockey-sticks is its new owner, Bill Johnson. 
Season 2’s guest stars just keep improving. You can’t top the hilarity of Larry Miller or the sheer freak factor of Robin Givens, but Michael Shanks (not to mention Method Man) certainly upped the ante last week. So I wasn’t too shocked when yesterday’s ep featured The Unit’s Max Martini as drug thief Gerard and Prison Break’s Silas Weir Mitchell as arms dealer Seymour. Martini was hit or miss — a bit too soulful to play a common criminal, methinks. Weir Mitchell, on the other hand, was perfectly quirky and menacing without being annoying or campy. He was exactly the kind of guy you’d think would be Fiona’s pal. (She seems to have a lot of those lately, by the way — the veterinarian’s assistant, the paramedic — they’re coming out of the woodwork, considering she spends most of her time helping out Michael and the rest of her hours, I’m assuming, working out.)
Was it me, or was Madeline much more subtle upon last night's return? She didn't whine. She didn't nag. She didn't demand Mike get therapy or reconcile with Fiona. Or make him coddle Nate. She just smoked like a dragon, drank like a fish, and kept things light and hilarious. She called her VCR a "home theater system" for Pete's sake. Between that and her ancient coffee pot, I half expected her to pull out a magic lantern and claim she'd gone HD.
Let’s talk Sam and Veronica. If you were Roni, would you have kicked Sam out of the house for already being married and not telling you about it until you proposed? Or would you have forgiven him? As Fiona said, “We all have skeletons — terrible, terrible skeletons.” (Then again, I assume ex-IRA Fiona’s are worst than most.) 
I could sense you Nate-haters cringing upon his return yesterday. And though I don’t hold it against you (all he does is whine, whine, whine), I can’t feel the same. Maybe it’s because I have a troubled relationship with my own sister like Mike’s relationship with Nate. Or because Seth Peterson reminds me of the Friday nights I spent home from college watching Providence with my dad. Either way, I have a soft spot for the guy — and I like what he adds to the Mike-Fi-Sam and Mike-Madeline dynamics. Plus, he gets Madeline off the relationship tip and onto the sibling rivalry stuff, which I find a lot less annoying. I’m with you guys who pointed out that, if Michael wasn’t talking to Madeline when he and Fiona were dating, how would she know Fi was the best thing that ever happened to him? Maybe he had a dog in Afghanistan that made him much happier or a fling with Peace Corps volunteer years ago that turned him into a major softy. 
I was wrong. Foregrounding Mike and Fi’s dysfunctional love affair over Mike and Carla’s cat-and-mouse game did not make last night’s Burn Notice a better watch. It made it a slow, annoying drama with too much downtime — especially since the episode mostly featured them hemming and hawing, rather than making up, making out, and making mincemeat out of criminals. And whose plan was it to throw hammy Madeline in the middle as their couples counselor? Bad idea jeans. Thanks for turning my favorite TV character into USA’s most annoying mom (that’s counting Cybill Shepherd on Psych). I owe you a (Molotov) cocktail. 
