Comic-Con: 'Aren't They Adorable?' panel

FAKEOUT! These are the five bizarre little mascots for the Beijing Olympics. Are you getting psyched?!

Who wants to watch paint dry with Sarah Jessica Parker?

Bravo has picked up a Sarah Jessica Parker-produced art-competition reality show, American Artist. Contestants will compete in various styles like painting, sculpting -- and, with any luck, the manipulation of food into adorable animals (pictured). We're honestly not sure how many people will tune in to watch paint dry, but as long as casting finds the most pretentious people possible (they should try spinning around in a circle anywhere in NYC and see who they hit -- oh look, it worked!), the series could be awesome.

In any case, hooray for SJP! She must have gotten the job because she totally dated installation artist Aleksandr Petrovsky on the teevee. On that note, if anything on American Artist resembles a sad woman sitting on a pedestal and not eating, I most certainly will not watch what happens -- because "Sad Woman Sitting On A Pedestal, Not Eating" could, and possibly should, serve as an alternate title for about 50% of current shows. Otherwise, count me in. You too?

Confess your scary celebrity-crush art projects!

Here's a confession for my crafty fellow PopWatchers: I'm highly skilled in the art of decoupage. In fact, I've been known to whip up objets 'd arte using a copy of People magazine, a glue stick, and my teenyboppy imagination.

Now as an intern at EW.com, my cube doesn't have an official plastic nametag, so on a recent afternoon, after coming across a small picture of my beloved Justin Timberlake with an actress who's apparently known as Jessica Biel, I decided to remedy the situation; I sized a Facebook-approved photo of myself to fit conveniently over this Biel person's head -- no hard feelings, dear -- and my Faux-to Shopping was the instant horror envy of my co-workers.

I know in my heart I'm not alone in my gluey professions of love for my favorite entertainers. If you've ever sacrificed one celebrity's head to weasel your way up next to another, then it's time to confess your cut and pastes in the comments section below!

Someday, art historians will study 'The Bachelorette'

If I'd only known that DeAnna Pappas was as epic a beauty as Venus on the half shell, I would have tuned into this season of The Bachelorette for more than two minutes (online).

NOT!

But Erin Stevenson did, so head on over to TV Watch to discuss the non-goddess' big decision -- and "blow it up" knuckle hugs -- here! And check back later on for EW.com's interview with DeAnna and the winner!

Remember the Rocka-fire Explosion?

Sure you do. They're the animatronic band who played at Showbiz Pizza (R.I.P.) in the '80s to temporarily distract kids like me from expertly losing all their arcade tokens in 20 minutes. (I still have two of those things, trapped in this weird, tiny ceramic shoe, at the family homestead in Illinois.) I love this bit of trivia, from Rocka-fire's Wikipedia page: "Looney Bird was originally portrayed as a drunk, but went on to become a tech nerd." A perfectly appropriate career progression. The robots recently covered Usher's "Love in This Club" -- because why wouldn't they do that? You'll definitely want to press play, below.

Anyway, this fall, they'll become documentary film stars! Check out the trailer, and please relish the creepy/awesome slow pan of Mitzi Mozzerella's abandoned metallic infrastructure at 1:03. I'd kind of rather join the band onstage for a two-hour 'Alive' Again reunion than watch this movie. But as I haven't laid eyes on these creatures since I was like 7, I'm finding all of this oddly fascinating. You?

Air Guitar Championships Semi-Invisibly Rock Los Angeles

To air is human, to air guitar, profitable: What started in 2003 as a cult competition between east coast and west has grown into a fierce 24-city tour, and last night, the 2008 Cuervo Black US Air Guitar Championships Presented By TouchTunes -- can something invisible sell out? -- rolled into L.A.'s famed Troubador for a night of grown men unabashedly embarrassing themselves in front of a capacity crowd. With 2005 NYC champ and "oft-runner up" Björn Türoque (aka Dan Crane, pictured) serving as Master of Air-emonies, the evening was a showcase for moves once relegated to the privacy of the bedroom and the headphones, now writ large and sweaty on the public stage. Genius in its simplicity and totally laughable in its dumbness, I can honestly report that you have not seen air guitar until you've seen competitive air guitar-- which may or may not be of enormous cultural significance, the more you think about it.

In front of a judging panel comprised of comedians Greg Proops, Jeff Davis, and (Flight of the) Conchord Bret McKenzie, somewhere around a dozen dudes kicked out one minute's worth of jams before being subjected to the official USAG judging criteria and scored on a 4.0-6.0 figure-skating scale (which takes into consideration Technical Merit, Stage Presence, and Airness; Türoque defines the latter as "the extent to which your air-guitar performance exceeds the imitation of guitar playing and becomes an art form in and of itself"). Though one woman entered Thursday's battle -- named "Iroq," she began her performance wearing a burka, then stripped to turquoise vinyl pants in a move best left unseen by some of our more devout Islamic brothers and sisters -- the night was pretty much a sausage fest, thanks to the male-dominated culture of the sport. "I think the phallic nature of the guitar generally makes men gravitate towards it as a kind of phallic extension," Türoque says of this gender divide. "And the air guitar is even more of a phallic extension, because it can be as big as you want it to be. You’re not limited by the wood." (It should be noted that Türoque -- who has officially hung up his ephemeral axe after attaining colossal levels of air celebrity thanks to his book and his role in the Air Guitar Nation documentary -- now travels in a large tour bus with his picture on the side, which is unquestionably the biggest phallic extension of all.)

After the jump, some highlights from last night's competition, which began with an overload of humiliation, yet ended with a stunning and exhilarating upset. And if you're suddenly feeling inspired to strap on the spandex, there's still time: the tour has stops in San Diego, Phoenix, and across the great state of Texas before the finals in San Francisco on August 8, at which point we will crown our nation's representative to the World Championships in Oulu, Finland, later that month. This, too, will be hosted by Türoque -- the first time a non-Finn has been asked to preside over the proceedings, and, some believe, a real breakthrough in American foreign relations, all things considered.

'America's Next Top Doll': These gals aren't just chopped liver!

When the dolls discover their photographer is none other than Miss Tyra Banks, they're forced to reach deep inside themselves and leave everything they've got on the table. Literally. WHO! Will be eliminated? Tonight!?!?!

'America's Next Top Doll': The dolls get baked!

With the help of world famous supermodel Vouvreigh*, the dolls attempt to get in touch with their inner Cover Girls. But when a couple of the contestants get into sticky situations with their ad-libbed lines, it leaves them vulnerable to getting some just desserts. WHO!!! Will (and should) be eliminated tonight?

* Last name not necessary. Please!

'America's Next Top Doll': New episodes...coming soon!

It's true, y'all!

Your weekend trip (acid sold separately)

If you missed it this week (or even if you didn't), be sure to watch the video for "Wanderlust," a single from Björk's 2007 album Volta, under the influence of something. Then fall into a reckless dream in which Björk, Grendel's mother, Goat Boy from Where the Wild Things Are, and Mr. Tumnus the Faun treat you to a Very Scary Unbirthday tea party just before nudging you off the edge of a waterfall. As usual, you'll wake up once you realize you're underwater but still breathing.

I'd also like to offer some exclusive casting scoop: This thing was one of our America's Next Top Doll rejects. It's true, y'all!

'America's Next Top Doll': Makeover madness!

The girls travel to celebrity stylist Ken Llaves' salon for the most dramatic makeovers in Top Doll history, but a few of them fail to own their new looks at a "Sheena of the Urban Jungle" photo shoot. WHO!!! Will be eliminated tonight?

Dominic Monaghan puts the 'bug' in 'shutterbug'

Like many Lost fanatics, I miss seeing Charlie on the show pretty much constantly. Is there any chance he's alive? If so, what's he doing? At least we can find out what Dominic Monhaghan's up to. The actor's an accomplished amateur photographer, and I was very intrigued this week to see a few dozen of his photos for sale via a West Hollywood gallery, Hamilton-Selway Fine Art, with 20 percent of the proceeds benefiting the Borneo Orangutan Survival Foundation. It wasn't easy for me to pick a favorite, but I just love how Hurley, I mean Jorge Garcia, looks in "Banyan Garcia Banyan." If, after checking out Monaghan's work, you notice his evident fascination with bugs, keep this in mind.

And this:

What's your reaction to Monaghan's photographs, PopWatch people? And if you were to hang one in your home or office, which would you pick?

'America's Next Top Doll': There will be blood!

Several of the girls put the gore in gorgeous at a photo shoot based on a horror-movie classic, but for two contestants, it's just a bloodbath. Who do you think will end up getting the boot?

Orange You Going To Watch 'The Gates'?

New Yorkers either loved or hated The Gates. From afar, the February 2005 art installation was a giant orange snake that traced the pathways in Manhattan's Central Park (okay, the fabric's color was officially called "saffron" but come on, that's as orange as a box of Wheaties). Up close, the brainchild of artists Christo and Jeanne-Claude was unexpectedly thrilling for many visitors, including me. In a city with a pace that can easily be described as breakneck, I'd never seen anything like it: throngs of smiling people strolling leisurely during such a gray and chilly month, looking around with wonder and discussing the same topic. I remember thinking: Bravo to anyone who can pull that off. (Not to mention the logistics of building such a huge work of art.) If you missed the experience, or want to relive it, catch the TV premiere of the documentary The Gates, which debuts on HBO tonight at 10 p.m.

After the jump, more art — a photo from my personal collection of the deliciously memorable, very orange Gates.

'America's Next Top Doll' recap: Sashay, Tarjay!

We resume our America's Next Top Doll series with judgments already in progress...

Tyra: Today's guest judge is Benny Ninja, who taught you all about movement, product placement, and how to be fierce... at Target!!!

Models: [Unenthusiastically.] Whooo!

Twiggy: Where on Earth did Benny Ninja go?

[Benny Ninja leaps out from underneath Twiggy's seat, like a deranged Jack-in-the-Box.]

Benny Ninja: SURPRISE!

Twiggy: Good 'eavens!

Benny Ninja: [Crawling across judges' table.] House of Tarjay is in effect!

Tyra: So this week's photo shoot was all about selling Target stemwear, and we had you posing in groups of three, draping yourselves across giant, fabulous cocktail glasses. And I have some exciting news: The winning photograph from this week's shoot will appear in Target ads running in local Penny Savers nationwide.

Benny Ninja: [Taking his seat with a flourish of jazz hands.] A Benny saved is a Benny... Ninja!

Tyra: The first group up for evaluation is Hawaiielle, Hellaciouse, and Audrexinia. Ladies, here's your best shot.

Miss J: More like here's your best shot glass!

Nigel: Hawaiielle, you naughty little monkey. The body positioning is very, very provocative.

Twiggy: It's truly incredible the way you just hurled yourself backwards over that tumbler.

Miss J: But if you take away that incredible pose, what are you left with?

'America's Next Top Doll' recap: Poolside catfight!

The good folks at MGA Entertainment were kind enough to send me a "Sienna" doll (from the America's Next Top Model collection) last Friday -- accompanied by a note in which she declared herself "fierce" and a threat to win the competition. (Now that I've renamed her "Hellaciouse," maybe she's got a chance). Anyway, while I'm still secretly hoping for a Tascha doll to arrive before Wednesday's Top Model season premiere, I went ahead and spent part of my President's Day vacation trying to get my kitchen sink to look like the swimming pool at the Top Doll house. How could I have anticipated the bitchery that would follow? Let's pick up the episode already in progress...

Hawaiielle: Oh, oh, omigod! What is she doing?

Hellaciouse: Looks like that dumb tramp is ripping off her clothes. Again.

Audrexinia: WHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Hawaiielle: Audrexinia, as a deeply religious, small-town girl, I do not approve of your inebriated display of nakedness.

Audrexinia: I'm not ashamed. Don't forget, Jesus made THESE!!! Well, Jesus and Dr. Steinberg.

Hellaciouse: Yeah, flash 'em, girl!

Hawaiielle: Don't encourage her.

Hellaciouse: Oh, Hawaiielle, everyone knows that bald-headed lush is going home tomorrow. Let her have her fun while she can.

Audrexinia: Hey, I was not even trying to put my head in a tiger's mouth!

Hellaciouse: Let me tell you something: A Top Model is always ready for her closeup. A Top Model doesn't leave the house without full hair and makeup. A Top Model doesn't take off her high heels -- not even at poolside. And a Top Model doesn't hesitate to taunt a hungry, enraged carnivore if that's what the photo shoot requires.

Audrexinia: And does a Top Model have a two-pack-a-day habit, you smoke-infested hag?

Hellaciouse: Well at least my sweat hasn't turned the swimming pool into a gin and tonic.

Do you heart Valentine's Day?

CUTIE PIE. ALL MINE. If you enjoy those tiny chalky sweetheart candies with words as much as I do (my motto, sugar is magic, is especially true during these Hallmark made-up holidays), then you'll eat up this sweet video treat. Call it viral Valentine's art.

Just so you know, the artist is Phil Hansen, and his "Goodbye Art" stamp at the end refers to his mission of creating pieces that don't last (though the documentation of his work obviously does last). Here, Hansen blogs about how made the whole sugary shebang, and he includes the A-B-C-themed lyrics that you hear him sing in the video.

Now, if you're a Valentine's grinch and tomorrow is just another annoying Thursday, I highly recommend a pick-me-up that keeps me entertained for hours (well, actually, only a few minutes at a time but the quality of amusement is what matters). Here's all you do: Take almost any love song, and replace the word "love"  — especially if "Love" is in the song title — with the word "lunch." That's it. Isn't that so stupid and fun? "Lunch Will Keep Us Together"... "Lunch Is a Battlefield"... "All You Need Is Lunch"... Now you try!

Is bidding on a Maksim Chmerkovskiy toilet seat grounds for divorce?

Hypothetical: Let's say a person is in the middle of redoing his bathroom, and he's been lobbying his husband relentlessly to agree to purple-and-white polka-dot walls. (Controversial, yes, but totally bitchin'.) Now let's say this person then accidentally stumbles across a gallery of celebrity-autographed toilet-seat appliqués — no, really! It's here on the This Old House site; I don't make this stuff up — being auctioned off on eBay next week to benefit the American Cancer Society. Lo and behold, the hotness that is Maksim Chmerkovskiy has lent his John Hancock to one of the items up for bids, but it's in a "toxic autumn" palette of orange, yellow and green. And while this "toilet tattoo" complements the plum-and-white plan about as well as toothpaste goes with orange juice, let us not forget: Maksim Chmerkovskiy signed it!

So here's what I need to know: Does our mystery bathroom renovator go ahead and do his part in finding a cure for cancer by bidding on Maksim's item? And if he does — and thus messes up months of strategic decorative planning — is it grounds for divorce? Or does the charitable nature of the bidding negate all the drama? (Also, which one are you gonna bid on? Don't say Maksim!) Discuss!

Marvel...at the Human Flipbook!

Hey, kids! Do you like animation? How about T-shirts, you love those, right? Well, then, take a look at this: a commercial for what looks like a sandwich shoppe (without that extra "pe" it's just a deli) using nothing but 150 t-shirts and a dude willing to stand there for 9 hours.

After the jump, see how they did it.

A holiday C-Note: How I'm gonna spend my hundred-dollar gift card

Last evening, I came home to a nice surprise: Enclosed in a nice Christmas card from an especially generous friend was a $100 Visa gift card. (Speaking as a recipient of his seasonal largesse, I firmly believe said friend absolutely deserved that large holiday bonus.) Anyway, it occurred to me this morning that I had no idea how to spend that hundred dollars.

I've done all my holiday shopping. Don't need any new clothes at the moment.  Music I get through my eMusic account (which I've had for 13 months now, seven months longer than I had originally planned). I really shouldn't buy anymore books until I've made a dent in the stack of volumes that taunts me from my nightstand (just finished the incredible World War Z, starting Manhunt). I don't have to spend much on videogames as I am the humble recipient of lotsa cool review copies (yeah, hate me).  DVDs? Well, I have four season of The Wire that I've been saving for a rainy month. 

Right now — and this is very much subject to change — this is how I think I'll spend the money:

• What is the What, by David Eggers (a stocking stuffer for my sister)  ...  $16
• Tonto+, Battles (not on eMusic, and not DRM-free on iTunes) ...  $15
• The Day-to-Day Life of Albert Hastings (saw this photo memoir in a bookstore last summer and regretted not buying it) ... $14 (at Amazon)
• Which leaves me with about $50, which, I suppose, should go to a charitable organization I'll decide on later.

All in all, not a bad use of a nice (and unexpected) gift.

What about you members of Team PopWatch — how would you spend a holiday C-Note?

Obsession of the Day: The Street Art Colouring Book

Recently, while surfing the Web during company hours (under the guise of "researching" a "gift guide"), I stumbled upon this most awesome Street Art Coloring Book at spoonsisters.com.

Reasons I must own this:

• All the scenescapes are shot in England (thus the U in “colouring”), which, inexplicably, makes the graffiti classier;

• The publication explains/illustrates the difference between Semi-Wild and Wildstyle (finally! the mystery! solved!);

• On some pages, taggers lend unintentionally hysterical insight into their method, like “My style is like bubble gum that you blow up until it bursts in your face. Blowing bubbles is lots of fun too.”

Trailer Blazer: 'Persepolis'

The Simpsons Movie and Beowulf and even Ratatouille, good as they are, can all pack up and go home, because Persepolis is totally gonna win the Oscar for Best Animated Feature Film.

If the trailer's any indication, this film will be as heartbreaking, illuminating, and hysterical beautiful as the autobiographical graphic novel (by Marjane Satrapi) on which it was based. Beyond that, it's always encouraging to see animated films that reach for something that Shrek the Third can't hope to grasp: art.

From our staffers: 'The Highwaymen'

I will gladly share these three things about EW.com senior editor — and freshly-minted PopWatch contributor — Marc Bernardin. 

1) He totally kicks my heinie at Halo 2.  (We have yet to face off in Halo 3; lucky for me, this won't happen any time soon.)

2) He puts candy on his desk to drive foot traffic into his office. (Shameless, I know. And he's always out of those little Snickers.)

3) He's a darn terrific comic book writer.

Yup, a comic book writer. Or more specifically, an I've-got-two-titles-in-stores-right-now-buster comic book writer. And it just so happens that the fifth and final installment of one of those titles, The Highwaymen, goes on sale today.

The series — published by DC/Wildstorm, cowritten by Adam Freeman and Marc, and drawn by Lee Garbett — tells the story of two aging "couriers" (more CIA than UPS) brought out of retirement for one last mission. It's an absolute gas. You get everything you want in a modern action tale: Likable heroes. Cars. Guns. Explosions. Great dialogue. Exquisitely timed quips. A pretty girl in danger. And a taped message from a now-dead President Clinton.

Okay, I like the books. (I mean, I kinda have to: those Snickers, you know.) But lotsa people whose opinion should mean something have also said some nice things — you can read some of them here, here, and here.

So, um, yeah — do yourself a solid and check this book out. And this one, too.  This will make Marc happy. And a happy Marc is less inclined to take off my head with a beam rifle in Halo 3.

And the winner for Best Named Reality Contestant in the History of Ever is...

First Look: Rihanna's VMA poster

Just because I don't give a flying fig about who wins this year's VMAs doesn't mean I can't get excited about the pretty posters David LaChapelle shot to promote the event, right? Take this image of Rihanna. It's like something straight out of America's Next Top Model, except the "Umbrella" singer isn't surrounded by krumpers or being forced to hold ice cream in her bare hands. Hmmm, I wonder how the show's judging panel might react. [Cue dream-sequence music!]

Tyra: Rihanna, here's your best shot.
Twiggy: Llllove this!
Nigel: Very sexy girl. Very sexy.
Tyra: Fierce! And what's great is, your expression is so intense, that's all I'm able to focus on. It's like the naked chorus girls with pink bars across their breasts don't even exist.
Rihanna: Thank you.
Tyra: Although those cakes look good. You know Tyra isn't trying to deny herself desserts in some ill-advised attempt to be a size 2, okay?
Guest judge/Friend of Tyra: You do remarkable things for women's body image with this show.
Tyra: I know.
[Awkward silence from the panel.]
Tyra: Miss Jay, what do you think of Rihanna's shot?
Miss Jay: As I like to say when I'm baking at home, "batter up!"
Twiggy: [Confused.] What does that mean?
Nigel: [Staring directly at Rihanna.] Unbelievably sexy.
Tyra: Congratulations, Rihanna, you're still in the running. Towards becoming. America's. Next. Top Model.
Rihanna: Thank you!
Tyra: Although it would help if next week you could work a little harder on your "journey." After all, a Top Model needs to work the runway inside and out.
The End.

Beat This Caption: Animated Matt Damon edition

Two frames later, Bourne dispatched his aardvark enemy with a crushing elbow to the throat.

They microwaved it, so you don't have to!

Ever wonder what would happen if you zapped your deodorant in the microwave? How about a string of Christmas lights? Or a parfait?

No? Really?

Oh. Well anyhow, the very strange folks at Micro Maniac have now done it for you. Click here to see for yourself — and whatever you do, don't miss out on the devastation caused by those half-dozen eggs! (Thanks to MetaFilter, by the way, for the link.) And RIP, "crispy dessert bar."

Spider-Man like you've never seen him!

Are you suffering from a "case of the Mondays"? Well, if this YouTube clip (or this one) doesn't cure it, might I suggest checking out Jeff Victor's "bubblehead" drawings? The Los Angeles-based artist's Wicked Crispy blog (click here to see it) focuses primarily on Star Wars' characters -- his Jabba the Hutt is particularly delightful -- but my favorites are his Spider-Man, Pale Man (from Pan's Labyrinth), and Batman (which you can view after the jump).