Season 5 of Discovery's Deadliest Catch has made me more tense than a shower scene on Oz. I needed a moment of levity last night. The Time Bandit hitting another "crabalanche" while working the plentiful secret family fishing ground known as "the Butt Cheeks" was nice, as was narrator Mike Rowe's announcement that Captain Sig had quit smoking for all of 3.5 hours. But it was really Captain Phil who came through with his "fart bubbles" theory. Crabs are "fartin' little machines," he said. "We can find those fart bubbles, we got it made. You watch, if there's fart bubbles, there's crabs." Enjoy the clip below.
Today is Take Your Dog to Work Day, and while I don't think anyone here at PWHQ will be bringing a poochie to the office (much to my dismay), I do think this is a good reason to talk about the thousands of dogs who are no strangers to the nine-to-five: service animals!
So how come guide dogs and therapy animals are so underrepresented in film and TV? I was really into the book Follow My Leader as a kid (this is totally YA week at PopWatch apparently), but the only movie featuring service dogs other than Garden State I could find was Quill, a Japanese film about the cutest freaking puppy in the history of everything.
Anyway, that supernaturally adorable pup becomes a guide dog. (Warning: that clip will make you cry.)
What did I miss, PopWatchers? Can you think of other instances of service dogs in pop culture? Begin the list in the comments section below!
I'm not too interested in animals, but I am interested in attractive men who look super cozy in a simple heather grey tee while handling animals on TV. On last night's Tonight Show, Brandon McMillan, host of Animal Planet's Night, guided Conan O'Brien through the not-touching of a series of creatures until Conan finally found one who truly loved him. More specifically, it was a python and it truly loved massaging his crotch. Part 1 of McMillian's interview is below; Part 2 (during which Conan and Brandon perform the Flexed Arm Hang on an elephant's tusks) is available here.
It's oddly comforting to see that the design on the bottom of a bear's paw really occurs in nature and not just on adorable teddy bears.
Thanks to yesterday's Attack of the Show for the heads up on what will likely be my favorite newscast involving cardboard cutouts intended to simulate scary black bears for years to come. Even Stephen Colbert could get down with these...creatures.
Update: The dogs in Up have made me "kind of like" dogs. This is huge! Dogs typically freak me out, especially mean dogs and particularly mean animated dogs. I was probably okay with the Up dogs because, thanks to implants that allowed their thoughts to be translated into English, they behaved a bit more like robots than like dogs. Press play below. "I have just met you, and I love you!" Exactly. SQUIRREL!
Now I can't decide: Would I rather have a dog who speaks like a robot, or a speaking robot who bears the general shape of a dog but is composed of metal? Robot dog or dog robot? I think robot dog! Progress, people. One day, I will not be afraid of dogs. I just have to go see more Disney movies. In 3-D.
Side note: Yay or nay on 3-D glasses during movies that make you cry? On the one hand: You look tough and impenetrable even if you're a simpering mess. On the other: Foggy, possibly misty, nasty-ass glasses that you have to clean, mid-scene, while still crying. Discuss.
Though I am pretty much one silvery-blue beehive away from becoming EW's resident Krazy Kat Lady -- I was recently spotted in the office cooing idiotically with a colleague over a coffee table book about the world's most adorable cats -- I had never seen Animal Planet's Housecat Housecall until its second season premiere yesterday morning. The show is sort of a Cesar Millan-for-felines, with Aussie vet Dr. Katrina Warren paying visits to kitty owners with questions, concerns, and whatnot about their little furry-pawed beasts. There wasn't a whole lotta drama in yesterday's episode, but I dug the half hour anyway. We saw Dr. Katrina knocking on the door of a Bronx, N.Y., couple about to have their first child -- kid, meet kitty! -- and before that, greeted none other than Peter "Robocop" Weller and his wife Sheri in their Los Angeles home. The Wellers have two adorable Burmese babies and the problem, ostensibly, was that they roam all over the house, climb on the furniture, and attack dried flowers. Considering that my youngest cat, Miko, regularly hops up on the dinner table, tries to make off with whatever meat my husband is eating that day, and appears to be physically incapable of not stealing her sister Lilu's wet food, the Case of the Purloined Dried Flowers seemed pretty tame to me. But whatever. It was fun seeing Robocop cuddle with his preferred pal, Daddy-O. Yes, Weller lounges around the house in that assault on footwear fashion known as Crocs, but I'll forgive him. We Krazy Kat People have to stick together. Solidarity for the feline nuts! Meow.
The media's relentless coverage of President and First Lady Obama's extravagant dinner/theater DATE NIGHT! pissed Jon Stewart off. How are the normals supposed to compete with the studliness exhibited by America's #1 Most Wanted? Skip, if you must, to 3:35 for some practical advice: Men should just pony up already for some POTUS cologne already.
The description for last night's premiere of Your Worst Animal Nightmares: "Camp Terror; Blood Bath." That sounded enticing so I had to watch. Animal Planet's new docudrama series does not make people's hypothetical worst nightmares happen. The subjects are actual victims and the show jumps from news footage of their real-life accidents (crocodile attacks Australian campers; Great White Shark "silently stalks" four teens) to interviews with the victims and their families. But the bulk of the air time involves really, really, really horrific dramatizations of the accidents themselves. The pictured cherub was not injured during the reenactment of the croc attack, but a few seconds later, the narrator said "THUD" twice as a method of subtle foreshadowing. And then "Jason" fired a gun at a croc, three times. Blood running down faces, severed limbs, cesspools of blood-orange water for the shark scene, the works. Good times.
If Your Worst Animal Nightmares was literally a rundown of my own worst animal nightmares, it'd be an entire hour of REFRIGERATOR SCARES. I'm constantly haunted by the remote possibility that a small-to-medium woodland creature -- usually beaver or raccoon but, one odd time, a very mean mallard -- has become trapped in my fridge, had its way with everything inside (cookie dough), and not only wants out but is HUNGRY FOR MORE, i.e. my flesh. And he would be angry about the lackluster spread in his current storage unit. Your week-old Pad Thai was not to my liking! would be the polite translation of the killer beaver's screech as he lunges for my glasses because they do look like wood. Maybe you should consider buying actual veggies! I suppose this show could be cross-promoted on Discovery Health.
Now that I've assured you of my sound mental condition, I want to find out people's worst animal nightmares. What would happen in Your Worst Animal Nightmares if the show was catered specifically to you? The proceedings can be as lame as you want. (See above.)
In a newly announced Kevin James movie, The Zookeeper, he will play a man who gets romance advice from his animals. Process. I'll wait... According to Variety, said animals try to "teach the keepertheir methods of datingand mating to help him win back the woman of his dreams." Rosario Dawson has just signed on to costar, so without knowing anything more about the plot of the Happy Madison production, I'd say she's playing either the dreamgirl or the girl James ends up with when he finally realizes that the dreamgirl is a nightmare. I'm leaning toward the latter because Leslie Bibb (Talladega Nights) has also joined the cast, and I think she'd be easier for audiences to hate.
So is this the most ridiculous romantic comedy ever or is it guaranteed to open at No. 1? Gut reaction: Both. But if I had to choose only one, I'd go with box office gold. People (like me*) were willing to watch James ride a Segway in Paul Blart: Mall Cop; they'll definitely line up to see him talk to animals. (They will talk, right? I'm hoping for a hyena, voiced by Steve Buscemi, that sabotages him.) If you think you're not one of those people, ask yourself this: The last time you were at a zoo and saw two animals being affectionate, did you or did you not tap the person standing next to you to make sure that he or she was seeing it, too? That's whether it was two otters holding hands or two chimps traumatizing schoolchildren. Note: I do suspect that The Zookeeper will focus on the "dating" and not the "mating," but I eagerly await stories from director Frank Coraci (The Wedding Singer, The Waterboy) about how the MPAA forced him to trim certain scenes to avoid an R rating.
The description for last night's premiere of Your Worst Animal Nightmares: "Camp Terror; Blood Bath." That sounded enticing so I had to watch. Animal Planet's new docudrama series does not make people's hypothetical worst nightmares happen. The subjects are actual victims and the show jumps from news footage of their real-life accidents (crocodile attacks Australian campers; Great White Shark "silently stalks" four teens) to interviews with the victims and their families. But the bulk of the air time involves really, really, really horrific dramatizations of the accidents themselves. The pictured cherub was not injured during the reenactment of the croc attack, but a few seconds later, the narrator said "THUD" twice as a method of subtle foreshadowing. And then "Jason" fired a gun at a croc, three times. Blood running down faces, severed limbs, cesspools of blood-orange water for the shark scene, the works. Good times. 
In a newly announced Kevin James movie, The Zookeeper, he will play a man who gets romance advice from his animals. Process. I'll wait... According to 
