'America's Got Talent': The season finale!
Oct 2, 2008, 10:31 AM | by Mike Bruno
Categories: 'America's Got Talent'
"Tonight a superstar is born!" Piers said in the intro to last night's America's Got Talent finale. A superstar? C'mon, dude. Too far. How about just, "Tonight someone's dreams will come true," or, "Tonight, someone's 15 minutes of fame will peak." But a superstar? Okay, anyone know who Terry Fator is? He's season 2's winner, and a damn fine ventriloquist (probably), but a superstar? Hell to the no.
At any rate, the point Piers was trying to make was that this was the moment we'd all been waiting for: the final episode when a winner would be announced. Frankly, it seemed like a task that easily could've been accomplished in 30 minutes. But American's Got Talent is a one-hour show, by golly, and there's no way they're gonna forgo whatever suspense they managed to muster lo these many weeks with anything less than a 60-minute party.
The festivities kicked off with the America's Got Talent Top 10 singing a group number that ended with a shot of little four-year-old Kaitlyn Maher singing the final note (aww...). Next up, Springer announced, was "one of the biggest selling artists in America -- no! Make that the world." One of the biggest "selling?" Hmm. Who could this McDonalds of the singing world be? Why, it was none other than...
More on AGT's season finale after the jump...
Leona Lewis! She was pretty decent, actually, in a generic pop/R&B kinda way, but I was distracted by the giant pimple the poor thing had on her chin -- well-camouflaged, but there was just no getting past the topographical challenge it posed.
The next few minutes were kind of a blur. I seem to remember a woman with giant, swinging breasts, a drag queen doing a damn good impersonation of Dionne Warwick, a tiny old lady wearing a tiara, and an endorsement for violin guys from Wyclef Jean. Having now typed all that, I have to wonder if I didn't briefly doze off and slip into some kind of talent-competition-show-induced dream state. In any case, when the booting finally began, Queen Emily was the first to go and, as I said in my recap last week, she delivered the least impressive final performance. Goodbye, sweet Queen. Next to get the axe, not surprisingly, was orange tan guy, Donald Braswell. Though he may not be headed to Vegas, there's a cruise ship gig out there with his name all over it.
Down to the Top 3. This is where it actually got interesting, as the remaining acts all had some discernible talent. I was actually kind of shocked when Nuttin But Stringz went out in third place. Their final performance was more style than substance, sure, but they totally brought the house down. I figured they were assured at least a spot in the final 2. (Shows what I know.) Although their journey ended before Vegas, hopefully they took some consolation from the fact that Springer told them "you guys are so cool." Big Jer didn't hold up his fist for a farewell bump, but you know he wanted to.
And then there were two. Honestly, I thought opera guy Neal E. Boyd was gonna go before violin guys, so at this point, I was pretty sure piano man Eli Mattson had it in the bag. Plus my wife couldn't stop going on about how "cute and good" piano man was -- which, of course, made me want opera guy to win all the more. I almost changed my mind, though, as they recapped opera guy's season and showed him weeping in the interviews, weeping after every other performance, and weeping on stage as he watched himself weeping on tape. I guess he's just sensitive, and real men cry and all that, but it still sort of annoyed me.
Apparently, America loves them some crying opera guy, though, cuz the dude freakin' won. I had to laugh by the face Sharon Osbourne made after the result was revealed. Is it me, or did she look flat-out disappointed? Lord knows my wife was. "He'll be fine, that Eli Mattson," she said as piano man congratulated opera guy, who thanked America, gave a shout out to Missouri, and yes, wept. For what it's worth, Mattson and Boyd did possess the most "talent" this season, and Boyd also seems like a really nice guy, so if someone had to win by half of one percent, I'm actually kind of glad it was him.
So there ya have it. Did America get it right by crowning Boyd? Was a superstar born tonight? Were you shocked when Stringz got axed at third place? Are you counting the days till Talent season 4? Why the hell wasn't there more Hoff in this final episode?
More on America's Got Talent:
Our full season of America's Got Talent recaps
Our gallery of this season's America's Got Talent contestants

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