Share your notes from the technological underbelly

Manual paper shredder Fri, Jan 16, 2009 at 01:59 AM EST

The profiency of my work has increased due to - Modern designs which blend into any office environment. - All models of shredders accept stapled documents.

PuffinEllis Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 09:59 PM EST

My mother has a meticulously printed list of contacts TAPED to the back of her cell phone.

Laura Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 08:23 PM EST

My grandma bought a paper shredder but she keeps it in the closet, unopened, because she is afraid of it.

Clem Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 04:52 PM EST

Trying to explain to my mom how to change the ink cartridge in her printer (which I had never seen) over the phone. The most frustrating phone call of my life seconded by the inevitable paniced call at 8:59 "How do I turn on the TV! Quick Grey's Anatomy is starting!!!" and the fact that my mom's purse is always calling me because she can't figure out how to lock the touch pad.

Sara Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 03:05 PM EST

My dad...I used his phone once and noticed he had the text message icon on the screen: "dad, you have a text" Dad: "My phone doesn't do that" Oh yes it does!

tragicallyunhipdad Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 01:34 PM EST

Now that I can increase the volume on an ipod,I would also like to know how to: turn it on and off, select songs,change songs, search for songs,understand the words of the songs,etc.
Actually, that can all wait until next trip.

Kate Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 01:20 PM EST

My dad loves gadgets and long ago mastered the DVD player and surround sound system, but was apparently scarred for life by his experience with computer cards in the 60s and 70s. He happily avoided computers until last year, when he accepted a position at a large academic medical center where all of his patients' records are electronic. When he asked me to help him set up his new laptop, I expected some remedial instruction, but was caught off guard by both "Now how do I make a capital letter?" and "How do I make it go to the next line?" He's still really excited whenever he does anything new on his computer - he called yesterday to tell me how he used Google to find a website. I'm so proud!

Amy W Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 12:38 PM EST

I was helping my mom with some computer stuff and she asked me to change her homepage from Amazon.com to a picture of the beach. I told her that I could change it to a beach website but that you can't really have a picture be your homepage. I still don't think she gets it.

orville Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 10:41 AM EST

My Dad never could get the hang of the microwave (among so many other things). So we always had to leave a sticky note on it with instructions whenever we would leave him alone for a weekend. And I won't even get into my Mom's issues with the computer.

But one of the things that I always find funny is when a person who is otherwise technologically savvy has a complete block on one thing or another (I suppose I have my moments with that as well). Like my boyfriend--he's a banker and competent with most technology, but he refuses to learn how to download music or even contemplate using an iPod. I think he would switch back to vinyl if he could.

Ella Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 10:37 AM EST

I had to explain to my mother that the play button on my iPod was the one with the triangle and two little lines

Alison Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 09:54 AM EST

I go to college 2 hours away from home and I used to get phone calls from my parents about how to use the DVD player.
My mom has just started texting recently, and not only is she painfully slow to respond, but her messages are usually something like "It IS rainninng. BE carful ON ur way homee?"

Amanda Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 09:24 AM EST

Actual conversation between me and my mother:
(phone rings)
Me: Hello?
Mom: It's gone! The thing is gone!
Me: (Pause) Hi, Mom. What's gone?
Mom: The thing! The thing where you type the stuff!
Me: Huh?
Mom: ON THE COMPUTER!
Me: The thing where you type the stuff ... the Web site names?
Mom: YES! It's gone, I don't know where it went.
Me: OK, you probably just hid it by accident.
Mom: Whatever! How do I fix it?
Me: Right-click on the grey stuff at the top of the page.
(rapid clicking sounds)
Me: Mom, click the other button on the mouse. The one on the right side.
Mom: (Gasp) OK, a little window showed up.
Me: Click 'address bar.'
Mom: But I don't want to put addresses in there, just web sites.
Me: Click 'address' mom.
(more clicking)
Me: Just once. Is there a check mark by it now?
Mom: Uh-huh. Now what?
Me: Do you see the window?
Mom: What windows?
Me: The one where you type the stuff.
Mom: Oh. Yeah. OK. Bye.
Me: Bye, mom.
(Hangs up)

Strepsi Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 09:15 AM EST

"Have you checked if it's plugged in?" Every. frickin'. time.

Emily Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 07:54 AM EST

I don't know if this counts as technology instruction, but I got my grandma's old vacuum cleaner and my uncle had left detailed instructions taped to each section. "Push down on this button to turn on". "Step here to release handle". "Wrap cord around here". It was pretty funny.

Kate Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 01:04 AM EST

My dad is highly successful at many things; however when it comes to his cell phone he is clueless! I have taught him several times how to lock his phone so that he doesn't pocket dial people, but he can never remember the key sequence, not to mention the difficulty of unlocking the cell phone (* then menu)!! In addition, he has had the same phone for 4 years with all the family's numbers programed into the directory; yet, I found out that he always punches in our phone number because he can't get to the directory!

Melinda65 Wed, Jul 2, 2008 at 12:39 AM EST

Rewinding DVDs--I work in a library, and a few years ago one of my son's classmates was returning the DVDs that he had checked out. I asked him if he had rewound them, and he got a panicked look on his face. I let him off the hook and let him know that I was only kidding, but I still laugh about it. LOL

Pamela Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 10:56 PM EST

Teaching my mother to text so she could reply to mine sent home during an overseas vacation (she's in her 80s now and to be fair, is arthritic so the teeny tiny keypads are hard for her). It involved many, many pictures of her phone with the on/off button particularly high-lighted (hand-drawn) in four page Word Doc of straightforward, actually really basic, instructions. Her first text reply was something like "KO u r finne!" I think she meant: Ok. I am fine.

elly Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 10:46 PM EST

my mum's had a dvd player for a decade now, and still can't quite wrap her head around the idea that the symbols on the dvd remote for stop, play, and rewind are exactly the same as those on the vcr, stereo, or other electronics she's comfortable with. i love my mum, but every time i visit i have to explain that one "play" button is just like the other.

Shar Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 08:32 PM EST

I learned how to use the fax machine only when I started working. We had fax in the university paper's office, but I always asked somebody else to fax for me!

And right now I don't quite get the microwave oven in the office pantry.

mandi (not bierly) Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 07:39 PM EST

this set of comments is the funniest thing i have read in days.

jaime Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 06:51 PM EST

I do customer serivice for a bank...you try to explain to a 70 or 80 or even a 90 year old OVER THE PHONE how to use Online Banking and whats worse some want to use Bill Pay as well. Its the hardest thing to do half of them call and its the 1st time they have ever used the internet. They are the longest calls ever. . .

DudleysMom Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 06:24 PM EST

Several years ago my then 75 year-old mother got a new microwave oven. I always have to help with things like resetting digital clocks and setting up electronics. This time, my mother said, "There's something wrong with the microwave. It keeps jumping!" I was expecting to see the microwave humping along the kitchen counter with some bizarre mechanical affliction. She put in '1,0,0' on the keypad and pressed 'start'. Of course the display read "1:00" then "0:59" etc. And she said, "See, it's jumping again." I patiently explained that there are 60 seconds in a minute and that's what the display is supposed to read. She debated me quite strongly, saying that there were 100 seconds in a minute. I had to take her to the living room and show her on an analogue clock that there were in fact only 60 minutes in an hour and 60 seconds in a minute. I think she thinks I was pulling her leg. (You just can't make this stuff up.)

Lilac Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 06:17 PM EST

My dad and his wife have a successful ebay online store. His wife puts the items on ebay but he likes to monitor things. When they were first starting out and he was learning how to use the computer, he turned to her and said, "Where's the dot com button?"

Anna Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 05:47 PM EST

A few years ago, my mom asked me to call her cell phone, knowing that she wouldn't be able to answer and I'd therefore have to leave a voicemail. When she called me back later, she asked me what her password was so she could listen to the message she'd asked me to leave her! (I obviously had no idea and it turned out her voicemail wasn't even set up.) Needless to say, the iPhone my dad got her for Christmas was a total waste.

Aaron Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 04:59 PM EST

I once housesat for ny aunt and uncle and there were handwritten instructions for what to do if I wanted to watch a DVD. They literally listed TWELVE steps. They had somehow devised a sequence and gone to the trouble of memorizing it. But they failed to realize that all they had to do was put the TV on Input 2 and then use the DVD remote from there. That's all they had to do, but they had devised a 12-step procedure. Although I hesitated, because it was so amusing, I schooled them on the art of Input 1 and Input 2 when they returned.

Peg Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 04:33 PM EST

My siblings and I gave my parents a combo VCR/DVD player for Christmas a few years ago. After watching a DVD for the first time in it, my dad immediately asked me where the rewind button was.

Kendra Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 04:32 PM EST

I just taught my mom last week how to use the "Add to favorites" button on Internet Explorer. She had been hand-typing internet addresses into the screen each time, and was just amazed that all she would have to do was click on the "little star" and the website. Funny stuff. :)

Tony Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 03:55 PM EST

I think I may win here....I work at a library and am one of the few technically abled staffers here.

I once spent almost an hour explaining to a guy how he can't attach a file from his house to an e-mail from the library. He has to go to his house and attach it. Repeat this about 394 times and you begin to get an idea of what I was dealing with.

My landlord once feigned an interest in learning to use e-mail so I would type the letter up for her while I was on the clock.

My favorite thing though was an old co-worker I had. She was completely inept at using a computer and I used to crack up as I watched her pick up the mouse and click it at the screen like a remote control. Or the day where she thought our then new flat-panel monitors were touch screen. Cue the tech guy coming in the next day and going, "why is there fingerprints all over the screen?"

Mr Kitty's Mom Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 03:54 PM EST

My mother, god bless her, could not understand that the cable channels had different numbers, as well as a being in a different time zone when she visited me. I finally made a huge note book with typed up shows/times/channels for her - then setup the DVR/TV remote so she only had to press the on button and channel through.
I do miss her....but she was so befuddled by that time and channel change!

LL Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 03:31 PM EST

My parents subscribe to mlb.tv so my old man can watch all the Dodger games, and my mom wanted to make the window bigger, so I told her to right-click and then click on zoom to get full-screen. But whenever I tell my mom to right-click, she assumes she has to right-click for every click thereafter. The only way I could think to explain it to her is that right-clicking shows you secret menus. I think she likes the intrigue.

Alissa Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 03:27 PM EST

I spent an hour on the phone with my mom telling her how to attach a file to an email...that she was sending to herself. She called me back 10 minutes later telling me she did it wrong because she never received any emails even though she kept pressing send. Twenty minutes after that she called to tell me she had 16 new emails from herself. I failed her.

Silv Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 03:22 PM EST

Basic cell phone use such as the options or "go to" button to figure out who was the missed call... to my hopelessly trapped in the stone age husband. Love ya, hon!

whimsey Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 03:20 PM EST

Years ago, I finally talked my very intelligent sis into using email to keep in touch instead of calling me. She called me excited, and left me a voice mail message with her email address.

LK Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 03:17 PM EST

Aww, my 70 year old aunt is trying to send me photos for a family album. She knows how to use a laptop and bought a scanner.

But I found out she's gluing all the photos to white paper and writing captions under them, then scanning them. Never mind a Post-It, next week I am traveling to her house to the rescue.

Amy Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 03:11 PM EST

When my mother comes to visit, technology chaos ensues. My two favorites: 1) She doesn't understand the difference between a cordless phone and a cell phone, and so won't pick up a cordless phone when the house phone rings (she only uses the one phone in the house with an actual cord). 2) I have to write down (like Annie's mom) the instructions to turn on the television. "1. Use the BIG SILVER remote. Push the top blue button." etc., etc.

Also, about 3 times a year she tells me her TV remote (at her house) is broken, because she has pushed some wrong button on it and can't make it control the TV any more.

Melinda65 Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 03:09 PM EST

Twice a year, at the beginning and end of DST, I have to reset my MIL's digital watch. She's fairly tech-savvy, but for whatever reason, she can't remember the steps for changing the time.

mary Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 02:56 PM EST

Every single time my mom uses my cell phone, I have to remind her to "put the number in first" and then "press the green button". If I don't, she will sit there with the number in the phone waiting for a connection. I've tried the "green means go" thing, but it just doesn't stick. Oh well...I love her anyway! :)

sean Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 02:55 PM EST

to numerous co-workers: the computer has to be plugged in to work.

Tim Lade Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 02:55 PM EST

Explaining to my mother in VERY layman's terms how to connect to a wireless hotspot over the phone while I was walking down the street without a computer infront of me. Good times.

ML Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 02:35 PM EST

Right-clicking the mouse. My Dad kept saying "There's nothing on the right side of the screen to click on!"

lynn Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 02:13 PM EST

Bless my mother - she hilarious on e-mail. She writes everything like it's a postcard, not wanting to use up too much space. In terms of teaching her things, it has taken years to master attaching documents. Or, understanding that once a document is sent, it does not physically leave your computer. And, the idea that you can access e-mail from an online account (Yahoo, gmail, etc.) can be done at any computer, not just your home computer. I had to draw a picture that symbolized e-mail world where there were many points to access it.

Emoney Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 01:49 PM EST

My 12 year old stepkid is really very tech-savvy. Sometimes she gets ahead of herself, though. Last night, she wanted to watch a movie on the computer and insisted that the DVD player wasn't working. I wrote the following instructions: 1. Put in the DVD. 2. Don't click anything! The DVD will start by itself! She gets so anxious to click on stuff that she ends up freezing the computer.

Elizabeth Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 01:40 PM EST

I showed my boss how to select the page setup in Microsoft word. This guy knows every keystroke shortcut known to man, but didn't know you could convert page sizes from the European size to the American size so you're not printing a press release on 11x17 paper. Not unhip, but this is the same person who refuses to use the menu bar for ANYTHING!

Kelly Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 01:38 PM EST

I once was telling someone they needed to right-click something, and they started typing C-L-I-C-K. They wrote click. I was flabbergasted.

Steve Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 01:38 PM EST

To get help with an application, use the Help menu.

Annie B . Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 01:36 PM EST

Hahaha. These comments rule! I think we can all relate to the long gap in between the double clicks, with a first-timer. It's like watching a baby fall over again and again. STOP IT!

Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 01:31 PM EST

My boyfriend's mother just got a desktop and can not figure out the computer for the life of her. I set up a gmail account for her. She can not remember her username (her name) and her password (her birthday). I have written both of these things down for her numerous times. I have also had to go over capitalization with her (the shift key) about 5 times, the fifth being last night. She does not know how to search the web either and does not understand that if she wants to go to a website she needs to type it into the white bar at the top of the page. I don't get frustrated though because I find it comical (as does she).

Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 01:27 PM EST

My 83 year old grandfather got WebTV about 6 years ago and last year upgraded to a sweet desktop. So for the past year I have been helping him with silly little things like sending emails, uploading pics from his digital cameras (yes he has 2), and other basic things. He is so cute and hip! He forgets things and I help him write down instructions, but he keeps these things in an old planner from 1993. there is no order at all so he can never find the instructions!

arahsae Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 01:20 PM EST

My husband was recently asked to show an adult friend of the family how to use an iPod she had purchased months ago. During their tutorial, a window popped up, and he told her to move it to the side of the screen. She asked how. He showed her how to click on the title bar and drag the window around, and she went berserk - screaming in delight, and even calling her son into the room to show him what she had learned to do.

Wow.

lagitha Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 01:13 PM EST

My mother types up her quilting group's monthly newsletter, and has called both me and my cousin more than once to be reminded how to save a document.

Also, I worked with a woman who had only used a computer at work, and was connected tot he printer in my room. A year later, she bought a computer for her home,and came in to my room's printer looking for a doc she printed out--she thought that it was she, not the comuter, that was connected to my network.

Stephanie T. Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 01:13 PM EST

As a public librarian, I am always asked how to cut,copy, and paste on to a WORD document. I show the people whom have asked this question that the left button on the mouse is for highlighting and the right is to cut,copy and paste. They STILL don't get it. :-\

majigail Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 01:11 PM EST

I work with volunteers and each of them has to use Excel to put the number of hours they serve into the computer. We wrote a step by step instruction guide to do this (basically adding information into 4 cells each time) My favorite was
1. Double click on your file; double clicking is hitting the left button on the mouse two times, really fast.

I still get asked what double click means.

jcarla Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 12:59 PM EST

The worst with my parents is alarm systems. At my previous place, you had to stand still when turning it on because of the motion dectector and my Dad would always bob and weave trying to read the numbers. Worse was when my sister-in-law was about to birth a couple of months after moving into the new place. My parents drove down to watch my niece and they called me to get the alarm code for the house ('how am I suppose to know? I never been there!')

Anjeliki Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 12:52 PM EST

Hubby used to teach a beginning computer class for senior citizens. Among the hilarity, attempting to differentiate "click" from "right click" and issues with "click on the (blank)" when mice inevitably were moved to the screen for clicking.

My mother calls me with computer issues all the time, so we've gone through it all, but the time I had to walk her through checking all the connections on the back to make sure the mouse was attached was no easy task.

Kerri Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 12:40 PM EST

Oh Lord...every time my in-laws visit my husband has to tape little handwritten instructions to each of our three TV remotes so that they can actually watch TV. We tried explaining the TiVo remote, but it was just too much. The bad part is that we have to leave the little notes on the remotes until they leave to go home, so anytime you use a remote there's an annoying little piece of paper dangling from the bottom.

amylgh Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 12:39 PM EST

I always have to type detailed instructions for my mom to work the tv/dvr/dvd when we leave town. The list also includes the channel numbers of her favorite channels so she can find her "shows." However, i always leave off the religious channel she watches and tell her we don't get that channel, even tho we do. :-)

Mer Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 12:36 PM EST

My mom is a lot more technologically hip than most, but sometimes she gets frazzled. When trying to play something on our DVR, every once in awhile I have to remind her how and that the 'big triangle button means play.'

Henry Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 12:33 PM EST

I had to put down instructions to my mother and father on how to work the DVR for DirecTV. It included instructions like, "Push play (big, round, black button)."

Cassie Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 12:24 PM EST

I had to explain to my mother last week what a blog was, even though she reads them all the time. It was hard to define it without using blog in the definition as either a noun or verb.

Wojo Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 12:09 PM EST

My personal favorite is trying to explain double-clicking to someone who's never used a mouse before. The first couple times they try it, it's always like an eternity between the clicks. They never understand that you have to do the clicks in quick succession, even though it seems so obvious to anyone with a remedial knowledge of computers. Then once you explain that you have to do it fast, they grip the mouse way too tight to gear up for their double-clicking adventure and inevitably end up moving the mouse all over the place, which results in either icons being dragged across the screen or them clicking on empty spaces or something entirely different from what they were trying to click on. It's frustrating/funny every time.

Sarah Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 12:08 PM EST

When we bought my grandmother a new tv/dvd/vhs combo, I had to write down the instructions for how to play movies (which are on a piece of looseleaf paper, taped to the inside of her tv cabinet...too bad I don't have a picture). For the VHS, the instructions are "Push in the tape and it will start playing on its own."

She still only watches movies when we come over because she thinks it is too confusing.

monica Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 12:03 PM EST

+ I once had to walk my dad through attaching an email to send me my homework. It took about 20 minutes, because I couldn't picture where the "Send" button was and he couldn't find it on the screen.
+ My friend's mom triple clicks instead of double clicks and nothing ever opens, so she screams at the computer in Chinese.

Sweet Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 11:59 AM EST

My co-worker "to send a text, select SMS text"

Arden Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 11:57 AM EST

Mom, when you download something, make a mental note of where it is you're telling it to save to. That way you don't have to go hunting for it afterward.

Catherine Tue, Jul 1, 2008 at 11:46 AM EST

I had to show my then-80-year-old mom how to use an electronic calculator.